“I wish more women wore their natural hair like you do.”

“I don’t even know why so many women wear makeup, it looks so unattractive, and I’m glad you don’t wear any.”

“I really like how much you maintain your figure and how you haven’t let yourself go like all these other mothers who do so after they have even just one child.”

“You don’t nag or give us trouble when we’re just having fun or joking around, I wish more women would just chill - it’s all in good fun.”

“Your food is delicious. So many women nowadays don’t even cook, and then they wonder how they’re going to be able to keep a man.”

“I’m so happy that you understand the importance of sex in a relationship, my past ex girlfriends would never give me sex consistently. So of course I cheated.”

Have you heard any of these phrases or something similar? Have you noticed the increasing trend of men who like to bitch and whine about what women choose to do with their own bodies, their hands, their vaginas, their money and just their own lives?

If you don’t already know what they’re trying to do, I’ll tell you. They are trying to incite female competition and envy. By encouraging a woman to join them in talking negative about other women, this is how they influence internalized misogyny and increase women’s competition for male validation.

By giving you “compliments” within what is basically a whiny bitchfest sandwich, it makes an unsuspecting woman feel “special”, like a one of a kind woman that’s “better” than all these other women who seemingly don’t have the same kind of male approval that she does. You start to judge other women for their choices because that male validation is like a illicit drug. However just like most illicit drugs, once you partake, it will eventually come back to bite you in the ass.

Especially because now you’re seeking the approval of a low value man. One who desperately tries to build his value by positioning himself as someone who women should modify their behavior and appearance, in order to win his approval. It’s a sleight of hand, to hide his own insecurities, inadequacies and failures at becoming a man that women want. He cannot compete with other men, so he slinks among women, like a slimy reptile, to whisper nonsense that’s ultimately for his own selfish gain, and for the gain of other low value men like him. Men do not like to see women coming together to form strategy or women refusing to compete with or speak negatively about other women, because then it means that they aren’t worth enough to be fought over. This tips the scales away from them, and positions them as having to fight over women and to win women’s approval.

It is why it’s so important to nip this kind of behavior in the bud. A simple phrase like, “Thank you, but I think her hair/makeup/body/opinion/preferred hobbies/choices are beautiful. I like mine because it’s beautiful, and so is hers.” A very effective tool to diminish his confidence with this tactic, make him feel ashamed of his judgmental behavior in your presence, while positioning yourself as someone who does not need to bring other women down to feel beautiful. Because the ultimate source of your beauty and your confidence is internal. Given that men who say these negative things about other women in your presence will say negative things about you in your absence, he would know that since your source of confidence is not external, his opinion of you is irrelevant.

Feel free to dump/ghost/discard/abandon/next him. Because that flag isn’t just red, it’s crimson.