Never had a hookup in college. Need advice before senior year

Cascadiana88 · 2022-06-18T05:29:14+00:00

First off, by your own admission you suffer from severe anxiety. This anxiety is negatively affecting your life and is preventing you from achieving your goals. You're not alone; a lot of people, including a lot of people here on r/seduction have suffered from anxiety at some point in their lives. Fortunately, there are mental health resources to help you deal with this problem. I don't know where you go to school, but most universities have some sort of free counselling services for students. You should make use of those services; the counsellors can help you learn to deal with your anxiety. If you're school has limited counselling services, you should seek out a private practice psychotherapist, although you may need to pay out of pocket depending on what kind of insurance you have. Specifically, you should seek out a therapist who practices Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT is the psychotherapy with the most evidence and peer reviewed research supporting its efficacy as treatment. In some cases it has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants and other psycho-pharmaceuticals.

Speaking of which, you should probably also see your general practitioner or family doctor and see if they might prescribe some medication to help you deal with your anxiety symptoms. Your doctor might instead refer you to a psychiatrist who specializes in making mental health diagnoses. In either case, they will make an assessment and determine whether or not you would benefit from medication. If they do prescribe medication, be sure to ask plenty of questions about it and understand all the possible side affects. Specifically ask if the drug being prescribed is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI); this class of drug commonly (though not always) has negative sexual side effect that can lower your libido or make it difficult to achieve an erection and orgasm. Given your situation that is obviously not a situation you want to find yourself in. Explain your concerns to the doctor and ask if you might be able to instead take bupropion, sold under the brand name Wellbutrin. Bupropion isn't associated with negative sexual side effects and some patients even report experiencing an increase in libido. In any case, it's important to have a full and frank discussion with your doctor and to listen to their expertise.

You've also expressed concern about your physical height of 5'9". This concern is, to be honest, unwarranted. I don't know what country you're from, but unless you live in an unusually tall country like the Netherlands 5'9" is either average or only slightly below average height in the majority of developed countries. There is no country on earth where the average woman is 5'9" or taller, so unless you have a particular attraction towards unusually tall women you don't have the problem really short guys have where average women tower over them. So, should you pursue a career as a professional basketball player? No, probably not. But, you're 5'9" stature really isn't the impediment to meeting women that you think it is. That's all in your head; it's just your anxiety talking.

There's nothing that you can do to increase your height, but it is within your power to improve your physical body. I'm of course talking about getting regular vigorous exercise to build muscle. Your university probably has gym facilities for its students. You should make regular use of them. Try to aim for going to the gym at least 3 to (preferably) 5 days a week. And don't just take a yoga class or sit on a treadmill and think you're done; if you want real results then you need to start lifting weights. You don't need to start with the biggest and heaviest weights; find what you're comfortable lifting and then gradually work your way up over time. If you actually commit to lifting weights most days of the week, you will be surprised by how quickly you will actually build muscle over just the first three months or so. In the weightlifting world, this phenomenon is referred to as "newbie gains". You will look noticeably better. And if you commit to regular weightlifting over the long haul you will get jacked.

The benefits of getting fit through regular exercise and a healthy diet are numerous and particularly relevant to your situation. First off, exercise releases endorphins and other brain chemicals that have a natural antidepressant effect. You will be actively changing your brain chemistry to help you feel less anxious and more confident. What's more you will build confidence when you gradually over time find that you are able to lift heavier and heavier weights and push yourself further than you ever could before. And you will feel more confident just looking at yourself in the mirror because you will be able to see the transformation of your physical appearance. You will know that you look better with your clothes on or off. And most importantly women will notice your new buff body. Psychological studies have shown that the body type that women find sexiest is (surprise!) a muscular body. A six pack is sexy, a beer belly is sloppy. Once you've built up your muscles, you will be able to more confidently approach women because she's likely more receptive to muscular guys. The odds are that she would rather be hit on by a guy who's 5'9" and ripped than a guy who's 6'2 and skinny and gangling or fat and schlubby. If you get properly jacked, you'll probably notice women are more likely to start flirting with you too, which will of course further boost your confidence and self-esteem. Getting fit is a win-win-win situation for you.

Now, I'll be honest with you, none of this is easy. It's hard. It's hard asking for help from doctors and counsellors. It's hard committing to psychotherapy. It's hard committing to going the gym most days and eating a healthy diet. Self-improvement is always hard. But, it is always worth it. You can do this.

JohntheAnabaptist · 2022-06-18T03:41:04+00:00

Aww poor 5'9 baby. Don't worry some day you'll grow up to be 7'5 and you'll slay all the ladies. Wth is the question? Make efforts to be social, work out, look good, be intelligent. If you think height is all people are after you got a lot more to learn. Talk to hot Girls idk. Do you want a relationship or do you want to hook up?

5_7pickup · 2022-06-18T03:50:10+00:00

Dude you post about the same shit every week. Just crying about your height. Shorter dudes get girls all the time. You have no fucking excuse.

Classic_Vlasic_ · 2022-06-18T04:17:31+00:00

Tip: join a sports club, or any club on campus.

I joined the ultimate frisbee club my junior year of college just to be involved in student affairs. I didn’t pay much attention to the women and just focused on performance and technique. At the end of the season I was toned, won an award for most improved player and got laid.

Put in the hard work, good luck.

WillfulMurder · 2022-06-18T04:21:33+00:00

Oh it's you again.

This fixation on height is probably best solved by a therapist if it's this pervasive despite your efforts to stop, you post weekly about this. If your social media is filled with incel shit like that then stop using it or make new accounts.

delabole · 2022-06-18T16:22:17+00:00

I am 5' 7", had dozens of girfriends, half-a-dozen multi-year relationships, married twice. The main thing is come across as the sort of person a girl would want to spend time with. My advice to get going is to talk to everyone. Yes, talk to the 50-year-old cashier in the supermarket as if you are chatting her up. Then it will be easier when it is the hot 23-year-old.

SociallyCluelessHELP · 2022-06-19T00:36:46+00:00

I’ll never understand how someone of average height is insecure about their height. Literally blows my mind

TheCollector228 · 2022-06-18T02:06:07+00:00

Also how do I compete with the confident guys who are taller than me

ReorgAtty · 2022-06-18T03:32:32+00:00

To answer your post: it’s just a numbers game. You have to put yourself in social situations where you’re likely to meet girls. The more you interact with, the better.

But I think there’s something more important to address: your height. There is nothing wrong with it. You are not short. Girls certainly don’t think you’re as short as you do. Yes, there are some girls that prefer taller guys, but there are also some who prefer shorter and probably the majority don’t really care either way depending on other factors. Get out of your head about that. I promise you they can pick up on the insecurity and it turns them off more than your height. I know multiple short guys who have had no problem getting with good looking, quality girls. All shorter than 5’9. They have particularly confident personalities and are very social. Idt they ever think of their height.

DragonDinner22 · 2022-06-18T04:50:14+00:00

Considering the fact that you have zero knowledge or experience, there are two ways you can go about this:

Improve yourself to the point where you are more confident in who you are. Gym, diet, grooming. Go through the gradual process of putting yourself out there and screwing up and embarrassing yourself with women, because that's the only way you are going to figure this shit out.
Drink half a bottle of Pepe Lopez, go out with your friends and just see what happens.

There is no true shortcut. There is no magic trick. Unless you're some once in a blue moon prodigy, you aren't going to graduate with your Math degree after a week. Same applies to seduction.

No-Historian-6391 · 2022-06-18T13:47:29+00:00

Maybe you’re gay ?

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-06-18T14:05:01+00:00

I'm 6'0 not that much taller than you but it's like average height for guys, there's nothing wrong with that, most girls are still shorter than you, I know a guy whos only 5'7 but he gets laid more than anyone I know so its matter way much more to you than its actually matter for a girl. It mater but if you're at least the same height it's fine. For me was the best way is simply to be friends with everyone, If you go to college or any small social circle you don't have to be that direct bc you meet the same people almost every day so you don't have to close a number like if you're just seeing a girl on the street. Being friends with guys and girls, just be social and be more comfortable if you're the center of the attention. Show some intent like you can practice flirting with girl even if she's less attractive it's still fine for practice and if you found a girl you get along with you can suggest that you could hang out sometimes then good things can happen. That's how I slept with almost every good-looking girl in my school so being a social guy, being playful and flirty was the best combination for me back then

TheDimLighter · 2022-06-18T15:21:54+00:00

Dude i wish i was 5’9 lol

SociallyCluelessHELP · 2022-06-19T00:39:00+00:00

People who tell this guy to talk to older people so he can get over taking to girls he find attractive:

He isn’t trying to fuck these older women. Or women he doesn’t find attractive

grindforthegold · 2022-06-19T18:11:22+00:00

dude cmn i’d die to be 5’9. I’m 5’5 and i’ve still managed to pull hot girls. not a lot. but it’s possible. that’s a huge excuse

Hopeful_Leader8940 · 2022-06-20T03:44:32+00:00

Im 5’9 as well… never had a problem with the ladies

Title	Never had a hookup in college. Need advice before senior year
Author	TheCollector228
Upvotes	16
Comments	54
Date	June 18, 2022 2:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vevuon/never_had_a_hookup_in_college_need_advice_before/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/never-had-a-hookup-in-college-need-advice-before.1256775 https://theredarchive.com/post/1256775

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