Thoughts/input on leadership?

88Will88 · 2018-02-16T11:53:10+00:00

“let’s invite sone friend over”

Says the faggot

“I am inviting some friends over”

Says the man

Yes it really is that simple

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-02-16T10:13:14+00:00

Validating behavior. Stop thinking and asking for permission.

SBIII · 2018-02-16T09:52:40+00:00

You're giving her a chance to say no by suggesting that you do something and that's giving her the opportunity to make it "her" idea.

Instead of saying "let's invite some friends over..", organise for the friends to come over then tell her, "hey, I've invited the Krappenschauers for dinner on Friday.. we haven't seen them in ages, should be fun".

You've done all the work then by organising it and framed it as a fun thing to do. You should then organise the cooking and make sure you get her involved by giving her specific roles to do like making sure everyone has drinks or preparing one of the courses - women are usually decent at making desserts or something easy like a starter. But you should do the heavy work and take care of the mains and getting all the main ingredients and drinks in.

Alphaphux · 2018-02-16T10:25:38+00:00

Sounds like she’s still the captain ala you asking if you should have friends over.

So... instead of asking her if your friends should come over, ask if she has any plans on that particular evening, she’ll ask why just tell her you’re planning something, then ask the Kwabblehovers if they’re free that evening and if they are then tell Mrs ice_walker you’ve invited the Kwabblehovers over for dinner. If they’re not free then rinse and repeat

Once you become the captain you’ll just know when shit is on because everyone will run things past you, you know, cause you’re the captain. Until then be one step ahead

atlhart · 2018-02-16T16:15:18+00:00

Step 1. Check Calendar.

Step 2. Invite Krappenschauers over.

Step 3. Inform: "FYI the Krappenschauers are coming over Saturday. I'm cooking dinner, please make some brownies for dessert"

That's what leadership looks like.

FoxShitNasty83 · 2018-02-16T09:47:04+00:00

I experience the same, it's never a good idea unless the wife comes up with it. I suspect in time things will change as the power dynamic shifts, I find myself "doing" more and asking less. Oh by the way we are doing x tomorrow I have arranged it.. want to come? It's hard at first, pick your battles and go for quick easy wins to start with. My wife has now started giving way and letting me hold the ships wheel from time to time.

Forgot to add, make sure you know exactly what's going on with the family over the next month or so. Keep the calendar up to date so there are no comebacks when you start arranging things like hey we can't go out on that date because we are going round the smiths to do some pointless boring shit. Be organised

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-02-16T19:14:47+00:00

It’s because you still lack frame, confidence and leadership. Don’t present your thoughts.plans as a question and don’t present them in a combative or butthurt manner. You start by presenting the activity that is going to occur. Then present how it’s going to occur - and consider asking her for feedback in making the plan happen. If she goes back to declining it (like you’ve trained her to do for every one of your “ideas”) you can redirect her with a cocky smile and tell her “And now try answering my question”.

Tebulus · 2018-02-16T22:45:55+00:00

You do not need thoughts and opinions on leadership. You have the same problem you did when you posted your first oys as you do when you posted your 9th. Whatever the reason, you are playing keep the wife happy instead of doing whatever the fuck it is that you really want. Whether you think you are being mean, lack self confidence, or whatever, you need to fix that first. Your example is just the latest in a long list your relationship with your wife has produced.

you said this a few months back:

Still, I feel much mentally stronger now. For example my fear of being left is gone, at the moment at least. Yesterday my wife was complaining and said "I deserve better". I was able to look her in the eyes and totally calm telling her "If you want someone better I suggest you find someone better, since I'm not going to be with someone who has that attitude." I was not even faking totally calm, I was totally calm. I have reached a point of "If she's not enough into me to want to fuck me, what's the point?"

Where is this guy? Stay plan is the same as the go plan. Do what you want, and she is either on-board or not which changes precisely nothing about the original plan you made be it with kids, your house, finances etc.

Yes that is true. I'm still hoping she'll eventually open up sexually.

She may or may not and if not, it could end in divorce. Thats why you need to be congruent in your frame regardless of what she thinks/wants/feels/does. Stay plan is the same as the go plan.

If you cannot look at someone in the eye and tell them to go fuck themselves and then walk away from them forever, they own you in some way.

InChargeMan · 2018-02-17T00:55:09+00:00

You only ask her a question if you are interested in her opinion or if you are asking her preference for something directly under her control. If you want people over, invite them over.

Title	Thoughts/input on leadership?
Author	ice_walker
Upvotes	3
Comments	40
Date	February 16, 2018 9:40 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7xxopv/thoughtsinput_on_leadership/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/thoughtsinput-on-leadership.204810 https://theredarchive.com/post/204810

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