"I don't want to be a slut!"

diggcalledtheymissu · 2010-03-18T17:24:55+00:00

"I think you are just adventurous -- I find that really attractive"

mynewname · 2010-03-18T19:11:21+00:00

Two points:

Pay zero attention to what a girl says and all the attention to what she does. Girls always seem to tell me they don't plan on fucking me, that I shouldn't count on anything, only to have me plowing them later. Just let them say what they want to say for their own benefit and ignore it.
LMR - Neil Strauss's solution to Last Minute Resistance (LMR) is to charge in, and if she puts up resistance that obviously isn't just playing, to completely stop and pull back. Then start up again. If it happens again, do a freeze out - stop altogether and, without anger, go check your email, read a book, etc.... If she asks what you're doing just reply matter-of-factly, without resentment, "I didn't realize you weren't in the mood." She will have to chase you and you will have no more resistance the rest of the night.

EDIT: On a side note, if this girl isn't comfortable embracing her own desires for fear of how her friends will see her, she's holding her self image ransom to others. I wouldn't bothering arguing this to her though, as women (and people in general) are much more convinced by action than argument. You'l do better ignoring her talk than trying to justify it along the lines of, "Your friends aren't good friends if they won't let a girl use her own judgement to have a good time."

doctorbs · 2010-03-18T17:49:29+00:00

Last October, I was in Nashville to drink with a buddy I knew from High School. I was hitting on this girl and it wasn't working out, but before I knew it there was another girl literally sitting on her lap with her arms around me. One in the hand is worth two in the bush, right? So I went home with her.

We get to her bed and talk for a bit (she can't sleep with someone she doesn't know at all, she says) and then start making out. But every so often she'd get this concerned look on her face and when I asked what was wrong, she would say a variation on "I don't want you / my roommates / Scott (my buddy) to think I'm a slut / easy."

I would offer reassurances and we'd go on until another such hold up. Eventually I just said, 'I'm tired and you don't want to do this, so I am going to sleep." I passed out, kissed her goodbye in the morning, and left.

Why was there a hold-up? What could I have done to get around it?

doctorbs · 2010-03-18T17:44:42+00:00

Last night, I brought over a girl I'd been flirting with named M. M has always been a very direct girl -- before she came over she asked what my intentions were. After I found out that she seriously wanted to know my exact intentions, I said, "I'm going to get to know you better, build some physical comfort, and then make out with you."

M replied that she doesn't kiss on the first date (first date?! What?!) and I said it wouldn't stop me from trying anyways.

So we wrap up the movie and I look at her and lean in for the kiss and much to my honest surprise, she kisses back. We do this for 15-20 minutes until she says, "That's enough. I'm done." She stays on the couch with me, though, snuggled up closely. I ask her what is going on, and she says it's not lady-like to be seduced like that.

As the evening goes on and we kiss a bit more and it is time for bed, she is sitting there complaining about how she doesn't want to go home, how she just wants to lay down somewhere warm and close, etc. I say, "My bad is upstairs and open, and frankly I'm too tired to do anything to you that will compromise your integrity as a lady."

And here is the shit: she gets her things together, goes to the door, looks at me coyly and says, "Sometimes it's really no fun being the good girl." THEN SHE LEAVES.

Seddit, WTF happened here?

2010-03-18T23:47:50+00:00

Tell her that men are applauded for having as many different partners as possible, so consistently putting out would support equal rights for women. It'd be a big step for feminism!

fab13n · 2010-03-18T17:17:08+00:00

My understanding is that she wants you to take whole responsibility for what will ensue. Or, if you prefer, she demands that you give her plausible deniability: "I'm not an easy girl, but that guy was so charming and confident and whatever blah blah (...) I've just been swept off my feet".

Chances are that, after you went in the sack together, she'll explain you that she never fucks the first night, and you're expected to show that you really really believe her.

You're expected to overcome her resistances. If you just answered "Oh sorry, I thought you had no issue with this" and move on, she'd be even more frustrated than you. And she'll hate you, and she'll consider that you're not a proper man.

2010-03-18T17:30:58+00:00

"Oh, I don't care about being a slut" and continue.

Cryogen_at_work · 2010-03-18T16:59:55+00:00

I've never run into this before, but it sounds like they're looking for rationalization.

They feel self conscious, that people will judge them, that their "number" is going up, honestly its all BS.

I would simply tell her that if she wants to have fun, then she should have fun, if she's more concerned about what other people think, and other people knowing her business then she'll never get to do what she wants in life, and will always have to answer to others.

Personally, as long as you're safe, and responsible person, and can compartmentalize sex from love, then anyone should go for it, including this girl.

Maybe you might wanna try mentioning that to her, but that might not be a very "alpha male" type behavior.

Your other option would be to just leave it, and say well if you're not comfortable I'll just take you home, and you can choose how you wanna field it or not field it at all afterwards, because this girl is just a lost cause.

CuilRunnings · 2010-03-18T18:17:08+00:00

You aren't qualifying enough. The girls don't feel an emotional connection to you, even though they're turned on by you. They don't want to feel cheap or used. Talk about their passions a little bit and tell them how cool you think it is that they're into it and you should avoid this problem.

antjimima · 2010-03-18T20:18:25+00:00

If it's not a fools mate I would reccomend a freeze out. Don't explain it, don't do anything like that. Just go get a drink, check your email. When she goes to kiss you again escalate. If she isn't down then freeze out again.

You will never be able to convince her, and you should be doing two steps forwards one back anyway.

blue_horse_shoe · 2010-03-19T01:44:14+00:00

harder kino required.

impotent_rage · 2010-03-19T02:03:09+00:00

Haven't any of you read Mystery Method???

1) plausible deniability 2) you're supposed to stop the action before she does

academician · 2010-03-18T16:59:29+00:00

Are you in private or public? If she's worried about roommates and friends because you're in public, that's perfectly reasonable; isolate her.

Generally speaking, the way to deal with LMR is two steps forward, one step back. If she keeps doing it repeatedly, then I recommend a change of venue - eg, if you're on your couch, go to your bedroom, or vice versa - then try a different kind of escalation, like giving her a massage. This can sometimes change the tone enough to make her more comfortable. It's possible, though, that she's just not ready to escalate with you; all women are different. It's possible that for some women you're not pushing hard enough, but too much sexual aggressiveness is dangerous to play with, especially with someone you don't know well yet.

The typical PUA advice for extreme LMR is a "freeze-out", but I consider harsh freeze-outs to be a really manipulative and nasty psychological game, so I don't do it. It's likely to ultimately lead to buyer's remorse, anyway. A venue change is similar but without the forced awkwardness and discomfort.

Title	"I don't want to be a slut!"
Author	doctorbs
Upvotes	18
Comments	28
Date	March 18, 2010 4:33 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bf2vo/i_dont_want_to_be_a_slut/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-want-to-be-a-slut.1310001 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310001

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