Do you use dating apps/do HVM?

saddensgirl · 2023-05-23T20:34:18+00:00

I met my husband on a dating site that catered to a niche interest we share. He was living in a very tiny town with low dating prospects and I had given up on finding Mr. Right within my city. We met, dated long distance for a year, then I moved to be with him. And although our story had a happy ending, it is definitely an exception to the rule.

Online dating can be horrible. So if you pursue it, you need to be careful to weed out the men looking for one night stands and friends with benefits. It's easy to talk a good game through text or on the phone. So I would advise you to meet up ASAP, go on multiple dates, and watch closely if his words match his actions.

oooKenshiooo · 2023-05-23T19:26:01+00:00

I know of several HVM who use them to order women like pizza. It's very easy to get bunched up with those, so make sure you discern yourself from the crowd.

Environmental_Ad5867 · 2023-05-24T09:12:20+00:00

I did. Met my fiancé on Hinge. We’re getting married in 3 weeks. In more ways that I imagined, he’s been the most amazing man I’ve ever met.

An app is just a tool. Just like RPW. They aren’t rules that say if you use apps you’re not HVM/HVW. Without the app, I still had men approach IRL and didn’t have problems dating. I used the app because it was lockdown and I was curious. It surprised me when the men I met would say things like, “it’s been really nice to be able to have an actual conversation”. Many of them asked me how long have I been using the app for because the ‘good ones’ get snatched up so quickly. I’d only been on it a week before I met my partner but the men I met/matched with I would be class as HVM and made their intentions of dating with purpose very clear.

The apps help you filter easier but you still need to vet. It’s no different than real life with men cold approaching you.

Similarly with my partner, he met a lot of women IRL but used apps because it helped him filter certain qualities early on- a more targeted search. He had plenty of options and he could choose to be very selective.

A lot of my friends met their other halves via apps. I recommend it as a great filtering tool.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-05-24T15:33:44+00:00

Telling anyone to outright avoid online dating is doing them a disservice. It's the most common way people meet today. Of course good men use dating apps, just as good men go out to bars with their buddies, play intramural soccer at the park, or go to the gym. Limiting yourself is not going to help you meet someone. Be responsible and aware in all settings. Vet well. Don't have sex on the third date. You'll be fine, regardless of where you met.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-05-23T19:52:25+00:00

Never needed a dating app. I'm usually the one around here saying "Up your SMV, change your environment to include better men, and you won't need online meets."

You may find this data interesting: https://today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2021/06/07/dating-apps-poll-data Note that this is multiple-choice selection.

There are 6 women for every 5 men who want a relationship - and that there's no subdivision noting who is ultimately marriage-minded and who simply wants an exclusive but casual relationship, or the ages of the men vs. women who want a relationship. Besides that, 3x the number of men vs. women will admit to using that app for cheating, and about 2.5x the number of men want hookups compared to women. Women don't come out looking too hot either, being substantially more likely to claim to want "platonic" relationships (aka orbiters) or be using it as a self-esteem boost. I've watched a roommate use a dating app for whenever she wanted a free dinner. ("I feel like Chinese." *opens app*)
And now you know why both sexes tend to dismiss dating apps as being full of shallow people. The sentiment I've repeatedly heard from men in general is something to the tune of "you can't find any woman over a 7 on apps, tops" (they're right, high SMV women are drowning in offers sans apps) and from high SMV + RMV men is that the women on an app aren't going to be high RMV either, as apps are designed more for people with quick-turnover dating lives if not merely hookups or casual attention-seeking. Women appear to almost always say the men on it all want hookups, to a degree that would suggest ratios worse than the 5:6 one above. Likely this means "the men who are high enough SMV that I'm interested in having a relationship all only want hookups".
Despite this dismal picture, all stats point to apps continuing to be a growing source of marital meeting year-over-year. I wish there were data comparing the trajectory of dating-app-meet couples vs. IRL-meet couples on their path to marriage. Is one group faster, slower? Is one group more likely to have started non-exclusive? Is one group more likely to have changed their original intentions from meeting? Does meeting online vs. offline impact long-term marital success? etc.

Sidenote: Super-niche meet-apps are going to be a completely different story because they represent a subculture instead of the general population's relationship to online meeting. I guarantee you the apps for Orthodox Jews aren't full of people wanting hookups, and from what someone else was saying in another thread the Unvaxxed dating app was full of people looking for serious relationships. If you belong to some niche cultural group, and you're a woman, it could be useful to track down any relevant apps.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-05-24T12:39:15+00:00

Turn it around: what do you consider a high-value man? Once you figure that out, you'll have better ideas about "which apps and why", if apps at all.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2023-05-23T20:09:19+00:00

Men on the apps tend to not be high-value. In my opinion, if a man needs apps to meet women, it means he’s not doing enough in his life to approach women or meet them out in the wild. Most of them time, they’re either players looking to add women to their roster or guys looking for a quick hookup/fwb.

However, I’ve heard of success stories of ppl on the apps. I have some friends that have met good guys on there. So I’m not a full on hater but it doesn’t seem like the ideal place for finding amazing guys.

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Title: Do you use dating apps/do HVM?

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Lea_Ugly_Lea · 2023-05-23T23:50:17+00:00

No, avoid! Very rarely they do work, especially after 25-28 age range. I feel the younger generation could use app more fluidly as they grew up with that concept as part of the dating life.

HVMs use the apps when they want to have fun and very rarely are there looking for a relationship.

If you are part of a niche (religion, hobby) it could be different, however as someone who used the niche apps for so long, I feel like it's super easy to appear serious but have a shallow mentality and reject/refuse at the first little obstacle (like little distance, jobs or careers, hobbies), because you "can always find someone".

IRL gives the opportunity to see him acts and start the real vetting asap, instead of spending weeks talking about rainbows.

Title	Do you use dating apps/do HVM?
Author	Big-Text-4930
Upvotes	6
Comments	39
Date	May 23, 2023 7:08 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13pxlxy/do_you_use_dating_appsdo_hvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-you-use-dating-appsdo-hvm.1220114 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220114

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