I feel like being quarantined with my boyfriend for almost 2 years because of COVID lockdowns has made me almost blind to his flaws, things that would've bothered me WAY more in "normal" times, but just became "normal" because we literally couldn't socialize or leave the house. Now that our city is totally open again, things I hoped would change just aren't changing...and I'm afraid that a 30 year old man probably WON'T change, ever. Has this happened to anyone else? Things that were their coping mechanisms during quarantine have just become who they are and now it's like reality is hitting us in the face.

- The nightly drinking and smoking, often to complete excess. He smokes joints in the house and leaves his beer cans for me to clean up.

- playing video games until 2am-4am every day, even on work nights. Claiming he doesn't have a drinking or gaming issue because he still has his 6-figure job, even though he keeps sleeping in past meetings and neglecting deadlines until the last minute. Neglects work, house, and life responsibilities but finds time to play games 50 hours a week.

- Not only do I do all the "big" cleaning, he also won't pick up after himself. Dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor. "Just ask me! I'll do it if you ask!" --> proven FALSE when I came home after a 5 day trip, and the house was a disaster, the cat litter wasn't cleaned (my poor baby kitties! Which are technically HIS cats!). He knew I wanted him to clean while I was gone but couldn't find the time between video games and drinking.

- I do all the grocery shopping and cooking. Now that I've stopped cooking (for him) because my job is so busy, he tries to guilt me by saying "well what am I supposed to eat?" I don't know, you're 30! Make some eggs?

- He owns this house and the mortgage is cheap. He doesn't ask me for rent, but holds this over my head whenever I complain about his habits ("you have no expenses! you an't complain!" - not true, I pay my car bill, investments, anything material I want to buy, I mostly buy the groceries, work 50+ hours a week, etc.)

- Hasn't exercised once in 2 years and gained 50lbs, meanwhile I'm the fittest I've ever been (we have a treadmill, elliptical, full 200lb free weight set...). Doesn't brush his teeth regularly.

- has never gotten me a gift in the last 2 years, but I always get him gifts. I told him he has to this year, and I know for a fact he hasn't gotten me one yet. But I found out he recently sent money to an ex and only told me bc he knew I'd find out. I didn't know they were still in contact, although he swears they aren't, she just was desperate and he was the only person she could ask....REALLY? Sounds like he's hiding something. If lockdown wasn't a thing, would he have actually cheated?

- bought tickets to come home with me for christmas with my family, but only because I basically had to beg him. Part of me wants to tell him not to come, so I can start the process of moving out. But I leave in 2 days and he arrives in 4, and I'm worried he might throw out my stuff or get my car towed from his property while I'm gone if I tell him I think we should break up and not to fly out. 🙃

When quarantine started, he seemed like a possible HVM. He went to the office each day on time, dressed up, took care of and loves his pets, exercised a few times a week, drank a lot but it didn't control his life like this, only played video games on the weekends. I almost feel like lockdown revealed who he really is. I feel like I'm still hung up on who he used to be/could've been, so whenever we have a fight because of these issues, he always uses the "but I love you, but I only want to be with you, but I'm trying" and I go back to remembering how it ALMOST was. It's hard. I know as a country we're all digging ourselves out of the COVID hole, but where do you draw the line for personal accountability?

Meanwhile I honestly feel like I IMPROVED over quarantine....got a better job, exercised a lot, read more than I have in years, learned to teak great care of my hair, spent more time cleaning (for my sake, not his.) And I have severe depression and anxiety on top of this. Why does it seem like quarantine hit men so hard?