There were peers in my high school that had some pretty bad problems, one girl in particular who used to bully and slut-shame other girls and wasn’t the nicest to boys either. I ended up being friends with one of her friends and asked why she was such a bitch to everyone. Turns out this girl had been raped when she was younger by a relative and she was lashing out at other girls and using the same language and words that were used during her assault (her own father did this to her btw) because she was projecting her pain onto others. She eventually got better because she actually opened up to a few close friends, she eventually got help and gradually became less of a terrible person and people kinda started to like her. Another was a guy in high school who wasn’t popular but due to his looks most would think he’d be the school heartthrob, but he was a violent prick who would try to fight anyway and often beat up other kids. He dated a girl who later dumped him because of his behavior and he went on a downward spiral. He’d actually really liked this girl and he didn’t want to break up with her, but because of his home life he thought this is how he was “supposed” to act. I kinda talked to him a little at a party and he got drunk and cried that he just wanted someone to like him and he didn’t want to be such an asshole but he didn’t want people to think he was weak. I felt so bad hearing that and wondered if he’d be alright after he graduated (he was three years older than me). Saw him on Facebook recently and he seems to be doing well, he’s actually a pretty good writer and he likes gardening but he’s also no contact with his father now because of his disapproval. I don’t know who he talked to but he was able to get someone to really listen to him, likely by not screaming at them and threatening them.

—-

That’s two examples that I have, a closer personal example is my aunt on my mom’s side (married in, not blood) from Sicily. She had a horrible home life, worse than mentioned above, and she later repeated the cycle when she married my uncle and began to abuse their children as well. She has talked about her childhood and how awful things were and the horrific things that were done to her and that she witnessed, but no one really feels sorry for her because of how she treated her children and husband. She lashes out at everyone and the cries the victim and uses her terrible life as an excuse but no one wants to hear it anymore.

I’m talking about this because lashing out and being bitter and hateful and angry doesn’t make people like you or care about you or want to help you. It doesn’t make people feel empathy for you, it makes people feel contempt for you and disregard your pain. Many of the people here seem to be like this, and they wonder why no one will empathize with them and their problems, or offer realm solutions or want to hear them out. If you’re bitter and hateful you can’t expect people to suddenly want to help you, all they see is the hate and bitterness and most people don’t want to be around this. I understand that many of you are hurting, but now your hair hurting yourselves. Am I wrong?