Hey all,

So.. was about to file.. but losing my job soon (product end of life and no other openings/projects).

My pay was pretty good.. closing in on 100K. My STBXW made about 1/2 that, but has been out of work for 6 months.

The market for my particular job is VERY difficult to find work, and the pay has been largely cut by a good amount apparently the past few months. Friend of mine doing same sort of work who lost job 3 months ago, making same pay as me, found a job recently at almost half the pay. Given bills/etc, he took the job.

So the question comes up.. if I were to file, and the courts decided (Based on calculated costs) I owe about $1K a month in alimony.. and I lose my job.. I immediately go wait in line at court to show them I am out of work so that I dont pay alimony while no income, correct?

But then lets say I find a job 3 months later, at half the pay like my friend did. I know as long as the divorce says alimony can go up/down based on pay, IF the x goes to court to claim I am working and drags me back, first of all.. if I do NOT say anything and its like 3 months after I am working, will they make me pay her for the 3 months I was working now.. or is it on her to drag me back? I ask this because I've read that because she makes less (or nothing right now) every time and anytime she wants, she can go back and I have to pay her lawyer fees. At about $350+ an hour.. and what I would imagine is a couple hours work or more.. suddenly I am stuck with a $700+ bill just because she wants to? That can't be legal/fair is it? Like.. how in the hell do they factor in any time she wants to be a bitch to tack on $1000 legal fees, she can just go to court and demand some check on my job/pay/etc. At my pay.. that's literally living expenses. She could literally cause me to not be able to pay rent if she did that every 2 to 3 months. Mind you.. married for 22 years.. so most likely lifetime alimony and we're in our mid 40s.. so like.. for the next 30, 40+ years.. she can do this every month or two.. and cost me 1000s a year on top of alimony? How in the fuck is that even fair or make any sense? I assume that if she did that, the amount I'd have to pay gets accounte for towards my overall living expenses and thus I could see lower alimony payments to offset the difference in the loss for those costs?

But anyway, so.. I read a couple people say "you made 100K, now you took a job for 50K.. that's half of what you made.. so you're still going to pay the same alimony because you should have found a job for 100K". How can that even be argued? Ageism, though illegal, is a real big issue in my industry. Young strong guys with no obligations are going to get hired before me, so the better paying jobs that aren't many right now, will be impossible to beat out.. and we're in person interviews.. I cant hid my age behind a mask. It is nearly impossible to prove that I wasn't hired over one of the other 30+ young guys applying.. because of age or disabilities I have. So the real world situation where I am suddenly making 1/2 of what I did should not be able to fuck me over.. cause basically alimony at that price would be more than 1/2 my take home. Some how she gets to now live on more money than me, not work at all, and there is nothing at all that can be done? That just doesn't sound like a real thing in a 50/50 state. Make it worse, lawyers are stupid expensive everywhere so its not like I can just hire another lawyer for $3K or more.

So I am starting to think I may as well stay in this miserable existence of a life and hope she doesnt file either.. because my life will be utter shit when I Can't make enough to live on my own. I know all about how I could work a 2nd job possibly.. so basically never relax.. never enjoy life.. just work all the time for the next 30+ years to try to have a little bit of a life. But if I do that.. she can take me back and get more money from me too.. because yet again from everything I've read.. that you are working 2 jobs they dont give two fucks about.. you will owe her that too.

I honestly wonder why more men in dire straits don't just end it all. It's such a seriously unreasonable thing to go through unless you make amazing money like 500K+ a year.. and can live on half of it comfortably still.

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