Are older men (late 20’s - 30ish) really at their peak value? I feel like many have emotional baggage from ex(es) and won’t really fall in love with me (asking as early 20’s)?

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2021-10-22T15:25:59+00:00

What do you mean by "emotional baggage"? Do you mean they still have feelings for an ex or still have scars from an ex? Or both?

We all have emotions and it can take time to heal. But it seems to me that a truly high value man won't be too influenced or controlled by any emotional baggage, at least in the long run.

SecretFeminine · 2021-10-22T15:35:56+00:00

I am going to repeat your title and tell me how it hits: the reason men in their prime won't fall in love with you is because of their emotional baggage.

If you keep finding men with emotional baggage, I recommend changing your search strategy.

SouthernGrass3 · 2021-10-23T00:30:12+00:00

I am this age (taken, not actively dating. Problematic baggage is not the norm, but it’s certainly a risk and something you need to vet for.

Teacup000 · 2021-10-22T19:22:20+00:00

I've spoken to plenty of jaded men in their late teens and twenties talking about their baggage and how they'll never do nice things for a woman again since she'll inevitably just turn around and hurt them. I've also know men this age badly hurt by their partners and they push through it. I don't think age is as big a factor as maturity in these types of situations, though I can't say I speak to many single men around 30.

I think a big difference between men and women is that women inherently have value to men while in certain age brackets, whereas men nearly always have to earn the value they will have to women.

In that sense, a man whose had a bit of time to earn value and who possesses some maturity will likely be very attractive to the opposite sex.

Latter_Ad_6840 · 2021-10-22T22:06:53+00:00

There is definitely more to deal with in that sense, but men are high value in that age-range because that is when women are clamoring for a life mate and looking to settle down. In terms of supply and demand, men are much more in demand because women want to execute their life purpose of having babies and have a limited amount of time, and that's when that clock starts ticking.

Love is always a risk. Even if you are someone's first love, they can always dump you because they want to 'find themselves' or whatever.

lartex93 · 2021-10-26T05:17:48+00:00

You are seeing things from a wrong perspective. Men are not women.

They are not falling in love with you for a simple reason: They dont find you attractive enough.

Emotional baggage sounds like a bad excuse the men you been dating have given to you aas an excuse maybe to not commit, or maybe thats what you want to believe to dont face the hard truth: That they are not that into you.

Sorry if its harsh, but this is the truth.

TheFruitofKnowledge · 2021-10-22T19:38:42+00:00

It is my opinion that most high value men who want families are already in a serious relationship by 30.

dofneneh · 2021-10-22T15:41:32+00:00

If a man values you more highly than any of his exes he will forget them in a heartbeat to focus on you.

Lando_620 · 2021-10-22T17:21:56+00:00

So ideally yes, 26-34 is the prime for men. They will typically have found a path by then and be well on it, which allows them to provide the things women typically look for.

Since the female prime is 20-26 you have two strategies you can follow. You can use your intuition like a crystal ball and bet on a guy your age becoming what you want. This has the advantage of the strongest possible pair bond between you two. Building together is something most women won't do now, they just wait at the finish line for the right guy. The risk here is if you pick the wrong guy he might leave you when you're past your prime forcing you to date again or he might not make anything of himself. Either way you will be stuck with a deal that was less than optimal for prime you.

Your second option is to date 6-12 years older. These men will typically already have their path so you know what their potential is. The downside is they have much greater leverage in dating so you will have more competition with other women. The risk here is that these men are more likely; to be jaded on marriage, to deceive when using you for causal fun, or have a reduced ability to pair bond. (Though the last one is more a factor for women, it does happen to men too. Essentially, emotional baggage from ex's as you put it.)

Whatever strategy you choose you need to hone your ability to select from that pool of men. Don't rush the process, but don't linger around something that isn't right. It is a balancing act, a business deal / negotiation in some ways and overpricing yourself can be just as bad as undervaluing yourself.

Praexology · 2021-10-26T18:45:59+00:00

Late 20's - early 30's is not when men reach their peak, it's much later. Interested to hear where you got this information.

Men's youthfulness is not valued the same way women's youthfulness is valued.

Productivity, stability and community respect is weighted more valuably in men.

Youth and beauty, cooperativeness, and gentleness is weighted more valuably in women.

AriesAsF · 2021-10-22T22:20:32+00:00

They will sure love the 'idea' of you. Sweet, naive, young woman with a decade less life experience thats easier to manipulate and far more willing to put up with their immature bullshit than women of their own peer group. Trust me, older men will looooove you.

NoTrueVelvet · 2021-10-25T09:57:42+00:00

No, the only guys that THINK they are, are the guys that can get laid at the drop of a hat. Men hit their financial peaks at 45-55, emotional maturity at 30. If a man is at his prime at 20-29, what does that mean for the next 50 years he is expected to live.

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-10-22T16:10:48+00:00

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LivelyLychee · 2021-10-22T17:51:53+00:00

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NoAARPforMe · 2021-10-23T17:45:12+00:00

Many guys have an inner happiness at being rid of our ex. If they are excessively talking about an ex to you early in the dating process, probably time to move on.

pappo4ever · 2021-10-26T23:14:55+00:00

Hi, I'm an older man. I comment anonymously so can be completely honest. We may have baggage from our exes (children, fights, etc.) but no emotional baggage. None at all. I have been in love for decades with an unrequited love, and then I met another girl and completely forgot that girl and fall for a new girl, completely. In days. No baggage at all. Its just that is not easy for any man to fall in love.

However, If your ex scalped you and leaved you penniless or sent you to prison or got you beat up then yes, you might be slightly more careful with new relationships but thats no emotional, its more like a logical reaction and risk aversion.

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