How does chronic illness detract from femininity, and what can be done about it?

Lando_620 · 2021-10-25T18:33:33+00:00

I think the key is to not let yourself adopt a defeated mindset. Do your best to be healthy, and to live in the moments you can, the best that you can. It will be a challenge, as is life. If possible you could have a sense of humor about, play of parts of it like you're that delicate female stereotype while doing your best to not be. If you're upbeat and honest about your weaknesses people will come to admire the strength of your effort.

Socially awkward people like Aubrey Plaza or Emilia Clarke are perfect examples of people who turned said awkwardness into their own brand of charm. Obviously, yours is more specific than just introverted shyness but the principle remains the same and even tiny steps can have a big impact on how others will perceive you.

Remember, you can only be courageous if you are afraid first.

blahpunchlineblah · 2021-10-25T18:34:04+00:00

I have a chronic illness, crohn's. It's a very...crass disease. It's an inflammation disease that affects my intestines so I can have bathroom issues. It's the most unfeminine disease (but is any disease feminine?).

It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I still see a therapist actually, but I cannot change my disease, I can only change my mindset. Does my husband have to make sacrifices for me, yes. It means that we have to establish a more fluid life because diseases are unpredictable.

Do not put on a show to take away from your illness. Don't put up a front. Sometimes it will be bad, sometimes it will be okay, but you need to face the reality of whatever situation is happening.

For the vacation example, to go sightseeing, maybe you more accommodations, a cane, or wheelchair for long trips so you don't have to walk as much. That will keep you energy up to enjoy the time together.

For the house, if sounds like you need small tasks instead of big ones. Break things up so they are managed while you are still energized. It's okay that some things will take longer.

People with chronic illnesses will have different looking lives, and that's okay! Adapting to fit your needs will make you feel better, and that improves the expierence of everyone we are with.

RewRose · 2021-10-25T18:08:39+00:00

This might not be my place to chime in, but I think being frequently ill takes away from your femininity as much as a it would take away from a man's masculinity.

It sucks for sure, but you shouldn't think too much of it if you're already trying to be healthy (otherwise it just devolves into useless envy).

flojo5 · 2021-10-25T23:47:47+00:00

I think the real issue has nothing to do with your disease but the totally disgusting way your spouse handled a minor inconvenience. Just a reminder that you took vows of sickness and health. Stay as positive about your condition as possible but have a very real moment with yourself to think about the reaction your husband had to 2 days of inconvenience. What happens after birth or as you age? Will you treat him the same if he is sick or as he ages. Reminder red pill is not an excuse to be treated the way you were.

antipetpeeves · 2021-10-25T18:24:16+00:00

I ruined two days of the wonderful vacation my man took me on when I was stuck in bed and couldn't walk without severe pain. The disappointment and irritation in his eyes and his tone haunts me every time I have a flare up, which is quite often. He was so humiliated when I was finally able to walk and sight-see with him, and I needed to walk so slowly and take so many breaks.

Let me reword that for you.

I ~~ruined~~ struggled during two days of the ~~wonderful~~ miserable vacation my man took me on when I was stuck in bed and couldn't walk without severe pain. The disappointment and irritation in his eyes revealed that he was ashamed to have to take on a protective and manly role in our relationship and his tone haunts me every time I have a flare up, which is quite often. ~~He was~~ I felt so humiliated when I was finally able to walk and sight-see with him, because he was so cruel and hearltless towards me when I was at my weakest and I needed to walk so slowly and take so many breaks.

It makes me sad to see you being so hard on yourself. Men love helping a woman in need (holding the door, bringing her flowers, doting on her, etc.) and it sounds like your man dropped the ball here, big time. Men want to help, and it's okay to let them help? Sorry if I'm off here, but I see nothing feminine in hiding your pain and struggles and pushing yourself to keep up with everything your man does.

MrsChiliad · 2021-10-25T18:44:26+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking, what condition do you have? There are many that can be put into remission by lifestyle changes, and I could hopefully point you to a few resources. If that’s not what you are interested in I completely understand, don’t feel obligated to reply to me.

As for how much it takes away from your femininity, it does but very few of us are a perfect package. Make sure to be the best you can be in anything else, and the right man for you will be ok with your “drawbacks”, we all have them. I wouldn’t obsess over how much it’s hurting your prospects other than to try to get healthier. You can’t change what you can’t change.

oliveshoot · 2021-10-25T20:37:09+00:00

I share your experiences. I believe that every woman can be feminine, and your translation of that femininity will look different than a go-getter woman. I am sorry for the disappointment that a chronic illness can bring to your dreams. But it’s possible to be feminine and still have lower energy. Laura Doyle talks about being full of fun and light. How might you express fun and light on your low-energy days? I follow younger married women with severe chronic illness, and they encourage me by being funny, smiling, celebrating their husbands, having excursions that delve into enjoying the beauty of a simple life, looking cute, and most importantly, trying to look on the bright side. That can be fun and light for a man.

Also, you can tailor your femininity to your particular man. Don’t ask “what does every masculine male need from me?” Ask, “What does my man need from me?” Find out his priorities, and then try to journal about what you can and can’t legitimately do. Then do what you can, and focus on being awesome at those things.

My husband loves consoling me when I’m down, taking care of things when I am sick, and loves providing for me. I return his love by giving him tons of praise, gratitude, and quality time. I also dress more femininely, doing hair and makeup, even when I’m in a low mood. And when I have high energy days, I get to pretend like I’m normal and do super-romantic and spontaneous things. Insert surprise, humor, a grateful attitude, and a “we can get through this together” mentality. If you’re still dating, find a man who displays to you high-value, particularly in living a life with chronic illness.

Men most of all want to feel respect from you and to feel they can meet all your needs and wants and more. In summary, your own specific way of displaying femininity will be particular to you, but absolutely not impossible! Stay strong and have fun. You’re getting better and better each day.

throwaway125dd · 2021-10-26T05:58:02+00:00

I don't like when people delete posts after the fact so here is what the post said

It really hit me hard yesterday when a coworker saw me struggling to pull myself up the stairs by grabbing the railing, and he asked me if was doing okay... I panicked and told him "sometimes just go up the stairs slowly", but should've just said felt really tired from work or something. It reminded me of the time ruined two days of the wonderful vacation my man took me on when was stuck in bed and couldn't walk without severe pain. The disappointment and irritation in his eyes and his tone haunts me every time have a flare up, which is quite often. He was so humiliated when was finally able to walk and sight-see with him, and needed to walk so slowly and take so many breaks. Vibrant Health is one of the most important tenets of femininity. A woman needs to be able to take care of her home, her body, and those around her. She must be exuberant and full of life. This is really hard as someone who struggles to keep the house clean with my low energy and muscle weakness and inability to sleep more than a couple hours at a time. I can't ride a bike anymore. can only work in my garden or do things around the house for a half an hour at a time. I feel like an absolute failure as a woman. Not to mention my life goal of becoming a stay-at-home mother and homesteader... Enough doom and gloom, what can girls like me do to stay feminine despite chronic illness? ls it possible to "make the best of it' with showcasing the old fashioned femininity of a dainty, vulnerable, and breakable countenance, or is it better to push through and maintain the appearance of vibrant health as much as possible? Edit: Please no moralizing. I'm here to find solutions for maintaining femininity, and the appearance of vibrant health, in spite of pain and weakness. Not to have my partner psychoanalyzed and insulted.

emmalai85 · 2021-10-25T19:56:36+00:00

I'm angry for you.

He chose you on purpose.... acting resentful for something outside of your control baffles me.

leinlin · 2021-10-29T19:46:29+00:00

There‘s Helena Hart, a feminine energy youtuber. She was very ill for a while, only able to walk on crutches. In a video I watched, probably more than a year ago, she talked about the experience. How she had thought it would make her less appealing. What she experienced, however, was very different. I remember her talking about how men were going out of their way to help her and her sharing how pleasantly surprised she was by the reality.

Title	How does chronic illness detract from femininity, and what can be done about it?
Author	sister-goose
Upvotes	18
Comments	40
Date	October 25, 2021 5:45 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qfm6en/how_does_chronic_illness_detract_from_femininity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-does-chronic-illness-detract-from-femininity.1081878 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081878

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