[deleted by user]

COMBATPROSSI · 2021-05-08T00:36:03+00:00

I used to be in this category. For me A lot of that neediness came from attachment anxiety. I was severely abused and neglected as a kid and spent most of my childhood alone. No friends, no real family to speak of. Whenever I had an opportunity to have a girlfriend, I completely botched it with my own desperation. I also thought I was ugly which was the opposite of the reality. I’m actually quite attractive and didn’t find that out till many years later.

The neediness comes from fear. Fear of loneliness. It’s a famine mentality.

I got over it by doing several things. And I’m not saying this is the only way but it worked for me. I worked my ass off and got a great career. Money isn’t everything, but it helps to show that you’re dedicated to your own success. A successful man is usually doing it for himself. Women choose men based on competence. A great job shows competence. Women, in my opinion, seem to also be attracted to someone who is dedicated to something bigger than himself.

Another thing I did was get used to rejection. I talked to as many women as I possibly could and still do. I ask them how their day is going , crack a joke if there’s an opportunity and sometimes ask them out. Most say no. But some say yes. Quickly I realized that there is no romance famine in my life. Only a famine of courage.

It’s my firm belief the only way you can get exactly what you want in life is by losing fear of humiliation. To be honest, my fear of being alone still comes and goes but I don’t let it affect my behavior. And I will humiliate myself to take a crack at a pretty girl. It certainly pays off. And Yeah I’m still single, but it’s not due to lack of interest from women. It’s by my own choice. I don’t have to settle now. When the closest thing to the type of woman I’m looking for walks into my life, ill make the commitment.

Being tough and secure is hot. Want to stop worrying about losing the girl to the “bad boy?” Become the “bad boy.”

ResponsibilityNo8235 · 2021-05-07T18:24:07+00:00

The same as men hate needy women

Innsui · 2021-05-07T23:41:48+00:00

This isn't a blanket statement btw. Girls like feeling needed and love so you should still be playful about it. The difference is between being a needy loser who doesn't have a life outside trying to date women and being a little clingy to the relationship you've built.

Yireh1107 · 2021-05-08T00:18:28+00:00

I don’t think it swings as hard for men especially in a relationship with gender roles. Emotionally yes but for instance I’ve been married ten plus years , happily I handle the outside of the house stuff money etc pay all bills and she handles pretty much most other aspects of my daily life. We’re like Bob and June cleaver but form the very beginning we established that’s what we wanted. I need her and she needs me could we operate without each other surely bc we did it for years before getting married but it’s nice to be able to Need your partner in those areas which they excel in. Just my opinion but again being emotionally needy for a man is a big no no me personally I don’t mind a emotionally needy woman as long as when she’s being unreasonable she accepts that.

Rubia_Divina · 2021-05-07T22:49:07+00:00

This applies to both genders. Good post.

Biz_Rito · 2021-05-08T01:28:38+00:00

Fill your own cup... a sound reminder.

Blynn025 · 2021-05-08T01:56:36+00:00

I met a guy like this recently. We ended up never meeting in person because even his texts were needy.

Chrispy3 · 2021-05-07T21:29:24+00:00

What about the value signal that being needy sends? You can afford not to be needy if you’re desirable. Neediness is interpreted as a social signal of low mate value.

DefinitelyDigital · 2021-05-08T00:13:31+00:00

Good post but it overcomplicates the main point around neediness. Btw, neediness in men is extremely common and can easily become a particular man’s Achilles heel when it comes to being successful with women.

The main thing to keep in mind is that when a man exhibits neediness to a woman, he’s literally handing his emotional self to her on a silver platter as he seeks validation, attention, or affirmation. It comes down to literally that. And when there’s “no challenge” (to the woman) and the man appears to lack confidence because of his neediness, it creates the opposite of attraction, and can quickly leave you dead in the water.

sierrabravo1733 · 2021-05-08T09:48:23+00:00

I've evolved, but in reverse. I liked a girl and was extremely stoic with her. We were texting each other everyday and I figured out that the more nonchalant and uninterested I was with her, the less I'll appear needy and clingy. I did not mind her past casual relations with random playboys, I did not mind her having feelings for her ex. I did not mind if she was going out with another guy. The fact that I did not expect her to like me prevented me from getting too attached to her.

After a year of regular texting, she revealed that she'd been into me all along and she actually liked me. Even though I was elated, my interactions with her remained basically the same. I was an introvert and it was she who initiated conversations. I enjoyed texting her but was apprehensive to text first. It did not pose itself as an issue back then. After 6 more months of texting, she felt that I was too unattached and stoic and she felt odd about always making the first move. I took her feedback a bit to seriously and I turned a bit too needy. I started shielding her from online stalkers and her exes due to the fear of losing her to someone else. I started to try to get her more academically involved in her studies. I started to care too much. Even though she was totally into me and had feelings that were only exclusive to me, I started doubting her of infidelity due to her past instances of flirting. I tried to cling onto her and keep her for myself. I was poles apart from my former self and then, I realized one crucial thing. YOU CANNOT IMPOSE THE EXPECTATIONS THAT YOU PLACE ON YOURSELF ON OTHERS AS NO ONE ELSE IS AS CAPABLE AS YOU. She loved me. She was mine. But she was turned off by the fact that I was grabbing onto her with all my might and tried to keep her for myself. I had lost my former confidence and it was replaced by insecurities.

I'm back on my old path of nonchalance and stoicism again. She is a good person and I'm happy with her but I can totally survive without her. Asserting more discipline and self control on myself has improved our relations. She pays more attention to me now due to a deficit of attention on my part. And the issues I was concerned about have solved themselves on their own after I stopped caring about them. Time has worked it's magic and no problems remain. The only thing I have to maintain is my self control and my discipline and all the rest will fall into place.

TLDR: a stoic who turned needy for his crush has become stoic again and is dating his crush.

Copperstoner · 2021-05-07T20:49:07+00:00

You could have just put this as “This is why needy people are hated.”. I’m a man and I have problems with needed people in general. Most of the things you described apply to non romantic relationships as well. As for romantic ones needy women are also bad partners as the neediness often stems from low self esteem and therefore they need constant validation and they can’t handle criticism.

So it’s really “needy people are shit” and not “(only) needy men are shit”.

Dutchcat1077 · 2021-05-07T17:47:48+00:00

Solid advice.

2021-05-08T07:21:25+00:00

Drop your ego, meditate, and introspect to increase self-awareness.

And then see what comes up.

See if there is any childhood trauma that caused you to be needy in relationships and then let it go either with therapy or by getting a mentor/coach who managed to overcome neediness himself.

- This is the real deal. It helped me loads. I was inspired by the movie Inception with how they went deep into multiple levels of a dream, but I took the concept and used it to "meditate" and went deep inside my own mind. Works a treat for some issues.

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2021-05-07T23:19:43+00:00

I would accept this if women who say this kind of shit were not in toxic relationships getting mistreated, cheated on, or ignored by men who have gotten so good at not being needy that they don't even need their gf. Most women want a man thats passionate about them. But they want it in due time, once trust and other things have been built. This is more grade a advice on how to become a narcissist. "Fill your own cup" -- yea, that's what relayionships are: 2 people independently filling their own cup. Trash advice.

StereoFood · 2021-05-08T03:47:06+00:00

Once in a while I get jealous and assume she’s Trying to stir the pot. I don’t think I’m always wrong though. I know that’s what they do. If girls aren’t flattered by a little jealousy that they start then theyre shooting their relationship in the foot. I don’t get jealous very often but when I do I will say something. Then they proceed to act as though I’m super insecure and jealous when it’s so much more than that.

For all of you that think you have to be some emotionless rock to impress your girlfriend forever, that’s bullshit. We have needs too and if you ever feel disrespected you need to call them out on it. If it’s nothing, and they aren’t willing to work it out with you then move on to someone who’s understanding. I’m sick of this “play the seduction game or get over it” I think there are people out there who don’t just play games. It’s ok to show a little jealousy sometimes.

You can be the bad boy and still have a relationship where you express how you both feel.

SomeRedShirt · 2021-05-08T06:42:31+00:00

This is the gosh darn answer. As someone who is overcoming his shortcomings & insecurities. I felt every word in this. Thank you OP. I get tired of reading about all the crap questions/answers from relationship advice & others.

You might have single-handedly broken all other subs, if only people would listen to what you have said

lmc80 · 2021-05-08T11:14:16+00:00

That's a really good post.. I 100% agree with everything you said.

2021-05-07T18:59:22+00:00

This is why we need this subreddit and we need people like you....thanks

2021-05-07T19:30:04+00:00

Not a universal truth.

MisterShogunate · 2021-05-08T05:18:29+00:00

The reason why women hate needy men is the same reason men like boobs. It's primal and each person has different cognitive and visceral justification of it, but all women equally don't like it. You don't need to decode it.

wallynext · 2021-05-07T18:08:29+00:00

This!

2021-05-07T22:59:57+00:00

If you’re needy, it’s easy to not be needy. Just know what you’re doing, and have skill with girls, and other things you do. You will talk like a confident guy right away. Looks matter. If you want a hot girlfriend or your choice of girls, you need to be a real, skilled man with quality, and you need to improve your looks. I mastered mine so all girls like me and want me, and prove themselves to me by downing other guys who are less. The reason most guys think they can’t get 10s is cause they can’t cause their looks aren’t good enough or they just talk out their ass with no control of what they say. You have to know what you’re gonna say or know what you’re saying. If you know why you’re saying, then girls will listen to you and if you look good, they’ll like you and be attracted to you. If you talk with power like me, they will want you badly. If you’re hot, and talk with power like me, they’ll want you more than every man, and they will want a relationship and sex from you right away. They’ll call you daddy. Back to quality men. There is a rare thing where a hot girl will be with or marry a man who forms floor as good if he’s a good man she really likes, and he’s sure of himself -~

arihant-hg · 2021-05-08T04:41:25+00:00

Because women are stupid. But cool. More for us who can pretend 😂 . I feel everyone is a little needy and there's nothing wrong with that. The key is to repress that neediness and fuck them bitches

exceededprism · 2021-05-08T02:35:35+00:00

Thanks for this

RedRiki24 · 2021-05-08T04:20:44+00:00

I've been out of reddit for a couple of days and it makes me happy to see posts like this here. It's breath of fresh air that's as if it came from a group friend talk. Wish I can give you more than an upvote. Thank you OP

marcnathan88 · 2021-05-08T04:36:17+00:00

You can create them yourself? I personally doubt that.

The last part is the best. If you can do that woman will come to you eventually.

wirelezz · 2021-05-08T04:37:31+00:00

Neediness is socially viewed as femenine. Women find non needy men to be more attractive. Congruence is important, not just confidence.

flipster007 · 2021-05-08T09:58:46+00:00

People need each other. It's kinda annoying idea that guys can't ask for help while girls be leveling up and motivating each other. There's no answer. There guys who are unmotivated and get girls. There's guys with biggest ego getting girls. It honestly doesn't matter if you a douchebag, sad boy, or Mr. nice guy. Everyone just be yourself.

2021-05-09T01:02:31+00:00

``

She feels like walking on eggshells all the time.``

So basically dating as a non HVM?

ShauryaAW · 2021-05-09T05:23:05+00:00

Ngl this was one of my factors for break up of a 2.5 y/o relationship but the bitch Also had many

Psychological-Grab19 · 2021-05-17T21:04:41+00:00

Y’all better listen because these are straight facts this person is saying 🙌

Psychological-Grab19 · 2022-07-12T09:58:07+00:00

this is utter nonsense

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	470
Comments	56
Date	May 7, 2021 5:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/n73z1y/why_women_hate_needy_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1284831 https://theredarchive.com/post/1284831

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