Let Down

black65Cutlass · 2024-01-16T15:27:42+00:00

I get it. I had what I thought was a couple of really close friends. One of them I was the one to help him get through his own divorce. Went out for drinks with him, listened to him spill his guts about his divorce. Helped him work on his car. Was just generally there for him. When I was going through my divorce, not a peep. I let him know I was getting divorced and after than it was like I had the plague. Most of my other "friends" were the same way. Not sure I really have any friends anymore.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-14T19:32:48+00:00

At that age friends are hard to come by

EnjoyTheRide52 · 2024-01-14T04:38:47+00:00

I had a few friends get divorced prior to my divorce. Once I went through it, all I could think is that I should have reached out more to my friends when they were going through it. I just didn’t realize how painful it was until I experienced it. I probably didn’t know what to say or even if my friends wanted to talk about. Be proactive if there are 1-2 guys you are close with. I’ve reached out when I needed advice or just to make sure I had my head on straight about how I was thinking about things. I have yet to have a friend let me down when I’ve reached out and needed it. Most people will want to help, they just don’t always know how.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-01-14T03:49:27+00:00

I called up my bestfriend who had moved away 7 years ago. We still saw each other about twice a year, either I'd go up to visit him one on one, or he'd come to down here to hang with us for an event.

We hadn't talked on the phone...since ever really. But I told him what was happening, just to have someone to tell it too.

I will say, it's not a constant thing; your friends will listen to the story once, do a recap again, and then a very minor check in. At that point, my friends were tapped and I was supposed to be over it.

Adept-Kiwi6491 · 2024-01-14T03:12:24+00:00

Hang I there brother. It’s tough, but it gets better. Promise. I’m a lawyer getting divorced from a lawyer. She’s in government. I own my own firm. Same insane aggressiveness. Same claims of under-employment. I used to get stuck in the negative loop of why women can get sympathy for claiming to be treated like a piece of ass (or a piece of meat) but I get none for being treated like an ATM or a paycheck; even when business has been really bad, no sympathy. Don’t actually make enough—they’ll threaten to use best years or some hypothetical. Attacks on all fronts — financial, personal, emotional, parenting front.

What helped me the most is some real self-talk. Being a victim is a mentality; it’s less about what happens to you and more about how you view yourself and deal with it. It’s a label that we choose to or choose not to identify with.

I’m three years in and hopefully coming to an end soon. My mentality shift is the only thing that’s kept me alive.

Best of luck bud. You’ll be just fine.

Reflog1791 · 2024-01-14T02:21:13+00:00

Find a hobby that makes you happy and meet new friends there. When I picked up golf I met so many nice guys who basically said, “You’ll be fine I got divorced 10 years ago. My kid just graduated college and got his first job.”

Not like I dropped my old friends or anything but they simply did not want or know how to support. It doesn’t hit so close to home for new friends and they’ll be happy to grab a beer and play some pool with you.

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-14T00:10:09+00:00

Keep strong, brother. Feel free to express your frustration at day 0. Hell, you've already started, right here. Let your friends know what's going on, they may have some advice or insight you wouldn't have thought of on your own.

Congrats on 9 months! keep in mind, being sober doesn't matter, being a drunk doesn't matter. If there isn't a legal trail of events to put you on the defensive, stop being on the defensive. Aside from wisely choosing your battles, don't surrender anything you don't have to.

Capable-Profile4425 · 2024-01-13T23:48:43+00:00

You may need to be more direct with them. Something like: “hey guys, I’ve been going through a lot with this divorce, and I’m anxious about a part of the process coming up. You guys know me better than anyone else, I could use some perspective, and just someone to talk to in order to let out done of this nervous energy”

Tailor that to your situation/audience, but the point is that YOU need to initiate the bid for connection and support. Trust me, the people that really care about you will jump at the chance to help you out when you need it the most.

SeminoleTom · 2024-01-13T23:42:44+00:00

Are they equally friends with your STBXW as well? Do they have a wife that is friends with her? This by no means should explain them not reaching out but was just curious. I’ve noticed guy friends that I have who fell into one of the two mentioned categories have absolutely backed off with me.

I get it, it’s uncomfortable but I am a little surprised if none had friendships with her and all of a sudden they stopped talking to you. Do you think maybe they are just busy with their families? Maybe you aren’t as close to them as you think you are?

Title	Let Down
Author	WildIntroduction8618
Upvotes	12
Comments	18
Date	January 13, 2024 11:29 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1961e6g/let_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/let-down.1242909 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242909

Comments