I just saw on my country's news that two more women were murdered by an ex and a boyfriend respectively. The first was involved with a man 10+ years her senior. The other with a man 20+ years younger after escaping a bad marriage.

Reddit is a cesspool where every time a woman posts about a behaviour that indicates an abusive mentality of her boyfriend / husband, people minimise, say its just one isolated incident and she's exaggerating, tell her to CoMmUnIcAtE, give him a chance, etc, etc.

No. It's never just "an isolated incident" when it's indicating that the man thinks and operates like an abuser. It's a tell that clues you in to the bigger picture... If you know what to look for.

But women don't know. Nobody teaches you how abuse works, how controlling men operate and think, what the patterns are and what "small things" are actually serious indicators of danger. Nobody teaches you how to vet instead of walking blindly into a relationship with someone. Nobody teaches you how to build a solid psychological, emotional and financial foundation so you are empowered to leave an abusive relationship. Ignorance on this topic is widespread and absolutely catastrophic.

And once you're involved with an abusive man, even if you do want to leave, you will be in danger if he decides to get revenge for it. Time and time again in my country, women seek help for years but he still gets to them eventually.

The victims are completely innocent and blameless. But they're still dead. And to add insult to injury, people will say it was their own fault for picking the wrong man... While bitching at anyone who tries to teach women to recognise red flags and leave before things get worse. While bitching at any woman who dares actually have any standard and be selective.

We are lucky enough to have access to the information. So use it. Avoiding getting involved with this kind of man in the first place is the best thing we can do to protect ourselves, while we strive to better society as a whole. The predators shouldn't be there, and it's not fair, but they are and they're not going away any time soon.

People say we're exaggerating and being paranoid. The thousands of women murdered by boyfriends, husbands and exes every year would beg to differ.

Just remember: Vet like your life depends on it, because it literally does.