Bf doesn’t enjoy having sex with me? What am I doing wrong?

Business_babe_2 · 2024-01-09T15:55:09+00:00

With stories like this I feel like the first thing that needs to be made clear is if he watches porn and how much of it. Because the way you are describing things leads me to believe you are not doing much if anything wrong. But first thing first, does your boyfriend watch (a lot of) porn?

ColeIsBae · 2024-01-09T16:22:35+00:00

He's acting this way because of the porn. I'm so sorry :(

Is he open to giving up porn? If not, this is never going to change. You deserve to feel desirable, and the way he is behaving is deeply un-masculine and unfair to you.

notmeion_ · 2024-01-09T16:40:58+00:00

I'll back up some of the other comments here by saying that yep, it's the porn usage. Speaking from experience of your exact situation. I'm sorry you're going through this - it's unreal how painful it feels.

Diamond-Breath · 2024-01-09T16:42:42+00:00

He's porn-sick, try to tell him your needs and boundaries regarding porn. If your relationship continues like this, it's perfectly acceptable to leave and find a man that appreciates you.

packetsschmackets · 2024-01-09T17:03:38+00:00

Does he seem attracted to you? Could be porn, could be attraction or both.

RedPillDad · 2024-01-10T01:42:56+00:00

It seems he’s gotten bored of it all

The good news: You've had 2 years of relationship experience and have held up your end.

The bad news: Your current boyfriend isn't a higher value man and you can't turn him into one. You can nudge a guy on his journey up the mountain and give him your support, but you can't carry him on your back. If he lacks the ambition to climb, he'll soon be dragging you down into a darker place.

It's not a matter of you not being sexy enough. Trying to be a sex goddess won't solve his problems.

Quick plug on femininity. Women have two strong appeals to men: sex appeal and femininity. The first is hot and fleeting, the second is warm and enduring. For a relationship, femininity will serve you well.

BZP625 · 2024-01-09T23:06:25+00:00

15 years ago I would have said porn, and just porn, but it is a lot more than that now, and a medical checkup and therapy could be used to figure it out. It's not just porn in the conventional sense, it's the explosion of sex work such as OF, but also social media, virtual reality, video gaming (and social vid gaming), and all sorts of digital attention deficits. The elephant in the room is low testosterone, which used to be an 'old guy' thing but it now very much a young man's issue. Also, heavy marijuana use and prescriptions for depression. There is a lot of anti-masculinity and anti-heterosexuality conditioning that young people have had starting well before puberty. There are not a lot of things that a young man does that takes more than 10 minutes other than gaming, and very little that requires him to do something to please others. If he was raised by a single mother, he may have not really witnessed a conventional relationship.

I think you need to have a very serious discussion with him and determine if he really wants a conventional romantic relationship at this point in his life, bc it sounds as if not. If he does, he has to figure out what it is bc he may not have a clue. He should def get his testosterone checked, although that will be difficult for you to talk to him about.

I would start by arranging some time for just the two of you outside of your home without your phones (maybe leave them in the car), such as a walk at the park, a hike, biking, dinner, whatever. It's a break from porn, but also a break from all of the digital input. Hold hands, touch a lot, talk about stuff, develop a non-digital relationship, so he can enjoy your attention not lying on his pillow, and esp learn the pleasure of seeing you happy. He can give up porn, or greatly reduce it, but he has to want to, and seeing you happy, and caring about that, is the key, IMHO.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2024-01-09T20:01:24+00:00

How's your relationship otherwise? Is he affectionate outside of bed? Do you guys enjoy spending time together?

maybegone18 · 2024-01-09T20:55:54+00:00

Is he fit? This isn't talked about enough, but sex is like a workout. Some dudes power through it with sheer libido, but there are others that find sex to be too much work, overrated, and become complacent.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-01-09T17:13:47+00:00

I'm going to go against the grain here a bit and say it's not the porn. It's him, or what he's permitting the porn to do.

My husband has a porn addiction. He was open about it from the beginning. I married him knowing it will always be a part of our life. He always, always, always is touching me. Complimenting me. Wanting to make me feel good.

If your boyfriend has PIED, it could be a big source of anxiety for him and why he has trouble enjoying intercourse. Men feel incredible shame from not being able to perform.

I feel left out and undesirable.

I recommend you bring these feelings to your boyfriend. Tell him how you've been feeling lonely, boring, unattractive. Tell him you would like to receive more (69 seems like one suggestion). How your partner responds to your problem and your vulnerability will be crucially informative.

Objective_School_738 · 2024-01-09T16:11:42+00:00

You’re not doing anything wrong. He’s just the wrong guy for you.

feral-pixi-starling · 2024-01-11T07:23:39+00:00

you’re doing nothing wrong and there’s a wealth of men out there that you would never even have to initiate with. For sure porn is exacerbating this, mixed with low testosterone, if he’s on anti depressants that can also destroy the libido, among other things. cheating is possible of course.

But i dont think any of that is the core issue.

The thing that concerns me the most is that he will accept head and do nothing in return. That is is a real type of man and ironically they suck. That isn’t just selfishness that is an alarming act of disrespect.

Also I can’t believe no one else is saying this, but it is very likely he is getting off on depriving you, degrading you by making you beg and getting free head all the time. Those are all kinks btw. Its also just a spoiled brat way of rigging the system. Its like pretending you’re too dumb to do chores. He’e pretending he cant have sex that isn’t a blow job. It’s actually absurd what men get away with, so lets just be so so real about what’s actually going on.

i would understand if he was actually just dealing with low libido, but he’s actively choosing to spend his sexual currency elsewhere. He HAS A SEX DRIVE, but he is driving somewhere else. Its one thing if you supplement your sex life with porn, but he’s choosing it over you, which is absolutely a type of infidelity and once again a massively degrading act of disrespect.

Give blowjobs to someone who will eat you out and fuck your brains out! Lots of love girl 🩷🩷🩷

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2024-01-09T20:21:03+00:00

Definitely a porn addiction, and also, you may be initiating too much. Back way off. If he wants to be sexual with you, he’ll initiate.

Fuzzy-Swordfish-5607 · 2024-01-09T19:44:15+00:00

You’re not doing l anything wrong. If he’s not enjoying sex then it’s him not being good at sex lol

StrangerWilder · 2024-01-09T17:04:43+00:00

Have a conversation with him. Discussing is not begging. You can't mind-read. Tell him what you want and how you feel. I know several couples who switched to polyamory and having intimacy with others with each other's consent. If that can be done through conversation, this should also be possible. Try talking. Maybe he is not even aware of your needs at this point and is thinking you are really enjoying. Or maybe he has some problems. If he is a good partner, you two can open up and share how you feel.

Give him some time to try and adapt. Even after all this, if nothing changes, then ... you know.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-09T15:47:11+00:00

Title: Bf doesn’t enjoy having sex with me? What am I doing wrong?

Author AdministrationOk3971

Full text: We’ve been together for 2 years. I was a virgin prior to my bf, so we opened up to sex gradually in the beginning of our relationship, so we did never have crazy sex in the start like some mention.

It never really got past this point, we never further explored. It seems he’s gotten bored of it all, or maybe I just don’t have that sexual energy to me that makes me desirable.

I initiate oral a lot, or massage’s, handjobs etc to make things interesting, but that seems like the only thing he enjoys. He never asks for sex, though that’s my end goal of servicing him. I don’t want to be the one begging, when he clearly doesn’t enjoy it and just want it quickly over with. No build up, just quick and done when he climaxes.

Idk, I feel left out and undesirable.

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ladida1321 · 2024-01-09T17:21:46+00:00

Other commenters already mentioned porn.

But when you’re having sex are you moving your body, making noises and touching him? A lot of women think sex is something that happens to them and not something they actively participate in- i just want to make sure the issue isn’t starfish, being completely still or seemingly uninterested.

SeminoleDollxx · 2024-01-09T21:09:52+00:00

Welp --- thank god hes just your bf and its already been 2 years. Im sorry but hes indeed lost interest. Dont ignore your intuition.

Ninjurk · 2024-01-10T01:42:16+00:00

If he's been watching too much porn and gets himself off a lot, that's probably why. He can reset his brain by ceasing all of that for weeks to months.

If he is an addict and won't, you'd be foolish to stick around unless he's wealthy.

Communication is key, but if he's not communicating and not interested, then you are wasting your youth on the wrong person..

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Dry_Highway3865 · 2024-01-09T17:40:27+00:00

Girl you'll also need to get us some feedback so we know what to advise you next ..

NingIsHere · 2024-01-10T14:42:34+00:00

Looking for his fetish, my fetish is bdsm and I have some stock of sexy costumes. And those thing can help him turn on pretty well. Oral, massage and handjob are quite basic. They way you move on the bed and your face reaction is more very important.

( I use to use oral and hand job with my ex too but not really work. But it’s when I was innocent on sex)

Title	Bf doesn’t enjoy having sex with me? What am I doing wrong?
Author	AdministrationOk3971
Upvotes	24
Comments	51
Date	January 9, 2024 3:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/192hobp/bf_doesnt_enjoy_having_sex_with_me_what_am_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/bf-doesnt-enjoy-having-sex-with-me-what-am-i-doing.1242581 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242581

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