Live together but separate

I_Touched_Grass · 2023-09-25T12:09:04+00:00

So how's this work when she brings a dude home? Or alternatively, if she's gone all the time and never does any of the "housework", so you're stuck cleaning everything as if you lived alone. What happens if you want to bring a chick home?

Sounds like a fucking disaster to me. Why even get divorced if you're going to be down the hall from each other for god knows how long?

OxygenLarceny · 2023-09-25T12:00:16+00:00

So she wants all the benefits and protections of being a wife, but be free to fuck other dudes- am I interpreting that correctly?

l3tsR0LL · 2023-09-25T10:45:19+00:00

It is possible, lots 9f people do it but you have to decide if it will work for you

mixturedd · 2023-09-25T08:44:58+00:00

I think it could potentially be a good idea. If the dynamic between you guys is good enough so that it doesn’t impact the kids, ie, arguing in front of them etc I am going through something similar. When initially I just wanted out and felt I needed my own place to fully move on and be independent the current housing un affordability crisis here in Australia makes it sensible for me to stay put. Things might change down the track though but right now we get a long fine and family means everything to me and having my kids around and seeing them everyday and vice versa for them it’s a win win

techrmd3 · 2023-09-25T17:30:46+00:00

nope, I don't think so

imagine if the little lady brings back a dude from the bar one night... how that gonna go over?

animalx3 · 2023-09-25T23:54:13+00:00

No way in hell. Hell my bro! lol you’re going to want to move on with life and let your baggage live w you and tell you how to raise your kids when it’s your dad time? And you can afford this…

Ok_Transition_4914 · 2023-09-25T14:19:50+00:00

Don't do it for the kids. At best you're teaching them how to build dysfunctional relationships, and stay together far beyond the relationship's expiration date. Anecdotal experience, but the one couple I watched doing this, the older kid ended up believing his parents were idiots and the younger kid lived in confusion about what was going on along with severe anxiety about when/if her dad would just disappear one day. Claiming "for the kids" is just being selfish. Yes, kids need a stable home, but they also need to learn that it's ok to get out of a bad relationship.

As for the other things, and this is probably just me projecting here, but if you can agree to live together why the hell get divorced anyway? It's expensive, can financially ruin you, and you're giving up tax breaks you get for being married. You're also choosing to continue to have extensive influence and decision making over each other's lives.

Put yourself outside the relationship for a minute and ask yourself "why does she want to do this?"

How controlling is she?

Sweet-Sale-7303 · 2023-09-25T17:43:45+00:00

If you're already living separately I will say no don't do it.

LobstersMateForLife · 2023-09-25T19:23:17+00:00

Absolutely not. My ex and I have been doing that and I can’t even have friends over because it’s “invading her space”. For example, she and the kids were gone one day and a friend stopped by to play video games with me. I figured it was fine since no one was home but me and moved my gaming stuff into the living-room. My friend and I chilled for a bit and then we split.

I found out several weeks later that my ex found my friend on Facebook and bitched at them for hanging out with me because, and I quote, “the living-room is my space”. She wants me to spend all of my time in a bedroom that’s smaller than my work office. It’s ridiculous.

Do not. DO NOT. Live with your ex. You can find places closer to each other, but under no circumstances should you let her stay under your roof again.

Edit to add: as others have said, she will expect you to clean up for her when she’s too busy. She will expect you to pay for her bullshit. My ex feeds the kids the worst junk food all the time and was keeping a tab to charge me when she moved out. I told her I’m not paying for her to feed our kids garbage, especially when half the time I go without food because she can’t be bothered. You’re better than that. Keep her out.

Humble_Face_4600 · 2023-09-25T19:46:42+00:00

I would live with your parents if it doesn’t affect visitation/ custody in terms of having rooms/beds for kids. Then use it to get ahead financially.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-09-25T18:11:33+00:00

Sounds like a hellish experience to me. Communication and boundaries are important. Time to start having some serious conversations. If those fail, well, yah, that's your answer.

MortarGoBoom · 2023-09-25T19:31:05+00:00

Leave. You're not doing anyone any favors by staying. Your kids will think you're not getting divorced, and your STBX might as well, if you're the one divorcing her.

Best to get it over with and leave. The inconvenience will only be temporary, but worth it in the long run.

cactuscharlie · 2023-09-25T21:41:01+00:00

She will win unless you own the situation now. I didn't and I lost even thing.

Elizabethabryan · 2023-09-25T16:54:11+00:00

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Title	Live together but separate
Author	Temporary_Metal6490
Upvotes	5
Comments	17
Date	September 25, 2023 5:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16rj4e8/live_together_but_separate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/live-together-but-separate.1232954 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232954

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