Is attraction more about feeling the vibe than creating it?

Naus1987 · 2022-05-07T19:25:37+00:00

It’s one of the neat things about empathy. Try flipping it around. Figure out what makes you attracted to some women.

And then you can also explore the thing that repel you. And also consider that if a woman you didn’t find attractive wanted to win you over — do you think she could, or is it a lost cause?

Women are people just like men. We all think relatively the same way. The problem is we don’t think about things deep enough to recognize the patterns and associations.

sabiinvesting · 2022-05-07T22:46:26+00:00

I don’t think it is about convincing. I think it is about showcasing who you are, and letting the other person decide, and vice versa. I guess you could say it is about feeling the vibe, but the word I use is clicking. There should be a moment where you go, “damn, that’s the one.” It should happen on both sides either simultaneously or at different times.

achyshaky · 2022-05-07T23:03:36+00:00

I don't have much to say other than I'm genuinely happy for you. Everything you've said is true - it is about the vibe. This is such an important realization that not everyone has.

With that in mind, I have no doubt you'll find someone who's enthusiastic about you - and that kind of love is always more rewarding than whatever you'd get from a cold approach.

AutoModerator · 2022-05-08T00:09:50+00:00

You can't argue or manipulate someone into feeling something. Most is attraction cues within the first 5 seconds or pheromones. All you can do is make yourself more attractive, minimize common turn-offs, and go out and interact with women. Some will feel it, some won't. At the same time, think about whether you feel it or you don't.

If you try too hard to convince, they'll get a "shady salesman" vibe off you and it's a turnoff.

union-socks · 2022-05-07T23:33:41+00:00

You sound like a person who is on that journey to self-discovery that is is essential to our becoming wise and mature adults instead of just deteriorated children. Best wishes on your journey.

xvszero · 2022-05-08T00:18:41+00:00

Yes, it's about making a connection. Whether the connection is superficial or not, people still want to feel like they connected. You can't force any random person to like you, but you can feel it out and see if there is any real connection there.

vcreativ · 2022-05-08T12:08:02+00:00

I can only speak from my experience, but attraction sort of just occurs, without speaking. Two people repeatedly looking at another from across the room sort of thing. The more relaxed you are the better.

Then when you actually interact it's really just needs to be a simple conversation. Then you're either compatible or not.

The issue with the whole attraction switches based idea and whatnot is that ultimately never will know if they would've like the genuine you, even if it succeeds.

You've sort of created your own hamster wheel.

Rhazelle · 2022-05-08T21:42:09+00:00

People start with a base attraction level to each other based on first impressions, and yes it can build or fade over time as you get to know each other. That's where the whole song and dance of dating comes in, to explore that attraction and see where it goes. But if you have to stoop to "convincing" someone to like you, that's not how attraction works in the slightest.

If you do that then it's not much different from creating an entirely fake persona to catfish someone into liking you. Or a business transaction, like convincing a girl to go on a date with you for money. At that point they still don't like you, just the fake you that you're pretending to be or what you can give them - and either the facade fades eventually or you have to keep bribing them to keep their interest, so what's the point? Are you looking for a lifelong partner to love, or a girl you can trick or buy into being with you?

Let attraction happen (or sometimes it doesn't and that's ok too) as you interact and get to know each other as people. Loving, lasting relationships come from two people truly loving each other for their natural selves, and you will never find that by trying to manipulate/trick/convince someone to like you. You just gotta be you and find someone who loves that.

WhoDoomsTheDoomer · 2022-05-07T18:31:02+00:00

For the longest time I thought you had to convince the other person to like you

I still think this honestly. Reading things from women on how their attraction generally works has given me this idea that a woman can never just be attracted to you, you have to generate the attraction, you basically have to coerce her because they will never just want you

Trying to also undo this but it's hard. The stuff I see keeps reinforcing it. Let me know if there's any tips you have to help undo this. Hope your change in perspective goes well!

Six-Witcher · 2022-05-07T22:50:29+00:00

Men create the vibe. Women feel it.

princessbubbbles · 2022-05-08T01:23:10+00:00

Bingo! Right there.

Training_Passenger79 · 2022-05-15T02:43:05+00:00

When I started looking into Buddhism I started actively trying to humanize random people I met, and the change in the way they reacted to me was startling.

I remember the first day I tried it. It was with a woman (but I’m a woman too, fyi). She was a cashier at target and I went to checkout my stuff, and I gave her a compliment. I’ve done that before, and usually people will give me a dead-pan thanks, look super uncomfortable, look at me like I’m a weirdo, or completely ignore me because they don’t know how to respond. Doesn’t stop me from trying. Lol.

Anyways, as I was waiting in line I thought about that woman and what her day might be going like. I wondered if she felt fat today (a feeling I can relate to - and no, she didn’t look fat in her uniform, but I feel like women that feel fat seldom do. Lol).

By the time I got up to the cash register and told her I really liked the color she dyed her hair (it was purple, so it wasn’t covert), she looked up, made eye contact, and her eyes lit up.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so noticed by someone in my entire life. Her whole face got animated and she told me about the color dye she used and how she thinks she dyes her hair too much, and weirdly enough, I was actually really interested in what she had to say.

We didn’t talk long - there was a line of people waiting, but she smiled at me as I left and I never forgot that moment.

That was the moment I realized that other people weren’t alienating me…I was alienating myself. Does that make sense?

It was my objectification of other people that made them react in the way they would and should react if they’re being objectified by a stranger.

I kind of knew about this in the back of my mind because it’s always been true in business, for me. I did marketing for 10 years. If you look at a person and think about what you want to get or how you want them to act, and you see them as a symbol, icon, or representation of a thing you can use to get what you want…almost universally everyone will instinctively close themselves off from you. You can almost see it in their face. Their gut doesn’t trust you because you’re objectifying them. It’s a predatory behavior and it puts other people on alert, because rather than being allowed to be themselves and feel natural and comfortable around you, the back of their subconscious is continuously processing what kind of person you are and what you’re trying to get out of them.

This “humanizing” thing works on animals, too, by the way. Babies as well. I’ve gotten really good at it at this point, and I’m at a point in my life where random strangers simply treat me differently then they used to. People smile at me more, hold the door for me more…I’m telling you - it’s spooky.

In Buddhism, it’s basically this concept of shifting the focus from the “self” to the “other”, and abandoning the “self” and the “ego”. Because really, you aren’t you in the way you think you are, but that’s a lot to get into.

The bottom line is that - yeah, it’s a feeling - but you have to be the person to instigate it by being genuine and comfortable in your skin, and by humanizing the person you’re talking to and making yourself go through the thought process of seeing them as being a real person just like you.

The difference is life changing. I hope you’ll give it a try. (Buddhism isn’t necessary btw…that was just a good set of guidelines that helped me achieve this from a practical standpoint.)

Title	Is attraction more about feeling the vibe than creating it?
Author	spankyourkopita
Upvotes	30
Comments	31
Date	May 7, 2022 6:22 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ukj71b/is_attraction_more_about_feeling_the_vibe_than/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-attraction-more-about-feeling-the-vibe-than.1115129 https://theredarchive.com/post/1115129

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