My husband and I had a conversation yesterday about his listening to very redpill things. I said how I try to listen to things that encourage me to be a good wife, good mom, uplift me in my faith, encouraging my values, and so on. And that I don’t understand why listen to people that he claims he doesn’t agree with, their values don’t align and I can tell when he’s been listening more because his fuse gets shorter and shorter.

His response is that he hasn’t been respected in the past by myself and it helps him to remember that he’s a man and that he needs to be firm in that and require respect. In his mind he is setting a standard in the house that he should be treated like I would treat an employer (in regards to the way I speak to him for example). And if this doesn’t happen he withdraws. To me, it’s seems like a punishment if I misstep in the regard of respect. When I say I didn’t know he says it’s BS and I know how to be respectful I just refuse to respect him.

In the evening before a new work week, he tends to get very anxious and overthinks everything. He said he doesn’t think I like him. And truth be told when it feels like he is punishing me - I don’t like him. I just said that sometimes, yes it is hard to like him.

Today after some thought I told him that he has a choice. He can demand I respect him and dole out punishments or he can be liked. I am capable of respecting him and like him, but not if he behaves in this way.

To me- he’s behaving immaturely. Instead of inspiring respect though his leadership, he’s demanding it. As a Christian I believe I ought to be respectful regardless, however it’s just breeding ground for resentment.

I guess this is part a question of how to navigate the idea of respect (I suppose regardless of how my husband is behaving) and how the heck not to get resentful. He will go a week with barely acknowledging me when he thinks it warrants it. He wants me to still like him. And after 5 years of a difficult time, my patience is wearing thin. I’ve pushed a lot into becoming a better wife and stay open toward him. However the wall is getting higher and higher between us. Things that used to make me sad (like the almost complete lack of physical affection) are now just there and I feel indifferent toward it.