Seeking Advice On Multiple Wives

Secretagenta92 · 2023-07-01T08:44:22+00:00

I’m a Muslim woman, personally second wife is a deal breaker for me as it is not something that is practiced in my family. My brother is doing very well financially and was never interested in having many kids or multiple wives but he’s always been the smart guy who is all about work and not obsessed about women. He married he wife after a 5 years relationship and they’ve been married for 12 years.

My concern is in the Middle East and Islamic countries the two wives system works legally but how would that work in a country like Australia? Technically one of the wives would be legally a wife and the second one would be only religiously a second wife right?

Yougotmetripping · 2023-07-01T05:41:06+00:00

I'm a Muslim with a husband who has cheated multiple times. I agreed to an open relationship as we were young when we were married and he did not "experience being with other women" (we were young and naive). It is something I completely regret as I feel that when we closed the marriage he continued believing that it wasn't as bad to sleep with other women and so continued cheating to the point he was a sugar daddy to another ex-Muslim woman behind my back.

Please really consider this. I cannot imagine going through with it voluntarily. It damaged my mental health and took me years to recover.

All the best, sister. Salaams.

UndocumentedTuesday · 2023-07-01T05:15:08+00:00

Lol just let him if you would like to be a second rank wife. 100% he will seek a younger than you wife

KittenHotel · 2023-07-01T05:12:16+00:00

I'm curious why you say there's a 20% chance in him taking on a second wife. If he has the intention, the means, and is hardworking/disciplined, it might be worth assuming it will happen.

So you have to ask if he's better than other guys when you only get half of his attention over what you're getting now, or less if he takes on a 3rd wife.

There's also the concern that if he looks for any subsequent wives, he'll have the opportunity to hold them to a very high standard, making favouritism and jealousy hard to avoid.

vintagegirlgame · 2023-07-01T09:35:58+00:00

About the theory…

“A woman would rather share an alpha than settle for a beta” is one of the main tenants of RP. It is not the strategy taught here at RPW, but it is a totally valid mating strategy, and it’s more protective of the woman’s investment than riding the CC without the benefits of marriage.

Technically polygamy benefits women as a whole more because more women can access a higher value mate. Polygamy is actually worse for men as a whole bc only the top percent of males dominate all the women and the majority of males have zero access to women. This can lead to an unstable society bc there are less fathers invested in the next generation and a large population of horney angry young men (when any number of theoretical virgins in heaven sounds more appealing than zero women on earth). This is why monogamy is more common in cultures than polygamy. Monogamy gives a (sort of) guarantee of one male per female (or at least the chance of it), which creates more families with more fathers invested in creating a stable society for their offspring.

About the practice…

I would say one of the biggest factors is if it’s common enough where you live… if you have community around you that is also polygamous where you can connect with other women about shared challenges and solutions, it can be done. The support system is key. If you’re the only polygamous family you’re going to feel very isolated and even your friends are going to patronize you. You’ll have nobody to talk to when you do have problems (all relationships have problems, but no one will be able to relate to yours).

Source… was “first wife” in a Polyamorous relationship for 12 years. It worked for us for long time, but hardest part was not dealing w jealousy or scheduling but the isolation and lack of a support system.

Ill_Selection_8266 · 2023-07-01T06:26:15+00:00

I am not Muslim. But I have a friend who is & I asked her a similar question in regards to her husband having another wife. Her response was something along the lines of because her religion allows it, yes but outside of her religion she wouldn’t accept it 🤷‍♀️she says her husband having a second wife wouldn’t decrease how she sees or values herself and she would fully support it, I beg to differ & think it’s easier said than done. Especially being the first wife. I do have some experience with polygamy relationships(non religious)& I have expressed to my friend that I would never want to see my friend go thru such an emotional rollercoaster. Your husband being able to provide equally financially is one thing, but being able to fulfill sexual desires of multiple wives & showing equality without favouritism essentially comes down to feelings and emotions which as we know as humans are a lot harder to control.

Jenneapolis · 2023-07-01T05:16:13+00:00

Much better question for an Islam related sub.

mistressusa · 2023-07-01T15:53:05+00:00

I am not Muslim.

20% is not realistic. Unless he suffers a life-changing injury, the chances of him taking a second wife is almost 100%.

Also, for me as a mother, my jealousy have been triggered, not for myself, but on behalf of my children. I don't think I would be able to handle if my husband were to show preference for a child who is not mine.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-07-01T13:26:35+00:00

I feel like the only way I could go through with this is if I really truly believed he was capable of handling all the emotional issues that will come up. Also, like another poster said, if you don’t know anyone else doing the same thing, it will be very isolating.

Also think about the type of woman who would agree to be the second wife. Do you think she will be submissive and obedient enough to be satisfied in her place? Odds are good she will be trying to push you out the whole time, even if only subconsciously.

I have definitely seen relationships where the wife/girlfriend allows the man to take on another girl, and like once the seal is broken so to speak, everything he promised about being fair, etc, goes out the window, and the second girl convinces him he should just be with her.

Does he know any men doing the same thing that could like mentor him?

scarletcapsule · 2023-07-01T10:35:42+00:00

He is being upfront and open about his intentions. With another wife to deal with, this dynamic will be redpillwomen on steroids for you. You have to make sure you get the best possible partner with whom you can build physical, financial, spiritual, and emotional health.

Be prepared to be very emotionally resilient if you choose to go down this path. If you are someone who can maturely let go of things that bother you (and there will be many such things whenever he brings in a new wife), then you are in a healthy position to proceed with this. Have you read all of Laura Doyle's books?

ayllie_01 · 2023-07-02T08:45:06+00:00

He isn’t going about it very kindly if he’s telling you that you ‘wouldn’t find another man who can provide’ for you. What does he know about your prospects. And before you Fantasy and run ten steps ahead: Has he mentioned to marry you? Why aren’t you married yet? This long courtship could show that he isn’t in it for marriage. Also, have you seen Bankstatements of this supposed money? 2 wives means providing for 2 different households. 4 means for 4! Be careful. Don’t get tricked and sold a dream

heythereitsemily · 2023-07-02T12:46:28+00:00

I was originally the first wife. We divorced and he remarried in a month and then…asked me to be the second wife!? Cause he still missed me and wanted me but she fit better into his life with his kids and she more Muslim whatever. I said no. Absolutely not. I would never share my husband and I won’t be treated like something you can go get multiple of. I’m possessive and jealous but so is he. He thinks it biological and natural for a man to want multiple women. He can absolutely financially support them. But no. Deal breaker and so disrespectful to be asked that.

aussiedollface2 · 2023-07-04T03:20:31+00:00

It’s illegal in Australia so I’m not sure how you/he envisions working around that

LiteratureOk7716 · 2023-07-04T02:06:21+00:00

My husband was raised Muslim, in an academic household, and then chose to leave. I showed him this note and he's going to type the rest of the comment:

The Islamic custom of multiple wives was customary before Islam and was not abrogated with the coming of Islam, according to Ibrahim Amini. Amini continues that "Islam corrected and set various conditions for the practice."

There are several different schools of Islamic jurisprudence, which interpret the Quran for frontline clergy -- those we lay Muslims deal with. In order of estimated number of followers, thees are the Ḥanafī, Maliki, Shafii, and Ḥanbalī.

The Hanafi school is most familiar to those of us in common law jurisdictions. Under the Hanafi School, shariah is an ever-evolving interpretation of previous rulings -- akin to justices in the United States citing earlier precedence to justify their rulings. This is the official school of jurisprudence in Turkey, the Balkans, South and Central Asia, the Levant, and Morocco.

The Maliki School also uses interpretation but draws the line at Hijira, when Muhammed and his followers returned to Mecca in 630 AD. It does not appear that this school is adhered to by any Islamic state, but just as there are gaps not addressed by law that are addressed by lower levels of authority, practitioners are free to go beyond the state's laws. For example, while my wife was raised Catholic, a good number of my relatives, including my parents and sister, did not attend my wedding, because she didn't convert to Islam and I didn't impose it.

The Sha'afi School requires adherence to first four leaders of Islam, the prophet, his habits as put forth in the Hadith. If the matter is not covered by these two and cannot be logically inferred from these, the practice is forbidden. For example, some of Sha'afi-adhering mates will not wear ties at workplace dinners because this practice isn't within the recorded habits of the prophet.

The final school of legal jurisprudence is the Hanbali school. This school draws the line of infallible legal dictats at the views of the prophet's companions. Further interpretation and application of these views are left to frontline imams. This is the most "traditional" school of Islam and is the source for laws in Saudi, Qatar, and the emirates of Sharjah, Umm al-Quwain, Ras al-Khaimah and Ajman. This is the school that allows a cousin of mine in Belgium to splinter from a mosque with 40 others and conduct their own services with their own practices in an a different location. Saudi Arabia was founded on a Faustian Bargain between the al-Sauds and Wahhabi clerics, whereby the clerics would stay out of official power while being given free reign to interpret scripture in any way they wished.

My suspicion is that some Hanbali School-adhering clerics decided to interpret the multiple spouses thing for the west or the media stopped listening at "a Muslim man can have up to 4 wives" on account of time. In short, the practice of polygamy is not in scripture, but was the practice of the society which spawned Islam. Islam did not forbid the practice, nor explicitly allow it, but attempted to regulate it. Said regulations may be honoured or disregarded as a Muslim sees fit, depending on which Islamic legal school they adhere to.

[End of Dr. Mr. u/LiteratureOk7716s contribution; Dr. Mrs u/LiteratureOk7716 will resume now]

Should you (or any other Muslim RPW) desire further details, please ask, the husband enjoys doing deep dives into all sorts of topics.

thesillymachine · 2023-07-01T23:24:09+00:00

He's losing out on YOU, hun. I'm sorry, that just sounds awful. Remember that love is not just an emotion, it is a decision to give to that other person no matter what may come at you. Rough times happen to every person on the planet. Falling out of love is a sorry excuse.

kitterkatty · 2023-07-01T07:57:36+00:00

I think it’d be cool. Being able to go work and have someone at the house. But only bc kids are something you can’t go back on. I just want my freedom back. I gave up a job with a pension, matching 401K, my own vehicle no one ever trashed, all that. As it is I hope he divorces abs finds another wife so I can sign off my rights and get back to being a person. If that sounds good go for it. Coach Greg Adams did a show about multiple wives a few days ago and showed a pic of a guy with four wives. The guy’s OG one was heavy and looked like the house boss. The other ones were younger and prettier.

Successful-Set2026 · 2023-07-01T12:35:21+00:00

Sister wives? More like sisterly competition! May the best wife win!

OkEstablishment6463 · 2023-07-01T16:54:46+00:00

Do it. Who else will help you peel hard boiled eggs?

AutoModerator · 2023-07-01T04:42:00+00:00

Title: Seeking Advice On Multiple Wives

Full text: Hi ladies. Are there any Muslim women here who are married to a man with multiple wives? Why did you agree to it? What is this arrangement like for you? Is there a difference between being the “first” or “second” wife?

I spent 1.5 years in a relationship with “Daniel” with the intention of marriage. We were exclusive and monogamous the entire time. To note, we are both born and raised in Australia, so this is not the norm here.

He expressed he wanted 2 wives in the future (4 is the maximum in our religion).

Islam tolerates polygamy; however, it has placed various conditions for it that, in practice, are very difficult to observe. These are as follows:

Possession of sufficient financial resources to provide all expenses of each family
Physical prowess for completely satisfying the sexual desires of each wife
Observance of complete justice and equality among each family in every way without any favouritism

The average man can not satisfy these conditions, and it is not common in Australia.

To note why Daniel wants this: He is incredibly wealthy (hardworking and disciplined. He founded his own business). He knows he can support such a lifestyle. He wants to provide for his wives and children. Children are important to him; having 2 wives will mean double the children, without it taking a toll on my body.

He doesn’t have anyone in mind. He tells me this is something he would want in the future, should we get married, but there’s only a 20% chance he would actually go through with it.

I am very conflicted. He told me I wouldn’t find another man who can provide the same lifestyle he can provide me. After we split, I spoke to other men for the prospect of marriage, and saw that Daniel was right. It wasn’t just about the money; I have grown very fond of him. I absolutely adore him for his humour, drive, intelligence, and so much more. I am very deeply in love with him.

So would this be the worst thing ever? If the only way I could marry him was if I were 1 of 2 wives, would it be worth it?

I just know that I won’t feel this way about any other man, and after experiencing him, I won’t be as satisfied. He has raised the bar so high. I love our dominant-submissive dynamic and it has been so difficult to recreate that with anyone else. I trust him to lead our relationship so much. I am very attracted to him in all aspects: emotionally, physically, and sexually!

Can anyone offer advice?

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Title	Seeking Advice On Multiple Wives
Author	pinkmwah
Upvotes	23
Comments	35
Date	July 1, 2023 4:42 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14nls1a/seeking_advice_on_multiple_wives/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/seeking-advice-on-multiple-wives.1223852 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223852

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