Youth Struggling with Sexual Sin

False_Process_2473 · 2023-09-03T13:27:12+00:00

Hi, I'm very bad at giving advice usually. But 1 thing I can assure you. Those who really see this act as a sin and addiction genuinely get benefit from marriage.

I'm not saying 100% of the times but most of the time. I'm turning 30, got married at 28, and I've struggled with this addiction since, like 26 yo. And guess what, we have arranged marriage. I just talked to him once before my marriage.

When I got married, sex was still new to me because I was a virgin. But since I love my husband and he respects and takes care of me, I feel so attracted to him, and that pure intimacy is the killer of every bad habit.

Believe me porn is not at all appealing anymore. I have higher libido than my husband, and we mostly meet on weekends only, and it's not very pleasant to mostly initiate sex lol though he's always considerate of it, but it's worth the time wasting on sinning for nothing.

RedditDude07467 · 2023-09-03T13:10:35+00:00

Do you think that He in His perfection would have created the hormone factory in you that urges you towards mating and then wanted you to feel guilty about those urges?

Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to have sex, don’t have to masturbate, but feeling guilty about wanting to isn’t necessary.

Praying you find a resolution that gives you peace soon🙏

NotoriousJez · 2023-09-03T14:29:31+00:00

Hey friend. It’s totally normal to feel sexual urges and I am so proud of you for staying away from sex even though you want to have it. That takes willpower, and that willpower will help you in many situations outside of this one.

More than anything you need to talk to God, even when you feel guilty for your thoughts or wants. He is the one that can truly change you and your circumstances. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. All that the enemy wants is for you to feel so guilty that you just give up, give into sin, wrap yourself in shame, and repeat.

Forgive yourself one, and recognize that the feelings you’re having are normal. Put yourself out there -with boundaries- and try to find a Godly husband but don’t force it. Don’t get married to someone random or someone you barely got to know. The person that is meant for you will turn on your mind and heart and not want to take you further from God.

Pray always and find a friend to talk to and hold you accountable. This walk is not easy and we’re not meant to do this alone. And if you need I’m always here to help

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-09-03T16:50:48+00:00

Certain physical activities can help kill libido, like running.

I've heard Theology of the Body is a great read.

Adventurous_Dog_1890 · 2023-09-03T13:00:31+00:00

god help those who help themselves, do not only pray for marriage without putting yourself out there and actively date. Make your intentions clear to manyen that you want to wait for marriage. Do not loose your virginity to a random bcuz one day your gonna meet a guy who has no problem waiting but then finds out you gave it to another man easily and that will ruin your chances. actively date with a goal, to marry. Loosing your virginity to some stranger will make u feel regretful.

NeonScarredHearts · 2023-09-03T22:15:57+00:00

I wish I had advice but just wanted to say I’m also a young woman struggling with the exact same thing since my teens as well. I’m still a virgin but my sins have acted as a “crutch“ preventing me from losing it this whole time. I was culturally raised to never even consider being intimate with a man until I’m married, and rationally, there are way too many benefits for waiting for me to ever forsake this boundary of mine. I’ve never had a BF before but hope to purify my mind and begin to start dating for marriage soon. I pray for encouragement for both you and me… I don’t know when we’ll overcome this but I know through God’s power we will someday.

OkEstablishment6463 · 2023-09-04T04:41:27+00:00

The Christian faith is very friendly towards intimacy and sex. Helllllo Song of Songs?!

What are you doing to find a husband? Sounds like you need one asap. Is your dad around? Brothers? Can they help you find a good man?

Please protect your virginity!! I know men who truly think it’s priceless!

peacefully_offline · 2023-09-04T13:00:48+00:00

I understand. Praying is half the battle. You must also follow it with action in the physical realm. When you are tempted you have a choice to turn away. It won't be easy, but every time try your best to refuse the behavior, and over time it will get easier to say no. Sometimes porn/erotica/masturbation isn't even solely because you're a deviant of some kind. You just might be bored and those things gives some excitement and dopamine. Be involved with an activity or group, and that may help. Saying a Bible verse or calling out to Jesus when you're tempted may also help too, because if you resist the devil he will flee from you. I struggled myself with sexual sin a long time. I repented and changed my habits by assessing the times when I was tempted. Usually I was alone, or I had heard a song or read or watched something that even slightly triggered a temptation, or was too idle and fantasizing about having someone to love. Saying the name of Jesus helped a lot in those moments.

Remember sex is not bad, and God designed it for His purpose. It has been twisted to fill the desires of this world outside of what He planned for it.

Crazy_Cranberry666 · 2023-09-04T13:03:43+00:00

I'd consider fasting regularly. Both because of it's religious benefits and because it can decrease libido

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2023-09-04T00:12:07+00:00

I know what the church teaches, I grew up in the church, but having sexual urges is not a sin.

Whether you view masturbation as a sin or not is one thing, but having sexual urges is normal and healthy. All humans have sexual urges. Honestly the obsession you feel with them is probably a combination of it being so gatekept in your Christian upbringing, and being so taboo.

It’s not like you are supposed to be completely devoid of sexual urges, then you get married and POOF, you just have them. They are always there, you just need to control them.

Personally I don’t see masturbation as something to be ashamed of, but that’s your life and your choice. I think it’s perfectly normal for a teenager to masturbate. It’s WAY better than you going out and having actual sex with some random men.

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-09-03T12:38:33+00:00

I relate to you so bad. You and I are horny. That’s all. We have high sex drives and we like sex. The Christian faiths views of sex isn’t for women who really like sex. The original text does not say we need to be married to a man for sex but in an exclusive relationship. I think modern Christians have created a situation hard for those with sex drives.

I deeply disagree with Christians who shun maturation for the horny. That is the only way I didn’t lose my virginity to a stranger like you are thinking about. Are you masturbating?

free_breakfast_ · 2023-09-05T03:58:15+00:00

There's this experiment called 'Rat Park' that was conducted in the late 1970s on drug addiction.

You had a lonely rat that they put in a small cage all alone with two bottles: one with water and one with a morphine mix. The lonely rat started drinking lots and lots of the morphine laced water.

And rats that got placed in a Rat Park with tons of cheese, exercise wheels, toys, and other rats to socialize and play with (rats in Rat Park also got two bottles: one with water and one with morphine). This time around, the rats mostly ignored the morphine mix and drank the water instead.

The lesson that scientist concluded from this experiment is that having social and environmental enrichment can keep us away from bad choices.

A ted talk on Rat Park - 'Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs

The challenge that many who are young and religious fall into with prayer and faith is that they have a tendency of giving up too soon or not adjusting their methods and strategy when their actions are not leading them to the results they're looking for. They continuously pray at the problem, as a strategy, and neglect that faith without works is dead. And if what you're currently doing is not working, then you should be switching it up until you get a hit with something that is working.

You mentioned the work you've done in replacing your smartphone with a dumb phone (removing the morphine laced water from your environment), but as soon as you enter an environment that has access to pornography (laptop) you return to the behavior you're looking to remove. A better strategy is to look towards the ideas of 'environmental enrichment' from Rat Park.

This is a quick exercise (The Wheel of Life) to check in on key areas of your life that can potentially be benefitted from the idea of life enrichment:

Family
Health
Social Life
Spiritual Life
Career
Finance
Leisure
Personal Growth

You want to rate on a scale of 1-10 for each of these sections. Anything below an 8 on the scale would likely require goal setting and making actionable tasks if you want a more balanced and fulfilling life. Otherwise, just like a wheel that's unbalanced, you'll have a bumpy ride.

Ideally, having a 10-10-10 life makes for a smooth ride where your needs are being met in absolute abundance. But that requires work, learning how to set goals that are value centered, learning how to build momentum, and being decisive towards goals that make you look forward to waking up everyday.

MrNeoCortex · 2023-09-04T07:37:38+00:00

As a man who really respects religion for its values and doesn't believe in God. I hope this advice may be of use to you.

Imo the reason religion denies you sex is for the most part that men like women who aren't sleeping around too much. Doing so may get you an unwanted reputation, and it changes you personality too. (This goes for men too but is quantified differently imo)

The plus side of masturbation is that you can do it in secrecy and no man/woman has to ever find out about it. So i would go with that if you really must.

Other option is getting a long-term relationship, even if you sleep a 100 times per day with your boyfirend. You would still have only slept with 1 guy and have (most of) the "purity" all men prefer. (Although i can't say for church community's)

Having slept with 1 or 2 men before marrage is pretty much equivalent to woman being virgin 50-70 years ago.

Hope you will see light at the end of the tunnel, and may you find peace within.

P.S. dispite the common idea that men are different in that sense (wich i know some are) ive had sex with "strangers" and felt really bad and a bit dirty about it. And that wasn't for my virginity. So be carefull with sex with strangers...

throwaway651109 · 2023-09-03T10:45:45+00:00

You may regret hooking up with a stranger and it lowers your chance to get high value male.

WildFemmeFatale · 2023-09-03T17:18:28+00:00

Sex is not as good as you imagine it to be.

Keep that in mind please that if you did do it you will not only commit sin but also be so disappointed in every way if you did mess up

Sex is a great bonding act like a hug it’s only great if it’s with someone who makes you feel safe and loved

And I say this as an atheist

When you get ur heart broken it will naturally discourage you from sex cuz ur body will see potential mates as undependable pricks like they are instead of potential mates

I encourage you to enter the dating game and put effort into it, please go to any trusted women for advice on who to avoid in the dating pool and red flags. Heartbreak is a blessing because it teaches you that you cannot idealize others and you’d never want to have sex with such awful ppl. It will let yourself be very motivated towards finding the right person contrastly.

David949 · 2023-09-03T16:42:37+00:00

First of if you believe in god then believe that god made you this way so that the human race would procreate. Man made religion as a means to control people. Making something natural sound like a sin gets you into church on Sundays to ask forgiveness for something you think is wrong. It then gets you to contribute to the contribution box. You sound like you are young? Getting married so you can have bad sex with someone you don’t really like just to relieve your religious beliefs is about the worst thing you can do in life. It will result in being unhappy, miserable, probably abusive and will probably result in cheating and getting divorced later in life. God doesn’t want you to be unhappy.

I’ve been there done that.

AutoModerator · 2023-09-03T10:13:33+00:00

Title: Youth Struggling with Sexual Sin

Full text: Hello everyone, I am really discouraged right now and have been for a while because of my struggle with sexual sin. Please don't read this if you are sensitive to the topic of depression, Christian faith, discouragement, or sexual sin struggles.

I am a young woman who struggles so, so much with sexual thoughts and masturbation. I struggled with porn as well and got a "dumb phone", which helped for a year now, but I can still access some things on my laptop, including erotica.

Sexual fantasy takes up nearly all of my thoughts, when I am not focused on a specific task. I have been struggling with this for my whole teens up to now, and I have brought this to the Lord so many times. I have confessed this to a number of people I trust, including my parents. I have joined small groups at church and at my college having to do with sexual sin. I pray and ask God for forgiveness all the time concerning my "obsession". I've watched so many YouTube videos, sermons, etc. about sexual sin and tried nearly every practical tip I could find to deal with it, including trying to understand my body's responses to stress, boredom, loneliness, anxiety, depression, etc.

For the last year, I have been convicted to pray specifically for marriage, because I "burn with passion".

I know that marriage will not solve every problem I have, but I think it is plainly stated within the Bible that if sexual temptation is a constant struggle, it is right and okay to marry.

I've never been someone's girlfriend. And honestly, I've never really had a crush either, but I know I desire marriage because of what I'm going through, and I am working on becoming the best future wife I can.

I am increasingly discouraged and feeling distant/numb toward God though because, even though I know the efforts I have put into making Him my everything and walking in obedience and repentance for my sins, my obsession is as strong as it ever has been. They are perhaps even getting worse. And, I feel like I'm becoming more cynical and desperate over time.

I'm so tired of this never-ending cycle. In my devotions, which are increasingly sparse in this season, I'm literally speechless with just how absurdly frustrating this whole journey has been.

This situation depresses me. My struggle has become a huge part of my personal identity, because I think about and orient my whole life around it. I can't help it. I know God is for me, but I am becoming intolerable to myself.

Just yesterday, I contemplated running away from my college apartment and losing my virginity to any stranger I could find. I contemplated this for almost an hour! I just want SOMETHING to change. Something drastic. Because the status quo is killing my soul slowly.

Lord, have mercy on me. I don't know how to bear with this anymore.

Any words of advice or encouragement?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Practical-Motor1190 · 2023-09-15T06:30:22+00:00

It stems from lonelyness, and losing your virginity to a random will make it worse, work on control by not masturbating and using that energy toward things you genuinely enjoy doing ( things that out you in a flow state ) and of course stop watching porn, I find that watching porn is harder than actually touching your self.

Odd-Luck7658 · 2023-09-17T02:03:32+00:00

It's ok to masturbate. Totally normal. Nothing in the Bible prohibits women from masturbating.

Title	Youth Struggling with Sexual Sin
Author	Upper_Put_6790
Upvotes	27
Comments	27
Date	September 3, 2023 10:13 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/168t9hf/youth_struggling_with_sexual_sin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/youth-struggling-with-sexual-sin.1231111 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231111

Comments