How to accept the way you look?

_Rue_the_Day_ · 2022-09-20T23:29:50+00:00

Anyone who calls you a catfish upon seeing you irl is someone you need to lose in your life. There is no magic pill. Working on your self esteem is the only way and that involves personal growth time. People laugh, but declaring positive affirmations daily works, unless you are majorly depressed. But challenging the audio tapes in your head can be done. It just takes work and time. I wish you well.

SecretFeminine · 2022-09-20T16:43:04+00:00

You say you get hit on a lot but you are ugly. Obviously people are finding things they do like about you physically. Sometimes being approachable is better than being a show stopper. Get the surgery if you want but it sounds like the problem is your perception and not your looks. It is my opinion that if a man is trying his hand with women in a group, he’s more likely trying to spin plates so I’m not convinced that it matters how your friends look. Just my 5 pence. Keep doing the work on yourself and it will work.

kkat02 · 2022-09-20T18:11:26+00:00

If you are getting hit on, you’re attractive.

However, you are only 21. Confidence comes with age. I am only 23 now but in these 2 years my confidence has grown immensely and the things I used to be insecure about I feel positively now. You can definitely expedite the confidence process. I’d recommend working on an ‘emotional glow up’ and learning to really determine your values in life. That helped me find my confidence.

You can get surgery, but I don’t recommend it. It won’t change how you feel about yourself. Also wanting to look like a homogenized version of everyone else won’t bring you happiness. When I have kids, I’ll be happy to see my unique features on them.

beemovienumber1fan · 2022-09-20T21:20:14+00:00

Ugly girls don't get hit on.

Source: am ugly.

erunzzz · 2022-09-20T19:52:55+00:00

You’re attractive if you get hit on, don’t worry :) No one has ever hit on me, although my female friends promise me that I’m beautiful. I feel like they’re just being nice when they tell me I’m beautiful, as I simply never receive male attention. I promise you that guys do find you beautiful and attractive if they hit on you!

plum_moon · 2022-09-20T21:38:10+00:00

Did I write this post in a fever dream? Lol! I really feel similarly to you: I'll see a picture of myself that looks nice and I tell myself I must look different in real life, I used to want surgery on my face, and so forth.

The thing that really helps me, at least, is to just try to assess myself very honestly without attaching negative judgment. Rather than label myself "pretty" or "ugly," I tell myself, "yeah, I have an unflattering and pronounced overbite. I have a positive canthal tilt and people consider that pretty" etc. I just have features, and some are considered attractive and some aren't. I accentuate the ones that I like, and try to mitigate others. It's easier to do both if I don't get emotional or judgmental about it.

Also, I look exactly like a younger version of my grandmother in every way, and to me that makes me so happy every time I see myself. I used to hate my cheekbones and weird giant ears until I realized they were hers. And you know, my grandfather, the man I love and admire most in the world, fell in love with that face. She's gone, but I still get to see her every day when I look in the mirror in the morning. Depending on how you feel about your family, this could be something that makes you feel good about yourself.

I doubt you're unattractive if men approach you. But I will say: please wait a little while before seriously looking into surgery. You may find your face grows on you a bit, or you might find a hairstyle that really flatters you, etc.

UnbotheredDee · 2022-09-20T21:00:48+00:00

What are those features you're talking about?

I don't have pretty eyes for example, but apart from that I'm content with my features.

wigglytufflove · 2022-09-20T20:24:09+00:00

I'd definitely shy away from surgery for now. It's really expensive and you really don't want to get into a Jennifer Grey from Dirty Dancing situation where you fix a "flaw" and end up ruining a part of you that makes you unique. (okay, you might not be a movie star but still a nice inspiration story)

For the catfish thing, are you using super heavy snapchat filters? Actively photoshopping/facetuning? Flattering angles and a bit of an iphone filter is just leveling the playing field. But making a few pictures where you're laughing, making a different face, something other than the Instagram pout can ironically show off your natural beauty and make you look more down to earth.

Also sounds weird, but the "cheerleader effect" on How I Met Your Mother is a thing. Basically sometimes a girl will look way more attractive if they're with a group of friends. So don't feel bad about not being the absolute hottest girl in your line up. If you had to be the hottest to look good, no one would ever join sororities :P

If you did what you can physically for a glow up, the best you can do is improve confidence. Sometimes having a trait other than looks can help... at the very least you're a good writer/communicator! A smart guy will like that and find that as a nice trait. It sounds fairy tale-ish in this modern dating market but seriously there ARE people who look for things besides looks when it's time to get serious.

TheBunk_TB · 2022-09-20T17:12:55+00:00

Counseling!

MoreMorbidThanYou · 2022-09-20T20:43:11+00:00

Here’s the thing about surgery: Men desire attractive women because they make attractive babies. If you alter yourself surgically and then produce unattractive kids, that’s gonna be a problem.

AutoModerator · 2022-09-20T16:30:23+00:00

Title: How to accept the way you look?

Full text: I(21F) am recently facing troubles with loving the way I look. I used to be uglier and I have had a glow up and I generally love the way I look. However, I am not conventionally attractive because I lack the features which make you "beautiful" according to the social standards. I do get hit on a lot and I find myself happy to look at the person I see in the mirror. Although, my friends have always been prettier than me and my recent friend group is all conventionally beautiful women. I find myself comparing me to them and it makes me sad to an extent. I also feel like I don't want to be seen with them because the guys I'm interested in might think I am not a better option. I want to get some things changed about my face in by surgery in general. I have also been told that I am photogenic and that I look different in pictures than I do irl. Basically that I am a catfish and I look better in pictures. I love that version of me and apparently that's not how people see me in reality. What should I do?

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CountTheBees · 2022-09-24T01:02:39+00:00

Well, if you really do look different on social media vs IRL the choice is between the following:

A. do you change your IRL appearance to look more like social media

B. do you change your social media appearance to look more like you IRL

Obviously you've already tried hair/makeup/etc (what you call a "glow up"), which is all A, so the only way you can see of going further down that path is surgery, which is why you mention it. Before doing something that drastic, maybe try doing B. Tone down how you present yourself on social media or get off social media entirely and see how you feel then. Many people feel better about the way they look when they're not spending hours a day looking at influencers or models and comparing themselves to them.

Men only care about looks at the very beginning, in the meeting stage, and after that as long as you stay in shape, looks no longer matter to them. If you have another way of getting your foot in the door, eg if you date men you already know, then you can get your foot in the door without being hotter than everyone around you. You should have a well rounded personality besides being a good looker because that is what is going to help you keep the man. Looks by themselves will not keep a man.

yourbadformylungs · 2022-09-27T09:39:30+00:00

Best piece of advice I can give you is be feminine. Its one of the biggest things that can make you instantly more attractive to people of both sexes and boost your confidence.

Its not only looking feminine but having feminine energy. Smile more, be kind to others, have healthy boundaries, be graceful and empathetic.

Its took a lot of practice and research for me to get the hang of it but its gotten much better over time.

As for your looks, never give up on focusing on your appearance and putting emphasis on your positive features. Being a healthy weight can be a major plus, good skin care routine, have a well presented fashionable look.

Most of all be happy with who you are deep down. Focus on doing some deep inner work on becoming a good positive person for yourself and eventually towards others. This may mean sitting down and revisiting some past trauma and working through inner wounds of yours. It’s important to be honest with yourself and develop a habit of continuous growth and introspection throughout your life, that way you can be at the best position possible in the end because your thought through things honestly, and you also created that habit at a young enough age that once you get older working through issues is not something thats foreign to you but something thats normal to you.

Good luck and I hope you find yourself a wonderful man to be with in the future.

LetSuitable5665 · 2022-09-30T22:33:36+00:00

Go to the gym (lifting mainly for leg/butt gains) get good at doing make up consistently, and if you’re willing to accept the risks, get plastic surgery. I would post how you look like on a sub Reddit that judges on looks honestly. This could avoid unnecessary surgery due to a poor self image.

Title	How to accept the way you look?
Author	Bruhh-what
Upvotes	28
Comments	23
Date	September 20, 2022 4:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xjdfw5/how_to_accept_the_way_you_look/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-accept-the-way-you-look.1132324 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132324

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