Boundaries for Two Couples Living Together

teaandtalk · 2022-10-12T21:30:42+00:00

I don't know the specific boundaries you guys need but wow does that sound like the potential for a lot of conflict and stress, with tensions high with two new babies. I would make sure that you are all absolutely committed to clear communication and respectful interactions and that you have some very specific rules and separate spaces and responsibilities within the home.

alaskabunny · 2022-10-12T22:52:22+00:00

This seems like a terrible idea full stop. People don't typically live like this, and that's for good reason.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2022-10-12T22:31:42+00:00

More potential problems: not ever being really free in your own home. No chilling on the sofa while making out or nursing your baby while keeping a hot pack on the other breast or getting out of the shower naked. Basically no intimacy in your own home.

Also, who pays for groceries and bills? What if one of you guys likes to take really hot baths, what if one always forget the fridge door open, etc.? Minor annoyances that add up.

UNLESS you have basically two separate functional apartments in the same home (think "granny flat") with easy access to one another. Then you're basically very good neighbors who visit each other frequently.

PersephoneBBY · 2022-10-12T22:23:47+00:00

I will tell you from experience: it's FUCKING hell. Especially when you don't agree with their parenting styles, they are loud and messy, and overall just annoying people. You can think you love a couple until you live together. Then you realize how hellish it can be. Definitely give it a trial run

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2022-10-13T00:48:42+00:00

I think this can either go REALLY well and be a very special and meaningful relationship for you guys… or it can REALLY go bad. There is no middle ground here.

I think you need to be really on board with the following items: 1. Sleep/work schedules - in writing - with expected quiet hours, noisy hours, etc. 2. Noise levels during quiet hours and procedures to keep the house quiet during night feeds etc which don’t involve both couples 3. Parenting style and basic expectations for kids - screen time, nap schedules, feeding schedules, vaccinations, bedtime, 3.5. Meal expectations (how picky can kids be, do all 6 of you eat together as a family or do you have separate dining areas and times, how are kitchen resources/jobs shared, etc) 4. Other couples role in kids lives… will they be equal (or near equal) authorities? Will they be “cool aunt/uncle that live down the hall”? What level of respect do you expect from their future kiddo, and what level of respect are you willing to enforce with your own kiddo to them? 5. Budgetary constraints and general household spending 6. Shared/“quasi-public” assets (fridge, washer dryer, furniture, tv, laptops, whatever) and what to do if one couple or one kid damages them. 7. Reasonable expectations around babysitting arrangements - make sure it is a shared responsibility 8. How to handle fights between the couples or within a couple. How to handle issues like yelling, crying, slamming doors, whatever and have some ground rules about what you want your kids to be exposed to. 9. Drugs/alcohol - how much drinking is too much, what do you want your kids exposed to? 10. Make sure you have an OUT to either evict them or break the lease if things go really sideways (abuse, fighting, sexual tension between members of the quad, whatever)

I have the experience of having done this with my sister… and it was truly amazing. It was primarily cost savings at the beginning, as we split utilities and they helped pick up a portion of the mortgage, but it became so much more than that. We helped each other through so many little moments, we could share cooking and cleaning responsibilities (more hands make light work), our husbands could hang out and feel like they had “guy time” while also being home and around family… but if we had had really different styles or cultures, it could have gone super bad. We also did have a couple squabbles, and we got along super well! Even in the most blissful arrangement, there is occasional tension - a snide comment at 2am when one of the babies won’t sleep, an eye roll about having to wash their dishes, whatever… but if you think you can work through these things with good communication, and it can help to save you time, resources, and give you a beautiful communal family…. I say go for it, or at least go into the trial month with an open mind!

yogurtnutz · 2022-10-12T23:23:58+00:00

I’m planning to do this with my brothers family soon. Obviously there are cons, but I think the other commenters are not even considering the pros. If it works out it could be a wonderful community and a way to tag team with another mom for more support. It takes a village right?

brushshstrokes · 2022-10-12T23:20:45+00:00

How will any of you sleep?

clemangerine · 2022-10-13T13:02:34+00:00

This is unheard of in American culture but common in others. The entire extended family, living under one roof. The definition of harmony here is a little different as the goal is focusing on the collective, not the self.

Svenskamamma · 2022-10-13T01:17:59+00:00

If it’s a supportive community you’re after you find a property with two separate homes on it?or two apartments in the same building?

warm20 · 2022-10-13T09:33:02+00:00

I wouldn't recommend it, it's abnormal. Unicorns out there that can make this work with no issues are very low, and usually there is always one or 2 that'll be unhappy and won't speak about it.

sunglasses90 · 2022-10-13T12:51:35+00:00

My question is why? Is it to save money?

I love saving money, but there are some things not worth it due to mental and relational health reasons.

All I can see is two crying babies because as soon as one sleeps the other will cry and wake it up. Y’all will never sleep and no sleep will make you irritable. I 100% wouldn’t recommend it. The women will fight for dominance. It’s our natural instinct and add no sleep and stress to that and a saint of a woman will turn catty as hell. This is biological because you’re fighting for the survival and comfort of your child.

Artistic-Peach7721 · 2022-10-13T18:28:32+00:00

That sounds like a living hell

mountainloves · 2022-10-13T14:57:20+00:00

This is just not a good idea.

mistressusa · 2022-10-12T22:00:06+00:00

Soon your babies will be toddlers and they'll start fighting with each other. Your mama bear instincts will kick in and you'll start fighting with the other mom. Then you'll both try to get your own husbands involved. Soon the husbands will be forced to abandon their special and deep friendship due to this foolhardy adventure dreamed up by their wives. The end.

Fashothoyo · 2022-10-12T22:29:37+00:00

Respecting personal space. There’s nothing worse then intentional controlling. All that does is dim her light!

TiberSeptimIII · 2022-10-15T19:38:04+00:00

Honestly the only way this works is a sit down with the other couple. Set up house rules, kitchen and community used items rules (I.e what is and isn’t okay to eat out of the refrigerator, how you’re splitting grocery bills and consumables bills), rent payments, guest rules, all of that. Put it in a couple of pages and print copies for everyone and keep the master file in a drawer.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-12T21:22:27+00:00

Title: Boundaries for Two Couples Living Together

Full text: If two somewhat newly wed couples both with newborn babies decided to live together, what do you think would be good rules and boundaries to set to have a harmonious household? Some potential issues that come to mind are: - Comparison between marriages, children, and individuals - Getting unsolicited advice - Witnessing arguments - Differences in parenting styles Etc

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Title	Boundaries for Two Couples Living Together
Author	pocketfulofash
Upvotes	20
Comments	47
Date	October 12, 2022 9:22 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/y2fxho/boundaries_for_two_couples_living_together/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/boundaries-for-two-couples-living-together.1134017 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134017

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