Those of you who waited until marriage to have sex, was it worth it? And those who did not, was no big deal?

RatchedAngle · 2023-10-05T21:52:29+00:00

I lost my virginity to my husband.

However, we weren’t married at the time. I dated him for two or three months before sleeping with him.

I do feel happy that I lost my virginity to him. Our bond has an extra sprinkle of specialness because we were each other’s firsts.

However, I think that if I met my husband for the first time today, and we both came to the marriage with prior sexual experience…I would still feel confident and happy with our bond. I wouldn’t view myself as lesser.

I would say, at the age of 30, most men would expect you to have some experience and wouldn’t be upset about it. So even if things don’t work out with this guy, no one is going to write you off as a partner just because you have slept with one man in the past.

I would also argue that, at your age, men you date would probably prefer someone who does have some experience. Sex isn’t about learning to please a man - it’s about exploring your own body, feeling comfortable in your skin, and knowing what you like. After that, learning how to please him is easy-peasy.

I honestly want him to be my first regardless of whether we get married or not.

Do what makes you happy, OP. Nothing wrong with that. Only the most terminally online insane redpill dudebros would fault a 30-year-old woman for losing her virginity prior to marriage.

My husband didn’t abandon me after I had sex with him out of wedlock (contrary to modern TRP teachings). If anything, he wanted to lock me down more because he knew he was my only sexual partner.

GildedFirefly · 2023-10-05T23:25:03+00:00

I didn’t wait until marriage to have sex but did lose my virginity to my husband (then boyfriend) freshman year of college at age 18. He’s 3 years older (2 grades) than me and we dated for 6 months beforehand. It worked out that we continued dating throughout college and got married after I graduated.

I am happy he’s the only person I’ve been with. I wasn’t his first; pretty sure I’m his 5th. While I didn’t have religion as my reason, I only wanted to date for marriage. So I socialized in large friend groups but never accepted a date until my husband.

If we hadn’t worked out, I think I’d still feel fine about it. We had a strong connection and it felt right. Since you’re 30, I’d assume most men would think you have experience. I agree with the others to do what makes you happy and stay true to yourself.

maisygoatsivy · 2023-10-06T19:25:11+00:00

I waited until marriage and I regretted it.

We were mismatched sexually, and over time, it wreaked havoc on the relationship. We talked about sex endlessly leading up to marriage - preferences, frequency, etc, but it still didn't work because ultimately, you have to experience it to know how it will shake out.

Sex is so important for connection, and not having a match can destroy the relationship and breed resentment.

frankly, I wish I had not waited, but I was v religious and it was the decision that I made at the time.

When we got divorced - not my choice - I didn't wait and i wound up with the best man who I've ever known. I don't regret not waiting with him, it made our relationship stronger and ultimately better to have that security. And sex just kept getting better over time!

But everyone is different and you have to make the decisions that you can live with.

foxesgloves · 2023-10-06T10:15:19+00:00

Like worldlysentiments said I wish I had been a little older (I can’t remember if I was 17 or 18 but it was around when I turned 18). I felt a lot of peer pressure to loose it from my girlfriends at the time.

I haven’t slept with many people but I remember even in my twenties getting a lot of pressure from a friend of mine at the time to just “have a hoe faze” I went on a couple of dates with guys but couldn’t bring myself to sleep with men I wasn’t romantically interested in. I remember when she had a bad breakup she travelled up and down the country to sleep with any man she met on a dating app, I was really hurt she wouldn’t come to visit me but she’d go to some really awkward places just for a shred of attention. That’s a story for another day

I’m not sad about having previous partners before the one I have now, but he is the first one where I’ve thought he would have been worth the wait

My boyfriend now is the first partner I’ve where we were commited before sex, he was already my established boyfriend. When we slept together it had firstly been years since I had slept with my ex boyfriend (back when I was still commited to him) and it was quite emotional, I remember afterwards we were laughing because it felt like we’d lost our virginity again and I remember telling him later when I reflected on it that because I was already in love with him when we slept together it did feel like I’d lost my virginity again

nnnmmmh · 2023-10-05T23:22:07+00:00

Yes it was worth it for me! I was raised in a religious/ traditional household (never discussed sex though). Early on I adopted the mantra of “I will have sex when I am able to deal with the consequences (STIs, pregnancy, possible heartbreak, etc).” Keeping sex for marriage does help keep your head clear to see if a man is really worthy and able to be your husband. My previous relationship I was able to leave relatively easily as I wasn’t as attached as I could’ve been.

All of my sexual experiences have been with my husband and I’m grateful for the choice I made. We got married when I was 24. I’ve heard how women speak with what sounds like regret about previous experiences. I’ve never had a pregnancy scare (I’m pregnant now with a very planned for baby). I can’t really compare my husband to another man so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I also didn’t have many strong sexual aversions so I’ve been very open to trying new things. I’ve never felt humiliated, scared, or ashamed by my husband. Sex has been a lovely retreat from the world and a safe place. To my teenage nieces, I’ll highly recommend this option. For me, saving sex for marriage was as much about protecting my self as it was about upholding my religious convictions.

Ultimately, it’s your choice. Do what aligns with your values and own your decisions.

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-10-06T01:02:14+00:00

I lost my virginity to my husband while we were dating and it tore me up inside a bit. I regard(ed) it as a personal failing. I had set a standard for my behavior and failed to reach it.

The sex part was always very fun but I felt a little bad. Now post marriage I don't feel any negative emotions surrounding our sex life so it's much better.

I think the biggest thing to consider is how it'll make you view yourself.

Fae_Leaf · 2023-10-06T15:57:56+00:00

I lost my virginity to the guy I was dating at the time (I was 17), and I don't regret it. I do wish I didn't have sex with a couple of guys that I wasn't seriously interested in, but I was younger and in a bad place. My husband and I also had pre-marital sex and don't regret it. I personally believe that being "forced" to wait can cause people to rush into marriage because they're horny. I have two friends who are in relationships with poor sexual chemistry that waited to find this out until they got locked into marriage. I know that it's usually a beneficial thing and works out for most, but I just personally believe in test-driving first because sex is so crucial to a good relationship.

RighteousSeed · 2023-10-06T00:06:43+00:00

Yes it was totally worth it. I'm 23 and she is just a few months behind me. We didn't get married legally but spiritually according to the bible. And yeah we've been together for 4 years now. I could only kiss her on the cheek unless I married her, she is was abstinent for two years before she met me. Now we do it all the time of course but it was totally worth it.

Why?

Because I feel it played a role in respect. Even subconsciously. If I would've had sex with her quickly I may have had a different attitude about our relationship. Probably wouldn't have lasted long. But no we were courting for a year and developed a strong bond without sex. This is the best and most beautiful girl I ever had, she is a traditional woman on her own, she wants to be..of course I'm a man of the same nature

worldlysentiments · 2023-10-05T22:20:06+00:00

I didn’t wait, I had sex at 16 for first time. Only regret would be I wish I had waited to be an established adult, maybe 18+, and not a teen but otherwise, I feel it benefited me. I have had sex with people it was horrible and never got better and also people it was great the first time. I don’t think I could wait until marriage solely for the fact that some people suck at sex and it doesn’t change or get better. I just wouldn’t be long term compatible with someone no matter how much I loved them if the sex was eh. So my viewpoint is not really rooted in any virtue situation but a utilitarian one. Lol

But, you can only do what makes you happy. I feel like if you waited until 30, you deserve to do what you want ya know?

SunRose42 · 2023-10-06T12:57:52+00:00

Not married, and I do regret the way I lost my virginity. However, I’ve had a long term relationship that ended, and I think if I’d lost it with him I would not regret it at all.

For me it’s mostly the difference between long term and serious versus short term or haven’t known each other very long. (I regret the latter but not the former.)

All that said- despite having a fairly high “body count” for a woman, I don’t feel damaged by it and still bond strongly with people. So there’s that!

AutoModerator · 2023-10-05T21:36:04+00:00

Title: Those of you who waited until marriage to have sex, was it worth it? And those who did not, was no big deal?

Full text: I grew up in a fairly stereotypical conservative/traditional household. My family are not religious but they do hold traditional values, and I was always taught growing up (mostly by my mother) that it was best to remain a virgin until marriage - it wasn’t a ‘must’, more like ‘try it if you can’ sort of thing.

I’ve been tempted a few times but never really felt a strong desire for any man, so for the most part this has been fairly easy for me.

However, I’m currently seeing a man and my desire for him grows stronger with every date (funnily enough I posted a few weeks ago in this sub asking if I should continue seeing him as I wasn’t initially attracted…happy to say that I now see him in a completely different light!)

We are of course still at the early stages of dating so I’m still vetting. However this man is so different to all the guys I’ve dated in the past. He is a man of his word, is kind and generous, and is not afraid to jump into a leadership position when the occasion calls for it.

I feel so safe with him. And I feel a strong desire for him that I have not felt for any other man. I have sexually desired two other guys in the past but the desire was purely based on attraction - with this guy I had no attraction to him at the start but after getting to know him, he is so incredibly sexy to me.

He’s been very patient with me, and made it clear that whilst he wants to sleep with me he is happy to wait (which ironically made me want him even more!)

I’m 30 so losing my virginity feels like a big deal. I have not told him I am a virgin, only that I was not ready for sex yet. I honestly want him to be my first regardless of whether we get married or not.

But at the same time I don’t know if it’s just my hormones talking! So I wanted to get some perspectives from all the ladies here - did you or did you not wait for marriage, and was it worth it? Or is it really no big deal in the end?

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Advanced_Tadpole7046 · 2023-10-06T13:04:08+00:00

We waited until our wedding night, definitely worth it. My husband knows he can trust me, I trust him. We had issues of course but feel that waiting made a big difference.

SnooOpinions5819 · 2023-10-06T11:19:00+00:00

I did not wait and I’m honestly happy I didn’t. Sex is extremely important to me so being able to experience and find out what I like/who I like sexually was beneficial for my my current relationship. I think my past experiences led me to my partner as I wouldn’t know what I needed without my those past experiences. I lost it pretty young but I had a very good first expedience so I really wouldn’t change it. I also believe I’m too sexual to be able to wait until marriage, I’m sure I could have waited but I wouldn’t have been happy. I would also feel icky being with a guy with no experience to be honest.

peace_love_mcl · 2023-10-06T12:31:08+00:00

Lost my virginity at 15, zero regrets. Married and very happy in life.

throwaway253025 · 2023-10-07T20:43:51+00:00

It was one of my biggest life regrets that I didn’t save myself for marriage. Personally for me, it has caused me psychological and emotional harm to think I gave a part of myself away to a man that wasn’t my husband. Our marriage is amazing now, but I still wish I could go back and change it. I will do my best to teach my kids to save themselves for their future spouses.

ArdentBandicoot · 2023-10-17T09:07:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Those of you who waited until marriage to have sex, was it worth it? And those who did not, was no big deal?
Author	-ladykitsune-
Upvotes	46
Comments	29
Date	October 5, 2023 9:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/170u4un/those_of_you_who_waited_until_marriage_to_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/those-of-you-who-waited-until-marriage-to-have-sex.1234287 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234287

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