Online dating and revealing you’re divorced?

Diligent-Deer-6579 · 2024-11-30T04:16:49+00:00

Weekend going Lunch with enjoyed movies

Most-Ad2879 · 2023-12-02T00:45:19+00:00

How old are you? At a certain age, if you are on dating apps it is expected that you are likely divorced. So disclosing it early is no big deal.

In fact, according to the data science, at a certain age never having been married becomes a bit of a red flag.

godolphinarabian · 2023-12-01T22:58:26+00:00

I’m a woman lurker here, I was given an honorary man award when I talked about my divorce on this sub previously. I was basically the dude in my divorce.

I recommend putting it on your profile, how long you were married and how long ago your divorce was finalized. If a guy doesn’t put it on his profile or tell me in the first couple chats, I’m more likely to unmatch. I hate feeling like I have to interrogate a guy for basic info and if he doesn’t offer he might be hiding something.

Since it was only finalized this year it helps to add that you separated 2 years ago. Women don’t want to date a man soon after divorce. We will assume you are unhealed, toxic, probably cheated on your wife, just looking for sex, want a mother figure etc.

If you don’t offer up the basic timeline of marriage and divorce women often assume the worst. They may assume you’ve never been married—which is a concern at a certain age, makes you look immature or so dysfunctional that no woman wanted to marry you. Women tend to want marriage more than men so you have to be pretty bad as a guy to not be locked down. It’s much better to be a divorced guy than a never married guy.

If you aren’t upfront about your divorce we may also assume you’re still married or in love with your ex. Or that you were the cause of your marriage ending—typical culprits like you cheated, you’re a slob, you have low emotional intelligence, you didn’t listen to your wife, etc. Whether or not any of that is true, that’s the female bias you are battling in post-divorce dating.

My own personal view is that most men suck at relationship skills compared to women, and the good ones are taken, so I’m always going to assume that a man was the bad partner unless proven otherwise. From there it’s a matter of assessing where you broke down as a partner and if I can tolerate it.

Most divorces don’t happen because people “grew apart” equally and amicably. It’s a bullshit excuse. The stats say most divorces happen because of money, cheating, and abuse. So if you claim that you grew apart I’m gonna be really suspicious of that. If that’s true you should have done some therapy and be able to articulate where you failed as a partner and how you’re not going to repeat those mistakes.

If your marriage truly ended because of something on your wife’s end, like she was cheating on you for years, she started going on bipolar gambling sprees, or whatever…make sure you can tell that story in a calm and rational way that doesn’t come off as “my ex is crazy.” My ex husband is, by many accounts, actually crazy. He had a legit mental breakdown. But I have to be very careful about how and when I give those details. If I get serious with someone, it helps that I have evidence of his crazy…like a recording of one of his manic, insane calls to the police.

I’m assuming you’re actually dating for a relationship, but if like a lot of men on here you just want sex and attention, then my advice does not apply. Just do everyone a favor and be honest. There are women also looking for casual. Tinder is better for casual and there are other apps that only do hookups, no relationships.

techrmd3 · 2023-12-01T16:29:59+00:00

I put I’m single. When I put divorced I get asked EARLY and OFTEN about my divorce and my ex.

this conversation early never seems to have a positive outcome

and I have my script tight … it seems disclosure and discussion of exes best happens in person on text or app it seems to be a minefield

tinkerb3lll · 2023-12-01T16:15:34+00:00

Always be honest when asked, but you don't have advertise it. When I was doing I ended up with a girl, I was separated at the time, but so was she and I only found out when I asked. She had been separated for 10 years. She still is and has never got divorced as she got married in a different country. I have been divorced since then as I don't like loose ends.

ItIsBaarishing · 2023-12-01T15:44:22+00:00

I have mentioned it in my profile. If the other person asks, I answer honestly. It is better to get rejected at the zero investment and commitment stage rather than drag it on and then get dropped later.

sinisterkid34 · 2023-12-01T14:50:32+00:00

I don’t really bring it up unless it’s organically brought up. If anyone asking what I’m “looking for” then I may bring it up and say idk I did get divorced so just seeing what is out ther

Title	Online dating and revealing you’re divorced?
Author	hpsportsfanatic
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	December 1, 2023 2:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/188dcf6/online_dating_and_revealing_youre_divorced/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/online-dating-and-revealing-youre-divorced.1239789 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239789

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