Why does being direct with a woman with about what you want almost never work?

bcool_returns · 2021-05-12T21:25:27+00:00

The "science" is that investment and emotions matter. You can be direct if her investment is there and she feels emotions towards you. But if there's no buy in, you'd be wrong to bite off more social capital than you actually have. For instance, you could probably randomly tell your GF "hey let's hang out tonight." But you prob couldn't (reliably) open with "hey let's hang out tonight" as your opening line on a dating app.

How do you know if there's buy in? In text, she's writing a lot more, she's actively asking questions, she's curious about you/your life, and she's hinting at and/or participating in the close herself.

ryeli123 · 2021-05-12T20:16:16+00:00

i think whether you were direct or you beat around the bush, the answer would be the same.

my current fiancé was the most direct man i’ve ever dated and that’s how i knew immediately that i could take him seriously and actually consider a relationship with him.

Rational-mistakes · 2021-05-12T20:27:11+00:00

Depends on how long we’re chatting for, if you’re someone I know/think is trustworthy, etc. I’ll chat to anyone who talks to me (thanks retail) and by polite and laugh with whoever if I find some common ground, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be into them.

Coincidentally, if you’re meeting these women for the first time, having a quick conversation and then asking to meet them, they’re probably wary of you. We’ve all been harassed at some point for rejecting a person, so to be safe some of us say yes and dip as to avoid confrontation, we don’t know you well enough to know how you’ll react.

PiperBigBell · 2021-05-12T20:30:10+00:00

Um. It does work, just not for you. Your question assumes itself to be true. I'm direct with women 98% of the time and have great results with dates, sex, getting numbers. But because you haven't told us anything about your game, we can't help you. Online?

Cold approach? Is your appearance on point? Are you masculine in your tone, words, and presence? Are you seductice? Flirty? Sexual? Do you know how to lead a woman? Do you know how to run a compliance ladder? Who are the girls you're dealing with and how often do you deal with women?

MassiveBonerrr · 2021-05-12T23:50:25+00:00

It has nothing to do with being direct. A woman knows whether or not she will to out with you long before you ask the question.

bandsupjay · 2021-05-13T07:22:59+00:00

Then shes just not interested lol. Theres no science behind that become more attractive, develop better game and stop coming off as someone that wants to be her friend

imusuallynot · 2021-05-13T11:01:15+00:00

Being direct does work if you have high enough perceived value to the woman. You must appear interesting enough to her - and that differs woman to woman.

So, firstly, keep working on yourself. But, stay true to your core beliefs, don't try to become the flavour of the month, because then you would get others attracted to a fake version of you, and the bubble will eventually burst.

Basically continue working at being the best version of yourself possible.

And, it's ok that the best version of yourself doesn't appeal to everyone. But it almost certainly will appeal to someone.

My personal account, it took me years of working on myself and finally I got my first time where a woman approached me to hang out. Slowly, after that, like a tipping point, it started happening more often. Of course my openness and being direct likewise got more successful over time too.

Having said that, establish some basic understanding of who you're speaking with and use commonsense about how direct you should be. In 99.9% of circumstances, sending dick pics (which I will never do, cos it's just screams crass) doesn't work. Pls avoid that like the plague..!

So, for every failure where someone wasn't interested, take it positively, and use that energy to push yourself to improve in some way. Go for it!

EpicJohnCenaFan · 2021-05-12T22:21:45+00:00

Basically, she doesn't view you as high enough value to go on a date with. Building value is a whole separate issue.

But about being direct, you're going to get a lot of rejections. Expect it. The good thing about being direct is overcoming with the approach anxiety and fear of rejection, and also if you're direct, a lot of girls will reject you but the girls who like you will be super on for something. It's kind of a trade off.

coco850bro · 2021-05-13T01:42:59+00:00

Like a couple other guys already said, being direct does work but it depends on the girl. It’s no secret that some women like to play games and string some men along. So when you come at them in a direct way you pretty much stop them from being able do that. So most likely your just being direct with all the time waster types. Also a lot of girls aren’t use to direct men so you could just be throwing them off their game when your direct and the only thing they know how to do is back away from the situation. Pretty soon you’ll figure out which girls are into direct men if you keep at it.

miaou_dubois · 2021-05-13T02:25:19+00:00

Be really hot. I’m not kidding. Hit the gym and be cute. Wear nice clothes. The girls just aren’t into it.

AppearanceAccording6 · 2021-05-13T16:32:51+00:00

Being direct does work, it’s all about your presence and energy. If I approach a woman with a direct opener and I don’t feel all that confident about it, 90% of the time she’ll reject me. If I approach a woman with a direct opener with confident and positive energy 90% she’ll be attracted to me (or reject me but it’ll be a positive rejection).

munchkinpants- · 2021-05-13T02:03:40+00:00

We have no way of knowing why it's not working for you without added context.

arihant-hg · 2021-05-13T06:08:09+00:00

Reverse psychology.
The iron must be hot before you strike. But some metals have a lower melting point so it's not like all women don't respond to being direct.
It depends on you. There has to be a basis on what you expect people to hang out with you. Not just women , men won't respond to your whims and wishes as well. Imagine going up to a guy and asking him to have a beer with you. Weird right. So how do you expect walking up to a women and doing that. So familiarity has to be created.
Depends on what you want and there has to some basis of having that expectation.
You are not the center of the universe.

AccidentalLover · 2021-05-13T15:07:48+00:00

As a woman, I’m not sure how I would respond to this. I do know that if he just asked for my number I would give it to him so we can talk a little more over the phone or text and then maybe I’ll agree to a date. Seems like a lot of hoops to jump through but I just prefer to know someone a little more before I go out with them. For me, and probably a lot of women, it’s a vetting process. One random conversation I’ve had with a stranger is not enough information for me to decide if I should be spending time with someone.

Fenino · 2021-05-13T16:43:34+00:00

Well just think of how the situation might have potentially worked out if it were reversed.

In my head I’m imagining something like this:

A random woman starts making small talk with you out in public, you’re probably just gonna respond to be polite, you have no real investment in this conversation.

Suddenly she might ask you out for a drink, but let’s say you’re not even into her, there’s no attraction there and you don’t really know her at all... so why would you say yes to the randomer?

There’s no bait on the hook.

BensonInFL · 2021-05-13T02:51:07+00:00

Why does being direct with a woman with about what you want almost never work?

It depends on WHAT you want.

1) If you're asking a girl out for drinks or golf and she flakes, it means you didn't build enough attraction, comfort, DHV, etc.. or it was just literally too early to escalate..

2) If you're asking to kiss a girl, have sex, be her boyfriend, etc... a) girls don't like to take responsibility for those decisions, they expect guys to *man up* and make the first moves.. not ask for permission like a child asking their mother.. b) girls want things to happen spontaneously...... like 'one minute we were just sitting there, and then we kissed, it just happened!' .. not planned, and asking for these things makes it a planned event.

-B

BitbyLite · 2021-05-12T22:19:00+00:00

Stop having conversations, ask for the date right away. Save time and energy.

SamuraiRetainer · 2021-05-13T04:14:29+00:00

Lol my boy should get some lms blackpill, dont date girls above your league

siddcole · 2021-05-13T14:32:30+00:00

Dude women don't communicate like that. Thkst era of seducing and flirting is a mix of telling her things that imply sex, promote sex, and shows that your experienced also, doing things that are dominant i.e (leading, touching, etc.

When a women tell you she wants you to be honest/direct thats just a way for he to filter out the dudes who don't have game. I can't count how many times girls told me they arent looking for a hook up just for me end up smashing on the first date. WOMEN COMMUNICATE COVERTLY, they like being sluts as long as they know you won't judge them for it. That's why when your direct and say I'm just tryna fuck she automatically shuts that shit down cause that's an overt/direct way communicating. That's how gay guys talk to each other when it's sexy time.

Only time you can be direct with a women is when she's completely utterly submissive to you.

CharlesBathory · 2021-05-12T20:29:09+00:00

It always does

whoopsea · 2021-05-12T20:36:04+00:00

It’s always worked for me.

Dodechaedron · 2021-05-12T21:44:57+00:00

Different people react differently. Some women like it direct, some don't. You have to understand what type you're dealing with ...

Heavy-Story4679 · 2021-05-13T04:24:02+00:00

I’m pretty sure it comes down to the energy you give off . They’ll follow you if your an ACTUAL leader/real man. I’ve experienced this first hand ✋.

osorioace · 2021-05-13T05:30:50+00:00

The vibe has the be flirty to begin with before you ask. Just be direct on the open

WanyCaleb · 2021-05-13T06:51:11+00:00

It just works; or in this case; it just doesn't work?

Ashido_Komaki · 2021-05-13T14:44:04+00:00

You have good women n bad women same goes for men but it's RNG when we try our hand at women. Some will like you some will not it's the way life works. Happy Hunting 😎

1mg-Of-Epinephrine · 2021-05-13T16:51:13+00:00

What are u being direct about? That probably matters

hotslappity · 2021-05-13T18:54:24+00:00

Haaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa. Because the exchange is predicated entirely on a woman’s preference of what she wants. Being direct only works for excessively attractive people with several assets. Sorry

DragonDinner22 · 2021-05-14T02:46:59+00:00

Don’t overthink it just work on yourself and be a man that makes you happy

ATLAK · 2022-10-28T22:30:37+00:00

You ain't got game

Title	Why does being direct with a woman with about what you want almost never work?
Author	NYRCRT12345
Upvotes	31
Comments	55
Date	May 12, 2021 8:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/nay2k0/why_does_being_direct_with_a_woman_with_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-does-being-direct-with-a-woman-with-about-what.1284497 https://theredarchive.com/post/1284497

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