Me. 35. 5.9, 155 lbs. 16% Navy method. Wife 35. LTR 15 years. Married 3 years. 3 kids, 6,5 and infant.

Discovered this sub a few weeks ago. Wrote out the full Victim Puke background recently but I understand now that I’m not a special snowflake and I’m to blame for my problems. I’m just a nice guy with a saviour mentality and captain with constantly complaining first officer and I put myself here.

I’m back in the gym consistently and reading sidebar and old posts, killing the ego and working on unfucking myself but I am 100% in my wife’s frame. No doubt about it. I’m learning about establishing my own and learning about dread.

Audiobooked NMMNG, TRM, WISNIFG. Reading Book of Pook.

5x5 Lifts: Sq 200 DL 250 BP 125 OHP 90 Row 110

I recognise my first test.

First part. Sat evening after I put kids to bed, I go to gym. I get a txt from my sister who’s out with friends saying she’s about to get the bus home. I’m just back in to car after gym (at 10pm closing time) and call her and ask if she wants a lift. I proceed to go and get her and bring her home without a txt to wife to explain. It’s 10:45 as I pull into her house. My phone rings. It’s Mrs Deer. “Are you ok? The gym closed ages ago. I was worried.” Yes I’m fine, bringing sister home. Be there in 5.” Disclosure, she has trust issues and I’m to blame for those too.

I arrive home. I’m barely in the door and I get the “why didn’t you let me know, I was worried”. I’m not certain how best to STFU without just plain ignoring her so I said “Don’t worry, I’m fine” and STFU but she’s blocking me from getting busy doing anything else and asks again. I just stare at her. She says “ if you’re changing your plan or going to do something, can you let me know”. I’m still STFU. Staring. Like a dear in headlights. Fighting the urge to say ok or say it’s no big deal (which would make it a HUGE deal. After 30 seconds of stating, she says “ are you going to say anything?” I’m frozen, I don’t have the A&A or AM to come up with a cocky funny response. I shrug and say “I’ll give it some thought”. She storms off saying something like what’s your problem.

Second part: I had infant after gym while she slept so I got the lie in. She goes back to bed when I get up. When she does get up she’s very withdrawn, no conversations, 1 word answers.

I tell her that I’m doing something with kids soon and she can come if she wants. Response is that she’s needs something so she’s going to do something else. Fine. I stick to my plan and gave good time. I’m home first and owning my shit and doing stuff for kids. She arrived and is still withdrawn. Beta me is tryouts no to get me to go clear the air (see, completely in her frame). After a while she comes to where I am. Tells me that she’s very upset with how I spoke to her last night. How rude I was and she feels very hurt. I should have ignored and STFU but I respond with “I didn’t speak to you, you even said that. I then do STFU while she says the way I just stared at her and then angrily responded with I’ll give it some thought was rude and she doesn’t appreciate it. I keep STFU and didn’t respond at all. Just finished what I was doing.

There were so many ways to handle it better but baby steps. I’m applying the amount I’ve learnt so far while trying to avoid going Rambo which was tempting. So, did I fail miserably or scrape a pass?