My fiancee has decided to not take my last name (and I am fine with this). However, what are some problems that could occur?

blueboybob · 2010-08-26T18:45:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Muggi · 2010-08-26T18:35:31+00:00

I'm a guy, but from what I've seen it's actually EASIER if she doesn't change her name. A friend of mine had all kinds of trouble after her marriage...keeping her credit history straight, getting a new driver's license, etc etc.

As far as getting credit, it shouldn't matter at all. Plenty of people that aren't even married apply for joint credit.

The only sticky point could end up being your kids, but that's obviously between you two. Every couple I know in your situation, the kids take the Dad's name.

iggybdawg · 2010-08-26T23:08:59+00:00

my wife didn't take my name. She's Korean, so she also has a non-legal English first name she uses to make it easier on people. The only real trouble we've had is when random people write her checks to her fake first name + my last name, explaining to them that we can't cash that.

Our kids just took my last name.

carchamp1 · 2010-08-27T16:25:35+00:00

blue,

If you think about it, a woman taking your last name is simply archaic and unnecessary. It will cause NO problems whatsoever.

Your bigger problem is marrying her at all. I suggest you read the many excellent responses you're getting under your other self-post.

In any event, I wish you the best.

PublicStranger · 2010-08-27T04:06:18+00:00

My parents didn't change their names, and they had no trouble easing into married life. They pretty much just signed the papers and opened a joint bank account. When they had children, my dad suggested that they give any girls her name and any boys his name (personally, I would opt to alternate names instead, in case there were only boys or only girls).

I never had any trouble having a different name from my father's, except that once someone asked if he was my stepdad. I like my mother's name better than my father's (both the sound of it and the genealogy connected to it), so I'm thoroughly happy with the arrangement and will carry on the tradition.

wavegeekman · 2010-08-27T07:39:28+00:00

For a start, the divorce rate is about double when the woman does not change her name.

imack06 · 2010-08-26T20:36:20+00:00

I've always considered the 'last name' issue to be one of the more interesting equality issues to be faced. Namely, its hard to have a solution that is both equitable and sustainable. Her taking your last name is not equitable as it recognizes men over women (also, don't imagine many guys who'd go for the reversal, so it's hard to argue), but hypenating isn't sustainable as it has exponential growth over generations (image 3 generations all hypenating and you see the problem).

So far, I have found 3 solutions that are both equitable and sustainable:

Random chance determine which partner's last name stands: had a buddy suggest to his fiancee that they do "rock paper scissors" right at the alter in front of everyone to see who's sticks (she didn't go for it, just took his name, it would have been really awesome though)
Develop a new last name by merging: kind of like hypenating, but keeping in short. Basically make a new name so everyone is kind of screwed.
Everyone keeps their own last name, boys get named after the father, the girls named after the mother: one couple I know is doing this and it seems to be a reasonable, if odd, compromise.

Hamakua · 2010-08-26T23:59:08+00:00

Pre-nup

midlothian705 · 2010-08-26T19:12:16+00:00

I kept my last name when I got married. I haven't had any problems. When signing our mortgage or applying for life insurance, I had to provide our marriage license, but besides that it seems much more acceptable for women to retain their maiden names after marriage. We have kids, and they have their dad's name. No problems so far with school or doctor's appointments - but I will admit that my in-laws aren't as accepting and have decided to call me Mrs. hislastname.

tomek77 · 2010-08-26T19:12:56+00:00

No big deal. However some would claim that this might demonstrate a negative attitude towards marriage, from your wife. I would expect that women who make this decision are statistically more likely to cause trouble later on...

Il128 · 2010-08-27T14:46:00+00:00

You're getting married... Why?

kachapati · 2010-08-27T01:47:32+00:00

My fiancee has decided to not take my last name

Oh yeah. That's because she's already realized it will make it much easier for her once the both of you divorce.

Liverotto · 2010-08-27T02:09:30+00:00

Don't worry about banking...

She doesn't want to take your name but she will certainly take your money!

duglock · 2010-08-26T18:57:33+00:00

You might want to take a look at the statistics regarding divorce when broken down by whether the woman takes your name, hyphenates or keeps her own.

I looked this up when I got married and was kind of shocked by what I found. At work and don't have the time to look it up for you, but in a nutshell, women who don't take their husbands name have a much higher divorce rate. If my memory serves me right you are looking at a 90% chance.

Il128 · 2010-08-27T14:48:45+00:00

The traditional family is dead. Your concerns are all wrong. What you should be concerned about is figuring out why you want to sign up for a contract that will in the end enslave you for the rest of your life.

50% divorce rate and you are going in to a life long contract (just you, not her) with a woman who views traditions as BS. You are so fucked it isn't even funny.

Title	My fiancee has decided to not take my last name (and I am fine with this). However, what are some problems that could occur?
Author	blueboybob
Upvotes	9
Comments	44
Date	August 26, 2010 6:18 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/d5tdn/my_fiancee_has_decided_to_not_take_my_last_name/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-fiancee-has-decided-to-not-take-my-last-name.1047849 https://theredarchive.com/post/1047849

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