~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 43 | Really fulfilled and happy in my life, open to dating again!Rock on queen!!! I've been living in the middle of nowhere lately so no dating, but next month I'm moving someplace more lively. I'm very busy with my writing so I won't have too much time to devote to it, but I'll be open to dating if someone makes it worth my precious time... and ready to ruthlessly vet. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/04/22 09:11 PM |
| 31 | Dealing with being purposefully celibateOmg I would definitely be down with Aragorn touching me! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/22 09:05 PM |
| 14 | I feel like I need to have a funeralHoly shit that was a wild ride. It's heartbreaking to see women humiliating themselves because they despot want to get picked by a guy who's not interested in committing to them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/22 08:08 AM |
| 183 | Let's Talk About OralI met more than one guy who proudly announced "I don't do oral". Meaning, of course, that they won't give it but will absolutely expect it. In my experience, it's always been very selfish guys who said that. In sex, like in every other aspect of their lives, they were only interested in taking. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/04/22 01:44 PM |
| 254 | my bangmaid actually has a mind, a soul, and is a person! who knew?What do you mean, she's an actual person and not a breathing fleshlight? I CANNOT POSSIBLY HANDLE THIS | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/22 04:20 PM |
| 13 | Eye opening vacationThis 1000%. I'm a traveller, and I normally travel alone, and my experiences travelling with men have been nothing short of tragic. Guy 1 would get in a bad mood, grumpy and resentful every time things didn't go as planned - newsflash, during travel it'll happen often! - and since he dumped on me the whole responsibility of organising everything, from transport to accomodation, then he would be resentful at ME as if it was somehow my fault. 1) pull your own damn weight, I'm not your mother or tr… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/04/22 01:57 PM |
| 9 | If you need to ask for it, just leave - You want PROACTIVE, not compliant!"I don't want someone I have to train to be thoughtful". My new mantra | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/22 11:28 AM |
| 8 | Do you sometimes think whether you come across a single and compatible HVM who likes you back is beyond your control more than anything else in life?It's really a matter of luck, meeting them in the short window when they're available. When I met my HV friend, we were both involved in disastrous situationships with people who were jerking us around, so we were both unavailable and jumped straight to being buddies commiserating and trying to help each other navigate our respective situations. By the time we were both emotionally available, we were in different continents. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/22 04:23 PM |
| 77 | Do you sometimes think whether you come across a single and compatible HVM who likes you back is beyond your control more than anything else in life?Yeah... I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm a traveller and for the past 8 years, I've wished I could have a partner to travel together, but all I ever met were fuckboys and disordered LVMs. By contrast, a dear HVM friend who's very relationship oriented started travelling last year following my advice after getting his heart broken and within the first month, he found a lovely, healthy, sane woman (because there is an abundance of those), she snatched him up at once and they've been happil… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 08:29 PM |
| 65 | If you need to ask for it, just leave - You want PROACTIVE, not compliant!Sounds like he's a terrible boyfriend that should be dumped asap. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 07:47 PM |
| 84 | If you need to ask for it, just leave - You want PROACTIVE, not compliant!Absolutely - like, they would never spontaneously think to give you a massage, for example, just because they naturally want to do something sweet for you. It doesn't even pop into their mind. They might do it once if you ask, but it's just an inconvenience for them, they derive no pleasure from giving. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 07:04 PM |
| 84 | If you need to ask for it, just leave - You want PROACTIVE, not compliant!Agreed. I was for a few months with one of such men. He was always receptive and made an effort to behave better after I asked (and I'm talking basic decency, functional human being level asks) but that's the point... It was an EFFORT for him. And he soon grew tired of putting it in and resentful of me asking for basic decency, because his nature was to be lazy and selfish, and he just wanted to stay at that comfort level. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 06:40 PM |
| 61 | What if a HV man broke up with me because I was acting stupid/LV?Of course I can't know if you had any legitimate reasons to feel jealous and insecure, but hanging out on attachment subreddits I do get the impression that if someone has an anxious attachment style caused by past trauma, it can get activated in relationships even when there isn't an actual reason for it - it's the past trauma kicking in as it's triggered by the intimacy and vulnerability of the relationship, even though there might be nothing wrong with the relationship. If you are quite sure … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 02:36 PM |
| 84 | If he wanted to he wouldThat passive aggressive "you just had to see that movie" text could have been avoided. I think that's the thing that sounds like a bruised ego by a man type thing rather than something you would send to a girl too, but maybe you would, of course we don't know. Personally I see no point in being petty, just block and delete is enough. Still, very well done!!!! A total pickme would have let him come over late at night out of desperation. You did super well! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/04/22 04:21 PM |
| 87 | How to tell if a man likes you as a friend vs something more?He will ask you on a date. Until he does that, don't concern yourself with it. | /r/askFDS | 02/04/22 07:57 PM |
| 38 | How do queens handle a lukewarm man?It's been two dates. of course everyone except a complete imbecile is going to act nice on the first TWO dates. you shouldn't be mind boggled that the mask dropped, it's not strange or unusual. Remember that the guy you see at the very beginning is usually the 'representative' he's playing in order to get into your pants. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/22 04:05 PM |
| 43 | Genuine question: how can a woman maintain the hope that there really are good men out there?I would agree with giving it a cap or a specific day. Often I recommend FDS to some women but I realise that the first 10 post they will see are just about male depravity which isn't really the point of the sub and the useful posts get buried. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/22 12:13 PM |
| 56 | This is how HVM address their behaviorI especially like your last paragraph. I've been in situations where tge guy did address his behaviour, identified what he did wrong and agreed with me, and did better, BUT since the third component was lacking, he was lowkey resentful of it because he didn't WANT to have to do better. So needless to say, the improvements didn't last long because they were such a monumental sacrifice for him, who was just selfish and self centered by nature. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/22 11:27 AM |
| 8 | Opinion on my first dateJust wondering why "we spent so much time together" is a green flag? | /r/askFDS | 29/03/22 07:49 PM |
| 15 | My pre-FDS self would have gone with this. My current self unmatched him!I have a PhD and was so stoked when I met a guy pursuing his PhD in history and with articles published. I thought he would be so mature and interesting. He was a total fuckboy, alcoholic, lazy, doing weed and pills all the time and with raging out of control bipolar disorder. Last I heard he'd been kicked out of his apartment and sued and was hobosexing his way through every girl he could find. Man, what a disappointment. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 07:16 PM |
| 69 | Straight from the horse's mouth 🗣️I reckon though that by following the FDS strategies, this guy would have been weeded out way sooner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/22 05:30 PM |
| 17 | Straight from the horse's mouth 🗣️Maybe you could also check the Strategy tag for posts in the sub, I'll bet its been discussed again at some point! One of these days I'll do that and compile a list of my favourite strategy posts actually, I would love to have them handy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/22 05:29 PM |
| 25 | Straight from the horse's mouth 🗣️I'm pretty sure it's in the handbook. I can't remember which post exactly, hopefully it's still up because last time I browsed it, there were quite a few deleted ones unfortunately. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/22 05:08 PM |
| 269 | Straight from the horse's mouth 🗣️Also notice how he's waiting for the woman to bring up the relationship talk / to find out if she wants a relationship so he can lie about it because "she might change her mind and be ok with just sex if I get her hooked in the meantime while she thinks we're in a relationship". Very important to NOT be the one to say that you want a relationship but wait for the guy to show what he wants first so they can't lie saying whatever you want to hear to get into your pants. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/22 04:44 PM |
| 9 | Is there a post or reference page about when a potential HVM is going through a “rough patch” with work/life and how they handle this?I'm not sure but I will think about how *I * handled shit, and use that as a reference. When in doubt about HV behaviour, you can always use yourself as an example. | /r/askFDS | 27/03/22 04:08 AM |
| 65 | Can we talk about how aggressively men get off on cheating, getting caught, and NOT getting broken up with immediately? Their egos are astronomical at this point.I was just recently reading a post where tons of commenters talked about how some guy cheated on them and, when instead of being distraught and begging to be picked they just went "... Lol ok, bye" the guys literally ran away crying and screaming and made a huge scene for days because the woman didn't care enough. So yeah... It's all about the ego and boy do they collapse the second you don't feed it | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/22 04:00 AM |
| 172 | Do not be jealous of the new girl… abusers do not change. Even if they somewhat “get better”, you deserve more than whatever half baked fuckboy shit this ex-douchebag has to offer you. Leave him in the past sisters, pray for the women who encounter him, and thrive. We are worth more than we know. 💞If I was religious I would sincerely pray for whatever poor girl/s he lured in since I knew him. I'm a strong person and it took me years to recover from his abuse. If he ever caught a fragile person... Good lord. He could really destroy someone. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/22 03:51 AM |
| 3 | How hard it is to find a decent man? I am starting to get really upset.Why do you feel humiliated? Is it your fault that you're surrounded by garbage? Don't ever feel shame for someone else's bad behaviour. Shame is reserved for when you do something shameful. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 11:38 PM |
| 2 | How hard it is to find a decent man? I am starting to get really upset.You sure are a patient woman! Last month I opened the app for the first time in ages and swiped left for about 5 minutes before just getting disgusted and closing it again. It was truly like dumpster diving. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 11:35 PM |
| 79 | men's silence after setting boundaries is a vetting strategy and a very big tellHonestly, I just don't do chat conversations at all. Those are reserved for in person interaction. Texts are just for occasional very brief chit chat and arranging meetings. Chat conversations are nothing. You think they are something, that they mean something, that they imply intimacy or getting to know someone, but they're absolutely nothing. Plus, if you have serious matters to discuss, it's always better to do so in person so you can observe his reactions and not give him time to craft a fak… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 04:25 PM |
| 11 | Stop dumpster diving through other women’s garbageI agree that it's difficult to tell - because a man at that age who's never been married, or who only had 'forever girlfriends' is maybe an even bigger red flag. So there have to be divorced men for whom it's not a red flag. If I think about the divorced couples I know... Two were because he was a cheater. One was because he beat her. One, however, it's because they married young and as far as I can tell, they just genuinely grew apart and have a good relationship and co-parenting. Still, I woul… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 12:32 PM |
| 33 | sea-lioning, and how to push back hardEnglish isn't my first language so I don't know what sea lioning is... I'm picturing a man leaping up from the floor like a seal to spout unsolicited opinions on an unsuspecting victim, lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 05:29 PM |
| 3 | PodcastsI love this one! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 05:27 PM |
| 29 | I don’t even know what to say 🤦🏼♀️I just snorted out my tea XD | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 02:43 PM |
| 19 | Have any of you had an actual relationship from tinder?One. He turned out to be a raging bipolar abuser who left me severely traumatised. Do not recommend :/ On the other hand though, using it as a way to meet other travellers when somewhere new, I made three good friends I'm still occasionally in touch today. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 01:06 AM |
| 10 | Why community-dick-men is a red flag telling you that they are a non-monogameous.Sigh - the last guy I was involved with, I thought I was in the clear in this regard because he did absolutely spend long periods of time celibate. Problem is, that was because he's such a loser that he CAN'T be community dick because women don't want him, not because he doesn't want them. Another cautionary tale about 'don't give losers a chance thinking they'll appreciate you more' because they're just wannabe community dick who didn't make it. They're insecure about themselves and will latch … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/22 02:33 PM |
| 5 | It took me years to get out of the Pickme mindset."someone who's a bit better than the last and I would think that would be good enough" ... I'm in this picture and I don't like it | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 01:28 PM |
| 253 | Why we need to de-center men from our life (yes, even in dating) - It gives you the power to walk away.Absolutely. Staying objective and putting our wellbeing first in no way means we're cold hearted and can't love. I greatly cared for an ex, and he wasn't a monster, he was a sweet guy, but his personal life was a mess and he couldn't show up like a mature, committed partner. He didn't meet my basic standards of making me feel secure, cherished, and valued in a relationship. Additionally, building a life together wouldn't be possible because he is, objectively, a wreck. So I walked away. I wasn't… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 12:18 PM |
| 61 | Man OK with 50/50 relationship as long as it's to his advantage. But as soon as it barely compensates the woman, it's transactional and gross. Notice, they're "spiritually" married 🙄Oh, so all of a sudden 50/50 isn't good anymore? Also, she should require compensation since he won't carry the child for 4.5 months and endure half of the labour pains, not to mention all the health consequences. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/03/22 09:14 PM |
| 56 | Vet like your life depends on it, because it does⬆️⬆️⬆️ This! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/03/22 08:18 PM |
| 4 | What are the possibility that he’s going to settle down?So he's one of those guys who get a local girlfriend wherever they go, then just leave her there along with the rest of the stuff that's no longer useful when they move on. I'm a traveller. Literally every traveller guy I've ever had a relationship with did that, too. And guess what - I was no exception to the rule. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/22 07:57 PM |
| 5 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 52 - Dr. Jessica Taylor & The Queens on the Nuances of Victim Blaming (Part 1)I can't seem to find it on the Youtube channel... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/22 01:52 PM |
| 77 | How dare rich and successful men not have harems of 16 year old virgins, like I would have If I had even 1/10th of there powerThese women are all absolutely drop dead gorgeous, but I'm especially astonished at how anyone WITH EYES could call Michelle Obama unattractive. I smell a raging racist around. No coincidence the four women are either older or of color. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 04:50 PM |
| 43 | Are there men who never want sex?Absolutely. There are many asexual people. I was involved with a few online communities years ago when I was on birth control for health reasons and my sex drive was absent for several years. You don't need to force yourself to have sex in order to have a partner. You can absolutely find a compatible partner. There are people out there who also want romantic relationships without sex involved. | /r/askFDS | 01/03/22 11:47 AM |
| 41 | HVW tips for long distance relationships?Ah, I see! Well, then it wouldn't be a LDR really... I think your best bet is just to keep dating around and meanwhile keep an eye on whether he texts regularly and organizes some nice Zoom dates, maybe has presents or flowers delivered to you if an occasion calls for it (or just because!). As part of your vetting process, though, not anxiously with the fear that he'll slow fade you. This is a good test to gauge if he's serious about you, because the distance won't matter if he really is. But pu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 10:33 PM |
| 56 | HVW tips for long distance relationships?Same. LDRs are already difficult when it's an established relationship with someone you know and trust. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 07:23 PM |
| 51 | HVW tips for long distance relationships?Yeah... Getting in a text-ationship with someone you've been on just a few dates with is almost tantamount to doing it with a stranger. A big no-no. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 07:23 PM |
| 58 | HVW tips for long distance relationships?7 dates is really early. Are you two already in an exclusive relationship? Are you still multidating? Because that's awfully early to commit to a man... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 07:20 PM |
| 102 | Friends with Men?In 34 years on this planet I was lucky enough to meet three HVM who I'm friends with. But it's by nature a "distant" friendship compared to what I have with female friends, because it's more about shared interests, hobbies and values, not emotional or for companionship. Those would veer into romantic territory and we automatically avoid that as it would be inappropriate. HVMs are as rare as friends as for romantic partners and the friendship, if it's a true friendship with boundaries, will by ne… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/22 06:14 AM |
| 21 | I used to think there was something wrong with me...Speaking of which, this post about statistics of abusive men: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t26oj8/queen_jess_spitting_sad_facts_today/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/22 09:10 PM |
| 64 | I used to think there was something wrong with me...True, it's a good way to reassure yourself if you're feeling like maybe you might be to blame after all. Lord knows when I was more insecure, my army of high value, loving friends who adore me were my saving grace. Regarding my post though, it's not that I met perfectly nice people with whom the relationship just didn't work out - they were very clearly utter LVMs, fuckboys, and more than one with official serious psychiatric diagnoses. Fortunately I've learned to bounce after date #1 when it's … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/22 05:48 PM |
| 18 | TW: nasty as hell. I don’t even have words..I had an ex who kept a bottle to piss in in his bedroom because the bathroom was downstairs and usually he couldn't be bothered to go down 15 steps to pee. Oh. My. God. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/22 05:24 PM |
| 459 | Friendly reminder that your career will never betray you like thisYeah, right. He coincidentally met this woman right after breaking up. She doesn't even realise that he's been having an affair for god knows how long. "he was just a really lazy father and partner but I accept that, I just want him to love me again" Oh my god. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 05:44 PM |
| 35 | Thoughts on a man who doesn't text to make sure you made it home?Sorry but making excuses for why men don't text for DAYS is peak pickme brainwashing. | /r/askFDS | 25/02/22 08:45 AM |
| 24 | Being attracted to something you want to be / feel you're lackingThat's an excellent point and very likely part of it - I'm successful academically, so I want someone on the same level. I'm an experienced traveller, so I want someone who's a match, etc. The problem indeed arises when I fail to assess accurately the prospective partner and project onto him what I'm hoping he will be, instead. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 10:59 PM |
| 45 | Women who implement FDS are "groomed, hot, successful, with standards", says FDS-hating manWhaaaat? You're not allowed to advise women to leave? What an absolute disgrace | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 09:05 AM |
| 211 | Women who implement FDS are "groomed, hot, successful, with standards", says FDS-hating manI still wonder how stupid people have to be in order not to understand how diametrically opposite fds is compared to redpill. Like, completely unable to understand basic concepts, apparently. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 02:26 AM |
| 160 | Be careful posting elsewhereSame here. I commented on something totally random, like a kitten video or something, and some guys went to check my profile then started dogpiling me in the comments about my fds posts. Like, wtf. The obsession is strong with these ones. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 09:34 PM |
| 10 | Here’s to deleting our OLD profiles 🥂Let's not forget the spiritual yoga 'free spirit' hobosexual open to 'exploring' and 'deeply connecting on an energetic level' while going around cosplaying Jesus. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 11:42 AM |
| 128 | Vetting: if a worst case scenario happens to you, can you rely on him?Very well put. I was blindsided years ago when after a 9 year relationship (I know, I know, but I was young and inexperienced) my then boyfriend reacted to me having serious family issues and the death of my grandma by... cheating on me and dumping me because I wasn't 'fun' anymore. We never thing someone could be so cruel and heartless because WE never would and most of the women in our circle wouldn't, either. But men absolutely do. And to avoid being blindsided when shit hits the fan, it's im… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 11:27 AM |
| 33 | How do you stop feeling intensely triggered by men's (scrotes) behavior?You will never have that blind optimism again, because it was just you being naive and unaware of the grim reality. I had that shock at 25. It felt awful. I didn't want the ugly reality to be true, I wanted to keep believing everyone was nice and well intentioned and trustworthy. I had to grieve that belief, and I had to grieve the sweet, naive, optimistic girl I used to be. I was sad, disappointed and angry. But being able to be blind for so long was also a product of how lucky and privileged I… | /r/askFDS | 23/02/22 07:48 AM |
| 82 | What counts as toxic femininity in 2022Today I read a scrotes comment about how fds supposedly encourages women to cheat and trap men into supporting someone else's child. Like... How? Where? Why do they speak when they're just making shit up! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 07:09 PM |
| 9 | What does it mean if a guy has no friends?Yeah, reminds me of my ex too. He was most likely schizoid, just unable to deeply bond with people and sustain any sort of relationship. Spoiler alert, his behaviour was not normal and his relationship with me was no exception. | /r/askFDS | 22/02/22 04:17 AM |
| 80 | We had been chatting for less then a day and this happened...Why do you feel the need to justify yourself - "I'm not a prude" - to him????? Just block and delete sis. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 03:49 AM |
| 36 | Scrolling Reddit is downright depressing: women with no dignity or self-respectVery true. Wanting to FEEL loved kept me in shitty relationships far too long in the past. And I stress "feel" because I actually WASN'T loved, I was just fooling myself that I was. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/22 04:49 PM |
| 96 | Beware of Males that claim to have no social mediaI actually met a guy who genuinely only had Facebook which he never used and in fact paid very little attention to his phone (switched it on once a week or so). At first I thought it was refreshing. Then it turned out he has severe mental issues, is pathologically asocial and can't function in society like a normal adult. Now this extreme would also be an alarm bell. It's not normal to live so isolated from society and while I originally thought it might be a plus, now I realise it's usually a s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/22 11:02 AM |
| 64 | Beware of the solo male traveller to certain regions of the world.Bingo. I'm a traveller who in the meantime established and maintains a career working online and got a PhD. Literally every male traveller I met was a penniless hobosexual scraping together occasional jobs, or finding short term seasonal jobs before quitting and living off savings before he ran out. I imagine there must be some male travellers like me, but in 8 years I haven't met a single one. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/22 08:26 AM |
| 75 | Beware of the solo male traveller to certain regions of the world.Yup. It's tragic because I'm a traveller and would love to find a partner who is also. But in 8 years I have only ever met guys who want to screw around with whatever girls they can get their hands on. Depressing af. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/22 08:23 AM |
| 4 | Men Who Are Bored/ Claim You’re BoringIndeed. With my last ex, when I finally had enough and stopped initiating conversation (which I then had to carry by myself because he had nothing to contribute), we just stayed silent for almost the whole time for a whole ass week. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 09:59 PM |
| 130 | This is why casual sex is a big no-no. Thoughts?Beautifully put. I was recently involved (unfortunately, my bad) with a 40 years old man who's never had a long term relationship. Is it because every single woman he met was unsuitable? OF COURSE NOT. If he was interested in a serious relationship, he would have had one at some point. It's because he doesn't want one or is unable to handle one. No woman he meets will be "the exception" because its not about the women, its entirely about him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 10:01 AM |
| 78 | Bring back - fine af friday flairYeah I didn't really care for those. I'm not here to ogle hot men, there's Google images for that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 07:59 AM |
| 37 | Someone’s lack of reciprocation is not an invitation for you to convince them of your worth.SAY IT LOUDER | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 07:58 AM |
| 25 | Ideas on where to meet HVMExactly. I live in the middle of nowhere and work from home. I have to get out of my way to meet ANYONE. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 07:56 AM |
| 61 | Ideas on where to meet HVMI had an unfortunate experience with an abusive bipolar man who regularly went to the climbing centre... He told me he and his mates always rushed to try and help the hot new girls into their harnesses 😬 he pretty much scared me off climbing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/22 06:45 PM |
| 55 | Ideas on where to meet HVMEagerly following this post. I have two big no-nos based on my experience in the past years: not on OLD, and sure as hell not in hostels/ anything similar to a hostel. I realise that's pretty much been my only dating pool for years since I'm a traveller and holy cow does that explain the string of disastrous encounters I've had. What a lightbulb moment. Literally the guy who came to fix my heater today was more balanced and well adjusted in life and mentally sound that anyone I've met in the pas… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/22 06:12 PM |
| 720 | Zero Effort Valentine’s DayYou really think you need to explain to what's hopefully an adult man with no mental deficits that completely ignoring valentine's day made you feel bad? If you just cOmMuNiCaTe he'll get it... You think he doesn't know? Unless you're dating an imbecile, that's unlikely. My little brother had his first girlfriend at 16 and he made such an effort for valentines day. I daresay a grown ass man can do the bare minimum without the need for written instructions. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 01:40 PM |
| 86 | 👏 Never 👏 Stop 👏 Vetting 👏True. Even if there were some red flags nobody normal would imagine they could hide SUCH levels of depravity. Ask me how I know, lol. That's why it's important to be ruthless even with seemingly small things, even if it seems like an exaggeration. Maybe they're really just small things. But maybe not, and you end up in such situations. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 10:49 AM |
| 106 | dumped a lvm and got asked out by someone much betterJust wanted to say, you don't know if he's a hvm yet. Ladies, stop throwing around the hvm label for people you haven't even started vetting yet. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 04:48 AM |
| 20 | Shyness or Fooling Around?Exactly this. The uncertainty and feeling unsure - op, that comes from the unconscious need for him to pick you so you can feel validated. Nope. Nope. Nope. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 09:17 AM |
| 91 | Valentine's Field ReportI was pleased to see today in the street quite a few young guys (18-20 I'd say) hurrying along with big bouquets and roses, or escorting their girlfriend (who now held the flowers) looking super in love, holding hands , kissing every chance they got, etc. with the enthusiasm of young love. Obviously I don't know what's going on behind the scenes, but they looked so cute and I indulged in feeling optimistic that there's hope for the younger generation. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 09:44 PM |
| 15 | So I got left a day before VDay but I am not the sad victim -- thanks to FDS!GLORIOUS. now I'm excitedly thinking about how I will treat myself tomorrow!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 08:51 PM |
| 51 | So I got left a day before VDay but I am not the sad victim -- thanks to FDS!"what we call potential is our own imagination" TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN. I'm writing this down because DAMN. truth bomb. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 08:49 PM |
| 12 | So I got left a day before VDay but I am not the sad victim -- thanks to FDS!Amazing!!!! I remember your previous post. You're such such a queen. I will strive to follow your example in the future!!!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 08:48 PM |
| 2 | A man will date you for weeks, have you be exclusive with him JUST to have sex and leave as soon as he gets it. This scares the hell out of me about dating, I wonder how one can vet this kind of behavior.Rock on! That's SO hard for me still. I keep waiting around for it, assume it's there even if we didn't speak about it... SO proud of you for implementing this boundary, I'll absolutely follow your example in the future! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 12:06 PM |
| 30 | A man will date you for weeks, have you be exclusive with him JUST to have sex and leave as soon as he gets it. This scares the hell out of me about dating, I wonder how one can vet this kind of behavior.Amen. I made the same mistake in my last relationship - after a couple of months of dating I felt bad still seeing other men even though he hadn't asked to be in a relationship (nor did he plan to). Like, "it might not be official but in practice we're in a relationship right?" 🤡🤡🤡 so I started being "exclusive" of my own volition. Foolish me. If I'd had other men on rotation I wouldn't have gotten stuck for three more months on someone who had zero intention of committing, just doing the bare m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 08:49 AM |
| 314 | A man will date you for weeks, have you be exclusive with him JUST to have sex and leave as soon as he gets it. This scares the hell out of me about dating, I wonder how one can vet this kind of behavior.Ding ding ding! You spotted the red flag. "I'm a fuckboy but you're So SpEShUl it'll be totally different"! I understand though how she overlooked it when he seemingly behaved so well. Hindsight is of course 20/20... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 09:11 PM |
| 154 | Ladies, what are your experiences with a covert narcissistic ex after breakup?It's been several years. Over time, I contacted him once absolutely business like because I needed something important returned. He took this as an opportunity to send long mails trying to pitifully engage me again. Totally ignored. Along with the item, he mailed a long whiny letter to try and paint himself as the poor innocent guy and lure me into engaging again. Tossed straight in the trash. I never forgive someone who disrespected me and mistreated me like he did. He showed me that he's a gar… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/02/22 09:35 AM |
| 230 | Ladies, I'm in desperate need for some advice. Please help!!!OP, when I was your age I was willing to give up all my dreams to stay in a small town with my first long term boyfriend. I loved him with all the intensity and innocence of youth. He was a lazy loser who cheated on me the first chance he got. And thank god, because he dumped me and I went on to travel the world, get a phd, and live my best life. If I had stayed with him, if I'd gotten pregnant... I would have been trapped and missed out on my life. There's plenty of men who will love you and ke… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 07:23 PM |
| 57 | What are the telltale signs that he might actually have mental illness and/or personality disorder?This is what I used to recommend when I was helping abuse victims. Abuse can take sooo many different forms it's difficult to provide a full catalogue or that someone will strictly adhere to one specific pattern, and it's as if being unable to exactly pinpoint it means (to the victim) that it mustn't be abuse then. The only constant and foolproof tool is your own feelings. If you're feeling like you described, then that's all the proof you need. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 08:50 AM |
| 290 | The best thing about getting older and finding FDS is realizing that you don't have to "work" in a relationship - he is either great or you are gone.Perfectly said. I'm in my early 30s and I regret not having access to FDS wisdom 15 years ago... To think of the time and opportunities I wasted on sucky relationships because I didn't know any better. But alas. Better late than never. At least I won't be wasting one more minute of my precious life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 12:15 PM |
| 56 | A guy brought up porn half a minute after matchingI also wouldn't reveal any vulnerable information such as anxiety when talking to a stranger. It's like blood in a water to predators who might think you're an easy prey to manipulate that has willingly volunteered her weak spot. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 04:14 PM |
| 6 | Are you testing him?This right here has been my problem. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 09:18 AM |
| 25 | Does the quality of men you attract affect your self esteem?Oh yeah. My hobosexual ex was fishing for literally ANY woman who gave him the time of day. Younger, older, attractive, not attractive, smart, not smart, etc, etc. Literally anyone was game. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:35 PM |
| 49 | Does the quality of men you attract affect your self esteem?I would say, they have been trained since young that they are little princes who can do no wrong and are ENTITLED to get whatever they want, no matter how out of their league. That's why they aim for the best women. They have inflated self esteem AND also think they're entitled to you because they want you. And if they get denied, they'll throw a tantrum (harassing, stalking, etc) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:33 PM |
| 357 | Men who give unsolicited feedback during dating?That example is classic negging. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 09:56 PM |
| 21 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?Ah, thank you for explaining! there's plenty of young impressionable girls who will gobble up the "cool spontaneous adventurer" thing eagerly. Especially when those dudes have a serving of narcissistic charm. Cue 40 year old hobos hitting on backpackers in their early 20s who want to feel special posing as the "wise experienced traveller mentor"... "omg like, he lives such an ~authentic~ life, so free from society, what an enlightened spirit, like his energy is so totally cool, we smoked pot and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 04:12 PM |
| 4 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?The nomad Jesus is PERFECT 😂 I recently lived for a few months in a surfer hotspot and they ALL fit that description. They were also all narcissistic fuckboys without a dime and absolutely incapable of having a relationship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 03:38 PM |
| 18 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?Unfortunately I doubt he ever will. He absolutely refused to admit he had a problem and raged blaming everyone and everything else instead. He was also extremely narcissistic. I feel for his poor widowed mother (the father likely also had bipolar and killed himself many years ago). She's constantly being put through the wringer. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 03:33 PM |
| 13 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?I've certainly met multiple people who do this in cyclical "spurts" suggesting manic phases. I've also met people who have been doing it consistently for decades and lacking that hyperactive/compulsive component of mania that I've learned to recognise (or the reckless spending for example), so I'm not quite sure what their deal is. ADHD? "soft" mania? One was likely schizoid... Idk. I see the similar pattern often, but in many occasions it lacks the rest of the traits that would suggest bipolar.… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 03:23 PM |
| 5 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?Perfectly put. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 02:17 PM |
| 15 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?They're more likely to drop in on female pickme acquaintances if possible, that way they can get a woman to provide them with free housing, food, and sex. Hobosexual as a way of life | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 01:15 PM |
| 12 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?How is he supposed to fuel his narcissism bragging about what a cool adventurer he is then??? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 01:12 PM |
| 12 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?I occasionally travelled with partners who did exactly all that stuff. I felt like their goddamn mother. Needless to say, it never lasted. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 01:11 PM |
| 84 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?My ex made a big deal about how spontaneous he was. Too bad his inability to organise anything meant that he spent his travels getting wasted in bars or moping around bored and irritated unless I actually did some research and organised something interesting, or someone else did and invited him to tag along. Bleah. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 01:09 PM |
| 23 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?Absolutely. After meeting so many travellers who are an absolute wreck, I'm now actively repulsed by it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 12:57 PM |
| 64 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?I dated a guy who did exactly this kind of shit. he had untreated bipolar disorder and the manic behaviours left to run unchecked not only meant his life was a wreck, but he also regularly endangered himself and others. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 12:56 PM |
| 48 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?I'm a digital nomad who travels sensibly, and you have NO IDEA how many men like this I've met. Female travellers generally travel in an organised, sensible way, because not doing so is extremely dangerous. They are mature and aware and conscientious because a woman needs to be extra careful to live such a lifestyle and stay safe. So I naively assumed that guys would be the same. BOY was I wrong. The sheer amount of directionless hobos unable to handle basic responsibilities like holding down a … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 11:08 AM |
| 6 | I walked away when my needs weren't metTHIS | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 12:10 AM |
| 7 | I walked away when my needs weren't metThat's a good point! I can definitely see that the average manipulative asshole will likely use the same cookie cutter "girlfriend treatment" on everyone. Edited to add: in fact the "perfect compatibility" itself is a huge red flag! My healthy relationships with friends are with people who yes I have thinga in common with, but they also have fully rounded individual personalities and interests which differ. If someone seems just like a mirror image of you... Chances are they're in fact mirroring… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 12:06 AM |
| 16 | I walked away when my needs weren't metIn my experience, my narc was in fact mirroring me extremely closely, so everything he did was very specific to me to fuel this idea of magical perfect compatibility. He was quite the chameleon. But hopefully there will be other red flags, so this is just a piece of the bigger context to evaluate. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 11:14 PM |
| 36 | I walked away when my needs weren't metUnfortunately the last time a guy promptly did that, and was proud to introduce me to his friends and later his mom... It was just part of the lovebombing. Mask dropped big time around month 6. Ugh. Its hard to tell the difference between "healthy super interested" and "lovebombing". | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 09:40 PM |
| 137 | Ladies who have taken back an ex, did he change and what made you take him back?I never did. Once they showed their true colors, I was repulsed by them. I missed and grieved who I believed they were, but the present guy? I wanted nothing to do with him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 08:42 PM |
| 4 | The Fantasy vs The Reality ✨Yup. I met a dude in his 50s just divorced. He was in full on midlife crisis compulsively checking his thinning haor and saggy stomach and bragging about his sexual prowess and was essentially looking for 20 year olds to bang to prove he "still had it" but of course he "didn't want commitment, he wanted to be free to sow his wild oats". Absolute trash. Younger women were nothing but a prop for his ego. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 10:15 AM |
| 3 | Play stupid games, win stupid prizesThis literally made my day. Poor innocent baby though. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 08:55 AM |
| 205 | Women who dated covert narcissists, did their narcissism get "worse" over time?Yes. You always lose. They never get better and in fact, research says that they tend to get worse as they grow older. Eventually they might hold on to a partner when they're too old to keep finding new supply (giving the false impression that they've improved) but it's merely for utilitarian reasons, they're still as uncaring and abusive as ever. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 08:49 AM |
| 92 | I walked away when my needs weren't metWonderfully done. Great job. I'm honestly kicking myself for how much time and heatache I'd have saved myself if I'd been this smart in well, pretty much all my previous relationships. Ah well! Better to learn late than never. You're such a great example. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 08:46 AM |
| 8 | How to approach multi-dating?On the bright side, that turned out to be a great vetting tool to flush out a weirdo before he wasted any more of your time... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 11:47 AM |
| 21 | Are they getting off on knowing that we know they are larping at this point? All this BS and the scrotes still won’t quit…Same here - I suggest deleting your pseudonym. I got folks trying to stalk me too after seeing me on fds, so I made a dedicated profile disconnected from everything. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 11:42 AM |
| 77 | Studying for a psych test. Thought you would appreciate this tidbit- postpartum depression in men is related to feeling “replaced by baby” 😭😭😭That's because they are taking on the role of the baby, wanting to be coddled by mommy, rather than the provider who's taking care of the woman and is also capable of taking care of the offspring. What an evolutionary fail. In the wild they would be weeded out by stronger competitors. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 08:21 AM |
| 41 | Hmmm, Am I Crazy or Are Women Wising Up?In my country it was openly reported on the news for weeks that the lockdown was awful for domestic abuse victims. It's indeed a fact. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 08:55 AM |
| 28 | Hmmm, Am I Crazy or Are Women Wising Up?Kinda off topic but this reminded me - I was chatting with my half brother, who is 18, some time ago and I was pleasantly surprised at how hard he worked to be a good boyfriend and treat his girlfriend right. From what I hear his friends are similar, they don't do casual and have called each other out on bad behaviour. Also, the guys do share emotions with each other pretty openly. It's a small group of geeky kids who love to read and study, so I don't know how representative they are, but they … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 08:52 AM |
| 3 | Beware of 'moody' menYeah, that sounds like ex #1 - I essentially became a metaphorical punching ball for his bad moods. As I was throughout my childhood for my mother, so it was hard to break out of my instinctive fawn reaction. Lord help me when I tried to stand up for myself - it just made the abuse worse. After that thankfully I worked on the root of my trauma that made me susceptible to abuse, and I'm now confident I'll nope the hell outta there at the first whiff of a similar dynamic. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 05:06 PM |
| 18 | A quick reflection exerciseHoly cow, this is brilliant. I'm sitting here thinking about an occasion my ex treated me badly and imagining someone saying I deserved that would make me cry. Somehow, my friends telling me I deserved better didn't quite register, but this other approach hits different. Absolutely brilliant. I'll keep using it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 08:30 PM |
| 14 | What does it mean if a man gives you his number in a business/singles environment?I stopped reading at "15 years older". That's your dealbreaker right there. | /r/askFDS | 19/01/22 10:06 AM |
| 40 | I want your stories: Have you ever dated a guy who really looked up to guys like Elon Musk or Bill Gates & What was your experience?Yup. He was a total narcissist living off mommy's money at 30 years old boasting about how he was intelligent like tony stark and would make big bucks with his genius business ideas he never actually did any work for. Spoiler alert, as far as I know he's still in the exact same position 6 years later. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 06:16 AM |
| 42 | Just need some supportSounds like you should reconsider whether you want this parasite to move in with you in the house YOU bought so YOU can keep cooking for him like a good bangmaid. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 06:11 AM |
| 21 | What do members of FDS think of the idea of love at first sight?It's bollocks. How can you love someone you know nothing about? At best you love a mountain of fantasies you've built around that person. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 10:49 PM |
| 171 | Foolproof vetting strategy : tell him "a man did something to you"Another LVM classic: simply ignore you. "Hmm." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 10:44 PM |
| 66 | What to do?That HE isn't communicating. And the bad sign is already there as he's been lying for a year. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 10:03 AM |
| 62 | The absolute audacity of some of these men. Could you imagine telling your partner that you are taking a three month break from being a spouse and a parent?I mean... There's no way she never saw red flags before this. She still married him and had three children with him. It breaks my heart that women aren't taught anything at all about selecting a partner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/22 07:34 PM |
| 61 | Pickmeisha me vs FDS enlightened me:How i wish I'd found it 10 years ago, it would have spared me a LOT of trauma and wasted time. I was so naive. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/22 06:06 AM |
| 4 | How to vet for emotional availability using 'bids'2 1/2 years is A LOT! That seems a bit unusual for an avoidant, it normally shows up within a few months as soon as the intimacy deepens 🤔 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/22 05:57 AM |
| 11 | How to vet for emotional availability using 'bids'My ex was also a hermit type, so his attention wasn't going anywhere else. He was still avoidant as hell, on top of being unable to function as a normal member of society. He was, in fact, avoiding society and any responsibility connected to being an adult. Being a depressive loner didn't make him treat me any better. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 10:48 PM |
| 22 | How to vet for emotional availability using 'bids'"It was like I was pouring niceness into an emotional black hole" This right here | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 10:44 PM |
| 72 | How quickly widowers move on from their wives shows that they don't see women as people, just bangmaidsSocial secretary - perfect definition. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom! It's so inspiring. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 09:34 PM |
| 47 | How to vet for emotional availability using 'bids'This is excellent advice. I'm one of those who posted about avoidants. Thinking about it now, I see though that my ex generally responded positively to bids... But I get this feeling that he was often doing it because it was the "appropriate" reaction. Like, he knew that was how he was supposed to react, so he did. At first he seemed to do it gladly, like it didn't come naturally to him but he wanted to please me. With time - or when he was in a "bad mood" - he seemed to resent it. He didn't com… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 05:16 PM |
| 132 | Why can’t they support women like women support their partners?Even something simple like period pains - I was wrecked with cramps and my ex was just laying on a hammock chilling and completely ignoring me. Like, not even a "sorry, how are you feeling". In contrast, my female friends sympathise, ask how i am, offer to make me tea... When my ex had the flu and felt like chicken soup, I provided some for him (I would have done the same with anyone). You think he so much as brought me a glass of water when I was sick? The terminal selfishness and self-centered… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 11:16 AM |
| 16 | Scrotation report 2020/2021I'm a translator! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 06:19 PM |
| 72 | Do any of you NOT want to get married one day?Good question. I want someone to have the INTENTION to marry me, but I'm hesitant on the practical side on whether it would actually benefit me or not. I think with an actual HVM it might, but I'll have to assess then. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 05:17 PM |
| 21 | Scrotation report 2020/2021I've also been a DN for almost a decade, but I've been undergoing a bit of an existential crisis about it for the past year or so. Every time I change location, it feels like I'm going back to square one without anything to show for the past 6+ months, nothing that I've built, and the thought of having to start from scratch again without a community around feels exhausting. How are you doing in that regard? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 04:07 PM |
| 21 | Never stop vetting! Even after being faithful to your partner for 8 years, he could still think that he can do better and want to bang other women. Scrotes like this just want to get their dick wet and are never satisfied no matter how spectacular their gf is.I'm gonna print this, frame it and hang it on my wall | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 03:52 PM |
| 99 | Never stop vetting! Even after being faithful to your partner for 8 years, he could still think that he can do better and want to bang other women. Scrotes like this just want to get their dick wet and are never satisfied no matter how spectacular their gf is.What do you mean, the women of the world aren't falling all over themselves fighting over my dick??? That's preposterous and I'd like to speak to a manager | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 03:46 PM |
| 36 | Never stop vetting! Even after being faithful to your partner for 8 years, he could still think that he can do better and want to bang other women. Scrotes like this just want to get their dick wet and are never satisfied no matter how spectacular their gf is.So because one woman is giving him the time of day (likely settling for a below bare minimum relationshit) he thinks he's Brad pitt and women will fall all over themselves for his dick. Gotcha. How sad that she's wasting years of her life likely thinking he cares about her and they've built something together, while he sees her as a replaceable placeholder with all the emotional attachment he'd have to an old sock. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 03:43 PM |
| 2 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?The no empathy thing is so spot-on. I remember one day, I received news that the father of my best friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she was so upset. I was upset in turn and crying wondering how to support her through this difficult time. He was there and just sat next to me cold as a statue, kinda patted me on the back and left. And this was a supposedly sensitive, thoughtful guy! By contrast, my friends even just via Whatsapp were very supportive, gave advice, truly sympathised w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 03:21 PM |
| 4 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?True. In hindsight, I did see the first red flag of avoidant behavior within the first month. After a couple of day of closeness, he weirdly flipped and shut down completely ignoring me and not communicating, then just said 'I need my space'. He returned within a couple of days and all was well, so I just thought 'ah well, he's a hermit so he's a bit peculiar about his alone time, no big deal'. I didn't know what I was seeing and I didn't recognize it for what it was. Now I know better - I shoul… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 03:13 PM |
| 3 | Beware of 'moody' menYou're not building anything. BINGO. That's exactly my gripe with it. I come back from a trip and find myself sitting down wondering... so, in the past 3 / 6 months, what exactly have I built? I'm in the exact same spot I was in before I left. It now feels like wasted time. For a long time I was so busy with my PhD and getting my career off the ground that it consumed most of my energy and satisfied my need to build something. But now I'm done with the PhD, my career is stable, and I need more f… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 02:57 PM |
| 104 | Low Energy Men - How men steal women's energyWow - the low spiritual energy bit really hit home. I realise that many men I interacted with were passive, wet blankets, with zero passion or drive, and nothing really going on in life - and they latched onto me because I'm driven, energetic, interesting, and could provide them entertainment and a vicarious burst of energy. They had, of course, nothing to offer in return and, being as shallow as a puddle, would soon grow 'bored' and move on to latching onto the new 'shiny new toy' which could p… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 02:29 PM |
| 1 | Beware of 'moody' menWow. Thank you so much for sharing - what an eye opener! I didn't know anything about avoidant attachment and reading about it has been so enlightening. Now I know to absolutely look out for it and bolt when I recognize the signs. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 02:14 PM |
| 4 | Beware of 'moody' menIf it wasn't for the 'digital nomad' thing I would think you dated my same exact guy... Btw, actually I also call myself a digital nomad because, well, I travel and work online, so I guess that's what I am. But now I'm a bit older and I feel the need to build a more permanent homebase and community. Also, the only healthy travellers I met so far are the ones leaning more on the settled side, and I'm sick of the dysfunction of 'permanent' travellers. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 02:11 PM |
| 132 | Never stop vetting! Even after being faithful to your partner for 8 years, he could still think that he can do better and want to bang other women. Scrotes like this just want to get their dick wet and are never satisfied no matter how spectacular their gf is.I always find this monstrous - how many men just seem sociopathically unable to feel normal affection for women. I care about people, it's automatic. If I spend months or years with someone, of course I'm going to care about them. Even when the relationship is objectively bad and I know I need to leave, it's hard because I still have to cut a person i care about out of my life. After 8 years, I wouldn't be able to be so emotionally detached even from a dog, let alone a human being. Yet, this is … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 11:11 AM |
| 27 | Count the red flags! What happens when you set boundaries with a narcissistMake a report to the police stat. In my country when a man insists to "see her in person" the woman usually winds up murdered. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 03:51 AM |
| 23 | So done with avoidant men.Oooh boy. The book thing struck me. Its something I could see myself do in the past because poor sweetheart he's just sooo fragile and needs love and reassurance and understanding (🤡🤡🤡🤡) Nope. If a grown ass man can't function as a normal human being, time to nope the heck out of there. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 11:35 AM |
| 31 | So done with avoidant men.This reminds me - a year ago I met a guy who was doing a PhD in history. I was drawn to him as I thought he had to be intelligent and well balanced. Turns out that emotionally and behaviourally he was an absolute wreck - immature, a fuckboy, with no real friends, just a user in general. He was okay-ish with his bros (superficially) but used women like objects. I was very disappointed but learned that being book smart doesn't equal being emotionally intelligent or a decent person. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 11:31 AM |
| 126 | So done with avoidant men.AMEN. I keep falling into the trap of assuming that when someone is quiet / a loner it must be because he's sooo deep. Nope. Often it's because there's nothing going on upstairs. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 04:24 AM |
| 16 | Sort of warn out from my first sort of romantic interest after a year of being purposely single. I'm new to this and must be missing red flags.So you met him once, texted for a couple of days after, he is a clusterfuck of a human being, and you're already twisting yourself into knots and crying because he doesn't want a relationship? I must have misunderstood something? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 11:18 PM |
| 46 | So done with avoidant men.Bwahahah "becomes a scared turtle" is the perfect image 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:37 PM |
| 122 | So done with avoidant men.I'm aloof when I start dating because they're a stranger, I'm busy, and I'm vetting. Problem is, unavailable men seem healthily independent as long as there's that bit of distance. As you say it's only once the connection starts deepening that their dysfunction comes to light. I'm 200% DONE with that crap. What a waste of time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:36 PM |
| 2 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?Well, in my specific case, I used to just say that my guy was "weird" because he can't attach to anything - family, friends, jobs, locations. He can't even "commit" to planning tomorrow's dinner because that's too much. He makes travel decisions and reservations at the last possible moment and ignores problems until he literally is forced to confront them. He just spent a year and a half living recluse on a small island avoiding the whole world and his entire life. Without deep human connections… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 05:34 PM |
| 37 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?Excellent description. It always leaves me perplexed. Is my company unpleasant? Then why be with me at all? At this point it makes more sense when they finally break up. And even then, how can someone being nice to you have such a grating effect rather than be pleasant? Also - in stressful moments, human company and warmth is the biggest comfort for me. I will never be able to understand their coldness. Fortunately this time around I was so centered and busy that I barely even noticed when he re… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 07:19 PM |
| 55 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?It can definitely change! I was secure, turned extremely anxious after being cheated on, but after discovering attachment theory I started working hard at it and several years later, I am nearly back to secure (with anxious tendemcies still). One year ago, being involved with an avoidant would have wrecked me with anxiety, self blame, absolutely triggering me. The breakup would have destroyed my self esteem. This time, I was so centered I barely even noticed and got over it in no time, fully cle… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:37 PM |
| 14 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?He definitely said he'd never had long relationships and I should have recognised that as a glaring red flag. I think he also said something like "i just get bored and move on" which reveals his inability to bond. I'll pay more attention going forward - they do tell on themselves if we're willing to listen! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:30 PM |
| 25 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?Good point. We were living in a remote place where cellphones don't work so I didn't have a chance to see that, but I'm sure it would have happened. The hot and cold is definitely the biggest red flag. I wasn't able to tell it apart from simple independence in the beginning, but it definitely becomes clearer as the relationship progresses! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:28 PM |
| 11 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?Bingo. I did definitely notice this, see my previous post about bewaring moody men. I didn't understand what I was seeing though. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:26 PM |
| 9 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?I experienced love bombing before, but this guy didn't do it (or well, maybe compared to his baseline he was doing it, but to the average person it just looked like average engagement) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:25 PM |
| 18 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?I see your point. My ex was an acceptable partner as long as we lived in the place where we were, in a sort of bubble away from real life. I'm very independent so I enjoyed the relaxed, each doing tgeir own thing dynamic, to a point. But we were moving (we're both travellers) and continuing the relationship would have required to organise the next trip together. This is a man who can't even plan tomorrow's dinner as it's too much "commitment". So he just cut everything off as it was too daunting… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 02:33 PM |
| 20 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?Very true. A dear female friend of mine had to disconnect from her toxic family but it wasn't an easy decision and she struggles emotionally with it. And she looks for stable affections elsewhere, such as in friendships (and unfortunately men, which makes her vulnerable to being exploited). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 02:16 PM |
| 37 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?I noticed a depressive tendency, as well as an eagerness to distract himself with novelties. His mood fluctuated wildly between "child excited by new toy" and "despondent and negative when bored". This second phase only relatively affected me as I left him to stew in his own juices while I went off doing my thing. Only when we spent a week away together it started to impact me and make me feel down and depressed too. That instability should have been a glaring red flag in hindsight. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 02:12 PM |
| 18 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?I think my problem was that I couldn't really see the distance for what it was because I'm also very independent and enjoy my private time. He just seemed like a very reserved, solitary guy, happily independent. It took a few months to realise that this behaviour was masking a deep inability to bond. The normal distance at the beginning of the relationship masked it well. It became evident once I started growing closer, we started spending more time together and the relationship was supposed to … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 02:08 PM |
| 44 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?Another thing I remembered - total inability to offer support. Example 1: I was upset and crying as my beat friends father received a terminal diagnosis and I didn't know how to help her. He sat next to me cold as a stone patting me on the back with all the empathy of a statue, then left. And this is a supposedly sensitive introspective guy! By contrast, a female friend even just via WhatsApp empathised, gave sensitive advice, and later inquired on how it was going. Example 2: I was wrecked by p… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 01:57 PM |
| 56 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?Good point. I noticed there's a lot of talk of friends, so it all seems normal, but on closer inspection they all are very superficial relationships. It took a while to notice though. Distance and disconnection from the family was also a noticeable trait. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 01:23 PM |
| 4 | In need of queenly supportExactly. The moment a taken man starts getting inappropriately close to me, I feel disgusted by him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 12:25 PM |
| 3 | In need of queenly supportHug Unfortunately being lovestruck messes with our common sense. We're also so conditioned to believe romantic ideas that keeping emotional distance feels very cynical and unnatural. But it gets easier with practice. Also for me, when I'm lacking something in my life I tend to cling a lot more to romance to fill that void. It makes me very blind and gullible... Forgive yourself and focus on doing better in the future. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 10:39 AM |
| 13 | In need of queenly supportEw. I don't even need to read past the first paragraph. A man who's been with a woman for 9 years and is "falling in love" with someone else is absolute garbage. It's not convoluted and it's not complicated. It's very simple. He's trash. And you should keep your distance from taken men from the very beginning. A taken man "falling in love" with you (thus emotionally cheating) should be repulsive to you. Your lack of standards for basic decency in a man is something you can work on and improve. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 10:35 AM |
| 1 | Avoidantly attached men like to pretend securely or anxiously attached women are “needy” when avoidants are actually very, VERY needy.I was just thinking of making a post asking for tips to identify avoidant men asap and steer clear | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/12/21 08:53 AM |
| 1 | Avoidantly attached men like to pretend securely or anxiously attached women are “needy” when avoidants are actually very, VERY needy.Ooooh. I needed to read this. I too struggle to see it as abuse after an "outright" past abusive relationship. Would you mind elaborating a bit? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/12/21 08:50 AM |
| 1 | Avoidantly attached men like to pretend securely or anxiously attached women are “needy” when avoidants are actually very, VERY needy.Ooooh, the last point is SUCH a truth bomb!!!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/12/21 08:47 AM |
| 3 | Beware of 'moody' menHa! You just made me realise that I probably do the same thing. With ex #2, his moodiness made me think he must be so deep and sensitive. When it's really just immaturity and inability to handle himself and function like an adult. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 05:26 PM |
| 12 | Beware of 'moody' menWhat an accurate description! Spot on. I remember reading about avoidants and how to spot them so you can steer clear, but never such a brilliant description. If you have more info I'd love to hear it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 05:40 AM |
| 22 | Beware of 'moody' menEx #1 was essentially the same person. He also spoke about burning bridges. My problem with that particular red flag is that I'm also a traveller who relocates often, but in my case (and with most of the female travellers I meet) it doesn't mean I'm incapable of deep attachment and genuine emotional consistency! So I tend to assume they might be like me. Ex #2 was so reflective and sensitive that I thought he too got emotionally invested. I should have noticed that he spoke about "grieving" peop… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 02:50 PM |
| 34 | Beware of 'moody' menEx #1 was definitely a controlling narcissist. Ex #2 didn't really show signs of that - he was mostly a loner hermit, which led me to think he was well adjusted and balanced. I was wrong about that, but I still don't think he was a narcissist, which is why I underestimated his dysfunction, whatever it is. Still completely unable and unsuitable to have a relationship though! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 01:52 PM |
| 9 | The worst regret you will have in life is not what you did wrong, but what you did right for the wrong peoplePerfectly put. I deeply regret the 3 months I recently wasted when I could have spent that time socializing with friends, or even strangers, which would have surely been more rewarding than throwing that time and my company in a black hole that didn't actually value or appreciate it. I'm thankful I realized it now, as time was I would have wasted way longer. And I absolutely thank FDS for that. And I'm sure that applying FDS advice ruthlessly from the start I'll manage to avoid wasting time alto… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 11:15 AM |
| 60 | Have you noticed that cult practices and lvm are the same?It's the same thing: abuse tactics. Not for nothing, cult leaders are abusers who found a way to abuse collectively rather than one victim at a time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 09:56 AM |
| 423 | what happens when you initiafe contact even once"lost respect"? The point isn't playing hard to get to attract men who will otherwise "lose respect". You've got it all backwards. This is pickme logic focusing on attracting random men - the point is vetting THEM. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 10:16 PM |
| 30 | Relationships are supposed to make life better and easier!At the very best, I've experienced men who didn't make life harder, but didn't make it especially easier either. While I was happy to give, spoil, offer support etc - small things within reason, not even thinking about it as it feels natural, I was essentially still living as if I was single - they were happy to take the perks but didn't return them. I had to rely solely on my friends for any kind of material or moral support. It still felt like progress after outright abusive relationships. But… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 10:27 AM |
| 5 | Why do men act so nice to other people but seem to hate their own wife and children?My ex was like this. It's one of the hallmark indicators of narcissism. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/21 09:16 PM |
| 2 | No more wishy-washy men"the bare minimum seems like a loaf of bread" how true!!! It's hard to adjust my thinking and realising the bare minimum is just that and not enough. But it's necessary. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 11:53 AM |
| 9 | No more wishy-washy menI'm rethinking all that connection stuff though. It was obviously mostly on my side, not his. It's making me reevaluate the whole relationship - obviously he was never as connected as I thought. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:51 PM |
| 1 | No more wishy-washy menYes, I don't know the details, I just know about the savings thing. It seems a bit odd to me that savings are enough to live on for 2.5 years but that's what he said. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:37 PM |
| 5 | No more wishy-washy menI have important things to finish for my career so I'll focus on that, and on the next steps for my life. At the moment I don't have time to date. I'll reassess next year once I've taken care of the important stuff! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:36 PM |
| 1 | No more wishy-washy menExactly!!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:34 PM |
| 6 | No more wishy-washy menThat's it. I had such bad experiences that someone not being a monster feels like enough. But the bare min is not enough. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:33 PM |
| 14 | No more wishy-washy menYou hit the nail on the head with the last bit. This guy is completely unable to offer any support when life gets tough. He's only preoccupied with himself and his internal trouble. He has nothing to offer to anyone else. Simple example: I was wrecked by menstrual cramps and he just did and said nothing. My girlfriends would coddle me, ask if I needed food, bring tea, check on me... Imagine having someone like that around when something really bad happens??? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:32 PM |
| 4 | No more wishy-washy menVery true. And it would be one thing if it was a conscious decision he was at peace with, to live like this (as I thought at first), but it's a product of his inner chaos and depression. He's dissatisfied and keeps running around not knowing what he wants and at this point I doubt he'll ever figure it outm | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 07:29 PM |
| 17 | No more wishy-washy menI think I might have just caught a glimpse of my future if I stayed with him. Thank you so very much for sharing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 04:43 PM |
| 29 | No more wishy-washy menThis is very insightful. I had an ex who flipped like that at the 6 months mark - exactly as you say I became another "chore" and not an entertaining novelty anymore. Not that this present guy would know, I've been his longest relationship ever (and he's 40+!) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 02:37 PM |
| 19 | No more wishy-washy menYou got that right. He's a sweetheart but his life is an absolute mess. And I don't see him changing any time soon since he's 40+. It's too late. I'm flexible and do live an unusual life, but I'm a functional and responsible adult. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 02:23 PM |
| 23 | No more wishy-washy menThank you girl! I need the validation that I made the right choice because my mother keeps saying I'm too demanding and should just "go with the flow" and not "demand" commitment. But that should come naturally and enthusiastically if someone wants to be with you. If he has commitment issues, which he absolutely has considering he's 40+, that's his problem and I have no intention of making it MY problem. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 02:20 PM |
| 43 | No more wishy-washy menThat's EXACTLY it. There is no middle ground and no maybes. It's either hell yeah or no. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 02:18 PM |
| 13 | No more wishy-washy menNo, none of that, in fact he almost lives off the grid entirely in remote villages, which I often do too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 01:13 PM |
| 26 | No more wishy-washy menSavings from seasonal job and living extremely cheap. We were in a very cheap country. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 01:11 PM |
| 52 | No more wishy-washy menIndeed. It was pleasant but I knew from as soon as I figured out his lifestyle that there was no future. He was genuinely nice though, that I'll give to him. It's still not enough. It's literally the bare minimum. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 10:45 AM |
| 68 | No more wishy-washy menWe all do! We deserve to be someone's HELL YEAH I'm an idiot if I let this woman get away. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 10:42 AM |
| 17 | Female Researcher undertakes research on Ayuhuasca with NVM Shaman (while trying to be politically correct and ignoring her instincts) and is later sexually assaulted - Sexual Assault in the AmazonIs that the one also known as Datura? Many locals here in Mexico have warned me to stay away from it, calling it the devil's plant and saying it's incredibly dangerous. A friend who studied psychedelic plants in the Amazon also said only very very advanced practitioners should ever try that plant. If its this one be very careful if you have pets! Put it somewhere they absolutely can't reach. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/12/21 04:52 PM |
| 38 | What is the general rule or idea of gift giving during the holidays, birthday, or anniversaries?Maybe a quote from an author he likes, or a quote about plants/gardening? I'm sure Google can provide. That's thoughtful but not over the top. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 03:45 PM |
| 14 | Two of the biggest lies patriarchy tells us: “men age like fine wine” & “age gap relationships are totally natural”Yesterday I watched the movie about Charlie Chaplin and I was shocked to see that he too was hopping from 16 year old to 16 year old his whole life. I was floored. I figured an intelligent man would want an equal partner, an intelligent, talented woman to build a true partnership with, not be so shallow. Doesn't matter what a creative genius someone might be, they can still see women as nothing but blow up dolls instead of actual people worth getting to know for their brain. How sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 12:00 AM |
| 83 | Avoidantly attached men like to pretend securely or anxiously attached women are “needy” when avoidants are actually very, VERY needy.The last one - omg you put it perfectly | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/21 12:11 AM |
| 12 | yes. yes I am here because of the Hair Towel :D - share you're favourite LVM stories if they fit the rules of my post, as told in the main body.Was there an update? Please tell me she broke up with him | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 09:41 PM |
| 86 | This is it. I've found the neg to end all negs.Your post just made me remember a weird thing my abusive ex negged me about... He claimed that while I chew, one of my eyelids twitches. It freaked me out as in 30 years nobody ever said anything!!! I asked my whole family and a bunch of friends and they all said its not true. Meanwhile he used to point and giggle while I ate. Still, he'd cling to anything to tear me down. My voice was too loud, my boobs too small, my butt too saggy ("you should exercise more so it's muscular like mine!"), my hi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/11/21 03:36 PM |
| 9 | Is marriage always a good idea for a woman with assets?Would you consider writing a post on the level up sub with some financial advice? I'm in a good situation but I don't understand much about investing smartly to guarantee an income for retirement. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 03:35 PM |
| 5 | Is marriage always a good idea for a woman with assets?I would love to hear some of the financial smarts you mention! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 03:32 PM |
| 193 | Take your SO to a haunted house and see what happens.I remember seeing a video from a restaurants camera in Tulum, Mexico, when a shooting started outside. A young couple was there and the guy dove on top of his girlfriend and kept covering her with his body till it was over. I appreciated the instincts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/10/21 12:02 PM |
| 140 | One of the most bittersweet, but ultimately helpful realisations of my dating life: For a LVM, it isn't about you. Make sure that it is about you for the guy you're dating.I had a ltr with a lvm when I was younger and... This came across really clearly when it came to presents. I have very peculiar taste in clothes, hobbies, i read a lot. Never once did he get me something specifically tailored for me or my interests; he went to the nearest shop at the last minute and bought generic stuff, sometimes to the point where I was like "why would you get me something like that when you have never seen me wear anything remotely in that style". As a counter example, when I… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/10/21 01:42 PM |
| 31 | My friend's bf is unhappy that she is out with me at night. How to navigate?That's not protective at all. That's creepy, controlling, and completely unreasonable. | /r/askFDS | 23/10/21 04:00 AM |
| 31 | Surprised by his decent behaviour, and then… the mask slipped 🚩I love motorcycles, but I drive my own 💪💪 I would never ride with a stranger before knowing how well they drive. Motorbikes are DANGEROUS. You need to seriously vet someone's skill as a driver before accepting a ride. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 12:57 PM |
| 96 | What are your best tips for letting go of the IDEA you have a person?You make such an excellent point. I imprinted on a guy that struck me as an adventurous traveller, a badass biker, a true adventurer. The truth was, I wanted to BE him. A year after dumping his abusive, cheating, alcoholic ass, I crossed Mexico solo on my motorbike. Turns out I could just become that imaginary person I admired so much! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/10/21 07:15 AM |
| 31 | A very subtle sign of a manipulative, gaslighting LVBF.My narcissistic ex treated me like crap and put me down when alone, but bragged about me so much in public and to his friends. It took me a long time to realise that he was seeing me as a cool possession to increase his status, no different from an expensive watch or his fancy motorbike. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/10/21 02:34 PM |
| 47 | She asked her partner of 6 years out on their first date. He confessed to her that he was unattracted to her for 2 yearsLike... She literally just heard his side? She's gonna hear the sober excuses attempting damage control more like | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 12:23 PM |
| 35 | So, how’s it going these days now that you have to make women like you to get their interest? Men:Glorious 🥇🥇🥇 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 03:57 AM |
| 62 | The straw that broke the camels back for me, and what has turned me angry and bitter against men is not only the abuse they've subjected me to, but the fact that I'm 28 years old and no man has never even gifted me a bouquet.The hope shouldn't be "you're gonna find a guy who will magically make it all better and give you self esteem" though. No man has that kind of power over us 💪💪 Though I absolutely agree it would be heartening to occasionally meet someone who isn't an absolute scrote, the goal for me is to detach my emotional wellbeing from men completely. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/10/21 11:13 AM |
| 9 | 6 days on NC.. broke it on the 7th day today.You're never gonna get the closure YOU WANT from a person. Because you've got plenty of closure as it is: "I'm a worthless scrote who would have wasted your life and am already out there looking for my next victim". | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 08:28 PM |
| 21 | Don't ever get trappedIt wasn't in the US, I'm honestly not sure what the law was like in my country at the time. It's also possible she just didn't want to give up the luxury life and settle for spousal support. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 07:44 PM |
| 4 | I am SO pissed right now, I can't even see straightYeah, why do you still want to waste time talking to this loser? Be ruthless in answering this question. Is it a loneliness thing? Need for attention? Because whatever it is, it's clearly not healthy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 05:35 PM |
| 8 | I am SO pissed right now, I can't even see straightSounds like a massive waste of your time. If you want a pastime, how about listening to some podcasts or watching interesting YouTube videos instead? Playing online chess or backgammon? Or literally anything else. Watching paint dry would be a more productive pastime than this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 05:31 PM |
| 20 | How common it is for men to lose interest mid-way?There's no such thing as "your fault". Read the handbook closely, I promise it will become all clearer. | /r/askFDS | 21/09/21 06:48 PM |
| 23 | Boyfriend Showed Up With Shit Attitude and was....Sounds like classic narcissistic behaviour. It always has to be about them, never you, and they can't offer support to save their life (except when in the lovebombing stage) | /r/askFDS | 04/09/21 11:11 PM |
| 163 | Broke up with a seemingly HVMI would recommend refraining from applying the HVM label to a man you barely know. You can't possibly know if he's HVM, and in fact you discovered that he isn't and very well done for doing so. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/08/21 09:31 PM |
| 104 | Don't settle for a guy just because he has a few HV traits, while still making you miserable.I'm dealing with something along these lines right now, and I'm taking this as a sign and reminder to never settle for less than 100% even though a 60% seems like a breath of fresh air compared to previous experiences! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/21 06:48 PM |
| 9 | How did this clown get a doctorate 🤡🤡🤮Obviously if they just had a woman to brutally abuse within the home then they would behave in public, so problem solved /s | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/21 02:54 AM |
| 264 | What does the FDS think about being a stay at home mum?How many women who were dumped by their husbands for a 20 year old who "makes them feel young" and can't support themselves and can't find a job because they've been out of the workforce for 20 years and have zero marketable skills... I will NEVER put myself in a position of being dependent on someone else and unable to fend for myself financially. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/08/21 02:16 PM |
| 70 | I feel like more of our message is getting out there!!She's your sister - if you're not allowed to be worried about her and express your concerns, then who is?? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/08/21 07:05 AM |
| 172 | This was shared by a pickme who is currently the target of a NVM I and my friend group recently cut off due to his gf finally breaking up with him and sharing all the messed up stuff he did to her. This type of thinking will lead u right into the arms of an abuser. Save your best for yourself."I'm so much more special than all the women he screwed over before so he will change for me".... Sure sis 🤡🤡🤡🤡 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/21 12:21 PM |
| 4 | The audacity of a zero value manWhat does it mean when someone is described as "dusty"? Sorry, English is not my native language! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/08/21 11:40 PM |
| 2 | Count the Red Flags: A Conversation with my NVXAh, I see you dated my ex | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/08/21 08:37 PM |
| 16 | Story Time: The importance of looking someone up on social mediaWhat does hobosexual mean? Sorry, English is not my native language! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/08/21 08:11 AM |
| 10 | FDS way to check if he’s mad at you?Re-read the comment. You shouldn't be obsessing and monitoring how long he's not texted you and posting on the Internet about it. You should be busy living your life and using your precious time and mental energy on something else.I've been in the same position sooo often and it was my insecurity and excessive attachment to the guy in question driving it. I get the impression you feel guilty for not being transparent and are concerned he'll get mad if he finds out, which seems to be what's drivi… | /r/askFDS | 11/08/21 08:18 PM |
| 15 | I pray that one day pick me women will be free from the shackles of male validation.Truth bomb right here | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/08/21 07:23 PM |
| 4 | WARNING: Please stay away from Serbian men or Balkan men in general.In Italy we have an average of a femicide every two/three days... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/21 08:39 PM |
| 64 | Don't Stroke His Ego, especially in the early stages!I remember years ago, I was working as a hostel receptionist and most mal guests acted like I was a complimentary prostitute. They would all try to flirt and impress me acting like seasoned travellers who discovered the secrets of life and spirituality after a two month backpacking holiday. Spoiler alert: I work remotely with a good career and a doctorate and have been living in various countries for years. I still remember this guys face as he leaned on the reception desk to brag: "So yeah, I'v… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/08/21 01:37 PM |
| 50 | Here’s what a HVM looks like in his own words, then shared by a guy friend who I know is a HVM to his wife.Kudos to you for raising your sons to be HVM rather than spoiled menchildren!!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/08/21 11:52 AM |
| 19 | Mere MINUTES after a particular toxic male subreddit was banned, scrotes in another male subreddit are planning to infiltrate and brigade FDS 🤡I've had women messaging me about FDS saying something along the lines of, I agree with some things but I think they're a little extreme, I don't think all men are horrible! And every time I'm like... Are we reading the same things? Where on earth are you getting that? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/08/21 09:04 AM |
| 9 | Update. Water is wet, and my psycho ex is still a psycho.I'm very concerned. In my country, the request for "a last meeting to talk" is the classic setting in which men attack women. Please be safe. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/07/21 05:28 AM |
| 9 | WHAT on Earth IS THIS.I'm interested in hearing more about coconut oil! I often live in remote places where there's zero industrial products available, but the one thing they have is coconut oil they produce themselves. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/07/21 07:18 AM |
| 2 | Feel like a million bucks without breaking the bankI have very dry skin and was living in a remote place without access to any products. I found that coconut oil mixed with brown sugar was an excellent scrub. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/07/21 11:03 AM |
| 57 | No firm plans morning of a date = ghost?Excellent plan. Make other plans and don't bother getting in touch again. | /r/askFDS | 20/07/21 04:08 PM |
| 2 | Pickmes after being burned by LVMsI need to know what lemon bars are, I don't think we have them in my country??? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/07/21 10:53 PM |
| 88 | Ex-LVM didn't want to contribute, but was more than happy to take creditThis is such a common thing in Italy. I've seen plenty of mothers doing it for their adult sons. Because Italy is such macho macho country, even though mommy still pays their bills and washes their underwear when the dudes are well in their 40s. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/07/21 02:05 PM |
| 46 | Her biggest concern seems to be how to address the situation without embarrassing poor little bf. Other commenters are even worse: almost all of them excusing him and giving examples from their own life. I guess adult men peeing on the floor is fairly common and completely normal nowadays.I had an ex (a trainwreck of a man, bipolar, abusive, an alcoholic and compulsive cheater - I literally had to flee the country I was living in at the time) who did the same. He peed on the floor and after that he regularly SOAKED the bed, leaving me to clean it up. Apparently it's a common symptom of alcoholism. I stayed way too long because he was absolutely normal and lovely for the first six months, until I was "trapped" with him. That was a baptism by fire in learning about the insidious dy… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/07/21 01:30 PM |
| 2 | Wild Take I received while vetting:I'd love to hear more of what your friend has to say 😁 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/07/21 04:56 AM |
| 2 | I am so glad I didn’t end up with any of the losers I pined over in my pickme yearsI'm not sure about the normal route, I got in almost by accident through a publisher I worked for, plus I think in Germany it's a lot more regulated (required certifications etc). But I do know that English /German translators can charge a LOT and earn a lot more money than me! So definitely look into it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/07/21 06:33 AM |
| 26 | If He Wanted to He Would!Classic narcissistic behaviour - they only act that way to impress strangers. My narc ex was a completely different person in public than he was in private. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/07/21 10:56 PM |
| 11 | I am so glad I didn’t end up with any of the losers I pined over in my pickme yearsOf course! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/07/21 05:38 PM |
| 42 | I am so glad I didn’t end up with any of the losers I pined over in my pickme yearsI'm a translator! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/07/21 04:49 PM |
| 250 | I am so glad I didn’t end up with any of the losers I pined over in my pickme yearsAmen. I was in the exact same situation 8 years ago. And I was so blindly in love with that loser I was perfectly happy and willing to stay in my little town being essentially his housewife. Thank GOD the idiot cheated on me and dumped me for a 19 years old (he was 35) because he felt bitter and emasculated by my career and studies. I was devastated and traumatised at the time, and my confidence and self esteem are recovering to this day. But since then I started travelling the world working onl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/07/21 02:46 PM |
| 3 | How scrotes treat “The One that Got Away”Dafuq did I just read 😱 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/07/21 08:22 AM |
| 7 | Worried about coworkerGiving up her CATS for some rando she literally just met? Oh, good lord in heaven. This poor girl is a whole new level of desperate pickmeisha. I really feel so sorry for her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/21 01:09 PM |
| 133 | “But ugly guys will treat you better and they won’t cheat on you!” No. Countering scrote propaganda:In my experience, unattractive guys cheat even more readily because they are so frustrated they will jump at the chance to sleep with anyone the minute they have the opportunity. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 07:22 PM |
| 6 | How much debt are you in as a direct result of a LVM ex?My NVX cost me my writing career. I was so traumatised at the end I barely ate for two months, barely functioned for 6, fprget about being able to write a novel. Plus I used to write romance novels and that whole experience made me unable to even read them. I still struggle with it 8 years later. Oh well. My life is awesome now and took off in amazing directions i never expected, but I really do regret losing my writing over it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 05:12 AM |
| 145 | Treat yourself well & Treat Yourself ... you will be less likely to fall for LVMsThis is exactly what my therapist says. She tells me to picture my inner child, with all her need for love and care and affection that other people consistently fail to meet, then picture myself now, as an adult, hugging that child and reassuring her that I will take care of her. I will give her that care and love, I will take her to nice places and surprise her with nice food, treats, presents. I am strong and capable and will grant her the unconditional love and appreciation and protection she… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 12:53 AM |
| 84 | Stuff of nightmares reallyHow do we even begin to get through to a woman who's adamant not to leave such a scrote and doesn't even see how WRONG this all is? It reminds me of when I was offering online support to women in abusive situations. There was nothing I could do to make them see that they were being abused until they reached that point themselves. Some never did and could not be helped no matter how much we tried. It was heartbreaking. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/06/21 03:42 PM |
| 2 | Correlation between paper and dice roleplaying games (e.g.: D&D) and LVM?I have two good friends I used to play D&D with who are not like that. Coincidentally, they are both getting their PhD in mathematics. They teach, they're self sufficient, they're into philosophy and reading and very cultured people in general. They're brainy geeks in a good way, a bit eccentric. One is very friendly and social (and gay) while the other one is very quiet and reserved. But from what I understand they're the exception, or rather a very specific "kind" of geek. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 05:09 PM |
| 21 | Dating in ScandinaviaHoly crap, I met a Danish guy while travelling and boy was he the WORST cheapskate I have ever met in my life. I was embarrassed for him honestly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/21 08:16 AM |
| 2 | Men into extreme adventure sports/hobbies, red flag?I know a scuba diving in who loves it so much he even devotes all his free time to do more dives, take new certifications, travel to new dive locations etc. Nothing wrong with that but he will need a partner who shares this level of obsession with him so they can do it together. I don't see how it could work any other way. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/21 06:25 PM |
| 3 | “If He Wanted To He Would” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” Still Centers Male Desire: Empowering Alternatives To These PhrasesIn Italian we say "it's useless to give pearls to pigs" (cause they can't appreciate them anyway and would rather keep rolling around in filth) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/21 06:17 PM |
| 8 | “If He Wanted To He Would” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” Still Centers Male Desire: Empowering Alternatives To These PhrasesIn Italian we say "it's useless to give pearls to pigs" (cause they can't appreciate them anyway and would rather keep rolling around in filth) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/21 04:52 PM |
| 2 | “If He Wanted To He Would” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” Still Centers Male Desire: Empowering Alternatives To These PhrasesThis post is absolute gold 🏅🏅🏅🏅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/21 04:30 PM |
| 65 | Too many men think they’re above jobs in the sex industry to make ends meet and let their prejudices hold them backGargling balls I am wheezing 😂😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/21 01:43 AM |
| 11 | WE ARE HUMAN FEMALE AND THEY SEE US AS SUCHI gotta say, plenty of guys have shown that they saw me as a walking vagina, completely ignoring and uninterested in the person attached to it. I definitely felt de-humanized. So for a number of men, it's actually fairly accurate to say they don't even see the human beyond the sexual organ. They don't care at all about the person attached to it, it's totally interchangeable. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/05/21 03:39 PM |
| 98 | Recently made out with a guy I’m seeing and he came in his pants. What does that say about his porn usage? Should I be concerned?I once briefly dated a guy who had this issue. He was very upfront and honest about it, said he'd been struggling with it his whole life and has been trying very hard to work on it - breathing techniques, taking breaks to focus on pleasing the woman in other ways while he calms down, etc. The sex was honestly a little awkward but I did appreciate that he was doing his very best to work on the issue. His honesty in discussing something that must be clearly embarrassing was also a point in his fav… | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 07:00 PM |
| 151 | What is femininity?I ride motorcycles around the world, wear jeans and a leather jacket and no make-up, and have no room to carry any fancy clothes or jewellery with me. A guy once told me I should revise my look because it makes me look "like a lesbian". Sometimes, I look at all the gorgeous, dolled up ladies around me and feel extremely self conscious for not being "feminine" enough. But I have girl friends who bike, rock climb, sail, etc and their look and lifestyle is similar to mine. And some of them are in l… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/21 05:16 PM |
| 8 | French dating culture and FDS?Exactly! I recently fell for it after dating a French man for a couple of months. I've been away from Europe for a decade so I'd forgotten and actually believed he was being genuine and showing signs of being HV. boy oh boy was I reminded of how it works when the switch flipped! Vetting certainly requires extra vigilance and skepticism with Mediterranean guys. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 07:14 PM |
| 52 | Thanks to this sub, I’m divorcing my extremely LVM husbandDo you have trusted friends/ siblings that can be with you while you do this? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 03:16 PM |
| 55 | I hate everything about thisOoof. Somebody needs to call the fire brigade after this TRUTH BOMB | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 03:09 PM |
| 16 | French dating culture and FDS?My experience with French men, like with italians, has been that unfortunately they are very good at turning on the charm and being all gallant and attentive at the beginning... But it invariably turns out to have been an act they put on at the beginning to charm the woman and it doesn't really mean they're HV or genuinely interested. Latin/Mediterranean men are very very good at that. It gives me whiplash how fast they switch/drop you from one day to the next as soon as they have got what they … | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 03:04 PM |
| 73 | "If he wanted to, he would" is NOT A REFLECTION OF YOU CHARACTER.SING IT 🔥🔥🔥 I too at first felt a little uncomfortable with the veiled implication of that statement that he would be better for a "more worthy" woman. Well done for clarifying it so concisely. A LVM I dated years ago who treated me badly kept waxing nostalgic about his "great love" from university. Even though they lived together and he was supposedly sooo in love with her, from what I gather he mistreated and neglected her and emotionally abused her just as badly until she finally left. So no,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/05/21 05:25 PM |
| 6 | What does a man add to your life?She hasn't really suggested a solution. We've been talking to try to pinpoint the source of these feelings and she reassures me that it's perfectly normal to have such a reaction. She encourages me to be aware of them and put them in perspective remembering where they come from, remembering that they have actually nothing to do with the present situation and the guy/s that trigger them. | /r/askFDS | 20/05/21 05:16 PM |
| 10 | How to detach from men you have crushes onI should really go back on the pill 😂 life was a lot easier when I could go for years at a time without feeling any sexual needs whatsoever. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/05/21 04:12 PM |
| 7 | world travel vs stabilitySexpat!!!! I'm totally stealing that term because it's so accurate it hurts 😂😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/21 05:20 PM |
| 26 | world travel vs stabilityI mean, italian men are very like that also, but for example they don't know how to pull their weight in the house (they expect the wife to mother them and serve them), they often expect to be the master of the house, they regularly cheat, they blow a gasket if a woman earns more money /has a more successful career... All the downfalls that come with a more antiquated chauvinist society | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/21 05:18 PM |
| 361 | world travel vs stabilityI've been travelling the world for the past 8 years while building my career as a translator (online) and getting my PhD, and I spend less money than my friends at home. And I own a house :) But honestly, the vast majority of guys I meet are just wandering around doing random jobs and trying to bang as many girls as possible. Which is unfortunately why my lifestyle is pretty much a death sentence for any hope of a decent relationship. Although to be honest the non nomadic men I met in my life we… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/21 05:14 AM |
| 8 | Mads Mikkelsen 😍Omg I LOVE Mads Mikkelsen 💕💕💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 05:56 PM |
| 72 | Bullet Dodging Chronicles: Where Are They Now?I don't really have any recent information as i block and delete. A few years ago I bumped into the guy who cheated on me after a 9 years relationship. He looked gaunt and dishevelled like a junkie. He started whining that he hadn't been paid at work in 3 months and going on about how he's totally gonna be a rockstatlr someday (that was charming when he was 20, not so much at almost 40). A narc who treated me like crap for a year before I finally saw reason and left sent me a letter a couple of … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 04:34 PM |
| 17 | My former pickme friend reached out and apologized and said I was right over a year+ later..oh my GOD O___O I have often wondered what draws women to men who are in jail. I think it might be something along the lines of 'at least I'm sure he can't leave me/cheat on me'. (Which is of course not true) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 01:32 AM |
| 44 | my friend, the wife, is upset with me for being rude to her husband. I’m sad for her.my own mother actually reproached me for publicly speaking out about my abusive ex. She told me I was attention-seeking and that this sort of thing needs to stay private because poor guy. Also when another ex cheated on me after nine years, and I told his parents the truth when they asked me why we broke up, she chastised me because 'it's private' and I shouldn't 'badmouth' him. His parents also told me they didn't want to hear it and this should stay 'within the couple'. My mother is also the s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 01:15 AM |
| 21 | I'm done with dating.This is amazing! It's my goal to reach this point and overcome all the conditioning that has drummed into my head that I need a relationship to be happy. If I look at my life, and the lives of literally every single woman in my family, all that men have ever done has been to bring pain, problems, financial issues, exploit, take and take and take, and cause long lasting trauma. No exception. Why do i still insist on thinking that it will be different next time when all evidence points to the cont… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 11:15 PM |
| 37 | I'm done with dating.This is amazing! It's my goal to reach this point and overcome all the conditioning that has drummed into my head that I need a relationship to be happy. If I look at my life, and the lives of literally every single woman in my family, all that men have ever done has been to bring pain, problems, financial issues, exploit, take and take and take, and cause long lasting trauma. No exception. Why do i still insist on thinking that it will be different next time when all evidence points to the cont… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 11:15 PM |
| 83 | I have gotten banned from two subreddits now for “victim blaming” for saying women have an obligation to themselves to carefully vet men and be on the lookout for signs they’d be abusive. What gives?I honestly wish the warning signs and the dynamics of abuse were taught in school. I only found out at 30 years old AFTER escaping an abusive relationship. In retrospect the signs were glaring but i didn't recognise them because I didn't know what I was looking at, and was still naively thinking that men are on average nice and reliable. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 04:34 PM |
| 9 | Terms and phrases scrotes use: OLD edition!Every guy I met who claimed to be sapiosexual was a raging narcissist. I run like the wind as soon as I read that word | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 04:00 AM |
| 34 | Should you ever date a guy w female friends?I met a couple of guys who are "best friends" with some ex. And try to "stay friends" with all of them. Of course I don't want someone who hates their exes, but this is a huge red flag too imho. | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 09:00 PM |
| 5 | How to manage expectationsI'm experiencing this right now - my gut is sending alarm signals. For the first time in years I find myself thinking almost daily of a narcissist I dated 6 years ago, because there's something about a new guy I met that reminds me of him. The thing is, I can't exactly put my finger on what it is or "justify" it to myself, and time was I would have dismissed my feelings as being paranoid and given the benefit of the doubt. Not anymore. My gut has always been right ao far and I should have listen… | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 05:40 PM |
| 17 | Faking HV behavior at the beginningThat's such a truth bomb!!! Confused and insecure has always been my default setting when faced with such a switch. It's so good to finally see the truth. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 02:59 AM |
| 17 | Faking HV behavior at the beginningWow!!! Your MIL is badass. I can't imagine most women being able to do that!!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 02:58 AM |
| 14 | Friend angry I told her to leave LVMI think that's the "sunken cost fallacy"? | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 03:59 PM |
| 27 | Friend angry I told her to leave LVMAfter experiencing an abusive relationship, I volunteered for about a year in online communities supporting women who are currently in abusive Rs. I also advised a few IRL friends in the same situation. And unfortunately what I discovered is that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. If they hadn't reached the stage where they were ready and willing to leave, nothing I could say could change their mind. They would get defensive, or make up excuses. At times they just wanted… | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 03:59 PM |
| 17 | Just read a thread about the worst rejection men have experienced from a women that made the front pageTwo abusive exes tried the same maneuver with me. Email from a new address, Facebook message from a new account, even a handwritten letter from abroad, you name it... Deleted/tossed without a second thought. Felt damn good to realise how indifferent I'd become. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 05:33 AM |
| 30 | Just read a thread about the worst rejection men have experienced from a women that made the front pageI can't count the guys I met who were still bitterly ranting about the first girlfriend who had the gall to break up with them in high school or uni. These were all men well in their thirties. A decade later and they were still hung up on that. Unbelievable. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 05:27 AM |
| 14 | British/ European woman in their twenties, how do you navigate dating while sticking to FDS principles?Girl, I feel you - I went on a few dates with a French man recently and much like the italians, he put in a lot of effort for a grand total of two weeks and as soon as he felt like he "had me" he immediately dropped the mask and became super lazy. Disappointing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/05/21 05:40 PM |
| 12 | British/ European woman in their twenties, how do you navigate dating while sticking to FDS principles?Mediterranean/Latin culture, where I'm from, is very different too. So some specific advice might not apply. One has to apply the principles of fds in the specific context of their culture/society | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/05/21 01:42 PM |
| 9 | British/ European woman in their twenties, how do you navigate dating while sticking to FDS principles?That seems to be the case in Italy too. A man paying for everything is usually the macho, jealous, controlling, caveman type who expects to be the master of the house. While more educated and less chauvinist men might split the bill. It all depends on the local culture/society I guess | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/05/21 01:37 PM |
| 2 | Hello FDS, what are the thoughts in this community on dating someone with bipolar disorder?I dated a man with bipolar for about a year, a few years ago, and unfortunately it was an absolute nightmare. He wasn't medicated or in therapy, he drank to absolute excess, and when the hypomania hit... he became extremely abusive, angry, cheating, drinking, absolutely out of control. I literally ran away and it took me months to recover from his abusive behavior. I met a guy who also had bipolar last fall and left within a couple of months. His mood swings were unbearable - one moment he was c… | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 12:56 AM |
| 7 | Getting over disappointmentActually he did marry one... Now that I think about it, the whole history sounds kinda dodgy. This first one he married young so she could move to his country, but after 6 years he suddenly decided he didn't want to settle down but wanted to travel and dumped her. And now he wonders why she doesn't want to be "friends"... Another girl he was with for over a year, there were visa issues again so he dumped her, went back to his country and within a week he was sleeping with his roommate. He kept t… | /r/askFDS | 07/05/21 06:41 PM |
| 2 | Thoughts on changing your name when you get married?Never. I worked my butt off for my PhD, I'm sure as heck not changing that to someone else's name. Why on earth would I do that? And I take issue with the tradition of giving kids the father's surname too. I can't begin to count the single mothers I know who did all the work to raise the kids, while they carry the surname of some deadbeat scrote. I for one wish I had my mother's surname since she was the actual parent. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 11:23 AM |
| 36 | How do you overcome reflexive and habitual pickme worries/thoughts?I was trying to explain this to a friend just earlier today. As soon as I meet someone who seems like he might be a HVM, insecurity roars to the surface. I'm at the point that I don't want to meet someone I like because my confidence, which makes me feel so good and stable under normal circumstances, seems to instantly go out the window. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/04/21 05:33 AM |
| 2 | (Not my post) but my own dad told me to use this strategy to weed out the losers, and here it is working!I'm just here scrolling through the comments and I have no words to express how much I adore you all. Finding this sub full of amazing Queens is one of the best things that ever happened to me! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 04:46 AM |
| 9 | Men who say oddly specific things about their exOmgggg now I would like to hear that story if you don't mind?? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 02:07 PM |
| 12 | Men who say oddly specific things about their exThis is brilliant. I'm gonna start doing it!!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 02:06 PM |
| 23 | Don’t feed the trolls.Thirded! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 05:08 AM |
| 41 | Is marriage respected in the area you live in by the dudes?Totally agree. I'm Italian and lived in London for many years. I remember my Italian and French flatmates had British women literally falling at their feet in droves simply because they could do a bare minimum of Mediterranean romantic sweet talk. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/21 09:45 PM |
| 118 | On the idea that being intimidating to men is a lie women tell to justify their failure to bag a manYears ago, I was in a ltr with a guy. As my writing career started taking off and I started my PhD, he grew more and more sulky and resentful. He was in his 30s living with his parents and thinking he would become a rockstar someday. It wasn't long before he started cheating on me and dumped me for a 20 year old who made him feel adored and superior like I used to do when I met him at age 17. I regret wasting my early 20s on that guy, but I'm so grateful he left because I was sooo blinded I neve… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/21 09:40 PM |
| 39 | ✩ FDS FOR TEENS ✩ PART 2: AGE GAP RELATIONSHIPS, OR A TALE OF SCROTENESSSpot on. At one point I was involved with a man 19 years older than me and he tried to play the mentor card any chance he got. Like, claiming explicitly that he was my mentor. It's true that he charmed me because he behaved better than the boys, more gentlemanly, which seemed to me at the time the best thing ever. It's also true he was drunk almost every day and there was a reason (many reasons!) why he wasn't involved with a woman his own age. I didn't know better at the time. This post is gold… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/21 01:18 AM |
| 70 | Tell me about the time you were the “dream girl”Funny you should mention this! I'm a rider girl and what I've noticed is, they will on the surface fawn all over me, but once it hits home that I'm a real person and not some pixie girl fantasy - no makeup, sensible clothes for riding instead of whatever calendar models wear next to a motorbike, doing hardcore rides that make them feel all emasculated (for example, I recently crossed México on my bike while most of them are weekend riders) they promptly jump ship and find a girl they can impress… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/21 10:41 PM |
| 35 | A quick word on friendships between men and womenI do have a few, very few, real mape friends. But we've been friends since childhood so it's like a sibling relationship. All the "friends" I made later in life (barring like... Three) are either superficial acquaintances or they atop being friends once it becomes clear I'm not gonna sleep with them | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/21 10:16 PM |
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