Why???

No_Change7469 · 2024-04-18T13:00:51+00:00

So sorry to hear you are going through this. My ex was well into his 30s but did the same. I think the other commenter is correct. They say women were sold a dream (feminism, etc.) but in a way I think men were. They were raised to feel like masters of the universe and found out fairly quickly it doesn’t work like that anymore. I would also say that your partner is likely harboring some resentment for one or multiple of his ex partners. A lot of these guys have a sort of villain origin story where they were rejected or hurt in some way by someone else (usually their first time dealing with rejection) and they will LITERALLY NEVER FORGET IT and it colors everything they do.

bluemagex2517 · 2024-04-18T13:11:48+00:00

That's a very good question. I think someone would have to know him personally, like a close male friend he trusts with his more unsavory opinions, to understand his trajectory. There's probably some ideas he's had that he's hid from you.

A lot of these guys have some form of traditionalism as a background philosophy, even if they don't necessarily abide by it very well. Oftentimes it's coupled with political conservativism, but sometimes not.

The content made by the red pill community is designed to highjack that traditionalist mentality and warp it. It takes a somewhat problematic premise like, "traditional gender roles would make society better" and twists that into, "I, as a male, should be the leader, and it's okay for me the 'game' women for my benefit."

There's also different flavors that red pillers latch onto, and conveniently ignore the other parts. An F&F fan might want to get wealthy and fuck club girls. A JP fan might want to be a homesteader with a submissive trad wife.

Honestly, if you want to save him or your relationship you have to treat the situation for what it is. He's in the early to mid stages of getting into a cult. Buy and read some books about getting someone out of a cult. It's not something you can use reason or even plead with emotional appeals for them to stop. It's similar to the yoga cults and the alien internet cults of the 90s. When you're in a cult, you see outside challenges as a threat. You see the things they taught you and the small positive things you changed in your life and affirming. "How could this thing be bad? It got me to exercise (or whatever) and it taught me the secret knowledge. It must be the person who doesn't like it who is bad, they must not be smart or worthy enough to see how good it is." That's the mentality that is almost ubiquitous.

The other option is to just dump his ass. If he doesn't respect you, maybe it's not worth trying to save him. Even if you go the other route, it still might come to dumping him anyway. You should make peace with that fact either way. He doesn't respect you, the gender you're a member of, or the relationship you built together, as things stand now. It's possible to get him some help and get him to deprogram himself, but unfortunately it's going to be a massive ordeal.

luridlurker · 2024-04-18T17:03:46+00:00

Has taken to spending anywhere upwards of 4 hours a night watching the most toxic content.

I mean, regardless of what he's watching, that sounds like an addiction. Any chance he's depressed? Is he compensating for low self esteem by trying to feel like he can control women, or feel superior to them?

Academic_Type624 · 2024-04-18T12:55:18+00:00

My take on it is some middle aged men aren't dealing well with how the world is changing. Growing inequality if affecting more and more people and those who were doing ok before are now struggling and looking for someone to blame.

Men used to have more jobs available for them and were respected for doing jobs such as garbage collection or factory work in a way they aren't now.

xvszero · 2024-04-18T16:17:37+00:00

Break up. That's the only answer. Let him go down this shit path alone.

white_pony01 · 2024-04-19T10:54:38+00:00

Jordan and similar public intellectuals are culture war grifters. The chances of your husband's attraction to this ideology only being to do with women is 0. It's about a whole world view. Jordan Peterson is not an idiot and he is right every now and then. I know some people will jump on me for saying that but until you (figurative you, not YOU) understand that these conservative influencers are using grains of truth to grow their audiences, you won't understand anything else. He likely sees a feed where every other news story is about woke madness and has gone down the rabbit hole. There aren't a lot of engaging narratives for cis, heterosexual and insecure men. Sometimes feminists and progressive types haven't exactly made men feel welcome, so what else is there for them? Jordan Peterson and co provide a supply for an ideological demand that isn't being met elsewhere. If you want to get him away from these sham philosophers you have to give him a compelling alternative.

I think there are some ways to use redpill logic against itself. One of the things redpillers go on about is how the diversity in colleges and in media is superficial, and they say what these places really need is diversity of opinion. How much diversity of opinion is he getting? Is he actually listening to critics of his conservative idols between redpill videos? Clarify that casually when you can, show him that he's as bad as the SJWs if "hearing both sides" and "asking questions" is just a euphemism for mind-wanking to conservative outrage bait all evening.

Also, four plus hours of toxic content? Seriously? Wouldn't Jordan Peterson chastise the constantly online man and tell him to go be manly or whatever? We both know that people like Jordan Peterson say one thing: the big, clever man spends time with his family and does DIY and reads Solzhenitsyn and things like that, but wants another: stay online, consume my content, make me money. Your husband obviously hasn't noticed this yet, but use it to get him to spend less time online. His own idols advise the same thing.

There's not much in the way of a middle road philosophy that isn't woke, but recognises conservative bullshit for what it is as well, and I can't tell you where to start because I don't know you or what you find palatable, but there are people out there. If you can find some documentary series, shows, youtube channels that you can both sit and watch, even better.

The only other piece of advice is be understanding. Yes, I know I know, men have been the top of the hierarchy for however long. Maybe you feel he doesn't have much to grumble about so it can certainly feel rich when conservative men whine about how they're being persecuted, but to rant from my own perspective for a second, large group level trends and observations like "men have benefitted from the patriarchy" and "white people benefitted from slavery" can simultaneously be true, and also map VERY poorly onto a reasonable criteria by which to judge or treat individuals. We all have good and tough times, and sometimes even white straight men need a hug and to feel understood and valued. If that basic truth is triggering to anyone then I'm out of ideas tbh.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-04-18T17:00:54+00:00

What got him into all that? Is he a trust fund baby that just realized he's unremarkable among his peers as an adult? Did he get offended by Derek Chauven getting arrested, and get lead to this? Is he a shut in that just realized that he is not particularly macho, and thinks he can make up for all that by whining about women all day? Did he get into some weird stuff through gaming forums?

This man child is just way too old for this garbage.

ooa3603 · 2024-04-18T17:50:10+00:00

He's afraid of something and thinks redpill ideology can help him solve it.

And unfortunately fear doesn't care how old you are.

He's going to have to face his insecurities and find other sources that will actually help him resolve them.

The redpill makes assertions and solutions that sound logical AND feel good to the ego but any critical analysis reveals their flaws and that they don't work in the long term.

Self introspection and the truth does not feel as good.

But when you're full of fear the last thing you want to do is do the intellectual work of introspection and truth finding when it doesn't feel good as the redpill telling you your problems are all women's fault.

SweelFor- · 2024-04-18T13:19:51+00:00

We don't know him and we don't know why.

My question is, how does this change what you want and how you want your life to be?

OneFisherman9541 · 2024-04-18T17:09:49+00:00

If you can't think why someone you've known so intimately for four years has suddenly radically changed their mindset then your – In the plural – communication must be dreadful, and I'd question the very foundation of what your relationship is based on, and if you ever really knew them

Just to reiterate, I'm not saying your communication is dreadful necessarily, we know how bad men can be. If I were to hazard a guess I would say he either has some issue with his adult children, he's had some ex hasn't got over or like a lot of the boomer generation he doesn't realise just how many toxic grifters there are trying to take advantage and can't distinguish between the useful truths of the red pill from the destructive lies, and half truths.

Throw-Away-DB · 2024-04-19T01:46:09+00:00

Feels inadequate and has found a community to spin his mediocrity into a crisis. Maybe if he was unemployed and contributed zero to the home and is a moocher, this could be some hardcore cope.

NurseShay87 · 2024-04-19T05:47:59+00:00

I'd get rid of him....55??? No maam.

NicM80 · 2024-04-19T11:03:04+00:00

I was gonna try and reply to everyone one by one, but tbh I am just too fried. So lemme just job lot thank each and every one of you for contributing your thoughts and experiences. Much musing to be had.

iamatwork24 · 2024-04-19T15:27:20+00:00

A middle aged man going through a midlife crisis is in a similar headspace as a lost 19 or 20 year old. Logic isn’t exactly at the forefront. Looking in the mirror and realizing he’s closer to death than the fun and carefree days of youth can have very odd effects on some dudes, such as getting into manosphere bullshit

keiy_solo · 2024-04-20T23:21:52+00:00

I'm speaking from the perspective of a person that lost a spouse to red pill. Please do not spend much time trying to "understand" this new behavior versus deciding if you can accept whether you can live with his new beliefs and how he's treating you.

Trying to understand will continue to keep you in proximity to him and the toxic things he's taking in. I do not care how smart, kind, or empathetic anyone believes themselves to be, it's best to get some distance from your current environment if possible. Staying close to it is dangerous to your mental health. I stayed for 2 years trying to understand, have calm discourse etc while my spouse continually increased his level of hostility towards me and women as a whole.

Leave or get distance. There's nothing you can do until he decides he doesn't like how this new ideology makes him feel or is affecting his life.

Regardless of the reason, his engagement with this content is a choice and is something for him to figure out and has nothing to do with you.

All of the talking and arguing I did only stressed me out. Overhearing that content in my house kept me nauseous. My spouse's hostile behavior kept me fearful. These things can wreck your nervous system. Even if he comes out of it, you'd want to be healthy and whole just the same.

I left and it took me a year and a half to get back well after fighting a battle that wasn't my problem in the first place.

If this man who knows, claims to love, and has built a life with you, can you look you in the face and disrespect you based on what he's viewed on the Internet, that is a red flag not to taken lightly and indicates underlying issues HE has.

I hope this helps and does not come across as rude. I just don't want you to make the mistake I made. Best wishes.

Different-Item-7994 · 2024-04-20T01:46:06+00:00

Dump the coward

Kulinna · 2024-04-21T19:50:14+00:00

Finding red pill might look like: https://youtu.be/mTHchH9VRh0

Different-Item-7994 · 2024-04-19T05:26:08+00:00

You’ll never get it. You’re a woman and that’s the point. Don’t bother trying. Age doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault but you can maybe be the cure or push him farther into it. Refuting his perspective won’t win him over, it will push him farther into it. IF you care, take apologize for when even though it’s not your fault. when he argues a point agree. You can’t deny how he feels, dont discount his feelings, don’t make it about yourself. (This should go both ways). Treat him like a frustrated little boy. “I know, I’m sorry baby, what will make it better?” Asking questions rather than arguing will see his mind through the problem with a solution..

flipsidetroll · 2024-04-18T13:14:52+00:00

I really don’t put Jordan Peterson and F&F in the same category. Jordan Peterson promotes healthy relationships from the perspective of men and how to be mentally healthy themselves. F&F are grifters who are complete hypocrites, are bullies of other men and utterly hideous to boot.

If your partner can’t see the difference, show him. And show him Aba and Preach. They are constantly targeted by the F&F wankers. And they laugh at them. But they also mock both men and women with stupid radical ideas. If he found the redpill, he can unfind it. Research all the proof debunking it. It’s all out there. Show him.

Title	Why???
Author	NicM80
Upvotes	60
Comments	37
Date	April 18, 2024 12:37 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1c729w6/why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why.1515574 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515574

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