Wife and I agreed to divorce but she's already doing me and our family dirty?

upvotersfortruth · 2023-07-24T02:02:57+00:00

Give her a long leash until you get custody of your son. Take care of her daughter the best you can temporarily. Forcing responsiblity on her will take that energy she's focusing externally and focus it internally to make it a nastier mess. Make nice, play nice, give her her freedom. Then drop the hammer when the time comes.

Congrats, you've just been promoted to the rank of General in Command of the Divorce Theater.

sentrybot619 · 2023-07-24T03:16:25+00:00

She's checked out.

Now, you need to protect yourself. If she's neglecting her kids, once it comes time to talk custody, she's going to accuse you of everything she's doing, I 100% guarantee it. So start taking notes, recording shit, keeping a record of everything now because it will be impossible to remember all at once when she finally says 'he doesn't even watch the kids, he's abusive, he shouldn't have custody, I want the kids 100% of the time and he needs to pay massive child support costs'.

I agree with other comments here. In terms of interactions, play super nice, docile, non combative. Give her a long leash but have it under complete surveillance and be mindful she's probably already trying to set traps to help her get a leg up.

heartless_monk · 2023-07-24T01:31:50+00:00

it’s obvious mate, she’s out there fucking already.

let her be, as much better will come your way.

handle things with cordiality.. don’t worry about making her feel pain, time will do that to her on it’s own.

best of luck.

justme4556 · 2023-07-24T02:14:19+00:00

Echoing everything everyone has already already but adding words a old Ssgt said. "She can fuck anyone and everyone but you get with one person it is battalion level NJP. Keep it in your pants till your divorced!"

hpsportsfanatic · 2023-07-24T02:14:30+00:00

Yeah finalize this as soon as possible and get her out of the house

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-07-24T09:03:42+00:00

She’s provoking you and it’s working. You need to get your nesting arrangement terminated legally asap. She needs to find her own place and you need to arrange 50/50 custody immediately.

This stinks of a setup leading to a DV claim.

Significant_Rope976 · 2023-07-24T07:45:47+00:00

I know many in custody battle would kill to be in your position. You will likely get full custody of your kids, and ungrateful harpy who doesn't love you be out of your life. It's a win win for you, if you look at it from correct angle.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-07-24T13:56:51+00:00

With divorce some states are no-fault and some have fault. You can translate this into something like, the wife can go and date and sleep with whoever she wants while she is married and it's nobody's fault!!! It's that great? I've never been in the military but from what I'm reading, the laws are different for you since the UCMJ laws apply to you and adultery is against it.

As hard as it is now, the best thing for you is to try to detach emotionally from her and what she's doing. This kind of stuff can really make people angry because anger is a valid emotion when injustice or unfairness happen. With divorce though, if you yell at her, point your finger at her, tell her you don't like what she is doing, she is going to start telling everyone you are controlling and abusive if she isn't already doing that.

If you don't want her to have sex with this new guy you are a controlling abuser. So you have to understand she is going to make herself the victim. The one good thing about all of this is you are in a short term marriage of only a few years. If this went on for 5,7 or 10 years family law will make you finance this woman and her new boyfriend for years after your divorce is finalized. Since you are only at 2 years, you likely won't have to do that.

Theedon · 2023-07-24T02:00:58+00:00

Walk away, just walk away. Let time be her suffering. You can now focus on your son and creating a lifelong bond.

silmarp · 2023-07-24T20:31:54+00:00

If she is giving full custody then don't wake her up from her trance.

She is having her way and she is high on it. You can wake her up from it by going full offensive against her. But that would be against you and your son's interest as if she wakes up from her trance that means she can fight tooth and nail against you and to get custody of your son.

That means you need to play it smart. I don't know if you want to have her daughter around but want it or not you need to give her a long leash and act smart. Don't wake her up from her dreams until you have everything ready. Your priority is having full custody and that's basically what matters. If she gets custody you will have to pay child support and she will make a bad environment for the kid where a child shouldn't be. Like a house with many men, not cooking for them, letting them alone to go sleep with other men or taking strange men to sleek at the same house your son is. That is why your priority here is having your son with you where he is safe. All the other stuff is secondary. But that doesn't mean you will not fight for other stuff.

Having your friend follow her every night means you have proof that:

She's not home taking care of the kids.
You are the one being responsible.

Also, have cameras in home if your state allows it you will have cameras with audio. Otherwise you will have VAR(check with your lawyer). Thing is, she might wake up from her trance anytime and if she wakes up she will accuse you of what she is doing. At that time and at court system you need solid proof because women needs only her word to screw you while you need solid proof.

adym_keeng · 2023-07-25T00:47:19+00:00

Put your effort into being the best father you can be. Any attempts at revenge or vindication are wasted energy that could be focused in to the only important things in this equation. Searching for righteous retribution only gain a net negative for you, anger is not usually a thirst quenched. Besides as a woman what she really wants is a reaction, whether that be positive or negative it would be a reaction either way. When you want to train a dog to stop shoving it's snout in your nuts sometimes the most effective way is ignoring, not yelling and scolding and not praising, just ignore until the dog realizes the behavior gains no reaction, positive or negative.

koolaidkid12345 · 2023-07-25T19:31:07+00:00

Story's like this make me feel soo much better.. and I don't mean any disrespect. I can't imagine at 24.. having married a woman at 19 (when you were 22) who already married/divorced with kid previously. Most women at that age are so immature (guys too to be fair). I've heard of only a couple of marriages lasting more than 5 to 10 years that got married at that age.

Worse.. today.. 2023.. with social media, easy ways to cheat/hide it, etc.. it is SO much worse today. I literally don't understand the idea of marriage any more. I would much rather have a GF for a little bit or possibly stay single and have various short term relationships with some good sex maybe or just staying friends and not going beyond that. There just is WAY WAY too much to do today and so many ways shit goes south in most relationships. That the rough stats on divorce are nearing 70% or more.. and cheating is among one of the most common things that happen even in marriages that continue past it (e.g. counseling, etc).. I assume the primary reason so many still get married today is lack of knowledge of stats, how things typically go, or religion.

I'd argue if you remove all the culture religions like in India/etc where they are very religious and get set up for marriage.. divorce/cheating/etc would be even higher.

The idea that humans are supposed to be locked in to one relationship, one person, when we are such an extremely sexually natured species not that dissimilar to most other species on the planet where the males reproduce with many females and the females as well have many partners.. it's really working against most of our desires.. dare I say instincts as an animal. Oh sure.. we're supposed to be above all that, being the top of the food chain (for now), but I call bullshit. Just like I call bullshit on men who get mad at other men for talking about women's asses, etc. Some men (and women for that matter) are just better at keeping their thoughts inside than others.

Anyway.. I do wish you the best man. Hopefully you read more here and realize that marriage in itself is a business that largely caters to the person not making as much as the other. It's not worth it in my opinion until you're older.. 50, 60 or more.. where you likely don't give a fuck any more, past jealousy, etc.. established (hopefully), and if shit goes south.. you just move on cause you have enough experience/maturity to do so.

Cute-sailorboyz · 2023-07-25T02:03:31+00:00

Have you tried FAP it did a number on me but if you can get her for Abuse emotional or physical you can bar her from the home.

Also since it’s medical almost no records

Title	Wife and I agreed to divorce but she's already doing me and our family dirty?
Author	Avenged1250
Upvotes	15
Comments	15
Date	July 24, 2023 1:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/157w2dp/wife_and_i_agreed_to_divorce_but_shes_already/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-and-i-agreed-to-divorce-but-shes-already.1226278 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226278

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