Using a throwaway name, for obvious reasons. First time posting on this forum and typically just a lurker on Reddit. I have a reasonably high profile career and I had a contentious divorce. Neither of us were perfect and we weren't suited for each other. Nonetheless, this is what I experienced. I was married for 4 years, divorced now for over 7 years. I had a prenuptial agreement with my former spouse. I came into the marriage with substantial assets and income, and she is/was a career woman as well. We had 2 sons born 2 years apart. I filed for divorce after spending over a year in marital counseling, etc. It wasn’t going to work, for many reasons and I knew it. I retained counsel and tried to engage in a civilized separation, divorce and shared custody arrangement. I purchased another home to live in within 5 miles of the home I owned and let her continue to reside in with our sons, as that home was purchased before our marriage and in my name only. I wanted to allow her to stay in my home and keep continuity for our sons.

Then, it started, within 60 days of my filing for formal separation and divorce: 1. False accusations of spousal abuse (my attorney warned it might happen and I had security cameras on the exterior of the property and added several to the interior common areas of the “family home” that I owned and continued to own). I was arrested no fewer than 4 times, with charges dismissed each time due my being in completely different locations (including out of state on 1 occasion), having the property cameras film her hitting my car repeatedly with a hammer, smashing my windows and trying to assault me when I returned our sons after a long weekend, etc. Suffice to say I never touched her but she was able to have me arrested on her word alone with no supportive evidence whatsoever. 2. Her vandalizing my new home repeatedly and trying to break in also caught on security cameras. She also vandalized my attorney’s home and office. 3. Her rummaging through my trash, also caught on security cameras. 4. Her refusing to turn over our sons on the scheduled times, repeatedly. 5. Her stalking a new girlfriend I had 1 year after I was divorced, harassing her at work and physically coming to her office, breaking into her home and leaving notes. 6. Her assaulting a process server in broad daylight with can of pepper spray and holding a 9MM to his head as he was on his knees. (the news coverage of her arrest on this was both entertaining and scary) 7. Her calling my offices and trying to ruin my business relationships. 8. Her harassing my extended family (brothers and parents) with letters, calls, etc. 9. Her not complying with the custody arrangements, ever. 10. My legal counsel required a Psychological evaluation of both of us to gain some footing. She lied to the psychologist, and we proved it and the report was very favorable to me and the judged ruled accordingly. 11. She left the state with our sons to “visit” friends in different states to avoid having to turn our sons over. 12. The judge gave me a child support order against her after he officially transferred custody over to me after 3 years of court battles. 13. She contested the Prenuptial Agreement, and lost. 14. She assaulted me and hired private detectives to harass me. She even claimed I left dead animals on the doorstep of the house she was living in (the house I OWNED). There were other occurrences, but you get the idea.

This went on for nearly 5 years and over $400,000.00 in legal fees and costs, just to me. Finally, the Family Law Court judge issued a Contempt of Court Order and Arrest Warrant with a $100,000.00 bail attached to it for transfer of custody. The problem was he never served it on the local police department. Thus, it wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on and custody would never be transferred. I knew the next thing was she would accuse me of sexually abusing our sons or something equally heinous. I thought long about what to do over the next 2 months or so. At the next court appearance (I showed with my counsel and she didn’t show, but her attorney did) I requested my legal counsel arrange a meeting, in chambers, with the presiding judge. They made it happen. I told the judge I was done and was never coming back to family law court, ever again. It was a waste of time and the court never enforced it’s orders and never followed through. I realized it was because she was a woman, and a mother, and I was, effectively, a 2nd class citizen in their eyes and disposable. The judge asked me to continue working with the system. I asked him “why” when they would do nothing and I told him I'd never return. My attorney and I left. He agreed that I made the right decision I never went back. It broke my heart and I knew I knew I’d never see my sons again. I couldn’t go through that pain again and I couldn’t continue putting myself at risk to that woman or continue to allow her to create chaos in my son’s lives. Someone had to be an adult and walk away. That was me. My parents were heartbroken, but understood. Every birthday, holiday, important event pains me. I hide it well but know I will never be a father again. This was my experience with family law court. I saw many other men, some of whom were my friends go through situations where they were marginalized as their roles as a parent reduced to nothing more than a checking account. It’s sad but this story is repeated every day. Yes, mine is extreme. Ironically, I was in another city on business almost 6 months ago and guess who was “on my 6”, yes, my wonderful ex-wife whom I confronted in that city and told her to leave me alone or suffer the consequences. I filed a restraining order when I returned, that week. I had her evicted from the home I owned approximately a 1 ½ years ago. During the original divorce proceedings she agreed to pay a nominal sum in rent (I own it without encumbrance) to me if I allowed her to remain there, and I agreed. She didn’t pay a thin dime and trashed that house. It cost me well over $100,000.00 to get it into a condition to rent to a legitimate renter again. All this because she “loved me”.

I will never marry again. My girlfriend is a great lady and she’d love to get married but I’ve told her I’m not interested now, or ever. If she wants to leave, there’s the door. It’s pointless and I will never do it again. I will never see my sons again, and I don’t want to. They won’t be adults (18) for several years but their dear mother will have plenty of time to make me look like the fucking devil. She left messages on my phones by text and VM saying that I’d “be the daddy that never was”, and she succeeded. If, by chance, my sons do contact me I will tell them I can’t deal with it and to look for the answers they seek from their dear mother. I have nothing for them and don’t know them and they don’t know me, anymore. I’m not going down this road again. It’s far too painful. It nearly ruined my life and livelihood. I was lucky to have money and resources and realize the courts really don’t give a shit about the rights of fathers and men which is why I will never put myself in a position to be harmed again. More men should take care to protect themselves. I’m not a big champion of “men’s rights” as each man must make his own choices, as I did. But marriage is a dangerous proposition for a man I wish I knew then what I know now.