Married and trapped

mjmsouth · 2023-11-02T08:39:48+00:00

Stop all contributions to any savings plan now. Keep liquid funds stashed. Record fights, hire a PI,

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-11-02T09:31:30+00:00

Start planning your exit. You do not need to pull the trigger until you are fully ready. Keep everything on the down low so she doesn’t get suspicious and try and gather as much information about her affair as possible. Record everything and set either cameras or a voice activated recording device to protect yourself. Women will make up any amount of lies when they need to and you don’t need to be hauled away from your home by the police on a false accusation. People have successfully moved funds using the “gambling habit” method, and if done over a long period of time you could remove a significant amount of money from her grasp. You could liquidate your pension early and “lose” it all. Ultimately you need to get a kickass lawyer and really plan out the strategy with them.

Mynewadventures · 2023-11-02T12:07:31+00:00

I think if I were you, where you're already so distant, is just start living your life. Squirrel as much secret money aside that you can for WHEN she divorces you, but get into hobbies and traveling on your own.

I love my time in my garage, work shop, and woods / hunting and fishing, and can't remember why I wanted a relationship and time sink.

Tasty_Yogurt_9478 · 2023-11-02T13:25:52+00:00

Body cam saved me on the assault last time . Never said a thing she never saw it . Call the law so what you are a man call them . I wear it on my pocket and keep other recording devices for my evidence . After everybody told their side, the officer told me he didn't have enough to arrest anybody after I questioned them, then I told him Woody like to see the video and surprisingly he smiled and said yes. I would love to see the video after that told me he needed it on a USB drive after she was gone and now I have her protective order, and I'm sure this will hopefully show the amount of abuse that I was going through in our marriage. Make sure in the video you say what's going on, what you're not doing and what she is doing. She's spitting my face. She punched me. She kicked me. You know as I yelled to keep her hands to herself. I have nowhere else to go. I'm in a corner I can't retrieve and yelled for for my own safety for somebody to come get her. See you in *$&#$

justme4556 · 2023-11-02T14:49:47+00:00

Ask yourself this question. Do you really want to live in that hell till you die? She most likely will outlive you. Pull the cord and run. Before I filed I felt more at home at work than I did at home. Working on that baseline I figured it can only improve. Best of luck!

sicrm · 2023-11-02T11:18:03+00:00

book a consult with a lawyer, tell them everything you said in this post and more, then work on an exit plan.

file when you’re ready to file. it’s time to take your life back.

To_Shrug · 2023-11-02T18:39:50+00:00

So, lets start here.

First, I'm sorry your going through this. If you've been on this sub for any period of time you'll know that divorce sucks! Avoid it at all costs. Blowing up your life and losing half your stuff and wealth is rough.

Second, talk to your wife. Tell her you're sad how the relationship has evolved and that you want to work on it. Be kind, and understanding. Go into the conversation with concern and appreciation for what you have, what you have had and what you want.

Don't talk about the cheating stuff yet. Talk to her about potentially rebuilding the relationship you had. If she is willing to talk, great. If not, great - you'll have a lot more information.

Talk and try to work on the relationship first. If that works, great! If not, you are in the right sub of guys that can help you through the process.

l3tsR0LL · 2023-11-02T13:19:13+00:00

She will get half your retirement anyway, gradually, when you retire. The sooner you break it off, the less her "half" will be

That's how I look at it, but I'm not an accountant

TheRealDrWan · 2023-11-02T15:31:56+00:00

Don’t pay for any more fucking plastic surgery.

And GTFO.

Internal_Bus868 · 2023-11-03T03:48:42+00:00

Update: I obviously left out some info. I retired for the second time in December of last year. I spent 28 years with the feds and I also retired from the airlines after 20 years. I have taken this woman all over the world. I know I'm stupid but being retired I would have to go back to work. Thank you for your comments but after 2 retirements it would break me. If we talk about the divorce it would cost 1/2 of a million $. I really am thinking of just finding some companionship and go through it. One other thing is that my kids (2) really don't like her.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-11-02T17:14:47+00:00

State? And are you still working?

California has Family Code section 4325. Nutshell: No alimony for convicted abusive spouses.

You won't be able to avoid splitting the retirement plan in my opinion. But talk to a lawyer.

Talk to a financial advisor. From what I understand, social security is yours. (There's a clause where she can get social security based on your contributions but it won't affect your check.) There should be a bit of good news there.

pk2at · 2023-11-02T20:26:13+00:00

Plenty of ways to keep your money to yourself, but if you are talking to lawyers and asking people like financial advisors (vs. asset protection), you don't have much hope

hkbk2011 · 2023-11-02T21:19:36+00:00

I got out after 13 years of misery. I remember my psychologist told me once. “you have to do whatever you can, to make yourself happy”. It might cost you a lot of money to get out of this relationship, but in exchange you will get freedom and peace. Of course assuming you’ve done everything you could to make this relationship work. Good luck to you.

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2023-11-02T23:11:33+00:00

Life is short. Life is precious. Give your kids the gift of leading by example to find happiness

Good luck my friend.

xadmin123 · 2023-11-03T07:13:07+00:00

Sound like she has borderline personality disorder. You need to leave.

ConceptMajestic9156 · 2023-11-02T09:03:24+00:00

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

Title	Married and trapped
Author	Internal_Bus868
Upvotes	27
Comments	22
Date	November 2, 2023 7:33 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17ly5zt/married_and_trapped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/married-and-trapped.1237098 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237098

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