Married for more than 15 years with 2 kids. My wife has more education and earned more than I, until we had our first 13 years ago. The kids have been in school for years, but she pretty much refuses to work despite struggling with a single income. I suspect she may be BPD and is definitely narcissistic. I stay for the kids, but being treated with contempt with constant put downs, name calling, nitpicking, nagging etc. is tough to take and I'm getting to the end of my rope. I know it's damaging the kids to see their Dad constantly being called an idiot, moron, stupid, useless, disgusting, a terrible parent, lazy, despicable and more, but I'm afraid that if I'm not here, she'll take out her angry bitterness out on the kids. I also can't see how I can afford to pay for a divorce or support 2 households afterwards, never mind being able to pay for the kids education etc.

We live in California but she wants to move, with Arizona, Utah, Nevada, Colorado and Tennessee as potential options. If we're thinking of moving anyway, why not try to pick a state that gives me the best chances of 50/50 custody, without living in a van down by the river after being crushed by Alimony and/or child support. Any suggestions of states to consider?