how to make sure I don't get consumed by medical school as a woman that has dreams of getting married and settling down ?

111loR · 2022-04-19T23:44:27+00:00

I've got an interesting tidbit to add here:

The biggest conservative mouthpiece Ben Shapiro, who is all about supporting traditional gender roles can't stop repeating his wife is a doctor. You know she's a doctor. She's a doctor after all. His wife who's a doctor. It's frickin hilarious, he's adorably proud of her. And she is a doctor. Did you know she's a doctor?

StoicGypsy · 2022-04-19T22:37:50+00:00

Female doctor here who follows this page.

Ignore what people say and create the life you want. I do suggest you be mindful of the specialties that allow for a more “normal” lifestyle with less call and weekend work. Plenty of loving and supportive doctor-wives and mothers out there. I’d honestly stay away from surgical specialities but I’m sure it’s still possible. PM&R, pediatrics, some internal medicine subspecialties (endocrine, rheumatology, palliative care) are all incredibly lifestyle and family friendly. The shift work of emergency medicine could also be possible.

The hardest part will be during residency because you do the most work with the least autonomy to dictate your time. That said I still saw my female peers having children during residency.

Also. Quality men love women doctors. There’s something to be said for them knowing they will always be “taken care of”. I will add that I could never date a man who makes less money than me. It tips the balance in a negative way. Since being a doctor will put you in the top 5 of wage earnings, that narrows the dating pool.

Something that I’ve had to recognize in myself was that I carry a very boss-mode persona at work (I am in a male dominated area) that I have to remember to turn down in my home environment and with my partner.

Critical_Economics30 · 2022-04-19T22:48:06+00:00

Be feminine at home/while dating. Try to keep work stuff at work, although I know it’s easier said than done [I’m (28F) married to an ortho surgery resident (29M) while a business owner/law student]. If you have free time, try going to places that attract a certain caliber of people. I don’t think men that are successful are turned off by successful women, per se, so long as you don’t make that your entire identity. Keep up with any hobbies you may have, current events, etc. so you’re still a woman of substance.

Life is what you make it. I am and will continue to pursue my dreams and thankfully I have a partner that’s supportive and even encourages me to do so. However, he also knows I prioritize family and it will always be my top priority. If you make your values and desires known as well as make conscious decisions to position yourself in a way that you can “have it all”… it’s definitely possible.

hydrogenbee · 2022-04-20T08:18:57+00:00

I thought about this deeply before entering medical school. Let me assure you, there are plenty of role models who are able to make it work. Choosing a lifestyle specialty, possibly working part time, and having other family nearby to help with family needs are all ways to settle down yet still pursue medicine. I chose medicine to help my community, provide financial security (say, if my nonexistent husband somehow suddenly can’t work for whatever reason)/support my family, and pursue my own personal goals for as long as I can! But when it’s time to settle down, I figure I’ll find a way to make it work, as I’ve always have. Life finds a way.

To provide another perspective, I also know of women who have difficulty balancing/studying/working with family life even though they aren’t in medicine— I think this dilemma isn’t exclusive to women in medicine but probably women in careers in general. Again, there are plenty of working/studying women who make it work. It’ll be hard, but every job, even staying at home, can be hard. As long as you are thoughtful and intentional with your choices in dating/career, everything will be all right!

SixWeasel · 2022-04-19T22:57:34+00:00

I'm a man but my lovely bride is in Healthcare so maybe I can offer a good perspective for any potential dating partners you might have.

The secret is to take charge through your femininity. My girl and I are red pilled and yet she is an ultrasound technician who makes more money than all her "independent feminist" friends. It is possible to do both.

Be the lady of his world. Help plan his schedule along with your so you're both on the same page. Don't shy away from chores- make him aware that even though he has to do some chores around the house, you are still the one approving everything. Lots of modern women get this wrong- women aren't associated with domestic labor because they are "inferior" to men. Far from it. Women are associated with domestic labor because they DEMAND things around the house to be done a certain way. This may seem mundane, but when you're a busy Grad student, having a routine for housework will make or break your.

Plan meals ahead of time. Take the initiative overall. You don't need to DO everything, but you should embrace your feminine urge to PLAN everything.

Does that make sense, am I helping?

Strixt · 2022-04-20T02:14:38+00:00

Ideally don’t wait.

There are articles I see saying it’s okay to wait to settle down. Focus on your career and marriage and kids will come later. There’ll always be a man available…

Then you can go search and find too many articles of women who regret waiting. And how they feel they’ve missed out or put it off too long and all the good ones are taken and where are all the good men left.

The best time to find someone is in college. Ideally finding a smart guy who is sharing your struggles of schooling is a great way to build a friendship, into a relationship, and into a marriage. You can build together and there is no reason not to start sooner than later.

You should not put your love life/relationship on hold for a career. Rather be married and have a spouse than be a slave to a boss. Just my opinion on though.

Anecdotal - I know a couple of veterinarians who met in vet school and fell in love. The sharing of learning and struggling together made their bond strong.

titlejunk · 2022-04-20T02:06:06+00:00

My surgeon husband’s first wife was a doctor of veterinary medicine.

What I’ve learned from him, her, and the men and women physicians we have known throughout our relationship is the following:

If you want to be a wife/mother, don’t go this route. You will end up outsourcing the mother role and often the wife roll will also come second to work. I always say, there are 3 rolls: wife, mother, professional. Pick two. It is a very rare woman who can do all 3, and she likely isn’t a happy woman because she has no time to be herself.
If you are committed to this roll, you need a SAH or WAH man. Do not limit yourself to a man who earns as much as or more than you. Understand that you bring strengths to the relationship and try to find a man that compliments those strengths, rather than matching them.
My husband is soooo much happier with a wife who can deal with the kids, the home, the dogs, the extended family, the vacation planning, the pool guy, the yard, etc, etc. He doesn’t need me to make money.

beepincheech · 2022-04-20T01:12:37+00:00

What is the point of medical school if your dream is to settle down? Do you want children? A nanny or daycare will be raising them while you work off your school debt. You’ll miss important moments and memories with the kids, and you’ll be an inattentive wife. Your work will consume you. Don’t fall into this “have it all!” mindset. It’s a trap. You CANT have it all. It’s this OR that.

ugen2009 · 2022-04-20T01:30:24+00:00

I wish I married a girl in my med school class. While it's true the PA/Nursing/PT students had more time to spend on their appearance during school and were more attractive at the time, all the single ladies in my med school class now look amazing as attendings.

Weihnachtsbaum123 · 2022-04-21T20:32:14+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this!:) Although I haven't graduated yet, I will be going about the same route (also age wise), so it's great to hear other people's advice!:)

Ok_Professional4902 · 2022-04-19T22:49:13+00:00

Girl, stop. Be a nurse. It’s the same thing without the ego. Be a nurse then go home and rub your man’s feet or whatever the fuck you plan to do

RealNiceLady · 2022-04-20T15:11:27+00:00

I want some insight on how to present myself

All you have to do is be pretty and have a nice personality.

how to balance studying/working and dating,

That'll just take care of itself. No need to worry.

is it true that some men don't like dating med students/doctors ?

Men don't care about that.

Title	how to make sure I don't get consumed by medical school as a woman that has dreams of getting married and settling down ?
Author	poetically-living
Upvotes	42
Comments	33
Date	April 19, 2022 10:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/u7hbro/how_to_make_sure_i_dont_get_consumed_by_medical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-make-sure-i-dont-get-consumed-by-medical.1112008 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112008

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