Question

trashtony69 · 2022-03-12T02:41:40+00:00

Simply ask her, if she has an issue or presents any red flags with her answers then it might be time to reconsider her

InsanityStreaks · 2022-03-11T23:39:38+00:00

I would say that it's probably best to decouple your romance from the legal constructs of marriage. Say that in a perfect legal world your marriage would be just an extension of the love and commitment you already have for her, but that the current divorce law climate is very toxic and you are both smart enough to know that there are no guarantees in love and in life. I would bring up the topic of a prenuptial agreement, and then give her the floor and see where her heart and mind is on the topic.

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-03-11T23:46:43+00:00

You're better off finding out what her rush is to get married. Based on her answers, you may want to consider taking contraception into your own hands, so to speak.

TendieDinner777 · 2022-03-12T01:33:02+00:00

Just tell her to ask divorced couples if they ever thought they would get a divorce, and whether or not they changed as people in the years since meeting each other.

UnconventionalXY · 2022-03-12T12:44:14+00:00

Look up Common-law Marriage: some states in the USA still recognise it, so I suppose the OP's risk depends on where they live.

If you explain you want to take years before marrying to make sure she wants you, you might find that's actually a signal for her to find an easier catch.

It's strange that nature love-drugs men and women so that they don't care about these things. Is the OP actually in love with his girlfriend or are they just together to meet each others needs in a codependent relationship?

There is very little discussion in society of how being in love relates to partnering, versus simply hooking up for a good time for a long time. Eventually, what each person wants will be revealed if the present situation is not meeting it. The problem is being locked into a contract when the expectations change or are revealed to be a myth.

I don't think men and women are honest about what they want upfront along with their expectations. I believe many expectations remain hidden on the assumption that they are intrinsicly valid, when in reality the other party has not agreed to those expectations. Those expectations may be rooted in fantasy rather than reality.

I think most women have a fantasy expectation they are all princesses: few watch Cinderella and imagine what the life of the 2 ugly step-sisters might be like or that they may be one of them in real life. It's quite sad that society doesn't give a shit about the 2 ugly step-sisters as though their lives don't matter too.

RegattaTimer · 2022-03-12T21:25:21+00:00

You’ve got it all wrong.

In getting married, you implicitly accept the risk that every married man has ever taken since the advent of the institution. There is most likely nothing special about your situation. If you aren’t able to live with that risk, then you aren’t ready to get married. If she isn’t worth taking that risk for, then find someone who is. You will never be able to know the future. It’s not right to string her along indefinitely.

I’m not wrong and I can live with your downvotes.

BBCFeminist · 2022-03-12T05:30:48+00:00

You don’t explain. Keep the relationship going and see if y’all are able to grow together. Marriage is an equal input thingy(modern day marriage is different in so many ways. Who’s gonna handle childcare. Have y’all even discussed or had experiences with kids together.?), BOTH YALL NEED TO BE READY OR IT WILL NEVER BE A BALANCED RELATIONSHIP. Imagine one foot of a body never being ready to step into the next walk of life

That conversation alone could last years. If she’s not the right one time will tell. That’s why commitment is so important

304_slayer · 2022-03-12T13:52:28+00:00

Yes man, you need years to even think about marrying her, you need years to see how she would react to different scenarios Perhaps she is now putting up the show, And why she is rushing things up.

rinkinky · 2022-03-12T05:38:45+00:00

Jesus Christ some of the people here act like your girlfriend is some master manipulator who’s out to ruin your life over this very short post, sorry some people are making assumptions off the bat about your girlfriend dude..

Anyways, I think that one person who listed the severe consequences in detail for men who get divorced brought up exactly what I think is important to tell her. Most people also have an ideal dating period before marriage, for me personally it’s 5 years, maybe you guys could also discuss what your ideal dating period is before marriage so that you stay on the same page? Idk how long you guys have been dating for, I hope that your girlfriend will understand you once you guys come to talk about it. Wedding culture pressures society so much into having a luxurious wedding and engagement and sometimes the financial stress from that leads to divorce.

https://www.csus.edu/faculty/m/fred.molitor/docs/wedding%20expenses%20and%20marriage%20duration1.pdf

Anyways marriage is something to consider after much time, and something that should take much time to plan for financially, hope that you guys can be on the same page with each other and don’t let the societal pressure to get married hurt you guys

BaconCatBug · 2022-03-12T00:12:14+00:00

How about you stop being an idiot and a) Don't marry her and b) End the relationship before she falsely accuses you of rape. You're probably too late though, and she will falsely accuse you once you end the relationship.

If she is insisting on marriage, then that's a red flag and an obvious trap.

4realzbruh · 2022-03-12T18:49:52+00:00

How is it any more risky for you than her?

extranotextra · 2022-03-12T04:22:48+00:00

It’s risky for her too. Regardless, if you aren’t able to communicate with each other about marriage, you probably aren’t ready to get married.

oushkul · 2022-03-13T07:48:32+00:00

You can't explain. Your reasons will come across as selfish and irrational and will show that you don't love her.

You can get rid of her or she can get rid of you. The choice is yours until she takes it from you.

2022-03-12T00:34:27+00:00

A good time to vet a woman is about 6 months to a year and a half.

Z0mb13z_0f_54nd · 2022-03-12T02:47:50+00:00

You tell her you'll consider it if she signs a prenup.

Horror_Throat_5456 · 2022-03-12T16:33:31+00:00

She should understand you need your time, if the tables were turned she wouldn't like to be rushed right? If you don't trust that she really wants you you shouldn't be with her, and you can ask for a marriage were you agree no one will take the others money in case of divorce, why wouldn't she agree? Does she plan to dump you?

daniellederek · 2022-03-12T21:31:17+00:00

You don't mention it.

After 3 more years of hints flat out tell her marriage is off the table but if she chooses to stick around and pull her weight it will be worth it.

Ye_olde_quagswagger · 2022-03-12T21:52:43+00:00

In answering this, I'm assuming you know the full extent of the benefits of delaying this decision. (That is, if you decide it's a necessary decision at all, in the end.)

I'll be short and frank, simply explain it to her. If you haven't reached the stage where you can communicate clearly at this level yet, you probably shouldn't be gambling on a marriage in the first place. (I'm not saying this is the case, I'm simply mentioning it, 'in' case.)

There's of course a huge benefit to waiting, beyond getting to know each other better, and that's the fact it's a mutual decision to delay a "reward" so it may be more fruitful in future. Which is a beautiful thing, really. Just as the desire to give your entire being and to show complete and utter devotion, loyalty and trust is.

However, in this case you're sacrificing much much more. And you'll have to trust much much more than she will. So, in the end, there really is no replacement for... simply talking. Nobody can do this for you, but you. You must decide. Take heart, we're cheering you on! Just keep in mind that sometimes you have to be rational and that if she truly is the one for you and truly loves you, she will take the time to listen and take the time to try and understand.

Good luck!

I hope my ramblings were mildly useful, or at least not too irritating.

And have a nice day.

MisterNacropolis · 2022-03-13T08:05:22+00:00

Best thing is to not say anything and hope it goes ok ....if it doesn't then you can say that if faced with divorce related financial ruin you'll quit working and become a bum

Title	Question
Author	Professional-Gain-15
Upvotes	62
Comments	48
Date	March 11, 2022 11:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/tc32gp/question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/question.1106695 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106695

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