The good that you’ve done will be forgotten.

chomponthebit · 2023-07-09T11:35:07+00:00

You are describing the “light-switch effect” (sidebar of this sub, glossary), a term used to describe women’s flakiness when life’s weather turns nasty (or even just mundane), but is really applicable to most “fair weather friends”. Regardless of how consistently awesome you’ve been, the vast majority of people will “light switch” when you inevitably fuck up or simply run out of luck. This is a problem as old as humans: read Job in the Old Testament, and note that all of Jesus’ apostles fled when he was arrested.

I caution you against adopting the nihilistic interpretation of all people being fair weather friends. With age, and much luck, you will discover a handful of individuals you will come to know as lifelong friends you can rely on through thick and thin. Just like RP emphasizes consistency in lifting, martial arts, work, etc, leads to exponential payoffs the beginner can’t really see or understand now, moral excellence and making sacrifices for others, consistently, will be seen, appreciated, and eventually reciprocated, in spades.

This does not mean bending over backwards for everyone. This does not mean giving a scorpion a ride over the river on your back. Don’t be a pushover. Call people out for shitty behaviour. Defend the weak from predators. Be an actual alpha amongst your pack.

Think SMV: be valuable to the society you’re in. Be active in charity, officially, as in charitable orgs, and when someone you know falls on hard times, help. Listen, sympathize, and do something to lighten others’ burdens. Become a leader by serving all.

“Like attracts like.” Be the kind of person you need in your life and you’ll find them.

classics109 · 2023-07-09T09:27:13+00:00

Briffault's law.

At any point in your life no matter if its a relationships with female or males, no matter if private or business - you should only care about your benefit. That's how life is.

spookyman212 · 2023-07-09T10:41:47+00:00

I sacrificed life at home to provide us a "better life". Now it's falling apart and I am stuck working away from home. Just to come back to a empty house. I honestly feel like a fucking workhorse and wallet. Nothing more. If it ends totally, I plan on only getting fuck buddies or prostitutes. At least then I know where I stand and won't get hurt.

PFD_2 · 2023-07-09T11:00:35+00:00

Easy way to handle is that you always have to make sure you’re good first before helping others, or else you’ll have nothing else to give. Also realize you can’t help people who DON’T want to be helped; they always hit you with the “i didnt ask you to do that”. Guys don’t become jaded & spiteful, just always be tactical in your movements

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-07-09T12:12:26+00:00

This is it. My grandparents were married for 71 years. Their advice: do nice things and don’t keep score

Ikem32 · 2023-07-09T10:41:30+00:00

I try to shift the focus from other people to me. It's hard when you're used to it.

XiphosAletheria · 2023-07-09T19:30:52+00:00

Relationships are about mutual benefit. Hopefully the things you do "to support and lift up a partner (or a friend)" are the same sort of things they do for you throughout the duration of the partnership or friendship. But people grow and change over time, and they are more likely to grow apart than they are to grow more alike, so there may come a time when someone you were close to would rather spend their time with someone else. Or maybe it will be you who'd rather move on. The key is to remember the good times fondly and to move on without bitterness.

never_nic · 2023-07-09T11:32:25+00:00

This sub is plagued by a certain kind of bitterness from being backstabbed by women (and sometimes friends). And this is to be expected since it’s that exact kind of pain that drives people here in the first place.

Yes everyone only cares about what they can get out of the other person, not caring what they had received already. But first of all check yourself and realise you’re not any different. The reason why you invested so much into a relationship is because you thought you’d get something in return. Men marry women because they think they’ll get hot sex until the rest of their life.

You’re just mad that your strategy didn’t work out. You were lied to and you weren’t able to fuck these women over to get what you want, because they’re more cunning and Machiavellian than you thought.

Think of your last gf. If three of your favorite pornstars suddenly showed up at your door and offered to live as your harem, fuck you and cook your delicious meals every day, would you not drop that bitch in a picosecond? The thing is, you didn’t get options like that, so you think you’re so virtuous.

The main course of action is to stop giving resources and “investing” (emotionally, financially, with time..) as a primary mating strategy. Leave that for later, when you’ve already fucked her a few times (using short term attraction) and she’s proven herself to be a potential long term partner. That’s when you can start giving her the occasional gift, you can go out and do something she really wants to do.. but this needs to be secondary.

Because this is something she really wants. You can’t open the floodgates and give her all your attention, money and stuff right away. If she gets it all, she won’t have a reason to keep being a good girl. Use the same law that fucked you over to fuck them over. Keep her thirsty for more, keep an aura of uncertainty where you can withdraw all your investment at a whim (this is why you don’t marry) but don’t say it to her face. Keep her working for the thing she wants out of you.

Read No More Mr Nice Guy, it’s a really good book who have problems with this.

LatentShadow · 2023-07-09T11:02:35+00:00

Then how do you develop your "tribe", the people who will help you when you need it? Is the answer to be "truly independent" ? Is that even humanely possible?

PatternEast7185 · 2023-07-09T12:47:30+00:00

Whether it is girls or even ungrateful friends, don't underestimate their ability to just rationalize betraying you

NormalAndy · 2023-07-09T18:42:47+00:00

That’s why bring a nice guy doesn’t work. Be nice because you want to be nice- not because you expect it in return.

badcreddit690 · 2023-07-09T22:41:06+00:00

I like the briffaults law comment. It also reminds me of what happens to a lot of men when they build "relationship equity". The idea that as long as they give their partner what they want, that new kitchen, redone bathroom, new SUV that when she dishes out the "im not happy speach" the men think they can make a withdrawal on the equity by reminding them of all the hard work they did, not realizing that hypergamy does not care about your efforts.

Abolf_Mustollini · 2023-07-09T11:08:50+00:00

Yes, I agree with everything you've said.

Don't have covert contracts about giving somebody something so then you can get something back out of them.

Give without strings attached. Give as it is free gift. Or simply state what you want out of transaction. If it can't be given, don't give.

Don't expect that the world owes you something because you gave something.

On the other hand: - Basic level politeness is something I think you should expect out of people around you. No matter if it's your guy-friends, female-friends, plates and more, family, parents, children, aquaintances, familiars, coworkers.

Worried_Baker_9462 · 2023-07-09T19:57:02+00:00

Why does it matter if something is or is not forgotten?

Consider the cause and effect of goodness.

Like pouring water into the ocean, its level has raised, imperceptibly.

earthwalker7 · 2023-07-09T19:58:17+00:00

In my experience there are certainly many light switch and fair weather friends. That’s the majority of people. The relationship is built on an exchange of value - emotional, social, material. But then there are a handful of long-standing friends. Those are not dependent on an exchange but on somethings much deeper. Those are friendships that shine brightest when things are most inconvenient, when you are a burden to one or the other. I can count those friendships on one hand but they do exist and I wish you the same luck I have had to find them.

LondonFox-jr · 2023-07-09T20:26:04+00:00

My thoughts:

The only reason this type of thing hurts you is because when you helped/gave this certain someone something, you did it with the thought, either conscious or unconscious, that it was transactional and you should be tallied a point for it. Tit for tat kind of thing. You can peg this negatively on your friend, but the reality is you made it transactional to begin with. If you did something out of the pure goodness of you, there is no bitterness about not getting credit/recognition/praise/thank you. You would.just simply be happy you helped and they succeeded. The problem is not with the other person, its with you. You need to get real zen about things like this.

Reminds me of the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".

GreatGoldSphinx · 2023-07-09T21:40:37+00:00

Covert contracts never end well. The disappointment comes from thinking there will be some better outcome that you "deserve". But the outcome of interactions with others is often out of your control, and its best to not beat yourself up about it. Learning and adjusting will improve further interactions.

As long as you can put your ego aside, you can give without expecting anything in return. Will people abuse it? Probably, but you'll be operating in your own frame. Frame is everything.

DrunicusrexXIII · 2023-07-10T01:38:43+00:00

She did you a favor by leaving early. Thank your lucky stars you didn't buy a house or have kids together.

Some people will leave you in the lurch, now matter how many times you save their bacon. Others won't, and will follow you into battle, loyal to the end.

You can only control you. Do you want to be a fair weather friend, or do you want to be the rock, the man that can be counted on?

OneSmartKyle · 2023-07-10T22:29:08+00:00

Here's my take, and I think it's the culture of where I live:

(1) Look after yourself, but if it's possible, it's alright to look after others simultaneously. The expectation of reward never mattered to me. It's not usually a "The Good Son" scenario where those are mutually exclusive.

(2) Know when to cut the umbilical. One friend kept coming back into my life when things went wrong with hers and the last time she came back, my life was fantastic. I achieved all I wanted up to that point. I told her "You act like people are just convenient to you, so it's time you knew the same." She blocked my spouse and stopped talking to me after that. Good riddance.

hostility_kitty · 2023-07-11T17:13:06+00:00

I used to have the same mentality. But I’ve found that doing nice things for other people can be really fulfilling. I’ve been betrayed and hurt, but the people who appreciate and remember the kind actions have stayed in my life. Now I’m surrounded by extremely supportive and caring family members, friends, coworkers, and a partner. I’m not nice to others because I expect them to be loyal. I do it because it’s what makes me feel good by giving.

Neville_Neville · 2023-07-12T19:24:20+00:00

So true. You can risk your life saving 10 people from a burning building, build 5 hospitals for children with your bare hands, vigilantly protect the innocent from 3 armed robbers per week. Doesn't matter. You fuck one goat, and people...

Title	The good that you’ve done will be forgotten.
Author	Araphoren
Upvotes	151
Comments	43
Date	July 9, 2023 9:09 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/14utu3s/the_good_that_youve_done_will_be_forgotten/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/the-good-that-youve-done-will-be-forgotten.1224745 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224745

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