I left

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-01-30T17:50:58+00:00

Moving out is the worst thing you can do. Here's why: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c1u1g6/fundamentals_do_not_move_out/

Ok_Tea30 · 2026-01-30T08:43:50+00:00

Leaving was the hardest and most important part. I’ve been there, that moment where the cruelty comes out and then gets rewritten as “I was just trying to make you try.” That’s the cycle right there. You didn’t imagine it.

What helped me stick to it was remembering that peace only showed up once there was distance. Not closure, not healing, just quiet. The urge to go back fades when your nervous system finally isn’t under attack every day. Getting intermediaries involved was smart, it protects you from getting pulled back in.

This part is shaky, your brain will bargain and romanticize, but it does pass if you don’t re-enter the loop. A lot of us didn’t feel strong when we left. We felt wrecked. Strength came later. You did the right thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

LimJayee · 2026-01-29T19:02:34+00:00

I assume most are different, but in THIS case sounds like you are better off though yeah first few weeks are or might suck pretty bad, but you need to strengthen up for what may be coming, I think a lot of us are experiencing "success" but sure as shit dont feel like it, most of us in here are getting away from the thing in our lives that is acting like cancer, just burns at first, your brain will be rewiring itself for a while and body, just EAT and do NOT drink if possible, you need to be right mentally.

Maleficent_Grab3354 · 2026-01-29T15:15:48+00:00

Good thing to know that it’s not just you.

Remember also the limit to a women’s power in a marriage comes only from the damage she can inflict by the power of the state government.

From day one of marriage the threat of divorce looms over the man who dares breach that contract of not keeping her happy 24/7.

In its truest form the real power in a family comes from a man. The man holds together a household by providing and building, and it’s only this government’s laws, an outside force, that gives a woman her power over a man. A threat to destroy his family that he built by work and sacrifice.

Think of it like building a house from scratch with your own hands and someone threatens to bulldoze it if you do something they don’t like. You will most likely play by there rules with the hope they don’t tear it down.

Divorce process is that figurative bulldozer and the government hands keys to the women with “demolish” command.

Women themselves hold no true power.

Divorce initiated by women in China is about 2% because the woman gets zero when she imitates a divorce: no alimony, no child support no custody.

Don’t get married. It’s demonic and evil and a scam to destroy the sanctity of family values.

soontobesolo · 2026-01-29T12:15:12+00:00

Sorry brother. The process sucks, but if you prepare, you'll come out clean on the other side. You can have your happiness.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/0wYUAgk6oC

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-29T07:29:16+00:00

When divorce threats become a tool of coercion, manipulation and behavior modification, the reason you think you want to reconcile is basically stockholm syndrome. One threat of divorce from someone feeling exasperated and stuck is not right but understandable. The next time it happens there should be a divorce. And if it goes on and on, it’s emotional terrorism until it either loses all impact or the divorce happens. Divorce threats are not tools in the relationship toolkit they’re deeply unhealthy.

HotCut100 · 2026-01-29T02:45:16+00:00

Ok, if you want to go through this with one or both hands tied behind your back, that’s on you. But if you actually value your kids and want to have an equitable process where you both come out as best as possible, you better go back to that house and say you’re not leaving but she is welcome to. Research grey rock method and don’t compromise. She showed you who she is and is expecting you to honor the traditional marriage you mention. That is not her honoring the marriage that’s her weapon it against you. She’s trying to change the rules of the game and you are letting her. No more emotions or hang ups for her. If it’s not about the kids or moving the process forward, you don’t engage. Also, you really need to consider getting yourself covered because this one sounds like it’s a silver bullet, divorce for sure. I’m talking cameras in the common spaces, if you’re in separate bedrooms, recording device in your bedroom and make sure she knows that if she tampers with anything in the common area or in your bedroom, you will consider a destruction of property.

Good luck, and you need it if you’re going to try and stick with the Islamic aspect of the marriage.

Easy_Coffee1054 · 2026-01-29T01:56:19+00:00

Go back now because you'll regret it. Go back now and plan to leave legally.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-01-29T00:57:34+00:00

Go back now and don't leave the house.
Stay calm under fire and don't beg or plead for her to take you back. She wants out. Let her.
Start the divorce and make sure you get 50/50 with the kids.
Stop fruitless arguing. Grey rock or use the BIFF methods until the divorce is done.

tyyyy110 · 2026-01-29T00:30:26+00:00

What I learned on the path is...Don't, and I mean don't, engage in ALL the mental and verbal attacks that she will throw at you. She is trying to get a reaction. It's okay to ignore her, and it's okay to block her (if need be) for a few days. Be direct, don't beat around the bush, and if it gets to a point where you can't speak directly to her, then speak to her through an attorney. Good luck.

Season-Forward · 2026-01-29T00:13:38+00:00

I just read your whole posts on this account. It is very sad and heart breaking. Everyone keeps telling you divorce and i can tell divorce is not easy.....college sweet hearts and 9 years.....and 2 children. Must be the worst feeling on this earth leaving someone whom you wanted to hug and hearing these words from them.

May Allah make it easy for you both. This is truly what shaytan loves the most. He and his followers would be partying rn if yall divorced. There is nothing better for shaytan than divorcing couples.

Please think islamically before you take people's opinions on reddit. We tend to over judge. We tend to directly say divorce as if its a water sip (i can tell it isnt like this for you). We are strangers we tend to over exaggerate how the situation really was. Only you know. Only you know the woman whom you have loved all of these years. You know of her what we do not know, for she is your wife not ours.

In my honest humble opinion (NOT EVERYONE HAS TO AGREE SO DONT ARGUE OR ATTACK AND SPEAK POLITELY), I do believe that between 2 people who love each other there is no more like respect , like in fights at one point they will keep saying bad things either the woman or the man and at this point just let pride and respect out. I really am not understanding the situation, because as a woman this seems to be odd. You say you love her, then she most likely does too, like 99.9%. I dont imagine a woman married to college sweet heart and after almost 10 years this is how she is. There must have been a trigger. And again AGAIN I AM NOT ACCUSING so dont put it on me. I just know very well that for someone to LASH OUT this much, there must be something. And here she is at fault for not speaking it out loud and communicating it properly!! Maybe the trigger is the build up of many things in the past. Maybe it involves jealousy from another woman. Maybe it is postpartum depression have you looked into this ??? Maybe 100 reasons. This does not mean its entirely your fault. But i know for someone to lash out to this extent it means they love someone. Maybe it could be severe bipolar disorder, maybe multiple personality disorder, there are 100 disorders that she could be suffering from. And therefore there are multiple treatments.

I will advice you the following: 1. Speak to her parents and siblings, all of you sit together first without her. Try to understand if she told them anything from the reasons i mentioned above or any other reasons she has. 2. Sit for a second time with her in the presence of the family members too. Make it clear that you still love her deeply that you still want this to workout, for you, for the 10 years you had, for the kids. Hug her. Try. Tell her you will both make it workout, that this is a test from Allah. That you should hold on tight and be against shaytan and not let shaytan between you both. 3. Family counseling. Marriage counseling. Whatever you want to call it. That. And get it with her if she agrees. 4. Are you both religious enough? Do you both pray? How close are you to Allah? You might want to review this point before anything else i mentioned. If this is not met then forget abt everything and actually start here....... 5. Give time for both of you to heal. Give each other spaces. Try to absorb and understand each other. In moments of her madness, hug her, she might cry and give in instead od letting her monsters speak for her.

I hope things work out for the best in the end. Whether it is divorce or getting back together. Many people will say divorce, I might be the only comment saying otherwise. But may allah bless you and guide you both and calm your souls.

idkwhyimaloser37 · 2026-01-29T00:09:17+00:00

I read your other posts. It seems like she wants you for only a small benefit, but doesn’t want to try anything else. If she wants to blow up and have you fearful. Where are you from? It seems like not the traditional Muslim marriage that I am used to seeing. What is your ethnic background?

Title	I left
Author	Extension-River3225
Upvotes	22
Comments	15
Date	January 28, 2026 11:53 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qpsbya/i_left/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-left.1572177 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572177

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