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My STBXW tried to convince me she needs a pedicure / manicure monthly. Which costs 1,400 annually. We are in the middle of negotiation, why the fuck would someone say that...

RichardCleveland

April 24, 2023

33 upvotes

/r/Divorce_Men

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Title	My STBXW tried to convince me she needs a pedicure / manicure monthly. Which costs 1,400 annually. We are in the middle of negotiation, why the fuck would someone say that...
Author	RichardCleveland
Upvotes	33
Comments	39
Date	April 24, 2023 12:31 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/12xe4ng/my_stbxw_tried_to_convince_me_she_needs_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-stbxw-tried-to-convince-me-she-needs-a-pedicure.1216700 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216700

Comments

[–]jimsmythee 19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

It's called a cash grab. And yes, you need to dispute that. Your STBXW would put down anything and everything in order to fluff up her expenses and hand the bill to you.

My exwife had a recent DUI conviction for "Felony DUI with kids in the car." After she got out of jail, that's when I filed for divorce. Her DUI fines were $7500, and she refused to work. The courts offered her a payment plan of $280/month until it was paid off.

She tried to put down that $7500 as a Marital Debt because she argued that we were married when she got the DUI. I disputed that, and the judge shot it down. Then she tried to put down that $280/month DUI payment to the courts as "monthly expenses". She put down she needed 50% of my take home pay in alimony alone. She put down she needed me to pay for her to get a commercial health insurance plan. Full custody of the kids for maximum CS $'s. The list went on and on.

After trial, the judge shot down her great big Cash Grab. I won everything, and it took her 2 days to stop screaming.

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]jimsmythee 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rb577511 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Xan-Diesel 16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I have noticed that, especially in regards to the alimony and child support numbers. I told her at the start that I would make sure the kids were taken care of. Which she obviously thought meant her as well by proxy. She keeps twisting that and throwing it in my face during our touch and go discussions. I told her "I am not supporting you, you will be my ex-wife" and she just keeps rattling on.

The good thing is that she has backed down some out of desperation. She tried at the start for me to agree to give her 100% of our assets, and a huge chunk of my salary (lol). I have been letting her simmer without any direct answers for seven weeks now (we live together). And have met with my attorney several times for guidance. He's actually working up "fair" numbers / terms for me now. Oh and she refuses to take this to court (or see an attorney), as she said it will just eat up some of her assets.... so we are going pro-se.

[–]Xan-Diesel 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]guy_n_cognito_tu 13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Almost 20 years here. I somehow managed though to be married to a woman who refuses to go to court. As well as have a custody battle. She wants ME to tell her how CS and Alimony I am willing to pay... and then we file pro-se...

There are a few reasons though. One she doesn't want to burn through the liquid assets she is getting. Two I am the only route to keeping my son in his school. So she is throwing 50/50 custody at me. And now even more recently told me to "take the damn house", as she wants to over with. She won't seek legal council either as she doesn't trust them (she has paranoid disorder). I am working with an attorney...

It's fucking surreal... 7 weeks now living together. She is getting worn down and I am taking my time making sure everything is ironed out.

But ya she for sure was telling me that "manicures" are an essential need so I keep that in mind. Like it was going to HELP this situation... O.o

[–]CommanderOfCheese45 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DCnative2020 7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

She started out wanting 100% assets and something like 80% of my salary. I told her hell no, and that she wouldn't ever get it approved. So she went to an attorney... came home with some papers and said we can file ourselves. She wanted me to sit down at the table and fill it out... it seems like she didn't like what she heard. Since then we have had some back and fourths and she keeps lowering what she wants. Insanely she refuses to seek any legal council, and I believe it's because she doesn't want to spend any of the money she wants (I have one). And this entire situation has become bizarre... and right now she is pacing waiting for me to share what I am going to do... not only that but she is rushing to leave. She can't until the house sells... but she even went to look at an apartment earlier today.

I am currently waiting back to hear from my attorney on the amount and term length of alimony that is "sensible". I am not paying her more than 4 years though (son is done with HS). And in my state CS is paid until 21 if they go to college. My daughter though turns 21 this year (LOL).

[–]DCnative2020 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]gnackered 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

We are going no-contest / pro-se.

She refuses to go to court, use an attorney, or have a custody battle. Mainly due to not wanting to spend any of the money she's getting. And also due to having a paranoid disorder (she thinks the attorney's aren't working for her). So right now we are touching base every few days to toss settlement idea's back and forth. It's fucking weird... she is on the edge of her seat just waiting for me to commit to something. And every time we talk she backs up a bit more to try and get me to just pull that trigger. She threw the house at me last week and said she wanted this over so she could move out (stuck together).

Right now I am waiting for my attorney to get back to me on what is "fair" in regards to alimony and child support. What she is asking for I believe is too high, but what she warned me that she wouldn't accept was much lower than I was thinking...

This entire situation is very bizarre...

[–]Ok-Grand-1882 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]CleburnCO 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Small_Quarter_3673 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]King_Cobra_666 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Impossible_Tie6425 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]BlackFire68 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]nomdeprune 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]nomdeprune 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AudreyTooTwo 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I bet I know what happened. In my experience, my ex's lawyer started out by calculating my support payment (with her thumb on the scale, but that's another story). She came up with an exact number for a support payment. I can't remember the number, but it was something specific, like $6537.10 per month.

But then, she needed to file an affidavit with the court that shows her total financial situation, including her monthly budget. Obviously, to make their case, my ex's total monthly expenses just happened to total to $6537.10, exactly to the penny. A shocking coincidence.

But looking closely at the itemized list, after you get through the big items like rent and food, she started "filling in the blanks", so-to-speak, by saying $55 a month in donations, $243 a month in gifts, $89 in miscellaneous, $27 in dog haircuts, etc.., just odd-ball little items to help make the total exactly 6537.10. I could tell she was fudging the little items.

But when asked under direct examination, "$243 a month in GIFTS? Who are you buying gifts for every month?" She couldn't answer. She even admitted she hadn't even seen the affidavit before court. Her lawyer just made it up.

I can't remember if she put pedicures in there or not. Wouldn't surprise me if she did. So, the answer to your question: she listed it as an expense to bolster her budget. Maybe, just a guess.

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

lol, ten cents...

She never filled out a budget sheet as she refuses to take this to court. She just keeps "hinting" at me on the necessities she needs. Mostly due to the fact that I am coming up with my own numbers for alimony and CS (filing pro-se). I am learning as I go that I am so fucking lucky compared to many others. She won't even seek legal counsel during this. I keep going to my attorney and he's like "wtf" when I share her insistence on NOT having an attorney. I fucking told her to get one seven weeks ago (she went once). This is so fucking surreal to deal with.

It's also one of the reasons I was kind of taken back as to WHY she would say that. I could see it included on the court documents. But just tried saying "btw, I need 1400 extra year" during the time I am trying to figure this up... seriously?

[–]EvidencePlz 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Melynthos1492 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Melynthos1492 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RichardCleveland[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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