Are your dating experiences normal?

glad0_ve0rgijev · 2022-12-29T16:42:35+00:00

Yes, my dating experience is normal. I get no dates.

CaptainObvious4000 · 2022-12-29T16:12:46+00:00

I’m different to my peers.

I refuse to settle or be settled for, while they seem quite comfortable with either reality.

I think I also demand a level of self awareness and character they can happily live without their partner possessing.

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2022-12-29T16:19:23+00:00

I wouldn’t say I’m red pill anymore tbh. But being fat a portion of my life and then turning into a Greek god embodied really changed my perspective.

BigZaddyZ3 · 2022-12-29T16:12:36+00:00

I’m much better looking than the average guy, and that’s reflected in my sex life. That’s the only meaningful difference between me and a “normal” guy in my opinion.

I feel like most guys will have similar (Redpill-leaning) experiences when dating women in 2022. Whether or not they register the women behaviors (or even their own behaviors) as “Redpill” is irrelevant honestly. You’re committing a fallacy in thinking that only people with “radical” experiences apply Redpill strategies. In reality, there are a lot of “normal” guys who are very Redpilled in their beliefs/behaviors but don’t necessarily subscribe to the actual Redpill content or culture. (I was a good example of this even at a young age. I always jokingly say I was Redpill before I even knew what it was.)

PlebbitBot9000 · 2022-12-29T18:30:49+00:00

I'm not sure there is such a thing as a fully "normal" dating experience in 2022. Young people today are guinea pigs for so many new developments in the game. OLD / social media have barely been around for ten years but are now a dominant force in the dating market. MeToo / feminism is increasingly pathologizing many previously socially acceptable dating rituals, e.g. cold approach is basically dead at this point. So in short, we're living in a world that no other generation would remotely recognize as normal. We're left to navigate it ourselves.

I'm not sure redpilling is about developing an entire philosophy around dating, it's more about correcting the lies society tells them about it. This is especially relevant right now, as there's a massive generational gap in dating expectations as described above.

To answer your question about me personally, I would say my dating life is typical to that of my peers, e.g. a very slow trickle of potential partners, considerable history of rejection, etc.

FlyV89 · 2022-12-29T19:34:35+00:00

I was kind of "Bluepill" before reading redpill stuff I think, and Redpill ended up blackpilling me hahaha.

Thing is I've always been good looking. Tall, buffed, good looking face, blue eyes, black hair... The ol' "tall, dark and handsome" trophe lets say.

Dating has always been easy for me, but I asumed I was kinda a normal man and that other men's experiences marched mine.

When I started noticing my friends struggling a lot with dating and then read this Redpill stuff I started also realizing a lot of the things redpiller preach were around me all the time and I wasn't noticing because I wasn't paying attention and I was also biased by my own life experiences.

I now understand I wasn't "special" at all, and that all my interactions with women and my success in dating are rooted in my looks.

It's sad in one way, and also a harsh realization.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-12-29T16:38:27+00:00

My experience was not normal; if anything it was blackpilling. My buddies could not get anything on OLD (and they were all average-ish looking), while I had tons of options. Tbh some of my friends were actually slightly above average imo, but non-white and still couldn't get anything.

The redpill experiences came with actually being in relationships with women and seeing how they tick. Seeing what happens when you're vulnerable with women & how they react. Seeing how manipulative behavior and narcissistic behavior gets rewarded.

DreysunTheOne · 2022-12-29T18:05:14+00:00

probably not i frontloaded a lot of major dating mistakes at the start of adulthood because i was hung up on my virginity, lost almost all respect for women from the first relationship.

found a good girl but didn't have "enough passion" for her (I would never really be kind to her because I thought she was just using me too), we dated a while but eventually the "no passion", ruined our relationship, and then my bitter ass nailed the coffin on our friendship.

and now I'm forever bitter and just fuck women when I can

edit: apparently Im supposed to give a 3rd woman a chance but I don't see that happening ever, or working out well

xzpw · 2022-12-29T18:47:28+00:00

You’ve got some claims in here that are just wrong. Normal people do have experiences that lead them to philosophies but they don’t know about the pills. Instead, they just say things like, “women want tall/handsome/rich/powerful/etc. men.” (Which is redpill/blackpill) There’s plenty more examples. It’s more often that men get pilled because they’re often the ones who have to confront their dating woes because they’re the hunters. If they’re hunting and not getting any results - they have to reflect more often than the prey. The prey isn’t going to reflect as often when they’re not getting actively rejected.

I’ve met a few guys who obsess with alpha traits. They make a lot of money, workout a lot, and generally are over confident in everything they do to make up for their deep insecurities. Go to big cities - dime a dozen.

As far as my experience with peers - I feel I’m similar to my peers but definitely a more intense challenge. A big difference is that many of my peers settled immediately for whatever was closest and for a lot of them that was enough. They ended up marrying that woman at a relatively young age and then kept with that forever even if it was a suboptimal result. This is the story of the “normal” man that many women obsess over here. A man who settled for the first woman who showed interest in him.

The reason my experience is different is that my bar for attraction is higher than those men. I’ve been married as well and so my experience of being divorced at a quite young age also adds nuance. Especially for someone who is educated and well off financially. It’s not too common to be divorced in your early 30s in my circles. Especially for the reason I got divorced too - that is incredibly uncommon. (Financial reasons)

I’d say the biggest contributor to my viewpoint is the lived experience of myself and others. I’m not physically attractive at all. However, I do have an attractive personality and many attractive traits. This lead me to thinking the conventional bluepill shit that gets thrown out was hogwash. But like gaslighting - one wonders what’s going on because only a few women are redpilled to the degree where they’ll actually say it. Most say bluepill stuff and so if you consult women about what they want - it’s all mixed messaging. If you’re a progressive man, you tend to believe that women are like men in some regards and therefore think they must be telling accurate reflections of their behaviors. But once you get pilled and pulled out of identity politics - you realize men and women are vastly different in the way they think and convey their behaviors. (Whether cultural or biological is irrelevant - they’re just vastly different)

Anyway, to wrap up, my dating experiences are definitely not normal. My biggest complaint is that I only attract (and run into) gay men and women in relationships. No lie - I’ve been intimate with 3-4 women in relationships this year alone. I often don’t find out until after we’ve been intimate. 🤦‍♂️

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stats135 · 2022-12-29T16:32:14+00:00

And their experiences are not radical enough

As the Buddha said, Life is Suffering (I've been told "life is radically dissatisfying" might have been a better translation). ALL aspects of life is "radical enough" to develop a philosophy around, to bring science into, and to intellectualize.

Do you feel like you are similar to or different from you peers?

I am simply suffering through dating, suffering through life, like everyone else.

If normal, why is your perspective (and experiences) radically different from normal guys?

If I really had to point to any uniqueness of my own, it would be that I had STEM education and currently work in tech. So I favor the mathematical/economical/statistical perspective over say the religious or spiritual.

AreOut · 2022-12-29T20:06:08+00:00

I can compare my redpilled self now to my way younger bluepilled self. As a 40yo selfmade guy I have way more success with 25yo women than I had when I was 25.

Now most of my friends who are 40, look avg and have avg lives are usually doomed as anything they can realistically get is a woman in her near 40s that is catching the last train to settle.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-12-29T20:07:14+00:00

Me and my homies never had any issues with dating and fucking bitches. Not any of my brothers either (all 5 of them) but we’re all decent looking guys anyways. So yes my experience is normal and I’ve never been friends with a guy that couldn’t pull bitches.

What’s not normal though is how I go about things because I play the numbers game in the truest sense of the word. I take every opportunity that I can to flirt with bitches outside of work. I have no shame about it.

Meihuajiancai · 2022-12-29T19:16:54+00:00

I lived most of my adult life, from 26 to 38 among expats in East Asia. My life experiences in general, let alone with dating, are so far removed from most Americans that I often feel like an outsider, even though I was born and raised here. Dating, adulting, everything I feel so out of place and confused sometimes

bodaciousbonsai · 2022-12-29T19:48:45+00:00

In some ways they're the same and some ways different.

My BP friends typically have dates that lead no where. Mine typically lead to sex on the first date, sometimes second date. They will sometimes get friend-zoned, while this never happens for me. They're also more quick to commit and will girlfriend up a woman they've only been on a few dates with and have known less than a month.

Our experiences are the same in that we both have to put in a ton of effort just to get a single date. Lots of time sourcing, texting, rejection, ghosting, etc. We've all been in committed relationships, have fallen in love, fallen out of love, had breakups, etc.

TempoIndigo · 2022-12-29T20:07:25+00:00

No, I am generally the one being asked out. I also dont get along with people that often relationship-wise but when I end up having a potential partner, I end up having to choose between 2 or 3 girls. I’ve had about 10 or so gfs, only asked out 1. Will go a year or two without anyone and then 2 or 3 being interested at a time

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-12-29T20:18:02+00:00

not radical enough

Presumably that’s the majority of TRP as well. Not radical, just not quite getting the outcomes they desire.

similar to or different from your peers?

Very similar. I played rugby for the majority of my life, at a level just below pro. So the majority of my brothers, cousins, and friends, all socialised in the same circles. Which comparatively are fairly successful compared to the norm, but normal for us.

Godspeed and good luck!

Title	Are your dating experiences normal?
Author	EBITDA-5x
Upvotes	4
Comments	39
Date	December 29, 2022 3:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zy8ow7/are_your_dating_experiences_normal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-your-dating-experiences-normal.1145342 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145342

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