do men care about women coming from lower social backgrounds?

StrangestUnicorn · 2023-09-22T23:30:07+00:00

Your situation reminds me of my parents. He was from a family of PhDs, she was a med student from a working class family. There were definitely "class" incompatibilities early in that relationship, but with good communication and problem resolution skills (on my father's part mostly) and a mutual determination to make the relationship work, they now have a happy several decade long marriage.

Statistically, people mostly marry within their own class, but that does not mean that happy healthy exceptions cannot exist.

how to overcome this shame?

The shame you feel comes from impostor syndrome - a feeling that you do not "belong". Men rarely judge women on their upbringing directly, but on their ability, or inability, to exercise social graces within his social circle and in ways that are compatible with how he wants to raise his kids. You have to learn to reflect upon how your upbringing differs from the social requirements placed on you in this relationship, and be willing to adapt. The more you do, the less shame you will feel. This does not have to be an instantaneous process, and there might be speed bumps in the short term, but with enough time and work, I do not see this being a problem worth worrying about.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-09-23T03:18:55+00:00

and how to overcome this shame ?

No need for shame. It won't matter to the right guy. Most millionaires and billionaires are self-made. If anything I would find it more admirable that you came from the working class (no shame in that), to the professional class. You made something of yourself.

I am fond of saying that I don't care if a girl is a CEO or the sweeper-upper at night. I care that she is attractive to me, that I can have a conversation with her and that she is a warm person.

You will do fine. Banish this silliness from your mind.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-09-22T23:33:12+00:00

Some men will care and some won’t. More importantly, you say you feel shame about your family, which is something that you can work on to overcome. There is nothing about rich people that makes them better than poor people, spend more time with rich people and you will figure that out.

AnonTheGreat01 · 2023-09-23T09:55:57+00:00

Yes it matters.

But it isn't insurmountable per se.

Also, there is a difference coming from a hard-working, blue collar family vs. having bums/druggies/alcoholic/gamblers for parents.

Ultimately, it comes down to your beliefs, values, how you carry yourself and act, if you're well-spoken, intelligent etc. If that is in line with people from a higher social class, your upbringing will be a non-issue.

Anybody from upper-class who is not a douchebag will have total respect for someone who came from nothing and made something of themselves. More respect than they have for their friends' kids who were born into wealth.

CountTheBees · 2023-09-23T01:38:21+00:00

For the average middle class person, it only matters how you present yourself. If you're "fitting in" with his friends and family it's fine. I come from an immigrant family and while growing up always felt inferior to locals. This feeling of inferiority was understandable but unfounded. The new society I found myself in was extremely welcoming and easygoing, but it still took 10+ years of living among these people, watching them eat and fart, learning to fit in and banter, before I got over my inferiority complex.

I have found no easy answer to "how to overcome this shame", except give it time. Like a lot of time. 5 to 10 years of being around them. That's assuming they are nice and welcoming.

I would only think about these things insofar as whether they are controllable and what you can so about them. Being a med student you're likely to only date other med students who are most likely from middle class families. So regardless who you date this issue is likely to come up. What you can do about it - not a whole lot, like I said, except assimilate over time.

ecstaticfenatic · 2023-09-23T16:40:08+00:00

Most men barely give a damn about a woman's socioeconomic upbringing.

It's very, very, very low on the list of priorities. Could it be a bonus if she comes from a wealthy family? I suppose? Maybe? A little? Particularly for the man in question because he comes from an affluent family.

Put simply:

Woman #1: comes from a wealthy family of doctors.

Woman #2: comes from a family of mechanics. Is 10% hotter than woman #1.

Most men will absolutely, positively, pick #2, and with little hesitation.

Could this man be different? Sure. But on a balance of probabilities, men seriously don't give a damn about your status or family's status.

And from an evolutionary standpoint, why would they be?

We are descended from men who picked the women better equipped to create and raise more children (beautiful women are more fertile & generally have hormones that aid in the raising of children).

There are plenty of red pill lies and exaggerations out there. Men caring very little about your status or socioeconomic upbringing, isn't one of them.

lifelonglistener · 2023-09-23T01:46:51+00:00

Could be that he's a bit embarrassed about his privileged background, and that he really respects people who have worked their way up and overcome long odds to build a good life. That's certainly the situation with my SO and me.

malinhuahua · 2023-09-24T06:45:44+00:00

Generally, the individual man does t care, but his social circle. The parents, certain friends, that sort of thing. However, the fact that you are in med school is a huge asset to you, everyone loves a doctor. Be polite, bring flowers when you visit his family, send a thank you note afterwards, and they’ll probably come around. And if they don’t, your guy will most likely see how hard you’ve tried to fit in and defend you for it (but don’t instigate or demand he do anything to up the situation). If not, leave gracefully.

Time-Algae7393 · 2023-10-01T04:25:54+00:00

You've already upgraded your status by going to med school, at least from society's pov. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

jasonmonroe · 2023-09-23T12:35:50+00:00

Ever read the book Cinderella?

Luscious-Grass · 2023-09-23T13:03:09+00:00

You’re in med school so it doesn’t matter nearly as much as if you were a hairdresser in which case, yes, most men would care.

AutoModerator · 2023-09-22T22:51:39+00:00

Title: do men care about women coming from lower social backgrounds?

Full text: I met this guy 3 weeks ago, we get along well but he comes from a family that's more wealthy and educated than mine, his parents are both doctors and mine didn't go to college and have less charming jobs (mom works in a grocery store, and dad in factory) but we're doing well financially

I'm doing well myself, I'm in med school, money is not a problem, I take good care of myself but I find myself worrying about him seeing me as inferior because of my background.

I know it's my shame speaking but I also wonder if it might be true.

do guys think about these things especially when considering a long term relationship with you?

and how to overcome this shame ?

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ArdentBandicoot · 2023-09-23T03:17:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

throwaway253025 · 2023-09-23T12:38:59+00:00

Some men care and some men don’t. And the same with their families.. some of the families will care even if the men don’t.

Be prepared to make a good impression. Don’t dress in revealing clothing. Ask them questions, be polite, have an upbeat attitude, etc. It would be great if you had some productive hobbies or interests, like sewing, crafts, home decorating, cooking, baking, exercise, etc.

It’s great that you’re in med school! You definitely can talk about that, especially if they’re doctors. Do you want a family someday? You could also talk about that and how you love to spend time with your family, you think children are cute, etc.

Effective-Shirt-4467 · 2023-09-23T16:54:23+00:00

jgstromptrsnen · 2023-09-23T23:50:03+00:00

You're in med school, his parents are doctors, so you're just one generation away from catching up! I wouldn't look at it as a huge gap.

If it matters for him, well, he should make a decision, because there's nothing you can do besides doing what you and your parents are already doing, which is working hard.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-09-24T00:47:41+00:00

Values

It isn’t always about the strata issues. I had issues about communication and connection, but being from different backgrounds wasn’t an automatic disqualifier for me when it came to the women in my life

Odd-Luck7658 · 2023-09-25T17:42:57+00:00

You are not inferior.

TheMassiveMexipino02 · 2023-09-26T14:34:30+00:00

I only speak for myself and I can care less about a women’s socioeconomic background. To further answer that, passport bros exist and I don’t think they are necessarily into the career-driven kind of women in general.

aussiedollface2 · 2023-09-26T23:10:05+00:00

Depends on the society and the type of circles. Some families are very insular and judgemental about those who “aren’t like them”. If you’re in the USA you’re likely to have a better chance than in say, the UK which has a very rigid class system.

It def helps that you’re a med student! That increases your social value. I’m a physician and as you know us doctors sort of have our own little clique so don’t worry too much, hopefully his parents will see you as one of them.

Try not to worry too much. xo

Wolf180409 · 2023-09-29T23:26:05+00:00

Let your shame go!

peashooter_redater · 2023-09-30T01:35:58+00:00

It matters, yes. How much it matters depends on the specific man and what values and preconceptions he holds. If he's preoccupied with his status and likes showing off, then he will care more about it. If he doesn't value those things, he won't care as much and see it as a small detail compared to everything else he gets from dating you.

LongoneT · 2023-10-02T15:53:23+00:00

the answer is very short. a big FAT NO. men who care about that lack testosterone. men want a feminine woman who is loyal and pretty.

Far-Alps9067 · 2023-10-14T20:11:08+00:00

The only thing that matters is that you are capable of growth.

If your background has instilled a low self esteem in you, it is the low self esteem, not the background, that will be an issue.

ear2theshell · 2023-10-15T00:30:30+00:00

It's only an issue if... it's an issue. If the differences are constantly being noted, highlighted, or brought up then it could become a problem. But if women are hypergamous by nature and they aim to marry up, then men must marry down on some level.

I also think a lot has to do with factors you can control. You can't control that you came from a lower social background, but what have you done to pull yourself up? Educating yourself and improving yourself go a long way, and it sounds like you're doing that.

Title	do men care about women coming from lower social backgrounds?
Author	poetically-living
Upvotes	25
Comments	34
Date	September 22, 2023 10:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16po153/do_men_care_about_women_coming_from_lower_social/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-men-care-about-women-coming-from-lower-social.1232679 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232679

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