the lack of masculinity in my partner

bunnytryingreddit · 2023-01-09T16:34:25+00:00

Just wanted to give my 2 cents about the amazing sex with the toxic alpha men: probably it was so amazing because sex was the only form of intimacy you could get from them.

Think about it.

Real-Masterpiece-468 · 2023-01-09T13:29:39+00:00

My darling, I mean this in the nicest way possible and I really want you to take this in and think about it because I’m a woman that has been in your shoes and oh did I regret leaving my nice guy.

You’re used to toxic relationships. You’re used to being treated badly. You’re used to narcissistic behaviour. So now that you’re with a healthy person you think there is something wrong and are even projecting talking about his testosterone maybe affecting fertility etc when that is really a non issue right now.

The reason why narcs keep people around it’s because of that initial high. You need to grow up and get therapy. Because this man in your words is treating you like a princess. So what would you like? For him to treat you like shit?

What more do you want in a man? Maybe for him to mistreat you like your ex did?

Or maybe you want a balance? Well life is about trade offs and we cannot have everything in one sole person so you need to ask yourself what your priority is. Sex can be learned if you want to spice up your bedroom YOU can insist on doing this and giving him direction and creating different fantasies.

The fact that you want to sleep much with a guy that you say treats you like a princess, means there is something wrong with you! Because the guy that treated you like an option you had no problem getting wet for and aroused. See a pattern there?

There is nothing wrong with this guy, you are the problem and I ask you to not damage this very nice individual that respects you and treats you like a princess. He deserves better.

If you want toxicity, there is plenty of it in the world and rather easy to find too. I wish you the best.

ddouchecanoe · 2023-01-09T15:03:33+00:00

Already takes testosterone supplements which is of concern to me because he is only in his 20s and for some reason the T levels dropped in his early 20s which I assume that is why he is not as masculine and this may impact on his ability to one day have children?

Low T is far more common than you'd think. T levels have been dropping consistently generation by generation due to plastics, xenoestrogens, etc. I would personally see it as a good sign that he has identified to problem and is working to improve it.

LeicaRedEye · 2023-01-09T15:52:31+00:00

You are conditioned to be pushed and pulled by the narcissist that you confuse torture with attraction. It's how the sadists trap you and demean you for their own pleasure.

Don't let your guy go. Get therapy, treasure what you have, and heal.

plum-shake · 2023-01-09T16:54:58+00:00

He sounds like he is in touch with his feminine energy. That is a very good sign. Every individual has male and female energy regardless of gender. People who are comfortable with both and find a balance within are generally less toxic. It sounds like he wants to provide for you, which is a natural male tendency. Give him a chance; you've been mentally beaten down from being in toxic relationships. So it's going to feel very weird and out of the norm for you to be treated right. I totally understand it. Just talk and be open with him, and if he is capable of hearing you out and working with you, then that is all that really matters here! Good luck, sugar!

OkraGarden · 2023-01-09T13:25:04+00:00

He sounds like an awesome guy which means he deserves a woman who loves him as much as he loves her. If you can't be that woman, the ethical thing to do is be honest with him about that and allow him the chance to move on. Every day you spend in this relationship that isn't going to work out in the long run is day you're both not out looking for whoever it is you're more compatable with. Not every woman wants a tough alpha male, I certainly didn't. They're not my type at all. You're early enough in the relationship that you could let him go without long term issues for either of you and he could easily find someone else.

gabbro · 2023-01-09T15:55:42+00:00

to clarify. Is he on T supplements or T therapy? If it’s the first then it’s not a huge deal. Not sure why this would cause concern about fertility. If this is a huge deal get a full T panel at a functional medicine doctor.

The top voted comment is totally on point.

Have you mentioned to him that you want to be more submissive and see him take the lead? Hopefully you aren’t expecting him to read your mind here.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-01-09T16:43:20+00:00

I agree with everyone telling you he's a great guy. I recommend the book Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb to gain perspective, because this stuff is frivolous to the point that this reads like a parody.

However, the low testosterone is actually concerning if it's a medical issue. My husband looked into testosterone treatments to increase his sperm count and was given a list of really terrible side effects and told that he could basically never get off of them once he started. I do recommend looking into this.

Flat_Shower · 2023-01-09T14:14:35+00:00

It sounds like you feel like you’re making a trade off for a less attractive, less assertive, less dominant man. In exchange, he’s kind, caring, and commits to you. I speculate you think that you’ve settled for less than you deserve, because you slept with the “alpha” and want everything the alpha had to offer, plus everything your current guy has to offer.

Quite honestly, picture this man: has his shit together, is successful, assertive, owns a business, is conventionally very attractive, takes great care of his body, and treats his partner like a princess.

Now: what would he want to do with you? I guarantee you he could do way better. You’re dating in your league. You can have attractive and assertive high SMV, or successful and caring high RMV. You found your equal SMV and RMV partners. The high SMV won’t commit to you.

cohost3 · 2023-01-09T15:25:15+00:00

Sounds like he is an ideal man, but you’ve been alpha widowed. I don’t think the problem lies with him.

Jazzlike-Emu-9235 · 2023-01-09T15:48:08+00:00

He seems like a great man. I agree with others who have commented already. 1)talk to him about sex! It can feel awkward but there's so so much research showing how important it is. You never know what he wants and if he's doing what he thinks you like. Every single person is pleased in their own way. Just sit down and be like "I love our sex. If you are ok with it I'd like to talk about ways that we could both enjoy it even more" 2) with the chores he probably just sees himself as being helpful and maybe he doesn't even realize that you genuinely want to do it. A lot of people don't like cleaning but can make a big deal out of it. You should talk to him about that's how you show your love, it helps you destress, it what makes you feel feminine etc. Maybe he actually really dislikes cleaning but wanted to do his fair share! 3) with intimacy it sounds like you're talking about physical intimacy? See point 1 for that. Otherwise us women are such emotional people it's biology that we get attracted to emotional intimacy. It's at 3 months which can be a bit of a weird phase of "is this casual or real? Where do we stand?". You should try some relationship techniques that is known to build stronger connections. There's all sorts of ways of doing this but I know in my Intimate Relationships class we did it with a classmate where we were given a huge stack of random questions that ranged from "what's your favorite song" "whats your favorite childhood memory" to very in depth ones that needed time to reflect "how do you want to be remembered" and they were all intermixed so the very difficult ones that can be difficult to answer weren't all back to back. You could try that! It was a very good exercise in my opinion.

Accomplished_Ad2910 · 2023-01-10T20:13:16+00:00

Alpha *ucks, beta bucks.

Typical

Wonderful_Layer_8901 · 2023-01-09T20:55:44+00:00

The responses in here are all painfully black and white. "Stick with the nice guy because alpha men are tOxIc". These are not your only options. I'm shocked at the lack of nuance and the number of women here, in a sub that is about male-led relationships, telling you to settle for the submissive nice guy.

Attraction is important. Chemistry is important. Some women require a higher level of masculinity in a man in order to be attracted to him. There's nothing wrong with the sweet gentle types, but if you're not naturally attracted to him, you are looking down the barrel of resentment and a dead bedroom.

I ended up with the dominant "alpha" guy who drove me wild from the start. We're married and twice the age of most of the girls in here, and I can tell you that if you choose well and you treat him right, you don't need to trade off attraction for a healthy dynamic. I say this from bed with the coffee he lovingly made me after f*cking me silly 😜 it is absolutely false that "chemistry and attraction dries up in your 40s so there's no point selecting for that anyway". If you choose a good man you have chemistry with and you tend to your relationship, you can carry that sexy flirtatious loving energy forever.

LaGrandeParisienne · 2023-01-09T13:12:25+00:00

Have you ever confronted him about it? It looks like he loves you enough to listen and try to understand your needs. If you don't feel like being straight forward to him, try to show him obvious signals so he can adapt on his own.

2023-01-09T16:49:29+00:00

This is why I tell guys that ask me: NEVER give more in a relationship than the woman does or she's not going to be attracted to you. Some chaos is good if it's emulated and not because of a personality disorder, it creates strong bonds and attraction.

2023-01-09T16:44:07+00:00

>Already takes testosterone supplements which is of concern to me because he is only in his 20s and for some reason the T levels dropped in his early 20s which I assume that is why he is not as masculine and this may impact on his ability to one day have children?

Most guys take that shit and it does nothing. Pretty sure he hasn't even tested his testosterone.

RedUzer36 · 2023-01-09T20:12:54+00:00

This, in my opinion, is one of Women's toughest challenges when it comes to being with a Man.

You have just listed the Pro's of what Women, on paper, describe what they want in a partner. He's caring, considerate, polite gentleman, a helper and very compromising in order to please his Woman and make her happy.

The issue is that deep down, Women love a Man who is rough around the edges. I have been with over 100+ Women in my life and I was (and still am to a degree) that type. Women love a strong Man who takes control and can be dominant but they do not like the fact that this also comes with the Con's of the opposite "ideal" man.

Inconsiderate, doesn't go out of his way to please her, doesn't really compromise on anything, etc. however the raw animalistic sex is fantastic to where you have mind blowing, leg shaking orgasms that leave you tingling at the thoughts of that alpha males sex you had the night before.

Women have told me this themselves and sometimes it causes them to either want to be or are already unfaithful to their partner. They love the non-sexual aspects of their partner but desire the raw sexual prowess of that Alpha male.

While the partner is "bending over" backwards to please you, You miss that alpha who picks you up, throws you on the bed and tells you how much of a bad girl you are while he pulls your hair back and gives you mind blowing orgasms that leave you giggling afterwards.

AutoModerator · 2023-01-09T13:04:00+00:00

Title: the lack of masculinity in my partner

Full text: I (F24) have been casually (with intent to progress) seeing an Alpha male for 5 months, but the hot and cold game, inconsistency and inability to create emotional connection and safety led me to break off things with him. We have been very compatible in every aspect, felt like I finally met someone I could see myself with, the chemistry was through the roof, felt almost surreal but at the same time his narcissistic tendencies made the whole situation toxic. As I decided to leave that situation I have met Mr Nice guy.

This man in his late 20s has his shit together. Owns business, works out, reads, is very caring, loyal, extremely generous, consistent and actively pursues me. I decided to give it a shot and we made our relationship official (been dating for 3 months only). Now I have an issue which I am unsure wheter it stems from me and my history of toxic partners and the need for "spark", for the masculine traits that allow me to be more feminine or whats the deal. Everything is good between us, conversations are interesting, I am looked after, reassured, validated and overall very secure in this relationship. However, I don't particularly feel extreme attraction towards him because:

1) sex is good, but it just doesn't feel nearly as good as it was with "alpha men" I been with.

2) I find him attractive but I don't have the urge to be intimate with him.

3) Although I love how he cares for me, sometimes it feels as if he is more submissive one (he always lets me make decisions "whatever you would like", cooks and cleans and even if I want to do it he just tells me he will do it and I should not worry.

4) Already takes testosterone supplements which is of concern to me because he is only in his 20s and for some reason the T levels dropped in his early 20s which I assume that is why he is not as masculine and this may impact on his ability to one day have children?

I am unsure if I am being very unreasonable here and just ungrateful. He loves me dearly and looks after me, treats me like a princess. Is this a problem with me that I am so used to the toxic highs that I had before and now that I have someone who is soft with me it makes me rethink wether we are compatible or is it a deeper issue here of him being too submissive to me that I feel like I always have upper hand?

I am completely lost. Could someone offer any insight, please?

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LeMystique20 · 2023-01-29T06:48:07+00:00

It seems Beauty has no Beast to tame. You titled the discussion “the lack of masculinity in my partner.” Do you believe he has a serious lack of masculinity? If so, that is concerning. May I respectfully ask what your age is? And his?

Title	the lack of masculinity in my partner
Author	itsokman111
Upvotes	3
Comments	53
Date	January 9, 2023 1:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/107dwk1/the_lack_of_masculinity_in_my_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/the-lack-of-masculinity-in-my-partner.1146365 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146365

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