TAKE UP SPACE, YOUR VOICE MATTERS

katiekat0214 · 2022-03-23T18:20:59+00:00

STOP qualifying. Just speak your truth. Ask your questions. It makes you look stronger, and at home and at work, power matters. Own your voice.

lessadessa · 2022-03-23T20:11:35+00:00

I say these things to other women and to be honest it’s usually just a bit more respectful. In many languages there is a weird thing where people manipulate words or sentences to become longer when they speak more formally. I do agree we shouldn’t be apologizing for asking fair or warranted questions but these are just ways of being polite in a formal setting whether it’s a woman I’m addressing or not. Also, when i speak to others respectfully and formally i tend to get more respect back because I’m setting a standard.

FDS-MAGICA · 2022-03-23T19:02:05+00:00

I get it, but phrases like these are actually helpful when you're around people who do not like it when you're direct with them and have the power to make you pay if they want. Customers, bosses, etc. "Kneecapping" our own language has a purpose. Sometimes you have to be... diplomatic. It's not self-hate, it's a survival technique. Especially when you're working around boomers who do not like it when underlings challenge them, because how dare you and millennials are so disrespectful blah blah blah.

Of course, the reason why we have to do this sucks.

kaitybubbly · 2022-03-23T22:24:39+00:00

I've started shushing my male family members whenever they interrupt me and they don't like it. :)

makeawomancum · 2022-03-23T19:27:31+00:00

Damn, I feel called out because I truly do say these phrases on reflex since I’m still learning to take up space. Thank you for posting.

minarabbit · 2022-03-23T20:02:41+00:00

Instead of, “I don’t know if that made sense,” try, “Do you have any questions?”

Completely omit this apology. Ask your question. Chances are that others also want to know the answer, but are afraid to ask.

Instead of, “If you’re sure that’s not too much trouble,” just say, “Thank you.” In the unlikely event that it is too much trouble, the onus is on the person who offered help, not you.

ChickEnergy · 2022-03-23T21:41:15+00:00

"just saying" - a mediocre man who just said something irrelevant and wasted everyone's time

dragonqueen65 · 2022-03-24T17:31:13+00:00

I've stopped apologizing for things I'm not actually responsible for. I also point out when other women apologize to me for things that they aren't responsible for. We apologize waay to much in my opinion.

InappropriateMommie · 2022-03-25T12:16:19+00:00

I’m ngl…I tend to do these things and I am 48, in a leadership role in my company and I work with all women

Why? The women I work with are assholes and bullies. Not all of them - but enough. I have realized that I do it though and I’ve been slowly stopping. Thanks for pointing it out - this is a good post.

Good_crisps_73 · 2022-03-23T19:56:14+00:00

I also use those phrases in order to not offend or wound my juniors when I fear they have taken a wrong decision. It’s just a kinder, gentler way of pointing something out. Everyone walks away with dignity. I don’t have to make them feel small. I think that’s why women bosses are often more successful and have very loyal teams.

justMarian · 2022-03-23T18:24:13+00:00

Guilty. I’ve really worked on this and no apologizing unnecessarily.

roundbackpack · 2022-03-23T19:18:52+00:00

And actually these questions bother dudes. They prefer assertive communication.

2022-03-23T19:58:44+00:00

Really important in the workplace too. I strongly recommend the book "nice girls don't get the corner office". Don't be the woman with candies on your desk, bringing homemade cookies, don't be the woman apologizing for everything or diminishing your accomplishments. If your boss says good job, don't say oh it was nothing no big deal. Say thank you, I'm proud of my work. Don't apologize for things unless they are true errors. For example if you're running behind in your work because the system is down, don't apologize for being behind, just say the system was down causing delays.

always_be_beyonce · 2022-03-23T23:45:59+00:00

making a concerted effort to stop apologizing in work communications, and to "correct" other women when they apologizing to me, letting them know there is no need to apologize for asking a question, making a simple mistake, etc. all about raising others up!

ARealDame · 2022-03-24T03:56:15+00:00

I was working with a woman today whose request was reasonable, and for the thing I am paid to do.

She apologized probably 6 times in 3 phone calls.

I felt for her. I said "no apologies!" With cheer but she couldn't stop.

All the women I work with -- including leaders, CAO, etc -- apologize reflexively, including me at times.

Of course the men do not.

Sometimes at work female socialization whirls up a sort of echo chamber where the women keep reflecting and amplifying both niceties and not-so-niceties (such as unwarranted apologies. )

It's something to work on for sure...because sometimes I think the only reason men seem to expect it is cos we do it. Gender roles are so ingrained.

Say thank you, not sorry.

Title	TAKE UP SPACE, YOUR VOICE MATTERS
Author	Lost_Kale90
Upvotes	1383
Comments	28
Date	March 23, 2022 5:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tl3uc6/take_up_space_your_voice_matters/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/take-up-space-your-voice-matters.1107902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107902

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