I (29F) got broken up with three weeks ago by my boyfriend (34M) of 2 1/2 months. The break up text was "I think our relationship has been really fun, I really like you, l'm so impressed by you. But I have felt consistently spiritually terrible for an extended period of time because of how we've had sex, and lust and lack of enforcing boundaries run the relationship." He also said he "can't take being so open to sin, consistently, being so distant from Him because of it… not living my values and not being Spirit filled" anymore and had to stop dating to break the pattern. Lol.

To preface: I am Christian too. I'm no hypocrite, we're all sinners and I am trying to deepen my faith walk and I don't date seriously often so it was my first time pursing purity in a relationship. He gave me mixed signals and led me to sex on third date. Even threw me on the bed on the second date (It was much for me, and I left after making out, but finally caved later on) After we had sex a few times early on, he would say he felt spiritually terrible. I was on board and felt convicted too, fasted, and stopped the sex when he would initiate. I always thought a man is supposed to LEAD. BE THE LEADER. Its one thing if I was pushing for sex and overstepping boundaries but that's not the case. Like I said, I was trying to deepen my faith walk and during this time RAN TOWARDS GOD instead of cry about it. I always though a man is supposed to lead so I followed along because I liked him a lot and thought he was a good guy. I even stopped the sex a month in but he couldn't control his lust and we would do other sexual things (to his benefit). We were repentant and both felt convicted and haven’t had sex in over a month but still got into cycles of sleep overs and even past few times in bed I would give oral or something stupid just because he would initiate and jump on me cause physical attraction was intense. Good thing right? I just followed along which was stupid on my part but I started doing less and less. I finally stopped the sex but he broke up with me because he felt "consistently spiritually terrible" even though everything was great and we were falling for each other.
He may have been creating a toxic cycle by continually making me feel bad about his slip ups and pointing the blame on me. Like we should have a super fun weekends, and then he had an emotional reaction and withdraws and this happened a few times. We had boundaries but he kept saying we kept breaking them and not enforcing them. As a man I believe your actions show YOUR level of faith and spiritual maturity. I gave him grace and patience. As a a man and you are responsible for your own relationship with God.
A red flag was he said his past 3 relationships were toxic. Like ridiculous stories like his last one (broke up in June) he claimed she was manipulative, abusive, and crazy. Like physically abusive, slapped and thew a vacuum at him. I wonder who the common denominator is, or if he was being truthful he put his trauma on me, and just unfortunately got stuck in his tug of war between mind and flesh. Became an outlet for his repressed sexual energy :( (He lost his virginity to her)
I mean who tells someone that the relationship led him further from God? So unbelievably hurtful. Especially when I had a pure heart and good intentions, I know I am a strong woman and its evident in the way I handled this - with grace :( I know that if two can grow in Christ together and resist an extremely hard temptation it will only make a relationship stronger but I have a hard time accepting being dumped and devalued after giving someone a deeply spiritual side of myself. I think he threw away a perfectly fine relationship out of confusion but I also am starting to see the red flags.
He broke up with me because he couldn't take it anymore, felt filthy. I'm not sure if he is confused. Or just a weak man. Or deeper issues. Like to just end the relationship (we had so much more than sex - fun together, chemistry, compatibility, same values, same hobbies, future, etc) make me feel horrible after it? I'm not sure how to handle this with grace and forgiveness...It is normal to struggle but it's one thing to use people and then try to make them feel guilty for a choice you made.
I’m also starting to wonder if he’s a psycho path who uses religion to lull people then teases and uses this as an oust 🙁 Cause it still feels so ridiculous! And I am left still weeks later spiritually wounded. Also know I dodged a bullet because he was way to extreme and lost a good girl with his weird expectations and standards when it comes to temptation.
If he wants to stay in his unhappy job messing around on dating apps looking for his religious virgin who doesn’t sin he can do that until he’s 50!! Even weeks later I am infuriated and insulted, it is normal to struggle but it's one thing to use people and then try to make them feel guilty for a choice you made. Lesson learned!!!