What do you want your son to be like? What do you want your daughter to be like?

2021-03-07T08:30:47+00:00

I raise them based on their inclinations and capabilities, not based on their gender.

My rural parents pushed me to be this quiet girl with a ponytail interested in girly stuff, while I was good at mathematics and logic, high spatial intelligence and such. Only now in my 30s I found a vocation in IT I'm interested in, years after wasting my money and time.

My brother, on the other hand, is absolutely fantastic with kids and has this solid verbal intelligence he wasted by studying ecpnomics. He could have been a great teacher, that kind that gets you interested into things you wouldn't care about. Instead he works as a broker, which made him overweight, bald and depressed in his late 20s.

RandomUsernameSkrrrt · 2021-03-07T09:53:33+00:00

For both my son and daughter:

Meta 1. High self-esteem and empowered mindset. They are confident in their abilities, talents, and potential for success. They know exactly what they have to offer and don’t compromise on their standards or ambitions. 2. Autonomy and emotional self-regulation. They are not codependent, validation-seeking, or overly swayed by peer-pressure. They understand the importance of self-sufficiency and for this are reasonably introspective. 3. Independent-thinking and questioning. They exercise a healthy amount of skepticism toward all things, including me, and understand blind faith and fealty is not a virtue, but a vulnerability. This applies to religious, philosophical, political, national, ethnic, and any other affiliations. 4. Harmony with oneself. They anchor themselves in bodily wisdom and intuition first and foremost before mainstream advice, in matters of physical and mental health. They do not pit themselves against themselves ever by demonizing certain impulses, like emotions, gut-instincts, hunger, or anything else. 5. Efficiency over effort. They prioritize working smarter over working harder and recognize numbing one’s natural resistance to inefficiency by learning to “bear through the pain” (as in the case of school) only primes a slave-mindset to be later taken advantage of by others. Blind work ethic, like blind faith, is not a virtue. (This is coming from someone who primarily gets A’s, so don’t take this as self-rationalization of mediocrity). There is nothing wrong with protecting one’s energy.

Concrete 1. I want their lives to consist of whatever careers, hobbies, and relationships that supply fulfillment to them. I don’t expect them to pursue STEM like I did, or go to college, or follow any course in particular. I simply want them to be equipped with the maturity, self-esteem, introspection, and critical-thinking to make decisions that will successfully achieve happiness for them in the short and long-term. Whatever that manifests as is fine by me.

The only lifestyle choice that would make me disappointed is a lifestyle choice that didn’t end up achieving the above for them. It would make me sad to see them sad.

Not sure if there’s a huge difference in advice I’d give my son versus my daughter because a lot of the advice is neutrally applicable to everyone. The only differing sort of advice relates to gender matters, like dating, and since I don’t see myself giving advice to my children on “how to be a man or woman,” or “how to interact with the opposite-sex” due to the intrinsically intuitive nature of it, there’s nothing to address.

Mimoxs · 2021-03-07T10:00:25+00:00

Nonexistent

OG_walrus · 2021-03-07T09:32:07+00:00

My daughter? I want her to be sexually conservative. My son? I want him to not hurt his partner's feelings and to not lie to them.

crowncrown1 · 2021-03-07T07:45:36+00:00

I’m pretty intelligent and building a strong financial foundation so I want my son to out achieve me and have more opportunities. Basically I hope he’s a smart chad

pre-DrChad · 2021-03-07T10:38:14+00:00

I’m not having kids, but I would want my son to be a better version of me I guess.

thelajestic · 2021-03-07T12:53:56+00:00

I want them to be happy and healthy.

I'd be disappointed if they were bullies or cruel or bigoted, but I wasn't raised like that so I'd hope I could similarly raise my kids to not be like that.

I don't think I'd give them any different advice really. They should both learn to have respect for themselves, not put up with people who are trying to take advantage of them etc. Alongside that, they shouldn't take advantage of others.

wtknight · 2021-03-07T15:34:00+00:00

I'd want either gender of my children to be serious about finding love and not obsessed with making money, which is basically how I live my life.

2021-03-07T07:47:34+00:00

I'm never going to have kids, but let's say I had a son and daughter. I would want them to both become the best and healthiest, mentally and physically and to not base their happiness and worth on romantic relationships. That should not be your base in life, as much as you need it. If you are slipping on everything else, it is going to ruin your relationships anyway. Romantic relationships aren't your base. You are. You're better off being single and improving than being in a bad relationship.

What would make me disappointed would be chasing toxic people over and over again, ruining their lives in the process and worse, having kids with them. 'Rebellious sexiness' is not a base for a good partner much less a family. Seen too many girls/women settle for nothing but douchebags endlessly throughout their lives and it's fucking sad. And they shit out kid after kid with them.

geyejoe7 · 2021-03-07T07:38:49+00:00

Son

I want him to start some sport he likes really early on
I don't want him to play videogames as much as I did and waste his life away (unless he wants to be an entertainer)
I want him to eat healthy food I prepare (being fat is what held me back so much until now in life)
I want him to go to the gym when he stops his growth
I want him to not sleep around, but rather look for a long term relationship
I don't want him to be obsessed with branded clothing, and just focus on dressing well
If he wants to go to college, I'd encourage him
I hope he drinks in moderation and doesn't smoke (vape is fine)
I hope isn't a party animal, or some druggie
I want him to have the life he wants, as long as he's not ruining himself

Daughter

I want her to start sports and exercise early in life
I want her mom to encourage her to be feminine
I want her not to sleep around and find a good man in her mid to late 20's (early 20's if it just so happens)
focus on sports when young and education later in life if she so pleased
Definitely want her to be an in-door type (not partying)

sleuthoftrades1 · 2021-03-07T07:16:02+00:00

My thought process has been I want to do better than my dad, and I want my descendants to do better than me. That's my baseline. My father set a pretty high bar, being in like the top 1% of income (not an exaggeration), high education, and a prestigious position in the community. I outdo him on the physical aspects, and will only financially eclipse him in my middle age - if nothing disastrous happens.

I want my son to be taller than me and more athletic than me. I only got into sports in high school, by then it was too late. I'll start a lot earlier with any kids. My parents were relatively poor when they had me, so maternal nutrition wasn't that good. You can tell the difference between my brother and I due to maternal nutrition. My baby mamma's nutrition will be on point. My parents really fail on nutrition, and that hurt my childhood nutrition too. I'm more concerned with that, so won't make those mistakes.

I plan on setting my son up with a great financial base like my dad did, I'll just be able do it like 20 years earlier in life. I'll advise him to focus more on his social life than academics, because I have learned the "cheat codes" to academics that wealth can bring you. Not to be conceited, but all the males in my immediate family have had high tested IQs and academics always came pretty easy, so as long as I don't marry a female Forrest Gump, I think that will continue. Honestly, be the free spirit getting tons of tail on the family dime til you are around 28ish and then start to buckle down to get the great career we can help you get. My brother is semi on that path, and in some ways I see that as the prototype on how to raise my own kid. My dad and I never had that advantage.

I want my daughter to be nonexistant.

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2021-03-07T08:38:15+00:00

God, I don't want my son or daughter to be like anything, I just want them to be able to experience all the most beautiful things in life, like holding a girl or boys hand, idolizing & fantasizing about their first kiss instead of thinking about sex. I want them to have the amazing lovey dovey childhood I had.

If my son or daughter discover porn before they ever held hands with someone & enjoying just walking through a park or holding each other at the movies. I will be depressed and feel like I failed as a parent. But the thing is there's only so much we can control, if other people expose them to **** or talk about it in class "the bees & the ... whatever the fuck" then its done.

I would love for them to have independent minds and not blindly follow peers into drugs or alcohol or jumping off cliffs into water though.

armentho · 2021-03-07T09:38:19+00:00

>implying im even getting a date

2021-03-07T16:35:13+00:00

I'm not going to pretend they'll 100% follow any advice I give them, because that's not realistic, and above all I want my kids to be their own people who trust their own minds even if it might go against what I want for them sometimes.

So with that said. I've been thinking about this a lot because I'm due to have a son in a few weeks. I want him to be like the two men I love and admire most, my husband and my brother. Both of them are headstrong, hardworking and charismatic. They were both athletes in school and both have a creative side (husband is a visual artist, brother is a musician). Both of them are confident in their abilities and genuinely believe they can solve any problem that's put in front of them. They both partied and had fun in their teens and early twenties but ultimately settled down with a nice girl and married her at 29. Also they're both hilarious.

This is the kind of man I'd like my son to be -- a man who is liked and worthy of admiration, but not a pushover. Confident and capable. Passionate about something. Fun but family-oriented. I hope a combination of his genes and the male influences in his life will point him in that direction. I'm going to do my best to just stay out of his way.

I've given less thought to how I'd raise a daughter since I'm not having one (yet). I guess I'd like her to be like me since I'm a pretty good daughter, lol

I'd be disappointed if they didn't eventually settle down and have kids. Or obviously if they became criminals or drug addicts or something.

saladfingers4141 · 2021-03-07T18:17:28+00:00

Healthy, happy with a good moral compass mainly. I’d prefer them to be straight, successful, attractive and active but those are just minor details that don’t really matter.

Disappointing life style choices would be sex work, criminal behaviour or anything morally wrong.

AnarchoNAP · 2021-03-07T23:17:43+00:00

Son:

Highschool: Use this time to learn valuable general information and decide what career you want to pursue. Start a side business in that career if possible, or begin to learn with someone in that career if not possible. Have a healthy social life that includes hobbies and ACTUAL friends. If interested in dating at this age then pick girls for qualities and values. Don't date anyone that you wouldn't consider marrying. Do NOT have sex with anyone that you wouldn't be ok having a kid with, if you must do this at all.

College: Do not go to college unless it is absolutely necessary to pursue the career you want. You should be getting settled in your career and finding a wife in this age range.

Mid 20s to 30s: Take the lack of debt and early start to a career and buy a house. It will give you stability and security. This kind of assumes that house prices didn't 100x like they did from the last generation to me. Your life should start to stabilize at this point, you'll get into the neighborhood you want, start having kids, etc.

30s: Grow your business and enjoy your family. You've had a head start from most people both in terms of knowledge and resources. You should be doing well by now.

40s: You should be financially stable and your kids are older. Get that eccentric hobby you could never afford.

Any choices that did not take advantage of his advantages would be disappointing. Marrying/dating someone with different values from himself would be disappointing. I don't have much opinion on WHICH career he chooses but if he didn't choose one at all and just worked below his ability out of laziness I'd be disappointed.

Daughter:

Highschool: Use this time to gain valuable general information. By this time you should already know basic skills in home management, cooking, etc. Maybe babysit or tutor kids on the side. Have a healthy social life that involves hobbies and ACTUAL friends. Begin dating someone with compatible values, who is ready to settle down soon, and WANTS a SAHM. This person should have a career or career prospects. Don't have sex; he's not going to marry you. If you MUST pick someone you trust him to take care of you and the baby if it comes to that.

College: Do NOT go to college. You can stay with us if desired as long as you are working towards a goal. Son could too, but this is more so important with daughters because I don't want them to waste time and money investing in a career that they will never use. You should get married by this age range. Make sure goals and values align. Early marriage is a goal, but it is still better to wait than to marry someone who has different values or different goals.

Mid 20s to 30s: Take care of your family. Have some kids. Manage the household. Since his job is money, your job is the home. Do your job. While your kids are young you won't have very much time for much else, but you should still maintain friendships.

30s and 40s: Maybe your kids are older now, or maybe you have more young ones. If they are older now then remember that your job is STILL the home. He's still making the money so you still have to take care of house management, childcare, and all chores that you are physically capable of. You may have some more time. Spend some with your husband. Spend some on doing volunteer work or something for the community.

I would be disappointed if my daughter incurred student debt or pursued a career as she has the opportunity not to. I would be disappointed if she did not pick someone with similar values and goals, or someone who expects her to both produce income AND household management (in reality this is never split; the woman ends up doing it).

Title	What do you want your son to be like? What do you want your daughter to be like?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	39
Date	March 7, 2021 6:37 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/lzl0m5/what_do_you_want_your_son_to_be_like_what_do_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-want-your-son-to-be-like-what-do-you.1191284 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191284

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