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[–][deleted] 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]RedEyeBlackEye1 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
YEP, she's damaged and OP better NOT be her beta orbitor while she cries about the clown(loser hubby whatshisface) then runs back home(with freshly boosted ego) to get her salad tossed up all night by the same clown she was complaining about.
OP, keep it cordial when you see her from now on, Keep LEVELING UP YOUR SMV STATS, messing with other girls, and she'll probably come running back anyways. At the very least, she'll see you getting higher value, getting better girls than her, and she'll try to THROW THE NOOKIE AT YOU.
[–]bufffrog 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
SMV stats?
[–]Flaming_Seagull 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
^
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't take DA NOOKIE DOE unless you like it when strangers take a bite of the burger you order before you eat it. Yuck. Touching that will be like a hot dog down a hallway and she needs to have better respect for herself. Wait for a break up or divorce. Even then damaged goods will fuck you up.
[–]strikerx07 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I only tell women how I feel when I want them out of my life. Never have I uttered those words without the girl immediately losing interest.
[–]ThatGuy_Nick9 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right?? I mean not eeeevry time but a large majority immediately high tail it after you drop that bomb
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. When you’re friends with a woman and give her a grand ‘confession’ of your feelings, it is an immediate turn off. They feel cornered.
[–]aterrifyingfish 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Here's why that is, and I don't think it's quite the reason why a lot of guys think:
Women, like most people, actually like honesty. Honesty is attractive. Being open, and not giving a shit about what people think about your feelings, and laying your cards on the table is hot.
That seems counterproductive because you're right, grand confessions of love don't work, and are a huge turnoff. If you think about it a bit though, you can start to understand why.
The fact that your feelings built up to this point where you're so attached to this woman means you've been talking to her and interacting with her for a very long time without being honest. The fact that you have this grand confession going means that for 99% of the time you knew this person, you were being dishonest. THAT is what's creepy and offputting, not the confession itself.
If you'd met this same woman and within an hour of meeting her told her she was cute, that you were attracted to her and flirted with her, it might work out, it might not, but you're being honest with your feelings, and it has a far better chance of actually working than keeping your feelings bottled up then exploding all over her all at once. If you have feelings for a woman and you're keeping them bottled up, trust me, she knows. That's why it will never work out. You're keeping your true feelings hidden, and that's fundamentally unattractive. The solution to this isn't to confess your undying love to her. It's too late for that. The solution is to move on, and be honest from now on.
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s better to just ask her out directly, but don’t make a grand production out of it.
[–]One-Hedgehog4722 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup, or they know they got you in the bag and friendzone you. This main example is telling a girl whose already going through some shit with a potential husband. Definitely not a typical circumstance
[–]YoungCapoon 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CompetitionFair7686 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She ain’t gonna call you to get laid with her just because you were mister nice guy and moved on. She will just meet another guy
[–]indigo_pirate 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sentiment of the post is fair.
But you are getting involved with the woman of an abusive man. Stop right now before you end up curb stomped bro.
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’ve got the white knight syndrome, and it often leads to misery.
Having feelings for a woman and expressing it doesn’t make you weak at all. However, getting involved with a woman who’s involved with someone is never a good idea. You’re only hearing her perspective on the relationship. He has his perspective too, she might bring some toxic elements to relationship that you don’t know about.
She might just be using you for attention. Even so, say she breaks up with him and decides to be with you. It sounds like she is used to the dynamic of dysfunction. It is likely that after a while, he will reappear in her life, and she’ll begin to tell you she’s confused.
Guys in this situation think they’re special and they can ‘save’ a woman, she’ll see the light, and will have a healthy relationship. You’re not special. The same exact issues in her current relationship will come to the surface in your relationship with her.
[–]Whydomelikethatbruh 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jim and Pam?
[–]IGetBoredSometimes23 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Good shit.
I really don't get why folks say not to tell a woman how you feel. Most women don't want to show interest due to fear of rejection unless you show it first.
[–]loofyd 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
There's a caveat to the not telling a girl theory
It should be something along the lines of "tell her and then fucking move on to other girls"
If she wants, she will join you happily and fuck you or whatever is it you want to do with her (if she's still being a bitch/unreasonable, that's the clearest red flag you will need - eject her from your circle / harem and move the fuck on)
If she doesn't, it doesn't matter in the slightest bit - you have other girls and you can get even more women to fuck or flirt with
The idea is that abundance should not depend on the situation, abundance itself should be the CONSTANT regardless of the situation
[–]ThatGuy_Nick9 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
What? Tell her you like her then move on? No?? I think maybe this comment is trying to come from a good place but it’s so wrong/terrible mindset
[–]loofyd -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
What do you suggest then?
Its an open forum, you can elaborate
[–]ThatGuy_Nick9 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
Im really not even sure what your point was exactly but in regards to the implications and the OP, I suggest not playing mind games with people. If you like her tell her. If she likes you keep on doing what you’ve been doing but try and get things moving romantically soon. Telling someone you like them and then moving on is such a feminine thing to do. Abundance is a great way to attract other females (it also feels amazing mentally), but just because she’s not fucking you Doesn’t make her “a bitch or unreasonable” I guess your reply just seems like some regurgitated mess of “game garb” with little actual advice. I think abundance is a good goal to have but, practically, the advice verbiage doesn’t really fit in
[–]loofyd 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Telling someone you like them and then moving on is such a feminine thing to do
how is it feminine ? i would like to know how do women do this to men
If you like her tell her
if only it was that simple
but just because she’s not fucking you Doesn’t make her “a bitch or unreasonable”
no it doesn't, but you miss the point i am trying to make i.e not to waste time with timewasters or women who keep you around just for validation
I guess your reply just seems like some regurgitated mess of “game garb”
i can see how this might have come across to you , but i wrote what i did after spending my entire teenage and most of my 20s in 'seduction/dating purgatory'
i am simply talking on the basis of my experience , based on a rather significant amount of my time
it should be very, very relevant to mention that i am not from the West , i did not grow up in a westernized culture and even though i am broadminded - there is still much i am learning about a sexually open culture and sexually open women ( both of which were alien and absent concepts to me in my early age - i thought it was impossible and until a certain age, immoral, for women to be sexually open because it was simply non-existent where i am from )
the above paragraph will seem like heavy qualification (lol) but since this is a not a dating app and is instead a discussion forum where we both stand to learn from each other - i thought it pertinent to mention all this
looking forward to further discussion
[–]ThatGuy_Nick9 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It’s a feminine thing in that, as a man, it’s attractive to have confidence in your attractions. If you say you like her and then stop interacting/giving ioa then it just seems like you’re only saying nice things to get laid. So essentially it conveys mixed messages which are clear to women as a huge red flag. Imo.
I totally agree though. In my experience it’s absolutely necessary to separate the so-called Timewasters in the dating life. Women often have a different agenda on their mind while dating than men. Many times they’re simply looking for a connection or a friend while men are looking for their next mate almost exclusively. However there is a place for women who only seek validation from you. And I think they are your orbiters. They are the women who help you build your social portfolio to attract others (when It works that way).
Personally, I see no issue with not having sex with every female in my acquaintance but I still try and keep them around as friends as I would with any other guy who wants to be friends. They can be flirty but you also know you have the freedom of doing what you want without their permission.
Anyway, basically for the actual post at hand. OP should cut his ties with the married woman unless he wants to get beat up. The woman he’s concerned with is only attractive to him because it’s a risky taboo. He has his orbiters which he can turn to which keep his head level. This social relationship is desirable for most men but is difficult to obtain for those not as inclined to interact with women as, say, you or I are. So, because of that, I feel the advice that “hey everyone needs abundance and if she won’t fuck you, pass her on” is a bad way of dealing with your masculine emotions. I’ve found success in being empathetic. Sure there’s dudes who fuck way more than I do, but I also know what I’m talking about as well ;)
[–]loofyd 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
good discussion,
i think you misunderstood or maybe i didn't explain well .. there's nothing about having/not having confidence in your attractions. oh no, not at all - i am talking about something else .. not relying on the woman's approval or go-ahead after 'confessing' or telling her how you feel ( i believe the OP did pull this off quite well ) - because if you are shattered or distraught by the woman saying no to you after you tell her how you feel , that's what can destroy your from inside .. that's what i am referring to , that the context of my discussion - to avoid getting emotionally invested in a woman's approval of how you feel about her. you're a man , you're naturally inclined to have physical, sexual and to an extent, some emotional attraction for women - no need to be insecure or apologetic about it - its natural !
i like the idea of having 'female orbiters' as suppliers of social proof
but executing this idea will be a different story, due to all the shyness/anxiety i have to overcome and all the calibration i will require ..
I see no issue with not having sex with every female in my acquaintance
ofc , i have had some very good female friends who i have had little to no sexual interest but i still like talking to them and staying in touch every now and then
i never really hinted at having sex with every single female you know .. just that if you desire a girl and you tell her you like her but if she doesn't come around - just let her go and walk away especially if it's going to hurt you being around her and if you can't be friends with her anymore , since your confession can mess the dynamics of your relationship with her ( i suffered from a similar situation and the girl tried to use me - she was a bitch )
i think that makes it clear enough
This social relationship is desirable for most men
by this, i presume you mean having female orbiters, yes ?
but is difficult to obtain for those not as inclined to interact with women as, say, you or I are
because of shyness ?
So, because of that, I feel the advice that “hey everyone needs abundance and if she won’t fuck you, pass her on” is a bad way of dealing with your masculine emotions.
this is a overgeneralization, but i guess i succinctly cleared it up above
I’ve found success in being empathetic
one caveat - how did you avoid getting emotional yourself or getting sucked into the emotional drama yourself ?
For a guy, i am extraordinarily emotional and i have felt that women have used that against me - my being emotional meant i played right into their hands and they could easily manipulate me
how exactly do you detach yourself from becoming emotional with women or getting pulled in their emotional dramas, while still being empathetic with those same women ? and how has it helped your garner attraction from those women ?
[–]One-Hedgehog4722 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Here’s a better answer. You don’t tell the girl, you show her. There is no need to say anything, body language is like 80% of communication anyway.
[–]loofyd 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Examples, on how to use body language to communicate attraction to the girl, would be appreciated
Think of explaining to a beginner
[–]IGetBoredSometimes23 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've read this three times and I still have no idea what your point is. Who is saying to not move on in the OP's case? Why would I not reject them if they're being disrespectful? Why would showing interest have anything to do with abundance?
What does any of that have to do with the price of tea in China?
[–]loofyd -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was just adding to your point
Read the following discussion i had with another guy below you comment - you'll figure out what i mean
[–]JayJay_365 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jim from “The office”, I knew it’s you! Troll 😈
[–]dark_helmt8 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What rule? You planted a seed with a prospect who needs to hear that, nothing more. In this case rules dont apply bc shes hooked on dufus and conveying feelings/direct interest is what's required. Right on, rules shmules
[–]GotThaAcid5tab 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This sub is full of shite
[–]sophist16 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok so all summed up you’re an orbiter? 😂😂😂😂
My friend, if there’s “so many women” at the casino, why are you orbiting around a woman, coworker or not, that’s engaged?
Listen, this will probably piss you off because it’s not plain Jane vanilla and nice as these forums tend to try and make our comments, but coming at you like an honest big brother that wants to see you win….Don’t do that nonsense again. You’re contradicting yourself.
Messing with married women happens. It’s apart of life, but ya gotta understand the point at which to do so. A woman, engaged to an asshole or not, shouldn’t even be on your radar. She’s in the googly eyed stage. She’s on a marriage high. You get with her 7 years after she’s been married. (At which point you most likely won’t even want her anymore.) That’s when she’s likely to be out of the “high on marriage” stage. Kids have happened etc.
Go after the many women that are in the casino. Stop orbiting around trying to be captain save a hoe.
[–]damiancontrol 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I respect the bravado but this doesn't sound inspiring at all
She's still gonna get married with some asshole.
Should've kissed her when you had a moment and then convinced her that the other guy ain't worth it. These types of women are at their weakest when their getting kissed
[–]Radio_Unique 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why kiss her?
[–]One-Hedgehog4722 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why not?
[–]Delicious_Jackoff 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🎵 cool guys don't look at explosions 🎶
[–]quantumactual 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cool and all but idk why you’d be going for someone about to get married. You can say her man is this and that, but it doesn’t matter, she chose him not you.
[–]dodged_that_one 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Life isn't a film, most girls who are in a serious, if woeful, relationship are not going to fall into your arms because you've shown real interest, on her way to be picked up by "her man". You've build rapport, demonstrated value and shown clear interest. It's a big change for her to break things off with a guy she presumably lives with for the opportunity and risk of someone else. She could avoid the risk by going behind his back until she's sure of you, but it speaks well of her that she didn't.
You've shown that you're a decent human being and she's done the same. Now she's going to be re-evaluating her life and thinking whether unemployed, needy abusive guy is really the one for her since she has options. Don't be surprised if she comes back to you.
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