My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 6 years.

My wife has mostly been sweet and loving. However, after my son was born 2.5 year ago, she started having episodes where she was aggressive and abusive with a short temper. During these episodes, whenever I make a mistake big or small, I have to deal with verbal abuse (stupid, loser, not a man, disgusting, etc.) and/or physical abuse (slaps, scratches, kicks, pinches, thrown objects). She has also said very mean things about my family and made my mom cry. I was hoping it was post-partum depression but it hasn't gotten better. At the beginning it was uncommon but over time it has gotten more frequent. 1.5 years ago after a bad incident where she hit me, broke my glasses, and threw my laptop I started to keep a journal and taking pictures in case we had to get a divorce. I put up with it though because she loves our son, does a lot for him and we do have good times together. The challenge though is she does sometimes abuse me in front of our son which teaches him bad habits (he sometimes calls people "stupid dumbass" now) and I am concerned she could loser her temper with him. Also she hasn't always responded well when I ask her to stop which makes it hard to set boundaries.

2 months ago the mortgage lender stopped our automatic mortgage payments and I didn't notice it in time which resulted in a late payment and hurt her credit (I was signed on the deed but not the mortgage). She exploded (hit me and broke another pair of glasses) and since then has been generally insufferable. At that time I told her if she ever hit me again I would call the cops. I let her slide on some smaller stuff but 2 days ago I took my son to the doctor and didn't bring shoes because I was carrying him. When I got home and carried him in, my wife was pissed I didn't put on his shoes, so she pinched me to the point it broke skin and then kicked me hard in the groin while I was holding my son and I fell backwards. I was very upset and immediately called the cops but had second thoughts and hung up before giving our address or telling them to come. The cops ended up showing up anyway and they asked what happened, I told them, my wife confirmed, I asked if they could write up something as a warning, but they came in and arrested her.

I was surprised they actually arrested her and also concerned because even though my wife is abusive I still love her and I knew she would not do well in jail (she is very uncomfortable in ghetto areas). I wrote an email to the court asking that they drop the case because she is a good mom and although she has anger problems we will go to therapy. So my wife got out of jail yesterday and she is very upset - rather than it being a wake up call she blames me for sending her to jail and what has been the worst day in her life. She is not willing to go to therapy and wants to get a divorce ASAP.

I have a call scheduled with a divorce attorney Tuesday. After reading the tips here I did not move out when she demanded it.

Given my wife's volatile behavior I would prefer to have primary custody and require her to get anger management treatment. I have evidence of the domestic abuse - a police report, my family as character witnesses, 2 videos, and some pictures of injuries and damaged personal items.

What can I expect from the divorce process? Any suggestions going into it? How painful is this going to be for myself, my son and my wife? I also have considerable assets - am I most certainly going to lose 50%? How do toddlers respond to it? Our son loves when all 3 of us are together so it tears me apart thinking about him.