Divorce Candidate

thedarkaquarian007 · 2021-08-30T21:41:16+00:00

This is where you need to start planning your escape from the marriage. 1) seen an attorney, and document any evidence of physical abuse. 2)get your financial affairs in order and if you believe she is cheating, get evidence. 3). Blindside her with divorce. Do not tell her simply have the papers served.

Its_a_stateofmind · 2021-08-30T22:38:05+00:00

Nothing else to add, but if you think your kids don’t realize you are in a shite relationship, think again. You can’t hide this from them either…heck, the dog probably also knows….

Btween3nd20charcters · 2021-08-30T21:41:23+00:00

A relationship that is hell is just not worth it. At least when people separate you know you can grow as a person. Things will get better, and eventually will be able to independently enjoy life with out stress. Nothing that weighs us down is worth it. Good luck!

MartyMcFly7 · 2021-08-30T23:00:03+00:00

Both options are going to be difficult, especially with 3 children.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can empathize. Nagging wives are the worst! You can never do anything right, they always want "more," they don't appreciate your efforts, and they're never happy. But you're trapped in a marriage with kids, so what can you do?

I got tired of my wife doing similar things (after 28 years together) and called it quits. But before I did, I sat her down, I told her what my needs were (pretty basic stuff), and gave her some objective ways in which she could help me meet those needs (touch me now and then, tell me something she appreciates about me once a day, etc.). I also asked her what her needs were.

Long story short, I agreed to try and meet her needs, but she refused to try and meet mine. She never saw herself as ever doing anything wrong, so she was impossible to work with. It was either her way or the highway. I took the highway.

But I think this is what it all boils down to. You really need to identify exactly what it is that your needs are and make a specific request for her to help alleviate those needs (you might have to get creative). She'll bitch about it, but give her time, and wait for her to make the effort. When she does, praise her for trying. Then keep meeting and talking about it.

She probably has needs too (which is why she is nagging), and you might be able to negotiate an exchange (I'll do x if you "start asking me nicely and expressing more appreciation and thanks").

Working it out isn't easy, but neither is divorce.

Anyway, you said you were close to a turning point, so I'm assuming there is still some hope. Things can turn around, and I think it's worth it to try before calling it quits. You can always call it quits if it doesn't get any better.

Jigglytep · 2021-08-30T23:07:18+00:00

Yeah I guarantee your wife feels the same way.

She is somewhere complaining about how she hated the person she has become who can only get shit done through nagging.

JustTheSpecsPlease · 2021-08-31T01:12:24+00:00

If you're in California, careful. 13 years will put you into a "long term marriage" dissolution, and as such, you will likely be forced into permanent spousal support if you're the greater earner.

Plan well ahead if so.

pegleg_legal · 2021-08-31T04:45:40+00:00

Man cave with soundproofing and security? Go dark until the nest is empty.

cdjohnny · 2021-08-31T23:02:09+00:00

So IMO, if she hasn't cheated on you, spent all your money and is a reasonably decent person I would get a counselor and give it a last run. Three kids deserve the effort. It may just work out.

r9aze · 2021-09-01T07:18:57+00:00

I'm in pretty much the same position, 13 yrs of marriage, 4 yrs dating prior, 2 kids 11 and 9 but no dog. Everyday is a nightmare, i'm at the end of my tether, and tbh so is she. We have tried counselling, currently in couples counselling again now. Kids have definitely picked up on our constant troubles. I don't know what the answer is but I feel your pain OP.

rickyspanish12345 · 2021-09-01T19:26:01+00:00

GTFO

Title	Divorce Candidate
Author	papapetrus
Upvotes	14
Comments	27
Date	August 30, 2021 9:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/pern5y/divorce_candidate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-candidate.1066108 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066108

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