Honestly, it's just depressing.

Communities are filled with posts by women describing the most horrifyingly neglectful, toxic, downright abusive behavior from their partners / husbands and they can't even SEE that there's anything wrong with it. They minimize, make excuses, invent whole narratives to justify it, blame themselves - and the comments don't help, insisting on 'cOmMuNiCaTiOn', on 'doing your own part', on 'poor guy, maybe he's just (insert excuse)'.

No, you don't need to explain to a grown man he shouldn't treat you like shit because you think he's too stupid to understand it himself until you've explained 200 times, dragged him to therapy, drawn him a picture and compiled a 500 page instruction manual on how to be a decent human being. He knows. He knows and he simply doesn't give a shit.

But these women steadfastedly, determinedly refuse to accept that. Because it would mean dropping their fantasies about the relationship and accepting that their partner sucks. They would do anything and cling to any excuse to not have to face that reality. They will resist and defend him to anyone who dares point out what's glaringly obvious. "But you don't understand, he murdered my cat and sold our children's organs on the black market and beats me every other day, but he complimented me once when we first started dating, he's such a sweet man deep down inside, I just need to cOmMuNiCaTe better to make him understand his behavior is not okay, and wait on him hand and foot until he realizes how amazing I am."

They fail to spot even the red flags that look like a raging forest fire, let alone the 'smaller' infractions. If he's not a literal serial killer hiding body parts in the closet, then anything is acceptable and preferable to being alone.

Even worse is when they actually are capable of seeing that their partner's behavior is unacceptable, but they choose to stick around anyway because "I just really love him." This is so tragic, and so desperately pathetic at the same time. I understand it's hard to accept that the fantasy man you love doesn't actually exist and you're clinging on to a raging a-hole. I understand that sometimes you know he's an a-hole but you're too trauma bonded to leave. But for the love of God, this platoon of broken, desperate women without an ounce of backbone, of self-esteem, of dignity, of self-sufficiency is tragic and infuriating to see.

And you get to see how it starts, too. Women posting about how they're knowingly, willingly getting themselves in disastrous situationships, in FWB arrangements they don't want, in relationships with someone who's being controlling, awful and abusive RIGHT OFF THE BAT because they are just so desperate for love and attention and want someone, anyone, just so they won't be alone. It's one thing when someone gets fooled and is already involved when the mask drops. But these women are choosing to head for disaster with their eyes wide open. Then they haunt Reddit for months twisting themselves into pretzels trying to 'make things work' with someone they knew from the very start was bad news - again, out of desperation to not be alone.

I want to sympathise and have compassion. I really do. When I was younger, I too entered crappy situations or insisted on flogging dead horses because I lacked the experience to understand any of it. Or I was still naive enough to think everyone is a good person with good intentions. But damn, even in my ignorance and inexperience, I always had a limit dictated by my own dignity and self-respect, no matter how hurtful it was to walk away from someone I 'loved'.

Watching these absolute trainwrecks unfold day in and day out is just depressing as hell.