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[–]Platipus6FDS Disciple 275 points276 points277 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Well SOMEone's moving house....
[–]Jnnjuggle32FDS Newbie 120 points121 points122 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I certainly hope so.
I had an almost identical situation happen to me - had to sign into my husbands email while he was deployed to retrieve an emailed confirmation code to pay a bill. Discovered he had signed up for a number of dating sites (including Ashley Madison).
We had several children under the age of 6; because it’d been drilled into me not to “start fights during deployment” I waited to confront him until he returned a month later. All kinds of promises to change, to be better, blah blah blah…
A year later, we’d relocated from my support system, still having major problems and a complete lack of emotional intimacy. A year later, l was left in that new state when my ex moved back after I finally had the courage to leave when nothing got better (not before he attempted to take the kids with him, threatened me with a handgun, and set up spy devices throughout my home).
Now? Ongoing and relentless emotional abuse and harassment. I have primary custody of the kids - literally every “problem” they experience (not making all As and Bs; them sharing they are feeling stressed out) gets immediately escalated to accusations that I’m abusing/neglecting them. Multiple attempts to switch custody, many threats of CPS being called.
It’s exhausting and I cannot wait for the day when my youngest finally turns 18 and I can completely block him out of my life.
[–]jijitsu-princessFDS Newbie 43 points44 points45 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m so sorry your are going through this. He’s a narcissistic asshole that got caught and thinks he owns you and his kids.
[–]KetoKittenAroundFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sorry this happened to you. What a nightmare man
[–]orangechickengeneralFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am so sorry. He sounds like a textbook future family annihilator. Please be safe.
[–]silentlychanged 63 points64 points65 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
right perfect timing
[–]enticedflowers 184 points185 points186 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ugh that’s so disgusting I have blocked a couple guys like that, no self respect or you know just respect as a whole. The porn industry is like Pandora’s box for these weirdos they end up becoming even more of a creep because of it. Very unfortunate she’s in so deep I hope she can get away, it’s definitely a wake up call for me to be a lot more strict.
[–]Geocities_SEO_ExpertFDS STRATEGY COACH 59 points60 points61 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is true. She needs to divorce him ASAP, he's already into sissy crap, he's going to pretend to be her, jerk off in her clothes, his life is going to go down in flames. She needs to get away before he starts screaming that she's a bigot.
[–]calico_moonFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. I've read enough of these stories, next he's gonna tell her she's a lesbian now......
[–]bleda_princeznaFDS Newbie 364 points365 points366 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My solution would be forwarding those emails to myself so I have proof in case I need it and getting a good divorce lawyer. Disgusting.
[–]everythingandloveFDS Newbie 54 points55 points56 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, thank you!! Money > love ❤️ Don't stop vetting, ladies!
[–]SupremeDearLeaderFDS Newbie 142 points143 points144 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Time to plan :
Save all evidence quietly
DO NOT CONFRONT HIM
get your finances/ important things secured / get a lawyer
Blindside him by having him served but only AFTER you are in a safe undisclosed location.
[–]TheMostOfMe 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the BEST ADVICE. Don’t show your hand ma’am.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple 122 points123 points124 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Solution is divorce, keep all the evidence in case is needed and cut all economical bonds with him in the future with the help of a lawyer.
[–]ifhewantedtohewouldFDS Newbie 123 points124 points125 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
“I don’t know how to move forward with this” 🤡
[–]DivineGoddess1111111FDS Newbie 80 points81 points82 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She's kinda answered her own question. She can and she shouldn't. There is no going back from this, she has the ick.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice 100 points101 points102 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I swear women like this will walk into a room and the man will be balls deep in some other woman (or in this case someone will be balls deep in him), and she’ll still be like “rEdDiT wHaT dO I dO???”
[–]christmasforoutlawsFDS Apprentice 155 points156 points157 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It's not because they're genuinely asking what to do. They're asking for permission to be upset.
[–]fds_throwaway_4_uFDS Newbie 80 points81 points82 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. Patriarchy societal gaslighting has women thinking they can’t be angry at anything.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice 93 points94 points95 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Problem is, they’re going to be invalidated and dismissed. This is why FDS is so important. It helps women to develop confidence and self-respect to leave a man that treats them like shit.
[–]Noemie_MathildeFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank god for FDS
[–]jupitarianriseFDS Newbie 113 points114 points115 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So he cheated on her with multiple women and she still thinks he’s great…? He’s spending money on other women for his sexual pleasure and she’s ok with that…? This is beyond pickmeism.
[–]jijitsu-princessFDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or maybe she’s still in shock. When I found shit out about my late husband it took time to process what the fuck I was even looking at. Men like this have a mask and it’s slipped.
[–]FUBARfromLSAFDS Newbie 82 points83 points84 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Get the money honey.
At this point I’m so jaded, I would be sad and disappointed about these Dom women but I would be IRATE that he spent OUR money on them.
As a mother she needs to think of her children and divorce him to protect their assets before he spends it all.
50% is better than 0%.
[–]ImpressiveHat8550 162 points163 points164 points 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
What is happening to men? The effects of those lowered testosterone levels are really starting to show. Men can’t even respect themselves these days and then have the audacity to whine about women not respecting them. They’re not exactly giving us a lot to work with.
And of course the pick me - libfem wife is forgiving him just like that because he has “past trauma” but instead of seeking counselling and therapy, he took the route of - not only cheating on his wife - but PAYING to cheat on his wife. It’s only AFTER getting caught that SHE is going to get HIM therapy. The overwhelming amount of pick me’s and libfems out there and the bullshit they are willing to go through isn’t exactly giving men a lot to work with either…..
This is why we need FDS to go mainstream. The LVM/pick me/libfem pandemic needs to die off already. Society needs to level up.
[–]throwaway-fdsFDS Newbie 71 points72 points73 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Fr. Their need to go into hardcore pornography and eventually act out the urge of experiencing it in real life and not just videos online reminds me of serial killers. A lot of men into the sissy stuff remind me of Buffalo Bill. I feel FDS is still in her baby days, but I am so excited for the moment it goes truly mainstream and the average woman has an idea of it.
[–]KetoKittenAroundFDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Is it just me or am I EXTRA offended at this because he is using communal family money to pay for this crap? She is literally stuck paying HALF of whatever he spends cheating on her.
[–]ThrowRA_lanternFDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
This is shocking. It’s like men live double lives. I wish there was more context to this though- like what signs/red flags were she missing?? Especially before marriage. Being able to prevent this is a an FDS priority.
[–]souredskittlesFDS Disciple 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Invest in a PA before getting married. If I get to that point I will def be doing that as a last fail safe.
[–]_cnz_FDS Newbie 80 points81 points82 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
I refuse to believe that there were no red flags in their 4+ years of being in a relationship. You don’t just develop these depraved kinks all of a sudden, they build up slowly over time.
OP must have completely ignored glaring red flags for years
[–]Searchingforgoodnews 146 points147 points148 points 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
Let's not blame the poor woman who is already having a hard time. People can be very deceptive.
[–]GeorgiaPeach_94FDS Newbie 85 points86 points87 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
True. Even if there were some red flags nobody normal would imagine they could hide SUCH levels of depravity. Ask me how I know, lol.
That's why it's important to be ruthless even with seemingly small things, even if it seems like an exaggeration. Maybe they're really just small things. But maybe not, and you end up in such situations.
[–]Searchingforgoodnews 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True, just went through a break up. My heart is broken and I'm having a bad time. I keep blaming myself for the demise (most women do, even though it's not their fault) and I'm sure Op is replaying a lot of things in her head right now. So let's try to be supportive, we can point out mistakes later, but let's build her up.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True. But the lesson I'm taking here is this is the "reward" awaiting me for ignoring red flags. I've done similar to this woman and always got bitten in the ass for it, though thankfully not to this level. There's no reward awaiting us for being nice and giving men chances they don't deserve.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice 40 points41 points42 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Empathy and accountability are not mutually exclusive.
[–]_cnz_FDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m not blaming her for anything. No one can control anyone‘s behavior, especially the behavior of depraved men. But this shit is insane. Men with kinks like this seek to replicate it in real life, so I think its weird that this women had no idea that her husband was into some weird stuff sexually or at least never tried anything on her. I can completely understand her not knowing about the money he put into financing his kink though.
The point of this post was to never stop vetting but I find it hard to believe this women vetted her husband at all really. Pornsick men eventually tell on themselves. I want to emphasize however that nothing this women could have done would’ve changed his behavior or revealed his true level of depravity. We’ve all ignored a red flags in relationships with LVM so I sincerely empathize with her, but I believe that women need to take accountability and do some deep soul searching to find out why they’d stay in relationships like this
[–]KetoKittenAroundFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I was cheated on by a man for years and I ignored so many red flags. It was only when I woke up that I saw them.
I am shocked and embarrassed by that. Because some were CRAZY
[–]ThrowRA_lanternFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m the same. I was young and naive back then, but my first ex had the Tinder app right on the front of his phone home screen and receiving heart emojis from multiple women. I was embarrassed by how “oblivious” i was and how many excuses i made up in my head for him.
[–]KetoKittenAroundFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Girl wanna know mine…. I go into his place and he had “The Game” on his fucking bookshelf.
I didn’t know what it was. I thought it was a business book (oh gawd I sound so dumb but we were younger starting in a high pressure corp setting).
I took a quick thumb through it and was like…. Oh it’s a dating book.
Something I saw (very deep in the mind, I cant even remember) make the book stick with me and haunt my mind.
When I got back home I looked it up and was shocked at what is saw!!!!
So, next time I was at his place I took the book out and asked him as naturally as I could about it. He very easily said “oh no, that’s some joke gift from my friend”
I knew he was lying but I chose to believe it.
Kills me to admit it. I literally want to hide with shame. But if I don’t share it here then the knowledge of this crap will be lost. I really want others to know.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This 100%. You are absolutely on point.
[–]ThrowRA_lanternFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
This is why i commented too 😭. I’m always sceptical about certain relationship coaches (unless they’re FDS approved) but they’re usually onto something when they say “the red flags that led to the breakup of a relationship could sometimes be detected on the 2nd date but we often ignore it”.
And this is not to say the woman in this post is at fault here and should be shamed. Of course the man is at fault here. But it’s just that we can ALL fall into their trap!! And just like the woman in this post, it must hurt so much to be in that situation. We all get whisked away by our emotions and romance, it’s the goal of FDS to fix that so we can also read the warning signs better in future. And that’s what I’m trying to seek out from the original post- what warning signs did she miss that she could impart on FDS?
[–]Searchingforgoodnews 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Take your time and think things through. Make the best decision for You and your child. I wish you the best.
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[–]Platipus6FDS Disciple 275 points276 points277 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jnnjuggle32FDS Newbie 120 points121 points122 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]jijitsu-princessFDS Newbie 43 points44 points45 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KetoKittenAroundFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]orangechickengeneralFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]silentlychanged 63 points64 points65 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]enticedflowers 184 points185 points186 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Geocities_SEO_ExpertFDS STRATEGY COACH 59 points60 points61 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]calico_moonFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bleda_princeznaFDS Newbie 364 points365 points366 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]everythingandloveFDS Newbie 54 points55 points56 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SupremeDearLeaderFDS Newbie 142 points143 points144 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheMostOfMe 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple 122 points123 points124 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ifhewantedtohewouldFDS Newbie 123 points124 points125 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]DivineGoddess1111111FDS Newbie 80 points81 points82 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice 100 points101 points102 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]christmasforoutlawsFDS Apprentice 155 points156 points157 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]fds_throwaway_4_uFDS Newbie 80 points81 points82 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice 93 points94 points95 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Noemie_MathildeFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jupitarianriseFDS Newbie 113 points114 points115 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jijitsu-princessFDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FUBARfromLSAFDS Newbie 82 points83 points84 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImpressiveHat8550 162 points163 points164 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway-fdsFDS Newbie 71 points72 points73 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]KetoKittenAroundFDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThrowRA_lanternFDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]souredskittlesFDS Disciple 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_cnz_FDS Newbie 80 points81 points82 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]Searchingforgoodnews 146 points147 points148 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]GeorgiaPeach_94FDS Newbie 85 points86 points87 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Searchingforgoodnews 20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice 40 points41 points42 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_cnz_FDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KetoKittenAroundFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThrowRA_lanternFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]KetoKittenAroundFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice 14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThrowRA_lanternFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Searchingforgoodnews 19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link