Been divorced for 7 weeks, seperated for 6 months. Very amblical and no lawyers but very fast and essentially no communication on her part. I (46) was married to my best friend and the most generous nice woman Ive know for 21 years. I had been with her since high school. My adult son lives with me now before heading to college. She straight up walked out 1st day of couples counsleing and said she could no longer do it, she just needed her peace. Then she moved out a week later. I accept like 80% of the problems we had were of my own making but she wasn't perfect, I know this. I really did a lot the last 2 to 3 years to better myself but I guess the damage was done. At this point she clearly wants nothing to do with me and I know maybe even hates me now as she said so (though she did apologize later). I read on here about the awful women men were married to and have seen it first hand but my ex was not this. I married her because of how good a person she was and I was really attracted to her. I just can't live with how I fucked up my marriage and now my life because of divorce. Lost friends, my house, and a stable caring homelife for me and my kid. Most of all I miss my best friend and support system, although she has changed a lot. I have been in therapy for over a year and joined other support groups. Im getting out doing stuff with friends, staying physically active and make plans all the time for me and my son.

I just am really struggling with accepting I can't fix this and really regret not changing earlier in my life. I also fear I won't find someone like her again. I fucked up and now am freaking out about my future.