Update to my previous post

druganswer · 2018-04-17T06:40:06+00:00

She doesn't work and you're trying to control her with your finances. God - 90% of the time I would say that phrase was some feminist drivel, but that's exactly what you're doing.... men here and trying to control their wives... I wouldn't understand it if I didn't go through something similar.

Also, you didn't bluff. You called an all in with a 2,7 off suit. Learn to play poker - it's a good game, fun hobby, easy way to put together a guys night.

Your posts are so cringeworthy, but ahem... takes the podium, what I would do:

Time to become a man one way or another. Take ownership (without apology) that you went through her phone because you had a hunch that something was up; you were right after all. Tell her that if a divorce is what she wants then to sign the damn papers, but if she is now having cold feet about this then she needs to be more open with her avenues of communication in the future. If there are issues in your relationship then you should be the first to know, not the last. You would be setting a precedent here with the admission of going through her phone (although expect her to up the opsec in the future - this one is serious enough to warrant burning this play in your playbook IMO). Look at ya'll actually having a productive conversation instead of going behind each others backs and setting yourself up for a catastrophic split. She'll probably be pissed, but her options are really either to continue the divorce or get over it... so you just have to weather the storm while toeing the fine line between being an arrogant asshole and an apologetic bitch. You went through her phone - but you were right -don't forget that.

Stop worrying about position of power... jesus. Why did you go and file for divorce? My bet is ego, based on your position of power talk. And think your future decisions through. Every action has reaction and this reaction was easy as fuck to see coming.

If she decides that she wants to continue with the divorce then that is what you have coming. You aren't going to be able to argue your way out of that. It will happen eventually, if you beg and plead for her to stay - it will only prolong the inevitable.

As for your/her future. I would suggest that you stop "limiting" her. I think she has a point here. I'm sure you guys can come to some sort of agreement on a timeline for her starting to either work or look for work. If she is not educated then you should encourage her to go that route. A wife who is making minimum wage is not worth the daycare costs. An educated wife who has actual earning potential (especially when the kids are old enough that they are in school) will bring value to your life. Oh, and she will feel less like you are some beta who has to control her with finances to keep her around. Yeah, you risk her going to school and then leaving your ass when she is done, but in the long run you're better with this option either way. I would have this conversation with her AFTER she makes the decision that she does not want a divorce, to limit the chances that she concludes this would be a good plan.

You have not provided much other background to your relationship. If there is anything else that you think we should know (like how the fuck you got to this place in your life) then feel free to respond and I will offer you any other advice.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-04-17T11:57:10+00:00

Autists with dynamite.

CaptJohnLukeDiscard · 2018-04-17T02:11:39+00:00

Have you been diagnosed with any form of autism? You sound like one of my friends who is mildly on the spectrum and has an extremely difficult time picking up on how not to be an unattractive asshole.

I’m going to lay out some facts (which you are going to say are oversimplifying but that’s ok because you are an obtuse, autistic, unattractive asshole who clearly needs this spelled out simply).

You married a woman who was not an ideal mate.

You got this woman pregnant quickly after marrying her.

You took her away from her emotional support.

You are treating her emotional outbursts like they are calm, rational decisions on her part.

You refuse to cite your height, weight, and lifts (making me pretty sure you are a weak dumbass who thinks that getting on the treadmill = hitting the gym).

You found out she may (probably) have gotten a divorce consultation.

You decided that the rational thing to do - evidently because this hurt you so badly - was just to nuke her ass and divorce her first.

You are now worried you have lost frame.

You, my imbecilic friend, are an autistic asshole. You have no clue what you are doing and are an emotional shell of an adult male who believes he is calm and rational yet is clearly driven by deep seated fear probably derived from an emotionally stunted childhood.

Do you want to be divorced? Then divorce her.

Do you want to be married? THEN MAN THE FUCK UP. I’ll spell this out for you clearly.

Stop treating what she is saying and doing right now like it is important. She is on a ROLLERCOASTER of emotions due to stress, hormones, new baby, zero leadership, and a missing support system. Of course she will act crazy. Yet she still initiates sex with you? Most guys in deadbedrooms would kill for that.

Instead, look out for her and genuinely try to help her. The first fucking thing she needs is some emotional support. If you are too autistic to provide that, then find a support group, mommy’s group, whatever for her to join and help her do it. Make time for it. Help arrange your schedule so she can go. Is that “beta?” Of course not. You are in charge of her mental health because right now, she is barely hanging on.

Second, support her trying to establish some worth of her own. Given her prior train wreck of a marriage and emotional fragility, she probably sees herself as worthless right now and wants to help. Given that you don’t seem to be the cuddly type (ROFL) she probably feels that you undervalue her role as a SAHM and overvalue finances... which is why she wants a job. Help her out with that. Find a good job for her. Help her with her resume. You sound like you have a good job so see if you can use your connections to give her an in. You are in this with her, not against her.

Third, recognize that your role is Captain and you’ve been a shitty one. Your First Officer is in a shithole right now and you had a big role in putting her there. She has her flaws but when you married her, you took responsibility for those flaws and agreed to lead. So fucking lead. Get a mission, convince her of a shared vision, and then go kick life in the balls while having fun along the way. You will both be happier and you will get laid a whole lot more.

And hit the weights for real, you obtuse, unattractive, autistic asshole.

BobbyPeru · 2018-04-17T06:28:40+00:00

Have you read any off the sidebar?

I’m going to say no based on your dribble up there^

She pretty much ignored your paperwork presentation, and you did nothing about it. She has no respect for you. I’m guessing this isn’t your first bluff.

Never present papers unless your ready to pull the trigger.

Your thinking is BP to the core.

Start reading

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-04-17T13:46:09+00:00

Ok, so you've gone a little Redpill Rambo here, but the damage is minimal.

You wrote in your original post:

I found a message to a lawyer friend of hers asking for a consultation for divorce. The message specifically mentioned one child and the fact the marriage was ending

So you went and had your own divorce papers drawn up. I don't see a huge problem with this, and you are simply matching her trump card with one of your own. You are sending a message in response to her seeking a consultation for divorce.

You are not obligated in any way to go through with the divorce. Couples file all the time. Until you both sign a settlement agreement the court will not take any action. It could remain pending for years until you withdraw the petition for dissolution.

Slow your roll, sparky. The flaw in your plan is that you have not improved your SMV yet. Develop your MAP and execute it. Get to the gym and work your ass off to improve your attractiveness. Devour the side bar materials and learn to lead your ship.

Then, after you've done all you can, if things don't work out, you already have the papers filled out in advance.

RedPillCoach · 2018-04-17T14:38:58+00:00

you didn’t do anything wrong

Fuck these asshats.

1) your wife is lying to you. She just casually looked up divorce? And you bought that?! Watch what they do, not what they say. Use your fucking reasoning. Women will lie to get out of trouble. It’s AWALT. All women will lie in similar circumstances.

2) she is still planning on fucking You. Prepare yourself so that it’s a trap and you’re ready. If you never have to spring it, then power to you guys.

3) how to take control... Time for some dark triad shit.

She’s vulnerable because you showed overwhelming force. Let her talk you out of it reluctantly. Make her feel that she earned your about face. Then, hit her with some sniper dread. Over the course of months, disparage single mothers. Iterate that they have no future. They are only good for getting fucked and no quality guy is going to commit when 28 year olds are competing. Don’t make it obvious what you’re doing but you want her to internalize it. Make her feel insecure. (Her position should be anyway. She hasn’t been a good wife. There are girls in their 20s who would fuck you.) Mention how guys your age generally don’t have problems getting younger partners. Men don’t stay divorced their whole life like women. Start to redpill her.

Get in better shape. Turn off your phone at the gym. Take your time when you’re out. Stop for coffee or something on the way home. Sometimes you’re workouts run late. Make sure your workouts last for an undetermined amount of time. Let her hamster wonder if you’re fucking some younger chick.

Remember to push and pull. Your workouts are pushed. Don’t forget to pull with sparing complements.

Always tell her she’s hot when you fuck her. Or tell her you love her while you’re enjoying all her body has to offer. She will feel more secure during those times and will fuck you when she’s feeling insecure.

You’re doing just fine buddy. Use the above dark triad shit.

simbarlion · 2018-04-17T02:02:37+00:00

You're a fucking retard.

There is a cover on the "launch the nukes" button for this reason. Apparently it is not child proof.

creating_my_life · 2018-04-17T03:00:12+00:00

How can I gain a position of power if I pull the filing and continue with our relationship?

You can't.

johneyapocalypse · 2018-04-17T14:45:40+00:00

So, I presented her with the paperwork and told her what was happening. Her immediate reaction was to not see me. She left for 20mins and then I went to work

This makes no sense. Please explain exactly what happened here.

RedPillCoach · 2018-04-17T15:43:38+00:00

If I decide to stay with her after showing this paperwork... am I setting our relationship up for failure? I threatened with something that I did not complete. I completely bluffed. How can I gain a position of power if I pull the filing and continue with our relationship?

By conditioning "pulling the filing" on tangible, articulable improvements in the relationship.

At some point you may want to share the criteria you have for staying in the relationship but this is particularly delicate and often should not be shared verbally.

Is it worth it to give this a shot

I get a lot of my Coaching Cases from divorce attorneys and have brought more than one client back from the brink of a post-divorce filing. The question in your case "is it worth it" can only be answered by one person and that is not me.

I would say it is "worth it" if the circumstances that caused you to file for divorce are no longer an issue and/or have been resolved/being resolved then why would you proceed?

It's not "week" to Dismiss a Divorce filing because circumstances have changed and you have other options anyway. It is week to Dismiss a Divorce because you have no other options and you can't live without her.

InChargeMan · 2018-04-17T01:28:18+00:00

So, I presented her with the paperwork and told her what was happening

what paperwork? did you seriously just run and file for divorce just now? lol holy shit! what dumb fuck recommended THAT???

she had just wondered about the consultation similar to a Google search but that's it

lol you told her you went into her computer and phone???

She is in general an honest person and does not try to hide things to impress or make people happy

sure. she was planning to tell you she was just casually looking into divorce, right?

If I decide to stay with her after showing this paperwork... am I setting our relationship up for failure?

i don't know, buddy. what do you think married women who snap with other guys do when they find out their husband is a needy bitch with so little going on in his own life and so desperate for her commitment that he stoops to going through her private shit like a russian spy?

you're fucked. i told you what to do and you didn't do it and now you're fucked and you'll get no more advice from me.

now you'll get what your creepy stalker ass deserves

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-04-17T01:37:25+00:00

Jesus Fucking Christ dude....you want your hand held through this whole process or what?

Sure, it's possible to shred the papers and move forward with the wife and a newfound "position of power"....in theory, anyway.

Unfortunately, for faggots like you, that theory means fuck all.

Good luck fucker.

Title	Update to my previous post
Author	TAusernam
Upvotes	5
Comments	37
Date	April 17, 2018 1:14 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8csr3k/update_to_my_previous_post/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/update-to-my-previous-post.204610 https://theredarchive.com/post/204610

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